The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness

Discussion in 'LGBT News and Events' started by ColumbusGuy, Mar 3, 2017.

  1. ColumbusGuy

    ColumbusGuy
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    I am not going to copy and paste the whole long article here, but I saw another site had a post about it and it does speak to everyone of us in some way.

    Why Didn't Gay Rights Cure Gay Loneliness?

    So much of this is true. Especially to me the way we are so hard on ourselves, and how we can be so cruel to eachtother, and ourselves.

    Anything to add about being a POC and a gay man/SGL man along with all of the rest?

    Will we ever learn?
     
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  2. BlackguyExecutive

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    This piece was quite long but worth the read.

    I had so many feels that I had to stop reading it for a bit and come back to finish it. I use to ask myself why was I so damn lonely, even with being relatively popular growing up, having a solid set of friends in college, and a decently managed professional life. It all really took a turn when I turned 25, I had gotten into a serious relationship, starting making professional moves, my friends started moving and having families and I really had no real friends outside of my boyfriend (now husband). That lasted for several years until I reached out to my old college buddies and we make an effort to stay connected to one another. In many ways, I am still experiencing loneliness but it's different. I live 5000 miles away from family and friends and I only stay for about 24 months before I pack up and move, its hard to make friends Lately, I have been quite the hermit. I go to work do my job and go home. I think these issues are compounded because I am black and gay and foreigner.

    I am so blessed to live the life I live and see so much of the world yet I am often humbled by as big as the world is because it always seems small.

    Thank @ColumbusGuy for posting this:

    [​IMG]
     
  3. BlackguyExecutive

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    This was me for a long, long time:

    Adam had learned to manage his mannerisms so well that no one suspected him of being gay. But still, he says, “I couldn’t trust anyone because I had this thing I was holding. I had to operate in the world as a lone agent.”
     
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  4. ColumbusGuy

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    ^^ I had to stop too several times. There are a number of different truths in that article. That part about the time when you realize you are gay, and the time when(if it has happened at all) when you 'come out'(or whatever that is)...that time of suspicion and hypervigilance...it took so much out of me and ingrained whole ways of thinking that I still have not managed to change. It is like you rewire your brain during that time, and it takes a lifetime to try to unwire that bad wiring.

    That lone agent thing...yeah. Not good. I wonder what happened to that fearless kid who was so outgoing and curious and open to anything new or different. Is he still there somewhere or did he die off completely?

    And that part about getting older...not a good time for anyone who relied to much on their looks and bodies.

    So many lonely gays out here in the World.
     
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  5. DC.

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    I'm so here for this post right now because it's definitely something I can relate to. Gay rights did everything but teach us how to be by ourselves when the loneliness gets tough. Because as gay men we go through so much In our lives that it only helps to have someone we can share these experiences with
     
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  6. NikR

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    "Every gay man I know carries around a mental portfolio of all the shitty things other gay men have said and done to him."

    God dammit. Guilty!!!!! But wait, is this a gay thing or a human thing? I wanna say it's a human thing
     
  7. Nicholan

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    Wow--thanks for sharing this!

    So many issues were packed into this article and a lot of the issues speak for myself and so many others. This was definitely a long ass read (lol), but I got through it. :)
     
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  8. GNerd2012

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    This was an interesting read. I'm very guilty of many of the things expressed in this article.

    First, I do tend to cover up certain mannerisms just to fit a certain caricature that everyone in the straight world is used to. I'll deepen my voice and keep a stoic, manly attitude, especially at work where I don't want to encounter issues with my sexuality. The second job I've worked at, I tried being that open and proud guy, and it led me into some borderline serious issues with some co-workers.

    Second, I don't feel at home in the gay community. Cypher Avenue is the closest place I have to saying, " this is where my fellow brethren are." The club scene, the hook-up app scene, and the bar scene are all a hot mess. The drugs, the cattiness, the occasional violence, and the non-stop sex makes this lifestyle seem hedonistic and pointless.

    My challenge for the gay community, and something I wish to help partake in, is building a structured environment for all of us. A process where the young ones can learn of the culture and integrate in smoothly, a network of jobs and careers (not just Hollywood) that we can connect to one another for the adults, and as we get older, a support system for the older gay men. I imagine the support system like the medical professionals who make home visits instead of nursing homes. In addition to all of this, we need mandatory mental health workshops where we can support one another in the trails and tribulations of being a gay man in society. Moreover, besides the club, we need to get involved in amateur league sports, hiking trips, camping events, or other ways we can connect besides that dark, underground culture that leads to nowhere in life, but loneliness.
     
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  9. DC.

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    This is gospel!
     
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  10. Luke Evergreen

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    I'm experiencing a huge wave of gay loneliness right now, I don't wanna deal with anyone, gay, straight, nothing. That didn't make me lonely directly, I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, i don't feel guilty about myself either. But when i heard the word on the street about how people treat people like me, society made me feel like an outcast. I feel like straight people just wanna gossip and look down on me and guys just want to meet up for mindless escapist adventures, if you know what i mean.
     
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