Today is National Coming Out Day

What they don't tell you about coming out is that you will have to continually do it over and over and over again. Especially if you are not overtly obviously homosexual.

There are times that I still get nervous sometimes coming out to new people. Or correcting them when they refer to my wife. Coming out is not this one statement you make. It is the hundreds of little statements you make that make the difference. One day, I won't get those butterflies when having to correct someone and tell them I have a husband and not a wife. I think that is a good thing.

 

Are you out? if so, how was that process for you?

Yes. Ultra easy. I did it via Facebook for efficiently reasons. It reached my whole family within a matter of days. I got a lot of support. The decision to do so was made months in advance. It was a more of a confirmation than an affirmation, at least it felt that way. I was able to get my point across and say everything I wanted to say without interruption and I feel this gave people time to digest the information.

Do you think it's important to be out? Why or why not?

I think it's very important for masculine black gay men to be out. This will help you guys who feel alone and wonder why they have same sex attraction but the images they see from mainstream gays doesn't reflect who they are. We need more visibility. I'm tired of the mainstream queers who want everyone to be like them. I'm gay. I'm not queer.

What advice would you give a person who isdecidingto come out?

I would say plan for the worst and hope for the best. You know your circle best so decide from there. It may not be as bad as you think it could be but if you are preparing for the worst you are ready. People can either accept you or your not and after the shock of wears down, time will bring them to an understanding... Hopefully. As long as you are respected, even if they "don't agree with your lifestyle" it's OK. At least for me. If you are not feeding, financing, or fuqqing me, your opinion is a non factor. But you will have at least one person in your corner regardless.

Also, there's levels to this. You don't have to go Full Rainbow to everyone. Maybe you just want your family and friends to know but you may not want your boss or next door neighbor all up in your business.

 

This. Unless you are very obvious(not that there is anything wrong with that). It never ends.

I first 'came out' to my parents at the age of 16 in 1979. My dad cried(I had never seen him cry before) and my mom just kept saying 'it's just a phase!!!' LOL(I can lol about it now). I kind of went back in and out(came out to friends and brothers at age 18) but after 23 I was out and that was pretty much it. Not out-in-your-face-out, but out as if it naturally came up I did not hide it or anything. Like if someone said 'what did you do this weekend? I might say 'I had a date' and they might say 'what was she like' and I would just say 'he was nice' or whatever...it just came up when it came up.

Also things like having a pic of 'us' at work, when others had pics of 'them'..people would get the idea. Being 'out' is just being yourself like anyone else. It is less 'out' and more 'not hiding being gay anymore' imo.

Of course it is all going to depend on your situation and who you are around, who your family is, etc.

*with time my parents and nearly everyone else became used to it and now we talk about gay stuff with my father being 88 and my mother 83...it ain't a big deal lol.

 

Are you out? if so, how was that process for you?
Yes. I came out gradually over many years to different constituencies. I told my closest friends and family when I was 19 years old. I sorta went back into the closet when I joined the military because it was DADT. Although during that time period I was simply not out officially at work. Today, I am a married black gay man who is basically out to everyone and the issue is basically nonexistent in my world today.

Do you think it's important to be out? Why or why not?
I think it is fundamentally important for people to come out. I think every time someone comes out it makes it easier for the next person to come out. I think coming out save lives, offers hope, and allows one to be authentically free. I firmly believe that we don't know what kind of impact we will make upon the world or an individual's life, so why not show the first rate version of yourself over a second rate version of someone else.

What advice would you give a person who is deciding to come out?
I think you should decide to come out when the time is right for you. It is a personal choice. You don't owe anyone and should not feel obligated. Recognize that everyone's journey is different and there will be good times and bad times. There are people in the world that will love you, care for you, and will be happy for you. It may sound cliche to say but It certainly does get better. Surround yourself with those who will lift you up and say fuck you to ANYONE who is trying to bring you down. Lastly, prepare yourself to make this declaration many more times, but don't worry, each time you do it it will get easier and easier.

