Watching Dear Dad: Letters from Same Gender Loving Sons

I have a poor one for the past 3 or 4 months since coming out to my Nigerian parents. Previously the relationship was very good.

 

I lost my father when I was 4. So, I didn't have one.

 

I didn't have the best relationship with my father. He died 7 years ago. We hadn't spoke in many years. I didn't come out to him because of how homophobic he was. Me being gay would only make our already strained relationship worse.

 

Never had a good relationship with my father from as earliest as I can remember. I used to lay in bed as a young'n and pray he'd die somehow, someway.
When my Mom finally left and divorced him, I was on cloud 9!
Before he died 2 years ago, I had been in phone contact with him sporadically for 2 years prior to let him know he was a grandfather and he was still the @$$hole I remembered.

My Stepdad and I on the other hand had a great relationship once he entered into the picture, which happened much later in life.
The funny thing is he and my father shared many obvious similarities, traits, interests and annoying habits but the Father/Son family dynamic exists with my stepdad like he'd been my natural father the entirety of my life.

 

I'm late af, but my Dad and I have always had a good relationship... He was the first parent I came out too and he said he knew when I was a little boy... Didn't change anything. We actually talk even more now!

He was more homophobic when I was in high school, which prompted me not to come out until I left home... He would say things like "Be careful for him. You gotta watch him." - talking about an obviously gay guy who was a friend of a friend that happened to be talking to me one day after school when he picked me up... When I asked my Dad what bisexual meant, he told me that there isn't bisexuality. "You're either straight or gay. If you ever mess around with a guy, then you're gay." ... It's these kind of microaggressions against homosexuality that made me wait to come out.

Since then though, we've talked about all of this stuff and I've educated him a lot about it.

 

I know what you mean. Straight sex is not discussed in most African families, let alone the gay variety. And if you try coming out, you are usually shown the door or worse.