CA Podcast #8 – Sex & Dating Roundtable Discussion

By Cypher Avenue | Posted Dec 31 2013 | 67 Comments  

roundtable-Podcast-2

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website.

The episodes will be available in three ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube or download a MP3 version to your computer for listening on you commute to work or while you’re at the gym!


In this podcast, Ocky Williams and Nick Delmacy join five members of Cypher Avenue to discuss dating, sex, relationships and the Cypher Ave article “The 15 Reasons You Are NOT Relationship Material.”

Cypher Avenue Guests of the Podcast Include:

 

DREWSKI_
21 YEARS OLD

JONAH
25 YEARS OLD

P.ROBESON13
27 YEARS OLD

ROX808
28 YEARS OLD

23b9122c3513d8f99d958d3c1fd282e9-bpfull

HANNIBAL
31 YEARS OLD

 

MP3 VERSION:

 

 

DOWNLOAD LINK:

CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST #8

 

 

VIDEO VERSION:
 

00:00 – Intro

00:35 – Happy New Year

2:30 – Roundtable Guests Introduction

5:43  – The 15 Reasons You Are NOT Relationship Material

16:40 – Rox808’s take on how to be secure in dating

24:03 – Drewski, the youngest guest on the show, gives his take on the article

26:58 – Jonah encourages gay men to have a “Hoe Phase”

34:19 – Long Distance Relationships

35:38 – When did you shift from being a Hoe to wanting a Relationship?

42:35 – Do Self Esteem Issues and Insecurities get in the way of Dating?

50:25 – Are All Gay Black Men OBSESSED With Relationships?

58:05 – Our Parents Weren’t Perfect…Is Seeking A Perfect Relationship A Delusion?

1:01:00 – Is focusing on Career and Money instead of Dating a BAD thing?

1:06:00 – Why can’t you have sex or sexual contact on the first date? What’s the big deal?

1:21:56 – “Time Fillers” Dating men you have no intention of keeping

1:24:33 – Does MASCULINITY matter when choosing men to date?

1:32:33 – Wrapping Up & 2014 Outlooks

 

About the Author
Cypher Avenue

Cypher Avenue is a direct response to the lack of a single website on the Internet catering to gay/bisexual men that love hip hop, pop culture, video games, sci-fi and mature, open minded conversations. Topics ranging from sex, sports, movies, new tech, science, fashion, comic books, politics, working out, hip hop, booze, television, cars, the outdoors, geek stuff, dating, and relationships; you name it, we have it.

   
Categorized as :
Cypher Ave OriginalsDating & SexFeaturedInterviewsPodcastsSlider

67 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. hannibal
    Hannibal | December 31st, 2013
    +1

    I’m scared to listen lol.

    • Dre G | December 31st, 2013
      0

      You did a great job man.Im glad an artists( especially a working one) was involved .

    • Drewski_ | January 1st, 2014
      +2

      OMG…same here…lol
      Smh

      • SB3
        African King | January 1st, 2014
        0

        you guys did well! lol

  2. PAPIMARCOVIBE | December 31st, 2013
    +1

    LOVED THE PODCAST, What about da verse peepz lol… masculinity and verse hmmm.. ya’ll do work. i really loved it. and open relationship for peeps who never left there hoe stage lol… kinda missing lol… oh yeah and the first time you want a relationship? when you start f%#kin’ someone and then you end up making love and in your heart you start saying i want some more a dat lol… ya’ll if you were in print would be the modern day EBONY FOR BLACK GAY OR AT LEAST MASCULINE MEN. I’m just saying very tight peace and HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MUCH PROSPERITY.

    • Jonah | January 1st, 2014
      +1

      yea.. A convo about being masc and vers sounds like a pretty interesting discussion.

      • LEE B | January 1st, 2014
        0

        That would be an interesting convo….

