CA Podcast #53 – The “I’m Just Not That Into You” Episode

By Cypher Avenue | Posted May 18 2016 | 42 Comments  

CA-podcast53

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes or YouTube for automatic updates!

In this podcast, hosts Octavius Williams and Nick Delmacy discuss Gays who focus on status and possessions, Long Distance Relationships, Boring First Dates and the Legacy of Prince.

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CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST #53

 

About the Author
Cypher Avenue

Cypher Avenue is a direct response to the lack of a single website on the Internet catering to gay/bisexual men that love hip hop, pop culture, video games, sci-fi and mature, open minded conversations. Topics ranging from sex, sports, movies, new tech, science, fashion, comic books, politics, working out, hip hop, booze, television, cars, the outdoors, geek stuff, dating, and relationships; you name it, we have it.

   
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42 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. African King
    African King | May 18th, 2016
    0

    Will check this out on my flight to ATL tomorrow! About damn time! lol

  2. alton
    alton | May 18th, 2016
    +1

    I'm still listenin to this and will have more comments later on but, as far as Prince's androgyny and some of these "rappers" today…Prince was a true artist. His image was inherent to his artistry. These dudes nowadays that are prancin' around in embellished, cold shoulder blouses, floral crop tops, sun dresses, and all that other bullshyt are doin' it (imo) strictly for attention and media buzz. That's not an artist, that's an industry puppet strugglin' for relevance.

  3. alton
    alton | May 18th, 2016
    0

    Dude, WTF happened after the 50min mark??? I wanted to jump into the PodCast and tell yous two…"YO!!!! SHUT the [email protected]#K..UP, and GET IT TOGETHA!!!……….All this [email protected]#kin back & forth bickering like some BITCHES!" LMAO!!

    @Nick Delmacy Mexico is out of the country. Even Canada is out of the country. Just because its attached to N. America doesn't mean its not out of the country. LMAO I get your argument, but you was Cherry Pickin' like a Bible Thumper LOL!!

    "You haven't dated since before 9/11" LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I have to agree with you @Nick Delmacy about the "Str8 Dates". I haven't been on one in a MINUTE but the few str8 dudes I do chat with on the reg, the convo is SOOOOOOO much better and more enlightening/ interesting than what I experience with the majority of the gay dudes I've dealt with, with the exception of one or two that like me, have no interest in Beyoncé/ Reality Shows/ Social Media. The overall vibe is much more amicable and one doesn't feel like they have to maintain some kind of "standard" or image. It sounds stupid but I've said it before on here, that's usually how I tell if a dude is str8 or not. Str8 dudes just tend to be cool as [email protected]#k, gay dudes 9 x outta 10, have some kind attitude, shadiness, or stank face about them. I have a stank face, but I'm actually a really kool dude and despite my reclusiveness, it doesn't take me that long to open up once Im comfortable. LOL

  4. SB3
    SB3 | May 18th, 2016
    0

    I was starting to think podcasts were mythical creatures I was gonna have to go do research on…

  5. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 18th, 2016
    0

    Interesting podcast. I love the 'I'm going clubbing' voice LOL.

    I don't know why I seem to agree with Ocky on most of the stuff on these podcasts, yet on the boards we do not seem to get along. Maybe I am the problem lol. There is the cool Ocky of the podcasts who I agree with (although I did snicker at Nick getting in the Clinton dig) and then there is the board Ocky who is well..the board Ocky lol. Ocky still seems like a cool guy who would be great to hang out with and drink with and stuff. I think Ocky may be the only thing keeping very level headed(I am kind of jealous of that) Nick from just drifting into being straight or permanently celibate and just hanging with his straight friends and going on his straight dates. lol

    Agree about that superficial stuff and also that is why wealth does not get transferred-all of those superficial things immediately depreciate in value! And yes to the Hooptie mine is a 95 Honda Accord that looks like hell but rides great and has few problems-and no car payments in over what, nearly 15 years? I do get judged by it but oh well. Anyone who would pay $300.00 for a belt should have their head examined unless they are very wealthy.

    Also you can sort of travel without traveling by just getting to know people in a different culture than your own-different age groups, etc-you can learn and grow and expand as a person without necessarily traveling a great distance. It is about your mindset. You don't have to actually go to Luang Prabang to actually found out about Luang Prabang, especially in the age of the internet. You can make friends there, find out about the food, learn about the culture more so than ever-but just how many gay men even want to do even that not to mention actually traveling there since they are too busy with reality tv, divas, 'the club'. the latest 'tea', tired from work, etc. etc. etc.?

    Alot of the time Nick and Ocky sound like the same masculine black straight man having a conversation with himself.

    Looking forward to the next part since I have increasingly grown to despise material superficiality.

  6. DreG
    DreG | May 18th, 2016
    0

    SB3I was starting to think podcasts were mythical creatures I was gonna have to go do research on…

    media

  7. DreG
    DreG | May 18th, 2016
    0

    Intellectuality,n,the quality of having informed opinions

    to be added to the Ocky Williams Lexicon with Rectorial and (my favorite) Donut

  8. DreG
    DreG | May 18th, 2016
    0

    altonPrince was a true artist. His image was inherent to his artistry.

