The Christmas Gift

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by JodyBell87, Dec 21, 2015.

  1. JodyBell87

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    So, I recently ended my relationship. You know that feeling you get when you just don't feel special at all? There were 6+ weeks of this man only calling me at night at midnight 4-5 days out the week and only talking for maybe 10 mins. We text throughout the day, but it was sporadic and doesn't evoke a sense of true partnership. My family knew about him, but his not of me. For TGiving, he didn't introduce me nor my brother to ANYONE at the function he invited us to. That ruined my holiday.

    I tried to allow him to make it up to me for Christmas. I got him a nice watch presented in a beautiful bag, tissue paper, and a beautiful card with a heartfelt letter inside.

    He gave me a zara coat (I have NEVER mentioned anything about needing a coat. In fact, I have 4 coats and 5 jackets already) that was still in the brown zara bag, price tag still on, and a single sheet of red tissue paper. The gift receipt said he bought it the day before. Mind you, the other gifts he got for people were nicely wrapped.

    I recently found him "winking" on another guys' photo and decided the disrespect of his constant liking and commenting on other guys' photos while my acknowledgment wasn't visible was enough; so I ended it.

    Am I overreacting for receiving such a thoughtless gift?
     
  2. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Yes...even though I'm sure there's more, this to me was the least important thing out of your statement. Be thankful for your new coat and your now free time to spend on things that make you happy.
     
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  3. JodyBell87

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    There is MUCH more. As minute as the issue of the gift may seem, it was a breaking point for a build up of so many things. I have been disrespected and disregarded several times in our relationship. And lied to. I think the fact that my gift was so thoughtless where it had little to do with who I am and the least amount of effort possible to make it look presentable was enough for me. Especially when others were extended the courtesy, that I, the boyfriend had not been.
     
  4. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
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    be free of him and move on. You honestly deserve more, especially if more is what you want. Congratulations on giving him his walking papers. Hopefully the next guy will appreciate you.
     
  5. Champagne Papi

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    Don't take this the wrong way yeh, but with all do respect, this came off so bratty to me.

    You know yeh, the lack of communication and the "winking" another guy's photo part is coming off incredibly dependent....a struggle with dependency is neither an excuse to except someone to talk to you 24/7 nor for someone to be completely consumed with just you.

    What I'm trying to say is yeh, you can't make that struggle someone else's cage....Codependency is toxic. It leads you to get angry when your partner doesn't text back or when they give attention to another guy....and in general, it leads you to not allow your partner to breathe; which is toxic in its own.
     
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  6. Champagne Papi

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    I'm sorry, it's just that, I can't grasp the idea of why anyone needs someone else to make them feel special....its probably because I don't believe that anyone should be dependent on someone else to give them a sense of comfort or security or a sense of anything really....whether it be importance, special-ness, etc.

    You can do all of that FOR YOURSELF....you don't need no n*gga to do that for you; f*ck him.
     
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  7. OckyDub

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    So are you saying that if he got you a nice gift (that you wanted) and wrapped it nicely, along with introducing you to family, you would still be together and this thread never created? I'm just saying this is (to me) how you are coming off.
     
  8. Jaa

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    It sounds like the breakup was truly a reaction to multiple conflicts and differences. The gift was just the last straw, a reminder of your other relationship issues that, for whatever reason, finally inspired you to get out of this unsatisfying situation. A lot of it sounds like there could be deeper issues. When he communicated with you less, did he have an explanation or did he suddenly seem disinterested? Did he invite you to the function as just some guy he knows when you wanted to be claimed as a boyfriend? In any case, it wasn't going to work if you regularly sensed disrespect, dishonesty and an increasing lack of interest. Even if that missing special feeling is mostly in your head, you two might simply be incompatible or his methods of showing affection just don't work for you.

    If he had given you a great, thoughtfully presented gift, it would have felt good for a second until you realized the other problems were still there. Plenty of people try to put band-aids on broken relationships or shut people up by giving gifts or spending money. You might have been making this thread a month and a half from now around Valentine's Day.
     
    #8 Jaa, Dec 22, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2015
  9. JodyBell87

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    Thank you!
     