  3. Dre G | December 31st, 2013
    +1

    First off GREAT JOB to the guest hosts.You guys added a lot the conversation,and everyone did a great job not turning this into a big argument or talking over each other like Im used to people doing on lots of sites. @rox808 you were really tripping me out XD

    On the topic of waiting for sex, and hookups,i think when you hook up you are ” lowering your stock” for the moment,but when you decide you and a guy you like will wait you value yourself more which you have to if you want him to value you.And if i were to hook up with a guy,it’s bcuz i see him as just an object.a means to an end. If we’re pursuing something,then I want to see you as more.plus i like what Ocky said about sex is our handshake,we do need to reign it in more.
    If you don’t wait im not saying you’re worth less,we’re all grown,but that’s my take on it.

    Please do this again though guys,the multiple insights made for an excellent podcast.

    • Rox808 | January 1st, 2014
      0

      thanks @Dre G!

  4. Rox808 | January 1st, 2014
    +1

    dope! Im glad to have been apart of this.

  5. SB3
    African King | January 1st, 2014
    +1

    You guys did an amazing job. I learned so much @Nick and @ocky! Thank you for all that you guys do! I think it is amazing to see all the different backgrounds of dudes on here from @drewski23 being the youngest and experiencing so much in relationships and dating. Then you have someone like @jd412 who is young and pursuing a masters then looking into getting a Ph.D!!! Then you have a filmmaker like @hannibal, a martial artist like @rox808… Wow! I’m completely in awe!

    I appreciate each and everyone of you sharing your experiences. This has no doubt been the best way to close out 2013 – doing a roundtable podcast with the members that breathe life into this website. It is amazing to see all of the different perspectives that everyone had and I enjoyed all of the back and forth. Everyone has a very interesting personality which made the discussion very enjoyable. I think this is what podcast and radio is about. It is to allow those who follow your movement to bring their own perspectives and use their voice.

    What I enjoyed most was the segment about chasing money vs chasing men because that has been a constant dilemma for me. I’ve thought of doing a different career in the past because I wanted to finish school quicker then start dating right away. I feel like because I’m 24 that I’m running out of time! I do believe getting my MD will be worth it though but I do want to find the balance that you guys emphasized. I believe in 2014 I will find a way…

  6. Michael
    Will | January 1st, 2014
    +1

    I really enjoyed this one but I enjoy this site

  7. Jonah | January 1st, 2014
    +2

    This was a great experience, glad to be part of it!! Thanks @Nick and @Ocky!!

    Really interesting discussion, think it dovetailed into some some really dope topics for a future round table.

    LMFAO, SMH… dead @ “Jonah encourages gay men to have a hoe phase” HAHAHAHHAHA, y’all play too much man lol….

  8. questforknowledge
    quest for knowledge | January 1st, 2014
    +2

    Man this podcast was amazing!!! It sounds like you guys had a lot of fun doing it. I really appreciated and enjoyed hearing the cypherave members speak on this podcast, it was good hearing them elaborate on the many things they learned from dating and being in relationships. I feel like I’m still new to the dating game and after listening I felt like I gained so much valuable insight into dating thanks to you guys.

    I liked how Ocky brought up about how those who were in the closet during their high school years witnessed all of their straight friends experience relationships, sex, and dating, and how this makes them so eager to get out in the dating world once they finally come out the closet. I can remember experiencing this same feeling of just being eager to establish a relationship during my last year of undergrad and even up into my first year of medical school.

    I also liked how Nick brought up the importance of investing in yourself instead of focusing on just the gay lifestyle of partying, clubbing, etc. I’ve put dating off for some time since I have been focusing so much on my career. But recently I realized that it is important however to establish a balance between my career and my dating life. I don’t want to be the 40 or 50 year old who finally decides to enter the dating world. I’m already looking forward to the next podcast you guys do where the members can participate. It was definitely entertaining and I enjoyed listening!! Good work everyone!

  9. Rox808 | January 2nd, 2014
    +3

    This was crazy fun. shout out to everyone who participated. Nick and Ocky for setting this up. I liked it cause I was kind of able to reflect on my own experiences and also kind of hear how i sound like to other people. Id be happy to be apart of another podcast. Whats the next topic?