    This is definitely what makes the difference with him.Artists,real ones will go to any extreme to express themselves.All resources are on the table,and often people like that don't even see a true boundary as to what's available to them in terms of style,genre,mediums,etc.

  9. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 18th, 2016
    0

    Man, y'all dudes had people looking at me crazy as shyt when I walked in the gym. I walked inside right on that line where Ock said gay dudes "so busy worrying about what car they gonna step out of, on this fake a$$ red carpet at the Chaparral." LMAOOOOOOOO. I bust out and laughed so loud people turned around and looked at me. And when Nick said "Sheery Shepard GROSS… But taco bell GROSSER". LMAO I'm :dead1:

    As a former Atlanta resident back in the day, I knew quite a few people that would fvck with the "chapp". I didn't even know that barn dance bar was still around in ATL. :heh:

    Y'all crazy as hell in this podcast, drink more during the podcast. Love the unfiltered thoughts and fun attitude.

  10. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 18th, 2016
    +1

    On another note, Nick. I don't blame you for not going completely with the dude that was a good date, but unattractive or "ugly". (i try to usually be more polite by not calling people ugly. I think thats too much of a strong unpleasant word for people)

    I don't think superficialality in regards to looks is a bad thing at all. Everyone has a type and a look that pleases them and everything is subjective. A guy can be the nicest dude in the world and we can have a great date, but if a don't find you physically attractive AT ALL, than its a no go. Point Blank.

    Everyone isn't gonna be a model, but when i turn over in bed and your face dis-pleases me, not to mention I don't get an erection on your looks alone, than Im kinda good on that. Great personality and cool vibe is wassup, but with no attraction, I reserve those dudes to be good homeboys.

    And before anyone get into their politically correct soap box saying "its whats in the inside" and "its not good to only date fine Dudes''. I wouldn't date just a fine dude either. If all you have is your looks, but your dry as hell or dumb as rocks, than thats a no go as well. I think its possible to find a good vibe as well as attraction in someone.

    But I tell you what, your good personality and vibe aint what I'm into when its time to get it in. I gotta be able to look at my dude in the face and feel, "damn, you bad as fvck." (as well as other areas, but thats TMI)

    So Nick, yeah, you might just wanna keep unattractive great date as a good homeboy if he doesn't also turn you on when its time to get it popping.

  11. DreG
    DreG | May 18th, 2016
    +1

    Omega LevelOn another note, Nick. I don't blame you for not going completely with the dude that was a good date, but unattractive or "ugly". (i try to usually be more polite by not calling people ugly. I think thats too much of a strong unpleasant word for people)

    I don't think superficialality in regards to looks is a bad thing at all. Everyone has a type and a look that pleases them and everything is subjective. A guy can be the nicest dude in the world and we can have a great date, but if a don't find you physically attractive AT ALL, than its a no go. Point Blank.

    Everyone isn't gonna be a model, but when i turn over in bed and your face dis-pleases me, not to mention I don't get an erection on your looks alone, than Im kinda good on that. Great personality and cool vibe is wassup, but with no attraction, I reserve those dudes to be good homeboys.

    And before anyone get into their politically correct soap box saying "its whats in the inside" and "its not good to only date fine Dudes''. I wouldn't date just a fine dude either. If all you have is your looks, but your dry as hell or dumb as rocks, than thats a no go as well. I think its possible to find a good vibe as well as attraction in someone.

    But I tell you what, your good personality and vibe aint what I'm into when its time to get it in. I gotta be able to look at my dude in the face and feel, "damn, you bad as fvck." (as well as other areas, but thats TMI)

    So Nick, yeah, you might just wanna keep unattractive great date as a good homeboy if he doesn't also turn you on when its time to get it popping.

    You know,on the flip side of this,I wouldn't want someone to not appreciate me physically too.I feel like when it's right that person works for you on multiple levels.You should be able to find something in that person's appearance to like,and if you don't,I don't see why not move along and free them up for that person who's going to be happy to see them everyday.The reservations you have about how they look are going to express themselves in some way sooner or later.I'm sure it'll be more hurtful down the line for them to know when you look at them you don't even feel the mildest appreciation.

  12. takeyourmeds91
    takeyourmeds91 | May 18th, 2016
    0

    And I was just talking shyt other day lmao

  13. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 18th, 2016
    0

    "but when i turn over in bed and your face dis-pleases me" :dead1::bronbad: I love this. 'your face dis-pleases me'. That needs to be a meme.

