"Where Have All the Real Tops Gone?" and "What Is a 'Real' Top?": Roundtable Discussions

Discussion in 'Sex and Adult' started by Jaa, Feb 5, 2016.

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  1. Jaa

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    I was browsing black bear community-focused MaleMediaMind.com. They had a seemingly short-lived podcast and have an active Youtube channel (and an Instagram and Tumblr filled with Beef Cake of various shapes and sizes).

    Several of their videos are Google Hangouts and reminded me of video-assisted versions of the roundtable podcasts, and these two made me laugh. The sentiments of "there are too many bottoms" and a lack of "real" tops make me wonder about their origin. I've seen comments online stating that several, if not all, major US metropolitan areas are suffering from a drought of tops. It's something I don't encounter all the time so maybe these thoughts are only said by a small, vocal subset, but it begs the questions "Why are there so few tops, or what gives some this perception?" and "What exactly is a real top?"

    I'm guessing it's pretty simple. A) Fem guys are more visible and more often presumed as bottoms, and some vocal men consider a very narrow subset of people to be "real tops". B) These vocal men are really into traditional gender roles and want a man that fits their narrow masculine expectations.

    In the second video, one guy says he's heard bottoms say that, even if their prospect bottomed in an early sexual experience and now only tops, he would still see him as a bottom. I guess he wants a "total top" who would never allow anyone to touch his booty hole, the kind of thinking you hear from those who say Tank is suspect after revealing he likes a tongue down there. I wonder what instills this thinking.

    Anyway, their observations and reader reactions are kinda funny.



     
  2. alton

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    LMAO!! (Most) Fem dudes really kill me. LOL If a dude can get hard, stick his d@#k in you, ENJOY it thoroughly, and pop off (and make you pop off), then he's capable of being a Top. What the f#$k difference do it make that someone may have plowed him or ate him out at some point in time. Really, I can't take (majority of) "FemBot" mentality. Definitely a stupid a$$ "hetero-normative" mentality. smh Homeboy made a good point, "messy" bottoms that ain't gettin' plowed on a regular basis automatically blame their drought on an "excess" of bottoms LMAO!!!
    Side note, I don't know that the "bottom shaming" is as strong in the white community because I see a LOT of white gay male couples here in NYC and a lot of them seem to be made up of (IMO) both fem (leaning) guys.

    Side, side note - I LOVE that Jazz song playin at the end of the 1st video, but I can never remember the name of the (original) composer, I just know its a Jewish guy.
     
    #2 alton, Feb 5, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
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  3. ColumbusGuy

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    I never knew there was a black bear site. I checked that site out and it looks great. I have been on one bear site or years after friends said join we are on there and it is for anyone really. I keep in touch with several friends on there. But this M3 bear site seems way better. Why do you black gays have these great sites that seem to be hidden? lol I have seen some black bears on the site I am on but not that many. Now I know where they might be.

    On topic..I have heard over the years almost every city referred to as ' a sea of bottoms'. I have no clue if there are more tops or more bottoms really, but I have seen polls on sites and generally more guys have identified as bottoms on these polls than tops. Bottom, top, strict roles, and just a few basic and absolutely necessary sex acts has always seemed limited to me(I guess heteronormative is the word now?). I don't get why people have to cling to these stereotyped roles so closely. I never have. Best sex I ever had did not even involve topping or bottoming at all.
     
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  4. Tyroc

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    This seems to come from childish expectations, projecting what they want their dream partner to be.


    This is something I've noticed pretty much my whole life.
    I've had incidents of imagined homophobia on my and or friends and families part from white out loud and proud fem couples.
     
  5. acessential

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    Fuck all this heteronormative bullshit. "Bottom" and "top" are sexual positions. Not gender or personality roles. People need to stop equating them as such.
     
  6. ColumbusGuy

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    male_media_mind_3_block_tee_light-r4280f765f88f44ad8cc5c12943ce7457_jynbf_324.jpg male_media_mind_bear_logo_tee_shirt-r9aecc8e4680b4f778bec669dfd912e47_jg4dk_324.jpg

    These are the only two models for the clothing in the retail store section of this black bear site. ??????

    Anyone else just..you know...wondering? I was wandering the site and saw the store section and checked out the clothing and this was just surprising.
     
  7. Jaa

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    LOL. That is unexpected, but I think the sample images are provided by their merchandise manufacturer (and/or distributor?) Zazzle where their storefront is located. Maybe using their models is a "perk" of hosting your store there. I assume if they coded and built their own storefront, they'd use different models, but that may be beyond their technical abilities or they just don't feel like doing it. This guy seems to be one of a small number of Zazzle models. He's on there in several unrelated shirts.

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

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    I just for some reason expected to see larger black guys showing off the merchandise lol. Thanks for the explanation. It seems to be a really good site.

    The main guy looks maybe hispanic? to me. I like the one with what appears to be a velociraptor playing a banjo. What is up with the Kale one? Bears don't eat that healthy sh@t.
     
  9. Jaa

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    Those are unrelated to the M3 site. I found them at Zazzle. It seems to offer a few of its own products in addition to making custom merch for other websites and acting as their online marketplace. Those were just random shirts from the site's own product section that featured the same guy, which makes me think you may also see him at any site with a Zazzle-hosted store.