    • African King | January 2nd, 2014
      0

      This was so good! I admit that I listened to this podcast for a second time and dude you are a character @rox808! Lol.

      I would love if the next topic for the round table would focus on the article that @nick or @ocky wrote while Discreet City was active called, “The 10 Level Guide for Meeting Masculine Gay Men” because I am currently dealing with that right now. I want to hear more about people’s experiences navigating the online dating scene and also meeting people in real life and how they use their “GayDar”.

  10. NextLifetime
    nextlifetime | January 2nd, 2014
    0

    All I can say is I loved the podcast!! No complaints at all. I’m really appreciative of all the different personalities and insights which are a lot of help. I need to get on the next podcast and throw my two cents in on a topic LOL!

  11. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | January 2nd, 2014
    0

    After listening to this podcast, I can’t figure out why so many gay dudes are single because all of you guys sounded like an absolute catch 🙂 wow I was just blown away by not only the diversity brought to the round table but the substance as well. It was such a treat to hear the voices behind the screen names. Especially @hannibal lol..dude you are a trip!

    • hannibal
      Hannibal | January 2nd, 2014
      +2

      I don’t need no man! I’m independent! *puts finishing touches on Match.com account*

  12. thinker | January 3rd, 2014
    0

    Great podcast guys! I think that the availability of hookup sex is potentially damaging to the prospects of relationships. Follow that up with very unhealthy attitudes and beliefs about sexuality play a major part of this conversation. I left this conversation convinced that you must know yourself, your worth, and your values.

  13. Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
    0

    Here’s the thing. So many gay men have antiquated gender views when it comes to sexuality and they don’t even realize it. Even in this conversation we had most of the men freely admit that they can not be faithful in a relationship (HUGE cheaters as they said) yet they devalue the other person if they have sex on the first or second date. To me, an admitted serial cheater is undateable. On top of that, those same guys don’t realize that it takes two to tango: If the other guy has sex with you on the first date, that means YOU had sex on the first date too…Making you seemingly just as undesirable.

    And remember, I’m not talking about hookup sex or casual sex with friends. I’m referring to men who are dating for romantic intentions. If the guy doesn’t call you anymore after you have sex, why is that a bad thing? He showed you who he was early, move on to the next…

    • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
      0

      Its a bad thing because if a person does put value on sex then you just devalued it by having partaking in sex so easy with a person you just met. I think it’s actually easier to understand once you separate the layers and dimensions to it…meaning the different layers on how different people view sex. You may not agree with the different views but you can try to understand it better by not personalizing it as I think many did in the conversation.

      • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
        +1

        Nah man, I get it, I’m not stupid…But the idea is stupid. The fact that people consider sex the end-all be-all is stupid. The PERSON is the prize, not their sex…Especially if that person has already devalued their sex in past hookup situations. Having sex on a date (after dinner, movies and hours of conversation) doesn’t make a man “Easy”…Being an admitted cheater and having a past hookup list as long as a phone book does.

        We already know how you feel about this. I’m just stating my case further and pointing out the hypocrisies.

        • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
          +1

          I don’t think you are stupid just unemphatic. I value myself more now than I did at 13 years ago, thus I live by evolved standards and ethics. Saying because someone did hookups at 21 therefore there shouldn’t be a problem for doing them at 35 even though they want more than sex is stupid.

          AND we know how you feel about this…for some strange reason you cant understand a past cheater who would not think about cheating on their current partner is not hypocrisy…its called growth.

          • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
            0

            Whoa, where did all that come from? Looks like you’re the one who’s personalizing the discussion, not me.

    • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
      0

      Yea, I don’t even think that topic got a real intellectual treatment in the convo. I think we was just knee-jerk talking and cracking jokes lol. But like with most things, the way people relate sex to the time spent knowing someone shifts depending on the situation. Even those who were most vocal against rushing into bed with someone were just trying to convey that sex itself is very personal for them (like Ock was saying). Yet, I’m sure that not everyone who feels like has a 3-month rule. I feel you that a real strict control over things is ridiculous and that goes double if you actually dealing with a good dude…

      It’s a matter of how comfortable you are with someone and that varies. For one guy it might be a few weeks, another guy might be a few days. Hell if you’ve known a dude for 15 minutes and you feel comfortable enough with him to hit it, hey you going off how you feel, who can be mad at you??? But I think a lot of folks were trying to say that there are complications and downsides to that perspective too. You have that feeling going into situations with multiple people and you end up not really building anything.

      • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
        0

        Agreed, it depends on the dude and situation. I’m one to not wait but I also have to read the other person…if he’s hesitant, I don’t pressure him into doing anything. But I think like @rolandgarros28 and myself were implying, you can’t really have it both ways…You can’t be a dude who has hookup sex online or while in committed relationships AND be a dude who views sex as personal and worth waiting for when it comes to dating.

        • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
          +1

          Naw, it’s true you can’t have it both ways. Standards have to be applied evenly. From my position, though I was a cheater I now hold myself to an entirely different standard than I did then. Then I didn’t really have a personal value on sex and that translated into the way I valued other people. So not having that personal value on sex is one of the things that helped enabled my cheating. The way I view sex and relationships now as something that is at once personal, emotional, and spiritual even, I value that about other people way more now. I don’t cheat because of that now. But it also makes me want to wait a little while when meeting new people so I know how I’m really feeling about that person and how they’re really feeling about me.

          • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
            +1

            True…And I can understand the growth coming from a man your age…You were super young, hell you still are.

            I guess being more of a no-nonsense, low tolerance, “I can do bad by myself” type dude (even when I was 25), I read people as being a sum total of who they’ve been up until this point in their lives. It may be unfair but a person who WAS a cheater, still has the potential to cheat in the future…A person who WAS violently abusive, still has the potential to be abusive in the future.

            Bringing it back to the issue at hand, I’m very selective on who I have sex with. I’ve been on dates where I knew right away he wasn’t ever going to see what my penis looked like. On the flip side, I’ve met a guy on a chat line where we talked for 5 hours, met on a date a day or two later, messed around that night and kicked it for almost a year. It was a rocky road but getting the physical out of the way allowed us to focus on the mental. Were we whores because of it? Nah, we were two grown ass men, lol.

            • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
              0

              Naw, that doesn’t make y’all whores… Just hot in the pants lol. Jk, but seriously as long as a person isn’t developing a reputation for sleeping with every guy on the first date then it’s a pretty benign thing.

              But as we see though, past cheaters deal with way more stigma that is pretty unfair. Idioms like “once a cheater, always a cheater” is a slogan that gets perpetuated throughout our communities and precludes any room for individual growth. That kind of inductive reasoning is essentially why we are so prone to judging people by their past. Who you are = who you were, as we’re taught. Other cliches like “why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for free?” shows the other side of the debate… But at the end of the day it’s all about making the personal decision that’s right for you, right?

              Since it’s obvious you can’t live down your past, I personally don’t try to. I’ve learned that by being forthcoming with people is what earns you respect. The last person I dated knows about my past and if you ask him what kind of person I am today he’ll tell you I’m an honest and trustworthy dude. But he was able to see the person I am now because he didn’t hold my past against me. We all live in glass houses though… so who can really judge anybody?

              • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
                0

                Cool, you may be an exception to the rule, which is dope. But I’m one of those ppl who say, “Once a cheater, always a cheater” because I’ve NEVER been a cheater. In your earlier example, you compared an ex-con to a current criminal. What about the ppl who never committed the crime in the first place? Why didn’t that person creep into your analogy?