  14. Dreamwalker
    Dreamwalker | May 19th, 2016
    0
  15. Dreamwalker
    Dreamwalker | May 19th, 2016
    0
  16. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 19th, 2016
    0

    Dreamwalker

    Thank You for this Dreamwalker….:salute:

  17. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | May 19th, 2016
    0

    I am glad that you all mentioned having a passport. Roughly, 35% of Americans have an active passport of some kind, which means I am including Cruise Only Passport. That means 65% of Americans can't leave the country if they wanted to. That crazy. In Europe, roughly 71% of citizens of an European Union state has a passport. I think that if you are willing to spend $400.00 on a belt, you could probably spend that money on something that can truly be life altering. Traveling to a foreign land is liberating and you often return when a new sense of value. I have judged people who have only truly experienced their town or city or state.

    When I was 21 years old, I read a statistic that most people live and die within 50 miles of where they were born. That seems crazy to me, especially if you are American with a decent job and any kind of ability to save a few coins.

    I will write a post about affordability. SO MANY people believe that they can't afford to travel. Often, the most expensive part of traveling is the plane tickets and you can shop around to make that happen. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!

    Y'all just woke up a sleeper. I am a professional world traveller, I will offer y'all my expertise.

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

  18. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 19th, 2016
    0

    ^^ I would like to travel, just minus the traveling part. I am not and have never been a good traveling companion lol. I need sedated before we leave, and given an injection to wake up when I get there. I would visit Paris, I just want to fall asleep here, and wake up there. I used to like flying, until I got caught up and read every single NTSB accident report available for all kinds of transport. I would need heavy sedation. Whenever we traveled my traveling companions would end up nearly killing me-even as a kid.

  19. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | May 19th, 2016
    +1

    ColumbusGuy^^ I would like to travel, just minus the traveling part. I am not and have never been a good traveling companion lol. I need sedated before we leave, and given an injection to wake up when I get there. I would visit Paris, I just want to fall asleep here, and wake up there. I used to like flying, until I got caught up and read every single NTSB accident report available for all kinds of transport. I would need heavy sedation. Whenever we traveled my traveling companions would end up nearly killing me-even as a kid.

    LOL. Despite all the Airplane stories. Thousands of Flights happen every single day and 99% of those flights are unremarkable. I say take a few Xanax and a couple drinks and in 10 hours you will be landed safely in a foreign land!!

  20. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 19th, 2016
    0

    BlackguyExecutiveLOL. Despite all the Airplane stories. Thousands of Flights happen every single day and 99% of those flights are unremarkable. I say take a few Xanax and a couple drinks and in 10 hours you will be landed safely in a foreign land!!

    I needed that before I read all of that stuff. My first jet trip(when I was six and going to LA) was a nightmare with severe turbulence, luggage falling from the racks, people screaming, etc. was traumatizing. As an adult I needed the vodka and the benzo's before I knew that there are so many inumerable ways to be killed, injured, and permanently maimed in transportation accidents per my reading of every single NTSB report. (trains, buses, and ships are not much better)
    Now I would sit in a terrified drunken stupor rattling off every possible thing that could go wrong, has gone wrong, in an airplane and explain terms like 'thermal injuries to survivors of the intitial impact', 'loss of survivable space', 'the complexities of g-force related injuries due to rapid horizontal and vertical deceleration', and stuff like that to anyone within earshot. lol.

    Also with traveling:

    -you are going to get lost.
    -someone(if not everyone) will get sick.
    -you will be delayed.
    -you will lose shyt.
    -you will spend too much money.
    -there will be some embarrassing language problems
    – you or a native of the place you are at will get into a not so nice political discussion(me only really on this) and I may get arrested.
    -you will inadvertently culturally insult someone.
    -you may be robbed or pickpocketed.
    -people will be rude, because everywhere there are at least a significant number of people who hate Americans(especially the white ones)
    -you will fight with your traveling companions.
    -you may get into a fistfight with a traveling companion(happened to me).
    -you will drink too much.
    -you may catch some weird disease native to that place.
    -terrorism.
    -revolution.
    -I may very well get us all thrown out of whatever nation we are visiting.
    etc. etc.

    lol When it comes to traveling I am not a half glass empty guy, I am a glass fully empty and dry as a desert guy.

    I traveled young and got that bug out of my system. (at least the traveling part) Sedate me and prop me up like that dead Bernie guy from those movies until we get there and maybe it will be different.

    * If I had the money and people to go with me, I would, despite all of that, love to visit Machu Picchu and South America I will admit.

  21. mojoreece
    mojoreece | May 19th, 2016
    +1

    Glad to hear you guys again lol. With the whole dating and potential thing. Is it really realistic for someone to see someone working at taco-bell as a valuable spouse? Especially like if your already a doctor or lawyer they may not be willing to wait on "potentiality" and want a finished product now. That's one reason why im not dating; its things I need to get into place before I invite someone else into my life. The whole power couple thing is a media invention and symptom of living in capitalist system. The media continually pushes Jayz and Beyonce, Oprah and Stedman, Kate Middleton and Prince William ect and building, empires, kingdoms, companies and stuff together. We all want what we cant have aint nothing wrong with dreaming though lol. I also would love to and wish I could travel more it just take a good amount of money.