    They're probably trying to get into the hip t-shirt market but idk if it's working. Zero fox given reminds me of a dad joke, and kale seems like something a goofy college student would wear.
     
  10. grownman

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    Wow, this is awesome! Let's just start there.
    Jaa I wish that I could give you a pound in place of a dap. But the dap wil have to do. Lol.
    Next, I had no idea that "black bears"
    were even a thought in someone's mind. The other disbelief -they are intellient with a variety of thoughts and opinions.

    Also, Malcolm Tavers is beautiful. I had to lustful for a tad second. But, I whole heartily agree on his perspective concerning hyper masculine embodying a trait of femininity. Since most masculine men desire to be with other masculine men. I have always believed that. I know that is not a popular opinion. Lol. I know the founders totally disagree and i would have paid money to see those two along with@SB3 initial reaction. Oh, how I wish. Lol.
     
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  11. Jaa

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    I rarely hear men of color gathering together and referring to themselves as bears unless they're interacting with a multiracial bigger guy community. Seems more common to see them make social media groups for bigger/thicker guys and their admirers. Maybe some don't like the term or label like gay vs. SGL. Some may just not feel that their size is part of their identity or may not want to place themselves into too many identity boxes.

    I think Big Boy Pride is open to all races, but most pics I've seen feature men of color. There's probably a reason that they named it "Big Boy" rather than "Bears of Color" or something, maybe to differentiate it from something like the whiter Provincetown Bear Week. @Ockydub made a thread about it that got a range of responses.

    Have You Considered Big Man Pride?
     
  12. Michael

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    I really don't understand this. I do believe that their probably are more bottoms than tops. Having said that, number wise that would mean plenty of bottoms will "be alone" if they don't get over this. There are so many other things to do sexually. If this is how you're determining who you should be with it seems a little ass backwards.
     
  13. ColumbusGuy

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    I agree.

    I really don't like the term 'hetero-normative', but that is what this top/bottom stuff is. I agree that human sexuality(and expressions of that sexuality) are so much more than f@cking.

    Role play, a lil bondage/S&M, toys, using food, massage, mutual masturbation, uniforms, frottage, voyeurism/exhibitionism, all kinds of fetishes, licking, sucking, the list just goes on and on. F@cking can be in there too, but to many it is the be all/end all thing and nothing else matters. We really have just been brainwashed in a way by growing up in a straight world.
     
  14. SB3

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    'Tops' havent gone anywhere, we're just inundated n overwhelmed w dudes who wana be treated like ladies. Grab ur fukn nuts n man the fuck up! Shyt pisses me off.
     
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  15. Michael

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    Calmate...jeez
     
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  16. alton

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    [​IMG]

     
  17. Tyroc

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    image.gif
     
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  18. SB3

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    @DreG mens tryna have some input
     
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  19. grownman

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    Co-sign.
     
  20. grownman

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    What was your initial reaction to the comment made by Marvin? "Masculine men have feminine traits". I asked in a earlier post you and @Ockydub and @Nick Delmacy
     
  21. Cyrus-Brooks

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    Lmfao! WTF is a "real top?" As opposed to a "fake top?" The one thing I've learned is one man's top is another man's bottom and vice versa. There are very few tops who won't bottom for the right dude under the right circumstances and very few bottoms who won't top when the need or urge arises. Unfortunately too many gay men are stuck in outmoded ways of thinking. Total bottoms need to step their game up.
     
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  22. grownman

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    Didn't expect to read that from you. That's what I get for judging, lol.
     
  23. Cyrus-Brooks

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    [​IMG]

    I'm just full of surprises. Lol.
     
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  24. grownman

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    Love it!
     
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  25. SB3

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    Yes gawd @Cyrus-Brooks! Get all these fools together for bible study.
     
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  26. SB3

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    Who is Marvin? All im saying is that dudes need to man the fuk up n be dudes. Man up!
     
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  27. OckyDub

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    When have I held my tongue?

    Because many black fem men have a mindset of wanting to be treated like black women.

    Its the same as a black woman who think its gay, suspect or nasty if their man has ever experimented with another man in the past or may like a finger in the butt or their salad tossed. Their heterosexuality is now in question. Many black fem men share a similar mindset.

    They don't want their Top man to ever have or think about getting penetrated. I shared some additional thoughts in this old post.

    Is There a Stigma with Being Sexually Versatile?
     
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  28. alton

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    Pretty much. I haven't met a muhf@#kin' "TOP" YET that will let me eat (even if after some initial resistance) and not let me at least try and stick. LOL
     
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  29. alton

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    [​IMG]

    @Cyrus-Brooks be shuttin' muhf@#kz DO'N!!!
     
  30. alton

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    lmao Grab dem shi!ts and MAN da f#$k UP...
    [​IMG]
     
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    Y'all going in!
     
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  32. ColumbusGuy

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    I really need to experience something like this sometime. HUUUUGGGEEEE cultural difference.
     
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  33. grownman

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    He is the leader
    He is the group founder. It's all good brotha=when h made the comment you 3 came to mind. The comment was asking for the initial reacation. I just wish that I could have seen it vs reading it. You all didn't comment on the post and I was looking for it. Lol. But relax your mind and body. It's all good.
     
  34. alton

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    Did you hear all the noise and just peeped in the door? LOL!!!
     
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  35. alton

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    I would love to experience it as well, but it would strictly be for comedic value. LOL
     
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