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  10. JodyBell87

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    Thank you for you opinion. I was not dependent on this man calling me 24/7 or communicating with him all day....AT ALL! What I was getting for 6+ weeks is a few texts throughout the day and MAYBE a 10 min convo at night around midnight. I don't know any relationship that can survive off of purely speaking through text, and I don't think you can get to a deeper level of communication with someone if you only speak for 10 mins a day. I was not toxically dependent on him. Just wanted more effort with communication.
     
  11. JodyBell87

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    I think that my thread was strictly about my "straw" that broke the camels back (the gift). There is MUCH more that I haven't divulged. Had I gotten a nice gift with thought put into it, yeah, maybe we would still be together, but there was still MUCH to work on in our relationship. His parents not knowing about me being the least.
     
  12. JodyBell87

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    Thanks for you post! Yes, there was much more to the situation. His excuse for not communicating with me was because of work. He worked different hours from me, but I have the kind of desk job where I can talk on my work phone to someone who I am in a relationship with. He had many opportunities throughout the day to call me just to say "hey", but he did not. He invited me to the function as his BF of course, but did not acknowledge me as so. In fact, one of the guys there contacted me on FB and tried to get with me and had NO idea that he was my BF. Many of the guys that were there he said he did not know, but pics on FB prove otherwise.

    The lack of communication, acknowledgment, and effort is what made me ultimately throw in the towel.
     
  13. Champagne Papi

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    ....I'm sorry for your separation and I hope you have great success with your next future mate.
     
  14. JodyBell87

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    Thank you! I'm optimistic.
     
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  15. Mendizi

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    I would like to wish you all the best with your next partner. Your ex sounds like a fool. Leaving the price tag on the coat. It was thoughtless what he did.
     
    #15 Mendizi, Dec 24, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 24, 2015
  16. JodyBell87

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    Thank you! Yeah, I deserve better. Effort at the very least.
     
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  17. bisonboy

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    Seeing as I have never gotten a gift from a special male companion, I would probably be as upset as you are in this situation. If they didn't take the time to get me something that I would be able to appreciate, not because its the thought that counts, but you THOUGHT about what to get.
     
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  18. G Ron

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    I've always said that a relationship equals managing expectations. While I don't know what exactly you expected from this guy, it's fair to assume that you at least wanted him to show that you were valued, but although while everyone says that, it means different things to different people. I'm curious- did you guys ever discuss expectations? Behaviors? Degrees of "outness"? I say this because, although on its face it seems that this guy was a jerk, I wonder what he expected and what he thought you expected (if he even cared enough to worry about that): did he feel it was too soon for gifts (some people think gift-giving starts after a certain point in time, say, four or six months), or maybe too soon for expensive/personal/romantic gifts? Maybe he feared giving you a nice gift, only to receive something cheap in return and looking stupid. Was he out? Maybe he worried that introducing you (and your brother) would make him "look" gay to family members (a lot of us struggle with this). Had you guys established how much communication was expected? Personally, I don't like communicating all day long- or even every day- but some guys do, and I've had to adjust. Did he even see you guys as a couple? Some guys feel that sleeping together makes you a couple; others need to hear the word boyfriend first. Did he know you felt you two were in a relationship? Were you two exclusive? Had you discussed boundaries? Some guys feel even looking at another guy is cheating; others are fine with their boyfriend even sleeping with other guys. Sometimes we have to have the uncomfortable conversations to see what everyone expects, and in my experience it's rare to have both people on the same page without discussing things first (and even then, some tweaking is needed).

    I am not absolving him or making up excuses for bad behavior (and maybe he was really just a jerk), but many times people get offended, and the issue stems from differing expectations.
     
    #18 G Ron, Feb 6, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2016
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  19. ColumbusGuy

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    Not trying to judge, but the first paragraph and the subsequent info related to the first paragraph tells me that there was really no 'relationship' to end. That does not sound like any kind of real relationship or about being 'boyfriends' in any way. It sounds like some guy was stringing you along for some reason and you were right to end whatever it was that you had.
    You are better off/made the right decision, regardless of the reason for the decision anyway.

    Maybe I am misreading this...I am reading this like the 6 weeks that are described were the entire relationship? Or was this just the last six weeks of something longer and different?
     
  20. hannibal

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    So....did you confirm that you two were in a committed relationship?
     
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