  22. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 19th, 2016
    +1

    People can bring in much more to a relationship than money. I knew a black judge who's partner was working class and did some construction type work (not a lot of money) but the guy was a great guy and brought a lot more to the relationship than his wallet of his bank account. If someone is hardworking and is ok with what they do, is that so bad if they have other good qualities?

    What if they are doing something they really love, like working at a zoo or something with animals that is hands on but does not pay much-and they take the low pay because the love what they do? I would rather be with that person than a corporate drone who makes much more but hates his job(which will spill over into a relationship).

    All it takes is a few catastrophes( like a severe chronic illness) and anyone can end up in that low income bracket with limited financial resources. Money helps things out a lot, but is far from the be all end all. There are more important things that people may not value as much in others, and there are a lot of things people take for granted(like good health).

    Have a stroke and end up with global aphasia, dysphagia, hemiparesis, and see the guy with the great income and career leave, while the good guy who worked the lesser paying job would have stuck by your butt. And yeah, I saw that happen.

  23. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | May 19th, 2016
    +1

    Pride travels

    I will never understand why people after a certain age are still so caught up in the pride circuit. I do understand wanting to travel around but there's more to a city than the gay side. But again I'm one of the boring gays who would have no problem going to the blueberry farm and picking up FREE blueberries, going kayaking, insect museums and such. So what do I know? I'll take going to the Alamo, Alcatraz, the Grand Canyon, comic con, and etc.

    When I go to a city I like a balance of tourist traps and spots the locals go to. If the only time someone's been to a city is during a party weekend they are not really getting a full view of what it's like there. That's why I think so many people are enamored with Atlanta.

    International travel

    Have been off continent once. It was cool,
    I can't do it now because I'm trying to get a mortgage but after that… I'm out! Lol and it won't be the Dominican Republic because mofos wouldn't even be going there if Southwest didn't fly there. The DR is like the Dollar Tree of international travel.

    Bdays

    I have seen many photos and flyers for gay birthday parties. People want a step a repeat with photo ops and VIP… For turning 26. Not even a milestone year. Hell I'd rather spend that budget on something for me than a party to impress folks who I don't like or know. How many people actually show up with gifts to these parties?

    Single Black Ladies

    I saw that special on Nightline. Professional black women who were educated and degreed up but couldn't find black men "on their level" they wanted to be with successful black men and be power couples. Didn't want to deal with a blue collar type dude. I said all of them probably had the driest, cobwebbed filled vaginas because they were wanting every box checked on their lists and didn't come off compromising. So what if you got a degree and a 80k job? You dissing a dude making 45k as a mechanic who doesn't have to work weekends?

    Power couples are for show. It's not a business merger just because you are both successful and upper middle class. That doesn't mean you are compatible. Everyone isn't going to be a Jay Z and Beyoncé.

    Definitely don't dis the dude in the hooptie. I am nearing 300k miles in my ride now. I have serious car fever. But I also have control. I have good credit. I can get a new car no problem. I'm trying to get a mortgage so I'm prioritizeing that goal over a car. I'm enjoying not having a note while I pay off other debt when I wrecked my credit, which is why I have good credit now.

    Everyone shouldn't be able to guess your money by looking at your ride and labels.

    I think that every culture flosses. I may just seem like The Black Gays floss a lot more because we are in that circle to varies degrees or pay more attention. Though I know of many gay dudes who are robbing Visa to pay Mastercard to look fabulous. Again impressing people who they don't like or know. I mean you are really not bout that life if you're got a $300.00 wallet with a total available balance of $42.78 across all accounts.

  24. Rico
    Rico | May 19th, 2016
    0

    Still digesting and getting through the podcast, but first impressions: 1. Prince – I recognize him not only as an artist but his (mostly discreet) track record for philanthropy. Also, for his business ethic. He apparently learned early not to end up like so many artists and lose control. That being said, I haven't really enjoyed a Prince album front to back since 1995's "Gold Experience." I also don't understand an artist as protective as he was NOT having a will. Unfortunately, if he actually does have all this alleged unreleased material, it now goes to probate. I just shake my head at people like Prince living a teen-age minimum wage worker at McDonalds in terms of the handling of the rights to their intellectual and other property. It's not just him though. Paul McCartney still makes me scratch my head for being the most successful musician of the 20th Century, having a huge fortune and music catalog holding (not just his but Buddy Holly and others) and marrying a woman without a prenup. The record companies, or eventual heirs will basically be able to release any remaining Prince material in any way they see fit, which means we'll get some pretty horrible releases, like those last two post-death Michael Jackson albums. Hopefully, the vault is a myth and they'll be left with only (as George Harrison said about the Beatles Anthology albums in the 90s) "barrel scrapings." Or, we'll get the various "we tried to finish it for him" releases, like Jimi Hendrix's post "Cry of Love" work. 2. Feeling the Marvin Gaye love!! I co-sign on his greatness. And yes, he was a multi-instrumentalist like Prince, MJ, McCartney, Stevie Wonder and others. That's Gaye playing drums on Stevie Wonder's first hit record, "Fingertips, Part II." And if "Captain America: Winter Soldier" wasn't great enough, to make Cap's and Falcon's unofficial theme Gaye's "Trouble Man"…well, DAMN! Which brings me back to dead stars and unsanctioned releases. To wit, Marvin's last single being retitled and master tapes erased so it went from "Sanctified p*ssy" to "Sanctified Woman." Destroyed the whole meaning of the song. P.S. Dudes like me aren't ugly…we prefer to be called "Beauty Challenged Americans" (cough)

