Suicide

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Jai, Apr 22, 2019.

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  1. Yes

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  2. No

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    61.5%
  1. Jai

    Jai I'm honing in on my inner freak.
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    Have you lost anyone to suicide? I know that is kind of a bold question but the recent suicide of the 15 year old black gay kid who was bullied because he was gay makes me a little frustrated.


    It reminds me of how I was bullied and though my mother meant well, her religious upbringing made her come off as a bully too. Because I wasn't hyper-masculine, I was always called gay or assumed to be gay.

    The first time I was called a faggot was in Houston when I was much younger. When I went to a funeral with some other gays who weren't the most masculine. The family looked at them with disgust. Later we were walking to the car and some family members passed by and the husband blows his horn and says, "Get y'all faggot asses out of the road."

    I responded with, "Yo mama bitch." I responded on reflex but never have I spoke like that before nor have I been called a faggot. I thought about it for a while obviously as I still remember it.

    To this day, I'm not feminine. I'm just a soft spoken man that wears fitted clothes that go with my shape. My cousin says my body shape isn't all that manly. It reminded me of how my mother used to always tell me I need to lift weights and do more masculine things. For a long time I believed something was truly wrong with me. I was a defect.

    So it's 2019 and folks are still bullying gays and people are committing suicide. Like the story makes me so mad like I wanna go outside in heels and walk pass some homophones on purpose just so they can say something and I can beat their asses with the heels.

    The world we live in. I can't be who I wanna be without being considered a waste to these hypocritical assed problack heterosexuals.

    Venting...sigh.
     
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  2. Winston Smith

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    I’m sorry for your and the experiences of all those who’ve been bullied. Some of bullying is a function of perception, body type, etc. So being bigger and taller than most everyone, even as a kid, people usually didn’t mess with me as they (wrongly or rightly) assumed I could physically respond and elevate the situation.

    For a thoughtful, studious AND gay young black man, I’m sure it must be doubly hard because he’s dealing with homophobia AND modern black America’s obeisance to and worship of brain dead hyper masculinity since the late 60s and loud mouthed hoteps and black nationalists began to dominate black culture.

    Just continue to be your best true self, but remember that in so doing, you’re ofttimes going to have to leave the majority of niggas in the dust. Talented black gay men will always be ignored by the black masses even as whites sing their praises. That’s why James Baldwin forced ahead with Giovanni’s Room as his second novel, to separate the true readers from the “I’m here cause just because you write black shit” types. Or Richmond Barthe, one of the greatest sculptors of the 20th Century. Left up to niggas, no one would know him but the actor James Garner (Rockford Files, Maverick) saw to it that he was properly curated. Just two examples. You can be pro-black just remember niggas aren’t always going to be pro-YOU.
     
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  3. Jai

    Jai I'm honing in on my inner freak.
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    Amazing response.
     
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  4. Jai

    Jai I'm honing in on my inner freak.
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    It's always good to come here and get chimes from people with some sense and understanding.
     
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  5. Lancer

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    In high School eve though I was the tallest, I was bullied because I was feminine. I remember two instances very clearly;
    Lunch break was about over and we were waiting for the teacher to come in. The class clown had been making fun of me for a while and I always use to let it slide but not this time. He kept making fun of my look and then called me a faggot. I got up pulled him to the wall and all I could remember was a blacked out rage! I punched him in the face multiple times, just on and on and at the same time I was crying. It was so weird that after it all, I begged him to forgive me, while I was straightening out his shirt. I still remember the look of fear and confusion on his face.
    The second time was when this huge guy transferred to my school. He was a known bully and folks were always afraid of him. This one time in biology class he kept calling me derogatory words, I got up told him to bring it! I was still the tallest in school, so my plan was to use that to my advantage. I stood at the sharp edge of the table and I was going to smash is neck into it. Yo, I was ready to be expelled at that time and did not care what the consequences were. All I knew and was focused on was I was going to silence another bully. His friends ended up telling him I was not worth it and he backed down.

    Its sad that the beautiful young man took his life. Yo! do not ever let anyone make you feel less than. I do not care if its your Father, mother, brother address the issue there and then. If they do not change cut them the hell off! Better you are free and living your best life than to be in jail for manslaughter.
     
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  6. Winston Smith

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    If I could multi-dap this, I would
     
  7. OckyDub

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    Its worse when the bullies are in your family. Not it a space to share but I feel yall and thanks for the thread.
     
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