                As far as buying the cow when you can get the milk for free…That assumes that all the other person wants is the “milk”, if that is the case, why do you want that person for a partner in the first place? Why be upset that you missed the opportunity to convince him of your worth when he’s revealed himself to be just a slut out for sex? He did you a favor by stepping out of your life….but at least you got some decent sex out of it so it wasn’t a total loss. Lastly, I’ve NEVER heard of a gay man having a “reputation” for sex on the first date. Is that a thing nowadays? Do 25 year old gay men actually call/text each other up and gossip about this? LOL

                • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
                  +2

                  short answer to your last question yes. gay men and people in general talk and gossip. This is no different from straight men gossiping to their boys about the latest chick they smashed. stop playin

                • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
                  0

                  Simple. That analogy was about hypocrisy and what events related to the time they occur makes someone a hypocrite. A person who hasn’t committed any wrong doing is (prima facie) unable of being a hypocrite in that scenario, so there was no need to include that POV.

                  Speaking on those who haven’t cheated having a “once a cheater, always a cheater” mentality, though that person may not have cheated before, they’ve more than likely have told a lie. Therefore, they wouldn’t like it if their entire character was dismissed due to someone holding the belief, “once a liar, always a liar.”

                  The whole milk cow cliche is only illustrative of the mindset people have about getting sex too easily. Dudes might not have reputations for having sex on the first date, but they do have reps for hopping into bed with a lot of different people, which is essentially what I’m getting at. Those two things do have a positive correlation.

                  Like ya boy Ock, you know every talks and everybody listens!! lol

                  And this the second time you tried to come at my age… LOL! Don’t let them numbers fool you bwoy! hahaha

          • Rox808 | January 4th, 2014
            +1

            i was super into the beginning of the comments on the sex on the first date and then you guys started using big words like “hypocrisy”, “conversation”, “the”….and then i was all “aint nobody got time fo dat”. I actually thought about this earlier and i think i came up with a more simple analogy <–holy shit i know words too!!

            Booty/ or Dick (B/D) is like SUPPLY and DEMAND (Yes, i do go to a business school)

            If u are known to give B/D on the first date then Supply is HIGH and therefor the demand for it is LOW because its easily accessible.

            but…

            If u are known to hold back B/D on the first date then SUPPLY is LOW and therefor the DEMAND for it is HIGH because there is a scarcity in the market (Just like limited edition Jordans…for whatever reason)

            of course u would have to plug in other factors like how the conversation goes throughout the night, physical attributes of both parties, if they continuously talk about Beyoncé to the point u wish u had hair so u could pull it out ur own head. u know, shit like that.The comments could go on for days…which looks like they have. But speaking from personal experience and i think i mentioned this when we were recording. if i just need u for sex on the first day, it means im usually just physically attracted to u and prefer if the only things u said to me were "u like that!" or "damn that's good". but if i really like u, then i want to get to know u so that when we do go at it, if u come too soon i…

  14. RolandG
    rolandgarros28 | January 3rd, 2014
    0

    I tend to agree with @nick a little bit on this one. It’s the equivalant of a john picking up a streetwalker and sexing her up but then trashing her afterwards. Of course he would never marry her because she’s a whore but he doesn’t see himself negatively for having slept with said whore. If a guy places value on sex as i do, then you just don’t do it period sooner than you feel comfortable. If they guy you’ve went on a date with can’t wait, he has the right to move on and no one should be offended. But if you sleep with him and he moves on, then that’s on you. It’s very simple. Unless you’re being pinned down and raped, no one is making a grown man have sex. #Freewill

    • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
      +1

      Good analogy, I would go even further to add that many times its the MARRIED john that judges the prostitute. He’s the one in a committed relationship yet the escort is demonized. This goes to my point about admitted cheaters drawing a moral line on single men having sex on the first or second date, LMAO!

      • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
        +1

        No…not good analogies… Yall mofos talking about johns, married men, cheaters, hookups, being single and prostitutes…really? Ok the conversation is too muddy for me; I’m off to clearer waters.

    • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
      +1

      “But if you sleep with him and he moves on, then that’s on you. It’s very simple.” correct but that doesnt mean you are not entitled to have a negative reaction to it that may cause you to not repeat that same action again. Why is this hard to understand?

  15. Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
    0

    QUESTION: You’re on a first date with a guy (a REAL date) and he either says: “I don’t mind having sex on the first date if the vibe is there.” or he says: “I’ve cheated in all of my past relationships.”