  25. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 19th, 2016
    0

    [disclaimer]*For regular people unlike my weird ass, travel within your budget if at all possible is a very good thing. *[/disclaimer]

  26. SB3
    SB3 | May 20th, 2016
    0

    Aight, so…back to the regularly scheduled programming:

    – Great to hear yall back in a podcast

    @Nick Delmacy was clearly 'under the weather', but it was nice to hear him speak off the cuff, n stop over thinking for a minute. True story…(i've always supported the dranks flowin during podcasts)

    – Prince…what else can we say, really?

    – Anywhere that requires a passport is intl travel. I get the point bein made, but hell, Hawaii is 'domestic travel.

    – I have a 31 y/o coworker who spends 5/6 mos a year living abroad. This past year, he did Thailand and the Philippines. Just got back….

    …n yea, he is white! Yall KNOW yalls cuzzins aint even trying to think like that!

    – Im no1, but as far as my opinion goes, if ur out here in the club AND spending ridiculous amts of $ on clothes, ur whack! And, just mad gay…or a hoodrat. Im good on both…

    – Im not gonna get into 'our' ppl n 'negroidian expenditures'. @Nick Delmacy was 100% right abt that, n we all know. You dont need ALL of your cousins at your wedding…

    @Nick Delmacy as a man w mostly straight male friends, I feel u, but I think ur also glossing over many aspects. When ur out w a str8 homie, there's no pretense, no awkward/trying to gauge energy, no insecurities, because its not a comparable 'date'. Even if u head back home like, 'damn, why couldn't this mofo just play for the team (trust, im best man at the upcoming wedding, so I get it), fact of the matter is, you, and, especially YOU/ @Nick Delmacy approach in completely different head spaces btwn the 2. Ijs, I dont think the sun shines out of str8 men's diks, I just think that a lot of us wish that more gay men could leave the pretense at home, and have a couple laughs at the bar.

    @Ockydub u know I almost always agree w u during yalls debates, but i guess that liquor had ur friend cutting up n tellin truths to shame the devil (his demons). And u sound like everyones country uncle when u have a taste or 2..ijs… (u know u still my favorite..)

  27. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 20th, 2016
    0

    SB3Ijs, I dont think the sun shines out of str8 men's diks

    This one,,,,:dead1::pachah1:

  28. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 20th, 2016
    0

    SB3When ur out w a str8 homie, there's no pretense, no awkward/trying to gauge energy, no insecurities, because its not a comparable 'date'.

    Im glad someone said it in regards to the "date" comparison of the straight man vs. gay man. When I heard that part of the podcast I just shook my head.

    There is ABSOLUTLY no pretense energy, being guarded, watching your moves or what you say during a straight "date". Y'all just dudes chillin. Thats why the convo is so good, y'all laughing, he asking you questions, etc. Hell, I've chilled with straight dudes and they have done everything Nick is so enamored with including farting, pushing you away laughing hard, vivid sex talk, the works. Cause in the end, they not trying to fvck you or get to know you on an intimate romantic level, and they don't want to. You the homie. Thats why the "date" is so loose, casual, good.

    In retrospect, dating on any level, gay or straight (WITH SOMEONE YOU COULD BE FVCKING SOON), some individuals are just not comfortable either with themselves or the date. They feel out the situation, choose words carefully sometimes, etc. They are looking at you as a potential suitor or if not that, they may be horny and may want to fvck and don't wanna mess up that potential prospect by doing or saying something dumb as hell. So in turn, the date can sometimes be awkward.

    Is that right or an excuse? Not at all. I would rather date someone that can do both as well. Trip out like the homie, but still have that flirt look in his eye and keep it sexy with the attitude, I'm into you. But painting gay dudes with the blanket statement of horrible dates vs. straight dudes just seem totally off base to me. Its more layers to it.

  29. Thami Ndaba | May 20th, 2016
    0

    Really appreciate these podcasts guys. May not be able to participate fully but rest assured your work is much appreciated! Much love!

  30. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | May 20th, 2016
    0

    SB3@Ockydub u know I almost always agree w u during yalls debates, but i guess that liquor had ur friend cutting up n tellin truths to shame the devil (his demons). And u sound like everyones country uncle when u have a taste or 2..ijs… (u know u still my favorite..)

    I mean all those "gawt dammits" had me rolling!

