Time > Growth >Change = still judged?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by Omega Level, Jun 26, 2017.

  1. Omega Level

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    Inquiring minds want to know - I had a conversation recently about time and change. And when should the past be of no consequence with who the person is today.

    Let me paint the picture,

    You meet someone who you really like and is fine as hell. Everything is good, however later you find out 10 years ago they were one of 3 things,
    • The TOP voguer in the ballroom scene and father or mother of the house of _____
    • A VERY popular stripper everyone still knows and remember.
    • A porn super star you can still google.
    (keep in mind that it was 10 years ago when they were this person)

    Background - The dialogue I had with friends expressed some good points. A friend of mine stated that people do indeed change and said think about who you were 10 years ago. He also used the example (although a bit extreme) that at 10 years old you played with toys and at 20 you are playing with other stuff. So its like someone saying, "nah, I'm good, you was playing with toys and shit years ago. fvck that". I know thats a reach from childhood to adult hood, but I get his jest.

    When many gay men are in their early 20's, it can often be like childhood where they are trying to find themselves. Therefore some may dibble in vogueing, stripping, or even porn. So lets say 22 was the age they participated in one of the 3 things listed above. Than at 32, they are corporate, very masculine, and have grown out of that gay young "don't give a fvck" phase. They are your ideal type of person you would consider datable or a catch. Before you know of their past. But the imagery is still out there.

    So the questions are-

    Do you believe once a voguer, stripper, porn star, always that? And therefore you wouldn't date them?

    and/or

    Is there something that, no matter how much time has passed, you could never be with someone who use to do ______?
     
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  2. Ockydub

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    LOL so you saying voguing is the same as being partially nude on stage and being sexually explicit on film? Ok.
     
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  3. Omega Level

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    Ha. No I'm not saying that. Even though I get your point.

    I guess I'm interested in what some people find objectionable behavior. In other words, what they wouldn't tolerate in someone they are interested in. Even if it is their past self.

    Many people are very negative about men that vogue as well as are negative about men that are nude on stage and perform sex acts on film.
     
  4. Ockydub

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    I obviously can deal with an ex-stripper but the other two...naw
     
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  5. Omega Level

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    I met a guy not so long ago. Sexy, great conversation. In getting to know him I found out he use to wear makeup heavy. Like one of those makeup youtube gay dudes.

    He didn't wear it anymore probably because he missed out on a lot of dates. But once I found out, he missed out on this dude too. Sorry bro. Call me shallow, but I just never looked at him the same again.
     
  6. Kobalt

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    I really don't think that I can get past someone who did porn because in my personal experience, those are the ones who tend to be sex addicts. Call it trust issues...
     
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  7. jpo

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    Years ago I was in a relationship with someone who when I met him had a perfect goatee and mustache. We'd been together for several months before I found out that he had been crowned Miss Gay Waco (I know) several years before he moved to DC. The person who told me hoped that I would dump the guy. I asked my boyfriend about it and he laughed and said yeah and told me about his former drag career in Texas, which he had left behind. Though he had not given up on the singing part of it, which I enjoyed and was happy to listen to around our pad. True, the initial news shook me a little, but that was not the guy I was living with. So it was all good. We eventually broke up (he dumped me, actually), but that was another story, nothing to do with his previous drag life.
     
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  8. BlackguyExecutive

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    I think it all depends on perspective. Ten years, a decade is a long time. There is a big difference between an 18-year-old, 28-year-old, and 38 years old. Or at least there should be a difference. If we were all judged solely on our past selves the world would likely be a pretty lonely place. I frequented the club scene as a teen and young 20-something. I experimented with clothing and various degrees of expression. I even entered a drag competition and still pictures on my phone to prove it, although I somehow managed never to have any of those pictures get uploaded to FB. I dated men who were sluts in their past, should someone body count be used against them? As a younger man in HS, I was into the performing arts, I danced in ballets, did musicals, played musical instruments, 20 years later I am a clean cut, carefully articulated globetrotter. People change. People grow, I am sure we have all done things in our past that we certainly wouldn't want to be judged for today.

    With respect to porn, do these amateur porn site count or are you talking about pornstar status? Does the brother have fans and shit? Or is he wanking his willy on pornhub or vidster?
     
  9. Nick Delmacy

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    I'm not sure I could do it...any of those professions...and I'm probably one of the more generous guys on this site when it comes to giving ppl a chance to define themselves based on more than just their mannerisms, education, financial status or job...

    I also kinda reject the way this question was setup in the O.P. To say stripping, doing porn and drag shows is "just young men being young men" is false. The majority of people don't do those things. Those are choices ppl make that are, for the most part, considered out of the norm and taboo (even though tons of ppl enjoy watching them do it). This is truly evident with the guys themselves who often try to keep their pasts a secret for as long as possible because they know how its viewed.

    My general attitude is if you did things in your youth that would make it near impossible for you to run for congress or be the principle at a high school, odds are we're not gonna be compatible.

    This includes being a heavy drug user, which I would argue is far more common for 20 year olds to do than stripping and porn.

    This question goes to my concern about all these young guys who post nudes all over Tumblr and Xtube, and do explicit sex scenes in web series. It's all a part of the devaluing of their worth which can have future consequences for their careers or lives (STIs, Loss of income, etc). Not to mention it adds to the stereotype that all gay men engage in these types of activities.
     