    Which statement would raise the red flags MORE?

    • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
      +1

      Sigh…depending on where the recipient to the statements is in his personal space at that time, either can be negative or positive.

      stop playing

    • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
      0

      In this scenario, of course the statement admitted to cheating would be looked at suspiciously… but that hypothetical lead us in that direction. It’s just like if I say…

      You’re on a first date with a guy (a REAL date) and he either says: “I’ve had sex on the first date with about 15 dudes, but I thought the vibe was there.” or he says: “I’ve cheated in the past, but I have a different value on sex and relationships than I did back then.”

      Which statement would raise the red flags MORE?

      Yea, the statement of boning 15 dudes comes off hoish, irresponsible, and naive. But that’s because the rhetoric was loaded, thereby persuading you into think that way.

      To be real, both statements/perspectives are suspect as hell. Who wants to be with a possible cheater and who wants to be with a possible hoe? Over generalizing gets in the way of seeing how complicated it is. It depends on the people and circumstances, but we all bring a certain standard to each situation and that’s okay 🙂

      • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
        +1

        Ahhh, finally a little substantive debate instead of guilty dismissiveness.

        Yeah I agree semantics can make all the difference. I guess my big problem is the hypocrisy. Many gay dudes, based on their past experiences, are already hoes. No matter how much you talk about changing and growing, you can’t erase your past. And there’s nothing wrong with that. If you are grown, single and protected yourself…I see nothing wrong with enjoying life. Its just funny to me that some of the biggest secret whores are the most judgmental, especially when judging guys who have fewer notches in their bedposts. Easier to judge than to be judged I guess.

        • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
          0

          Yea, everyone has a past. Though that’s why no one should really get too hung up on someone else’s, we’re all judged by it anyway. If you used to cheat, be prepared to prove yourself in the now. Aint shit wrong with someone having a safe go at life, but I think you have to pull the reigns in sometimes because we’re also judged by our present reputations lol.

          I think hypocrisy is also determined by the present moment though… Like if a reformed ex con told me to stop running up in nigga’s houses cause it’s not the right thing to do, I don’t think I would call him a hypocrite. But if a dope desler out on the streets right now told me to stop running up in nigga’s houses, I would look at him like “WTF?!”

          • RolandG
            rolandgarros28 | January 3rd, 2014
            0

            Jonah, I think, more than anything, no one wants to be seen as being “easy” whether they are gay/straight or male/female. I’ve dated several guys and i’ve had fun but i’ve never gone all the way with a guy, meaning penetration so I know that will limit most guys who aren’t going to be cool with that. I’ve had a couple of guys i’ve dated who were like me but that’s few and far between. I think there’s a name for guys like me who don’t do penetration but my point is, i wuldn’t judge a guy who has sex on a first date or has in the past because that has nothing to do with me. I’ve made my decisions about what i’m willing to do and have a limited number of guys who would be down with that but that’s a reality for me. But i’m always honest up front about it so dudes can move on if they want to. I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time.

            • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
              0

              Yea, I see where you coming from. Nobody wants to be seen as easy, nobody wants to be with someone who is seen as easy either. What defines “easy” is very subjective and based largely on past social experiences. As you pointed out here, and what was mentioned in the discussion, the act itself also dictates what is seen as easy. Mutually masturbating or having oral sex with someone might not seem as extreme as penetrating or getting penetrated on the first date. That’s up to the parties involved really. I’m personally not down for penetration of the first date. I’m a guy that likes to earn it. This might sound soft or whatever, but if I really like a dude then I want that shit to be special and intense lol.

              • questforknowledge
                quest for knowledge | January 3rd, 2014
                +1

                @rolandgarros28 @jd412 I know I’m just popping in the conversation, but I just had to respond after reading each of your comments lol. I’m so glad you guys brought this up. I’m the same way when it comes to doing any sexual activities on the first date. Penetration is out of the question. Not too long ago I met a guy that I really liked and after the first date he wanted to go all the way. I told him what the deal was and he said he was okay with waiting. But the next couple of times we hung out he grew inpatient and it became clear that he really didn’t want to wait like he first told me. It’s a good thing though that he made his intentions clear early on. It’s frustrating when I run into this problem especially when I really like the guy. But I never will force myself to do something I’m uncomfortable with no matter how much I like the guy.