  31. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | May 20th, 2016
    0

    Omega LevelThere is ABSOLUTLY no pretense energy, being guarded, watching your moves or what you say during a straight "date". Y'all just dudes chillin. Thats why the convo is so good, y'all laughing, he asking you questions, etc. Hell, I've chilled with straight dudes and they have done everything Nick is so enamored with including farting, pushing you away laughing hard, vivid sex talk, the works. Cause in the end, they not trying to fvck you or get to know you on an intimate romantic level, and they don't want to. You the homie. Thats why the "date" is so loose, casual, good.

    Straight men will tell you all. Of. Thier. Bihnus!

    I had a coworker telling me all about extramarital affairs with other women. Dudes was cheating on his wife all the time. And she was fine. He was fine too. Don't know what the household problems were but everything seemed cool.

    But that dude stayed trying to get me to get with one of our other coworkers who he thought was cute because she was always nice to me. "you need to step up to that, mane!"

    Straight men can be cool as a fan. I just with more gay men could just be regular dudes and enjoy guy stuff.

  32. Omega Level
    Omega Level | May 20th, 2016
    0

    ControlledXaosI had a coworker telling me all about extramarital affairs with other women. Dudes was cheating on his wife all the time.

    Bruh, when I worked retail in my early 20's I had two straight co-workers that was cool as fvck and I still talk to from time to time today. Talking about cheating. Man!!!! One of them was married and he use to trip out with us during work when nobody was in the store. Talking about his side chick and how he like fvcking her in the ass and thats one of the main reasons he got her. His wife didn't like anal.

    Also, don't know about other cities, but a lot of straight dudes in NYC are mad "progressive" and don't give a fvck about you being gay. They both knew I was gay and use to ask me some questions and trip out. Nothing offensive. Just regular homeboy shyt talking about sex or dates. I even had a crush on the UPS delivery guy and my co-worker tried to set it up. and he was straight as SHYT. LOL

    So I agree wit cha. Cool as a fan.

  33. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 20th, 2016
    0

    All of you just really need to get what you really want-straight men. smh. lol. I think everyone just picks the gay guys apart because they/you all know they are gay so you look for anything wrong and are all uptight, but with the straight guys they can do no wrong and here you are celebrating their decadence and cheating while if they were gay they would be hoes and spreading diseases and shyt and no good bums.

    You all are two faced apologizers for the straight guys and slut shamers for the gay ones who God forbid eat their fries with a fork and may be a little uptight because UNLIKE THE STRAIGHT GUYS THEY KNOW THEY ARE ON A DAMN DATE lol!!!!!! Unless the straight dude acknowledged you were on a date you were not on no damn date! (here me, NIck?)-you have not 'dated' any straight dudes. You hang with straight dudes and date gay dudes.

    The more you hang(date, whatever) these straight dudes the more they are going to become your standard and you will always find the gay dudes lacking in some areas-you are setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Didn't Ocky meet his dude at a party or something that was full of other gay dudes?(If I recall correctly?) I don't think Ocky found his guy by going on 'dates' with straight guys?(correct me if I am wrong Ocky).

    As much as I seem to somehow disagree with Ocky on the boards for some reason he has had a man for years and does not have to go through this shyt lol. You should be asking him what to do. Are you going to ask a bum how to make a lot of money or are you going to ask a millionaire how to make a lot of money. Just sayin'.

    All these eligible guys on here and you can't meet guys cause you are looking for straight guys who are gay. lol

    You are not going to find the right gay guy (masculine, whatever) hanging with straights.

    Not attacking anyone here, just find it amusing! :yeshrug:

    * I dated fairly masculine guys(within reason) and no really femme ones..and I never met any of them hanging with straight people.

    let the attacks begin. *puts on armor..armor does not fit cause I am too damn fat..shyt. stuffs self in armor anyway*