  10. BlackguyExecutive

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    I agree. If you have done things that will likely prevent you from obtaining a National Security Clearance or if things will readily come up during that background check process we probably aren't likely to be compatible. Members of Congress do some pretty deviant things. That whole Guilt by association.
     
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  11. Nick Delmacy

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    True. But they are usually private deviants. Stripping and Porn are more public, especially now in the days of internet and smartphones.
     
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  12. Omega Level

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    I could date a former ball/house person or voguer as long as they don't do it anymore. I could also date a former popular stripper. Although I might be uncomfortable if myvidster still had videos of him shaking his ass and slinging dick. Former porn star? Nah, I couldn't deal.

    Its funny, because a friend of mine said he couldn't date anyone that he found out had sex in the past with any of his main friends. Because every time they hung out in groups, they would know what his dudes sex face looks like and what his kinky side is. And his main friend circle consisted of a group of 4 guys that are very attractive and love sex.
    I told him I guess he's happy with being single forever. :heh:
     
  13. Ockydub

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    If we're using gov and politicians as bench marks... slutty porn stripper = bad. Being able to strip healthcare from, disenfranchise and oppress millions of people while starting wars = good.

    A: DUI's (Bush), hiring female escorts (many), cheating on their wives (many), being owner of a cargo ship thats used to smuggle cocaine (Mitch Mcconnell), etc.

    Q: Things members of government (Presidents) have done in their past OR things that have been discovered while their in office that didn't disqualify them from running or maintaining their positions by voters. ​

    Some how this reminds me of the folks who may not explicitly say it but feel homosexuality is far worse than being a murderer or a robber.

    So the lesson is kids...don't do dirt and suppress your freaky side UNTIL you've been able to pass all the "tests" and "qualifiers" to become somebody like a politician. Then you can do all the unmoralistic things you want because people respect the clot and status.

    I understand the sentiments, I just think these are bad examples.
     
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  14. BlackguyExecutive

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    Yes. Bad examples. I guess the moral of the story is remember that what you do in the dark usually manages to come to the light so be cognizant of that.

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. Nick Delmacy

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    YES!!! That rebuttal reminds me of the "Straight people do it too!" and "White people do it too!" responses, as if that makes the behavior better or excusable.
     
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  16. mojoreece

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    I totally agree. For me having never done any of those things and NEVER thought about doing them; I would be very judgmental toward a dude. Sorry its just the truth. Everything we do are choices no matter the age. And by be choosing you to be my mate its a reflection on me and my choices as well. I also though about going into education and politics so it would a big no no if you cant past a background check or security clearance.

    Now to give a dude some leeway there are levels to some of these things. Being a well known fitness model and posing nude for something like espn body is different from being a well know porn "star/performer". I would prefer my mates nude body and sex performances not be seen online for everyone to see.
     
  17. Ockydub

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    I'm not excusing behaviors, I'm pointing out;

    -Politicians' ice is not colder.

    Being able to pass a governmental back ground check does not mean a person now has morals and integrity. Your personal disqualifiers/preferences are fine the doesn't mean the politician/governmental employment status benchmark used as examples isn't heavily flawed.
     
    #17 Ockydub, Jun 28, 2017
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2017
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  18. Aejae

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    They're not always what they do but unfortunately because of the Internet age we live in, it's hard to look past that. That's why I trashed my Coco dorm application years ago.
     
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  19. Nick Delmacy

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    Speaking of Cocodorm, would you really want to date any of the porn "models" who lived in that house:

     
  20. OhSheit

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    Wouldn't put a ballroom participant in the same category with a stripper, pornstar or social media trapper but I get that it's also looked down upon because the shit some people do and how some make it their source of income and lifestyle. I'd say I can do a local ballroom walker or stripper. Main thing with me is that I'd rather hear from you than find out on the internet or word of mouth, but I don't expect a person to tell me day one it's not that deep to me.

    If you're a pornstar or post your nudes online I couldn't do no matter the length. Porn is just too universal while the others are a little more underground. People would recognize you while we were out and I like to keep a low profile. I'd have a netflix and chill with XL though. He seems like cool peoples.
     
  21. Rico

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    ^ This here, what Ock said.

    [​IMG]
     
    #21 Rico, Jul 3, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2017
  22. NikR

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    Mmmhmmmm

    W82SJxm.gif
     
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  23. NikR

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    Sure u and I wouldn't, but there are plenty who would. And would make excuses for whatever that was.
     
  24. Kobalt

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    I just wanted Romeo St. James. I guess I just had low standards.
     
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  25. DreG

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    Porn,even if it's just pictures on tumblr or something, would be too much for me.It'd always be on my mind.If you went out of your way to make something that should be private so public that's a problem for me.
    I really like to know smaller details about their past.All their relationships, not just romantic ones, tell a lot. Even when people change, their habits and tendencies are usually consistent in some way.It kinda becomes easier to know the probability of their future choices.
     
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  26. sekou

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    i guess it all depends on how much i know the person to weigh against the past actions. Me being a insta thot myself and a genuine appreciation for the sculpted human body, I dont mind a tumblr pic or two. I have seen my pics posted there anyway.
     
  27. sekou

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    this level of bitchyness on all parties aint cute on any level mayn. Where do you find these things :dahell:
     

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