                • Jonah | January 3rd, 2014
                  0

                  No worries, dip in the kool-aid bro!! lol But I feel yo plight man. I’ve been there myself too. Penetration is some personal/intimate/risky shit both ways. So having that standard is understandable. Yea, you shouldn’t compromise yourself in an area that you don’t feel ready for man. Dude obviously showed you what he was about. No telling who/what all created that kind of urgency for him.

                • questforknowledge
                  quest for knowledge | January 3rd, 2014
                  0

                  I know right! I’m glad I let him go, it clearly wasn’t worth it.

    • SwagJack
      SwagJack | June 7th, 2014
      0

      Hmmm. Being that I’m celibate, the first comment would bother me more. It’s almost like he’s throwing a bid in for some extracurricular activities after the date. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have made the comment. The second comment bothers me less. Like @jd412 said, everyone has a past. Even though it would deter me from taking that dude too seriously, I’ve learned to meet people where they’re at. But sometimes you gotta leave ’em there too.

  16. Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
    0

    Ohhh Okay… so this no sex early is just a bitch ass gay thing….I posed the question on Facebook and all my straight friends said there’s NOTHING wrong with grown folks having sex on a first or second date if the vibe is right and the feelings are mutual. Even ALL of the women agreed. One girl said its fine if you’re wearing a condom, what the big deal…LMAO. This is why 98% of my friends are straight.

    • hannibal
      Hannibal | January 3rd, 2014
      +1

      Did you ask those friends how man of their first/second night sex dates turned into long term relationships?

      • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
        0

        No but I assume it would be the same number as the times where sex was held out as a prize to be won….That’s like the dude who slaves away in the gym for a date yet still ends up single.

        Your question isn’t the barometer for success…Like you said in the podcast, even admitted cheaters and abusive men can get relationships easy.

        • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
          0

          Sorry but you didn’t answer the question and not only that why wasn’t it apart of your question to them? No one is talking about the gym, cheaters or abusive men…

          How many of your straight folks on facebook are in long term relationships with people they had sex with on the first or second date?

          This is a Fox News tactic to frame the conversation or said poll to fit their original argument to make them appear “right” and others “wrong”.

          • Nick Delmacy | January 3rd, 2014
            0

            Dude, just like in the podcast, none of your responses to this topic are substantive and they reek of being defensive. You threw a fit earlier and left the “muddy” conversation. The other fellas have added on and not been dismissive like you. You’re done here. lol

            • Ocky Williams | January 4th, 2014
              0

              great but you didnt answer “the other fellas” question…

              Of your facebook poll…How many of your straight folks on facebook are in long term relationships with people they had sex with on the first or second date?

              Whats the problem?

              • Nick Delmacy | January 4th, 2014
                0

                2qaobhw.gif

              • hannibal
                Hannibal | January 4th, 2014
                +1

                I feel some kind of way being referred to as “the other fella.”

    • Ocky Williams | January 3rd, 2014
      +1

      I guess if straight people say its cool than it must be ok…you know because they’re straight…

      Besides that; saying gay men have sex to quickly and gay dudes use sex as a handshake and sex is a big part of gay issues is not the same as saying it’s wrong for consenting adults to have sex when ever they wanted…no one said that… again with these muddy waters???