  34. Rico
    Rico | May 20th, 2016
    0

    Well, finally got through the whole podcast. Man that was some chunky debating’ and back-and-forth!! And I don’t mean that Obama-easily-overpowers-weakazz-Romney debatin’ shyt; that episode was that two equals, Kennedy-vs-Nixon, world-in-the-balance debatin’ (lol). While you two were going back and forth, it just reminded me there ain’t nothing new under the sun with black folk, and it ain’t confined to black gay men. I thought about the E. Franklin Frazier book I read as a kid, The Black Bourgeoise. A lot of what we call materialism is what Frazier called “conspicuous consumption”; i.e. “I’m buying shyt and I want or need you to SEE that I’m buying shyt.” I don’t understand that mentality, which is why, even though my personality is more like Ocky’s, my dating life is a mirror image of Nicks. So, I really felt that Hill Harper quote. Frazier wrote his book way back in the 50s, the Temptations sang, “Don’t Let the Joneses Get You Down” in the 60s…same old plays, new casts. Was rolling on the floor thinking about a designer wallet…and probably got nothing in it but a prepaid debit card in it courtesy of Russell Simmons and Suze Orman. You know why Warren Buffet probably doesn’t have a designer wallet? Cause he got REAL money, which requires trucks not designer wallets to carry that shyt around! Funny thing is, I actually own some name brand crap people have given me and just chuck it in storage. For example, a older lady friend gave me a Gucci laptop case a few years ago. Never even thought of sporting that thing. Yeah, let everyone see your Gucci bag that you pull your laptop out of, while you sit at Starbucks. You’re sitting at Starbucks, of course, because your broke azz is soaking up the wifi and can’t afford home internet. But sit there and look cute with the Gucci laptop bag until Starbucks tells you to buy another $6 coffee or get the fukk out. Totally agree about buying property and riding around in a hoopty, rather than the other way around. That’s a whole treatise in itself, but hopefully folks learn that lesson by their 30s. If the person you’re trying to get with can’t see that wisdom, let ‘em move on (and you move on). Sociologists talk about poverty being related to future orientation; i.e., people who think and plan for the future (I’ll eat Ramen today and wear Goodwill shirts in order to own a three-bedroom home tomorrow) as opposed to people whose mentality is like Veruca Salt (I want a golden goose and a Gucci wallet NOOOOOOOW!!). That even follows in terms of style and fashion, I’m more impressed by gents who understand the old principles of “dress for success” that was taught when I was in high school; i.e. learning that looking sharp isn’t about what label you bought or how much it cost, it’s about knowing the science of how to put a wardrobe together, regardless as to wear the elements came from, be it Brooks Brothers or TJ Maxx; knowing the science of how the clothes work on you; colors, shapes, patterns, texture, etc. You can send a smart brotha who understands basic principles to K-Mart (do they still exist?) and he’d manage to put together an ensemble that still didn’t look like something that fell off the back of John Witherspoon’s truck.

  35. Jaa
    Jaa | May 21st, 2016
    0
    ColumbusGuy

    All of you just really need to get what you really want-straight men. smh. lol. I think everyone just picks the gay guys apart because they/you all know they are gay so you look for anything wrong and are all uptight, but with the straight guys they can do no wrong and here you are celebrating their decadence and cheating while if they were gay they would be hoes and spreading diseases and shyt and no good bums.

    You all are two faced apologizers for the straight guys and slut shamers for the gay ones who God forbid eat their fries with a fork and may be a little uptight because UNLIKE THE STRAIGHT GUYS THEY KNOW THEY ARE ON A DAMN DATE lol!!!!!! Unless the straight dude acknowledged you were on a date you were not on no damn date! (here me, NIck?)-you have not 'dated' any straight dudes. You hang with straight dudes and date gay dudes.

    The more you hang(date, whatever) these straight dudes the more they are going to become your standard and you will always find the gay dudes lacking in some areas-you are setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations. Didn't Ocky meet his dude at a party or something that was full of other gay dudes?(If I recall correctly?) I don't think Ocky found his guy by going on 'dates' with straight guys?(correct me if I am wrong Ocky).

    As much as I seem to somehow disagree with Ocky on the boards for some reason he has had a man for years and does not have to go through this shyt lol. You should be asking him what to do. Are you going to ask a bum how to make a lot of money or are you going to ask a millionaire how to make a lot of money. Just sayin'.

    All these eligible guys on here and you can't meet guys cause you are looking for straight guys who are gay. lol

    You are not going to find the right gay guy (masculine, whatever) hanging with straights.

    Not attacking anyone here, just find it amusing! :yeshrug:

    * I dated fairly masculine guys(within reason) and no really femme ones..and I never met any of them hanging with straight people.

    let the attacks begin. *puts on armor..armor does not fit cause I am too damn fat..shyt. stuffs self in armor anyway*

    I've met some of these elusive "straight" gay men. They've tended to be on the DL and I initially met them for hooking up, neither of which seem ideal for those primarily seeking dating and relationships.

    Some were more talkative than others and we got to know one another a bit while messing around. I think our lack of investment in one another or the situation allowed us to easily talk without first date awkwardness and occasionally we realize that, hey, we actually wouldn't mind hanging out. Some even seemed open to forming some kind of relationship, though a number of them likely wouldn't use relationship terminology and just call me a friend, homeboy, chill partna, their dude or some other unofficial, noncommittal term.

    But yeah, a lot, if not most, people seem to be somewhat awkward and uncomfortable during dates. Maybe it's like a stressful audition and they're tired of searching and "auditioning" (which may be a problem in itself, if a date puts lots of effort into presenting themselves in a certain manner rather than just being themselves) for potential mates. Surely there are a few men of substance out there who are comfortable with themselves and able to hold a decent conversation with a date, though dating misadventures may make them seem like an endangered species. They might be the type of people who aren't easily found or aren't putting themselves out there because dating isn't one of their priorities.

  36. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | May 21st, 2016
    0

    JaaI've met some of these elusive "straight" gay men. They've tended to be on the DL and I initially met them for hooking up, neither of which seem ideal for those primarily seeking dating and relationships.

    Some were more talkative than others and we got to know one another a bit while messing around. I think our lack of investment in one another or the situation allowed us to easily talk without first date awkwardness and occasionally we realize that, hey, we actually wouldn't mind hanging out. Some even seemed open to forming some kind of relationship, though a number of them likely wouldn't use relationship terminology and just call me a friend, homeboy, chill partna, their dude or some other unofficial, noncommittal term.