 

Are you out? if so, how was that process for you?
Yes, but I wear my sexuality around like my social security card. I came out to myself at 9 after a sexual education class in 4th grade. Mr. Bohanan was REAL and I thank him. He is the reason I know about sex to this day. However, with peer ignorance on sexuality and social stereotyping of being gay, it was a challenge in most of the middle school days. I accepted my sexuality without worrying about what other people thought at 14 and then coming out was organic. Going into high school was "I'm gay...AND WHAT?" just don't put your hands on me and "I'm not that bitch, BITCH!" (Tamisha "Tami Roman" Akbar of BBWLA and Miami)

Do you think it's important to be out? Why or why not?
Yes! The heteronormative world has allowed SGL people to be hermits for too long. SGL people have the right to be human and value their sexuality for what it is in the process.

What advice would you give a person who is deciding to come out?
It's important to evaluate your self-worth and the value of accepting yourself FIRST, then come out. Don't come out, because it's a campaign slogan or fad. And don't come out trying to fit in with the social stereotypes of "what SGL is supposed to be" through the eyes of mainstream LGBT. And you don't have to dance around any gay prides to come out. Come out on the terms of being you and being the best human being you can be.

 

^Tami Roman...I have hated that slag now for how long...23 years since since her mug first assaulted tv viewers on the Real World? lol. I do. not. like. her. and have not from the start. Evil lying scheming bitch from the start and she ain't changed!*

kudos for the rest of your comment though.

* Even back then, I knew too many damn gay men would want to be JUST LIKE HER!!!! smh. that woman is not nor has never been a role model, someone to emulate, or someone to look up to in an way-male or female! gay or straight! black or white! animal, vegetable or mineral!

(Partly because she is not a character or playing a character as a role.... she is being herself in her real life nasty glory-like the rest of the reality trash-way worse than emulating any character).

 

LMAO!!!! I love Tami. She is a hoodrat, but I love how she owns it, especially being paid for it.

 

Are you out? if so, how was that process for you?
Yes I am out but like it was mention before it is a on going process and at this point I don't feel the need to "come out" anymore but more so address the topic when it arises in casual conversation. The actual coming out process was shocking to me because I expected less acceptance because of my popularity and my environment. Everyone that I actually told personally was fine and actually some people were hurt that I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell them earlier. I did hear about other people saying things when I wasn't around but I didn't care because that was expected plus they would never say it to me. As time passed (came out 6 years ago) some people that seem to be ok with it has taken on the I don't have a problem with you but lets pretend it didn't happen role. Some people I just lost all connection with not on bad terms but we have grown apart. I think the gay topic is really awkward for some people because I can tell they may have questions but possibly don't want to offend me.

Do you think it's important to be out? Why or why not?
Yes I think it is important because being gay is still very new to some people and it helps to have someone you know personally that can educate you about it. I also understand to a certain extent the people that choose to be DL because I use to be and there may be circumstances where you cant afford to expose that information. I feel if your in a position where your independent and have come to accept yourself then that's a good time to come out. My breaking point is when I started to feel stressed and depressed about hiding and lying to everyone and I was tired of pretending. I just wanted to be free and comfortable.

What advice would you give a person who is deciding to come out?
Just like a Band-Aid pull it off and get it over with haha but make sure your in a position to provide for yourself if the worse does happen. Don't be afraid of losing family or friends, you will definitely find more and most times people come around if they love you. Be confident and don't be surprise if the people you tell don't understand anything. There is no perfect way of doing it. I did mine on a personal level but I have friends who just made a Facebook announcement. Good luck

 

I am, and to my surprise, I came out in a men's family meeting!!! So basically my uncles and cousins were addressing family issues, my uncle out of no where started to talk to me in front of everyone and started asking questions. Since things were being put out there, he wanted to know about my sexuality since it has never been addressed in the family and, of course, they've never seen me with a woman or anything like that, so they asked, I said year, and to my surprise, they all were ok with it! So that's that.

To me, it's not really that important to be out because it shouldn't affect your work, your talent, your skills, your mannerisms, your personality, the way you treat people, or anything that simply doesn't require who you have sex with. I especially feel that way because there are people out there where you just can't tell if they're gay or straight, hence you guys here on this website, which I love

I'm not good as giving people advise so I have to leave the third question blank, unfortunately.