    • Ocky Williams | January 4th, 2014
      +1

      Wait why start the argument if you can’t commit? The whole waiting or not waiting was based on if a man is looking for a relationship why he should or shouldn’t wait for sex. You created a facebook poll for your straight friend folks but only gave them part of a survey question…why? Than when you are questioned about it your reply is “you being defensive and not adding to the conversation.” really dude… STOP PLAYIN

  17. RolandG
    rolandgarros28 | January 4th, 2014
    0

    @Ocky, I’ve heard you ask the question before, I think to @nick when we were discussing having condom-less sex with longterm partner, “Would you date yourself?” That question is perfect for this discussion. I would date another guy with my same past sexual history in a second. Some guys with a rolodex of past lovers may be off my list but that’s life right? I’m sure I’m scratched off the list of tons of guys for different reasons. However, there are so many guys that would not date themselves if they’re being honest but they’ll never admit it because that would cast a negative light on themselves. I think @nick said he would definitely date himself so it would make sense that he would be ok dating a guy who has a history of sex without knowing last names. Doesn’t make him a bad dude at all. But how many guys are like nick and claim they would never date a guy who has first-date sex? I’ve met a few. LOL

    • Ocky Williams | January 4th, 2014
      +1

      You lost me at the last couple of sentences buts its okay. I don’t think its a right or wrong thing. I don’t think anybody is “wrong” here.

      quote “grown folks having sex on a first or second date if the vibe is right and the feelings are mutual”

      It is my honest opinion that said person/s on this comment thread WOULD NOT allow another male to penetrate them on the first or second date…I promise you. HOWEVER they would not have a problem penetrating another dude on the first or second date. For me…that makes the arguments and cries of hypocrisy hypocritical.

  18. SB3
    African King | January 4th, 2014
    0

    THIS POST IS GOING GAY VIRAL! I CAN FEEL IT! I think the roundtable discussion is the best way to get more and more people to view the website. I think it has gotten more views quicker than any other podcast video you guys have ever done in such a short period of time!!! 107 views in YouTube in less than one week! #cypheravenuestuntin #swervebreh #gayblackbadboyskillinit

  19. southerngent | January 4th, 2014
    +1

    Good job, gentlemen. I really like the idea of having a round table discussion, the diversity is extremely vital when seeking real solutions or alternatives to problems. I may need to join you all lol, it was exciting to hear.

    Perhaps in the upcoming round table discussion Ocky and Nick can have members to submit critical questions for discussion and solutions. Responses that may help our community as a whole or some of us individually would be great. I definitely think having the diversity makes the discussions even more appealing. I would love to hear the guys speak a little more and to also share more of their personal experiences. It would be awesome to hear their Learned Solutions to those personal experiences and then just hear each podcast participant ”piggyback” on it. I think that approach would also provide multiple solutions to critical problems in our community as we begin to move forward into the new year.

    Again good job gentlemen, I enjoyed.

  20. SB3000 | January 7th, 2014
    +1

    First, great job on the podcast guys. It was really nice to hear such a diverse group of opinions.

    1. @ocky – you were just making sense.
    2. I was really surprised to hear @drewski23 say that he’s been all of the guys on that list at 21.
    3. @hannibal is a damn fool!

    As for this whole sex on the 1st date thing, I can see where @nick is coming from in the black and white sense, but if sum1 is looking for a relationship, it might not be the best look. You gotta think about it, most gay men dont know how to interact w/o sex being involved, hence grindr, jackd, a4a, all that bullshit. If ur last 20 meetings (hookups) led to hooking up, and ur still single, and its not on purpose, why would you expect anything different from #21?

    While we all know that sex btwn grown adults is fine, I think if you’re actually looking to date and have it go somewhere, like ‘the str8s’ do, you might wana fall back on the smash n dash.

    Too many gay men, unfortunately, only know how to communicate thru sexual activity. Nigas are out here calling 2 months a relationship becus they been havin consistent sex w each other, and thats how gay men ‘date’. Then they’re talkin about how ‘it didnt work out’. smh

    Long story short, if u dont subscribe to the nonsense that gay men are or should be different from their str8 friends who are getting wifed up, then you should probably avoid the ‘if u cant beat em’ approach, and get to know each other outside of the bedroom. JMO…

  21. keffie | January 18th, 2014
    0

    This was a great discussion! I have had all 15 of these flaws at one point or another in my life.

  22. coronasport203 | January 26th, 2014
    0

    Interesting, especially the part about getting it out your system. It makes it easier when doing the whole exclusive thing.