    But yeah, a lot, if not most, people seem to be somewhat awkward and uncomfortable during dates. Maybe it's like a stressful audition and they're tired of searching and "auditioning" (which may be a problem in itself, if a date puts lots of effort into presenting themselves in a certain manner rather than just being themselves) for potential mates. Surely there are a few men of substance out there who are comfortable with themselves and able to hold a decent conversation with a date, though dating misadventures may make them seem like an endangered species. They might be the type of people who aren't easily found or aren't putting themselves out there because dating isn't one of their priorities.

    All I was really saying is you are not going to meet gay men of any kind really if you are hanging around with straight people all the time. If you want to meet any type of gay people IRL without going through the apps and services you have to hang around gay people. If you can find masc gays to hang with, they may lead you to other gay masc guys. If you go on a date with a masc gay guy and like him but there is no spark, see if you have what it takes together to be friends-he may lead you as a friend to other gay masc guys-including the types who are not putting themselves out there that much for whatever reason.

    Maybe it is different now, maybe it is different for black gays, I don't know…but that is how it used to be. You met people through other people. But you had to get out there and initially meet gay people somewhere somehow. Maybe there are just fewer 'regular guy' gays? I met a variety of gay guys this way of all kinds, but there were plenty who were at least somewhat masculine. And it did not seem like I was trying(and failing) to find a unicorn or something.

    I was mostly just joking with that post, but really, how many gay guys are you going to meet from hanging with straight guys? Not that there is anything wrong with hanging with straight guys. But if you are wanting to meet gay guys and maybe date gay guys to maybe find that right masc gay guy, straight guys are not going to lead to that generally.

    I think it is harder now because people don't 'hang around' with eachother as much, many are on the apps, etc.? much more of a 'downlow' segment to have to deal with? I don't know. It just seems like hanging with straight guys and wishing they were gay/you could find gay guys like them is like trying to get somewhere by flying in a circle-you are going to end up in the same place when it is all said and done.

  37. jonathan | May 21st, 2016
    0

    these dudes are entertaining to listen to, but what gets me after listening to many of their podcast is that they act as if they are best representative of black gay life.

    • Nick Delmacy
      Nick Delmacy | May 22nd, 2016
      0

      "…they act as if they are best representative of black gay life"

      Actually its the opposite. We repeatedly say (even in this podcast) that we feel like aliens in the black gay community. We def don't "fit in" nor do we represent the masses (which is why we started the site).

  38. Ockydub
    Ockydub | May 22nd, 2016
    0
    SB3

    And u sound like everyones country uncle when u have a taste or 2..ijs… (u know u still my favorite..)

    :troll:

  39. Dante
    Dante | May 22nd, 2016
    0

    Comment Imported From Main Sitethese dudes are entertaining to listen to, but what gets
    me after listening to many of their podcast is that they act as if they are best representative of black gay life.

    They arent trying to be representatives. As either the both of them being gay or bisexual, they can only give their eclectic perspective on things just like anyone else. As journalists, there is a sense you might see it they are proclaiming to be representatives, but that is not the case.

  40. RMAU | June 5th, 2016
    0

    My first thought was, since we would be trapped in the car for a number of hours and all shared a passion for "Star Wars," to record a podcast in which we discussed our hopes and fears about the sequel on the way up, and then gave our reactions to "Episode VII" on the way down.

  41. jpo
    jpo | June 6th, 2016
    0

    Wow, this was one of the quirkiest podcasts in a while. I only finished listening to it this morning (BTW, you gotta do these more often, how else am I gonna get through my morning workouts?).
    I spent the month of April in Europe, catching up with old friends, family, seeing some new places and enjoying being away from the political scene here. I appreciated the discussion of travel and the way it can shape us. I spent most of the 1970s outside the US (France, Nigeria, England) and I have often thought that if I had to miss a decade here, I chose widely. No doubt that this experience changed my outlook on the world but more importantly on the US. It also changed my perception of the work I did and wanted to do.
    Nonetheless, traveling overseas is expensive, especially today, so I think that downplaying travel within the US is wrongheaded. This is a big country, a diverse society. You don't have to go too far to be somewhere that will give you a different outlook. Why have folks on the high plains of the Dakotas moved so far to the right in the last decade? What has their experience in a place that increasingly feels isolated from either coast meant to their worldview? What is it about the urban northeast that makes it seem so worldly to people from other parts of the country? We have a lot to learn about the current political mess by spending time in those regions that are so different from our own. The issue for me is getting away, even for a short time, from folks whose experience and environment is the same as our own. And you don't need a passport.
    Of course, if you have one and have the means, use the passport too.

    As for dating, I feel Nick's pain. Sometimes, most times, it is really hard work and at the end of the day, or night, you have to wonder whether it was worth it. I do appreciate Ocky's suggestions for conversations and I will definitely bring up the event horizon on my next date and see how it works.




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