We’ve discussed “The Gay Voice” many times here at Cypher Avenue. It perplexes us to no limits that gay men all over the world of many different ages, races and cultures can somehow have the same gay twang and accent. And men who have the Voice are usually full of the same short temper, anger and foul attitude.
Cypher Avenue editor Octavius Williams first broached the subject here on the site back in 2014 with his article, “Why Do Gay Men Sound…Gay?” While Ocky had discussed the issue with me in private many times, it was gay filmmaker David Thorpe’s fundraiser for his documentary, “Do I Sound Gay?” that prompted an official discussion on the site. The post received 0ver 90 comments and became one of our most interesting discussions of that year.
A year later, after the documentary had finally been released on Netflix and DVD, we discussed “The Gay Voice” again on The Boards, our forums site.
Spoiler Alert: While I think some aspects of how we speak are uncontrollable (ie: the tone, the bass level, the speed), for the most part though, I’m starting to believe that The Gay Voice is all an act.
Take this (hilarious) Saturday Night Live sketch, for example. The joke here is that Louis C.K.’s character gets caught imitating his sassy black female boss so he pretends that he wasn’t ridiculing her, it was actually the way he normally spoke. So for the next 5 years he has to pretend to talk that when whenever she was around.
Once I stopped laughing at the sketch, I had to wonder if MANY gay men are consciously preforming The Gay Voice to fit in with their gay peers…
Notice that Louis C.K. not only imitated being a sassy black woman, he added a level of meanness to his speech. Every sentence ended with an insult. This reminded me of driver Daniel Josey’s confrontation with a news cameraman when he was stopped by police for driving in the HOV (carpool) lane as a solo passenger.
The same twang and attitude…
Then there’s Bisexual Drag Queen YouTuber Tre Melvin who took a break from wearing wigs and pretending to be women to show us the “Shit Gay Black Guys Say.”
Tre Melvin, a LGBT personality with over 3 millions subscribers, chose not to imitate prominent Gay Black Men in the media like Don Lemon, Michael Sam, Jason Collins, Lee Daniels, Jussie Smollet, Frank Ocean (?), Milan Christopher or Miles Brock…
Nope, instead he decided to exploit the stereotypes of black gay men by perpetuating the misconception that people like Derek J and Miss Lawrence are representative of the male black gay community.
But that’s beside the point, I wouldn’t expect anything of substance for the community from this young man who has become YouTube famous by exploiting stereotypes of the black community. What I do want to point out with this video is we’re slowly seeing Tre Melvin’s own originally masculine voice slowly fading away, just as I predicted 2 years ago.
Listen to a recent video, even without the wigs, The Gay Voice is awakening and is becoming strong in him (Star Wars reference, get it?).
So The Gay Voice is learned behavior right? I mean, people born in New York City don’t have British accents unless they learn that accent from their British parents or surroundings. Accents are learned. How we pronounce words are learned. Using your limp wrists to emphasize certain words is learned.
That’s not to say that its a bad thing, just so that we can all finally be on the same page in 2016.
What are your thoughts? All just an act or are voices “born that way?”
Nick Delmacy
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I don't think it is an act.
The Gay Voice is learned behavior right? yes i think for most ppl it is all an act. what i don't get is why tho? why act and sound like that whats the point….we live in a world full of followers…they find the next hot thing and cling to it
Being that gay men and straight women have one thing in common, which is sexual and physical attraction to men, the standard mentality and trained/learned mannerism verbally and gesturely is that gay men are supposed to emulate the general representation of a female. Therefore, this is what "gay" is supposed to be. And if you are a gay man, you are required to have the Gay Voice.
Hmm, I wonder if I have this voice. It's pretty easy to produce when joking around but I've met gays who talk like this. But I think my speech patterns remain the same no matter the crowd I'm currently in.
My friend, the chameleon as I call him, tends to start talking like this around his queen/diva friends. But when he talks to me he talks normal (for him).
Like with all things is think "the gay voice" is more complicated and nuanced than most people think. From my observations the gay voice is natural for some gay men just like effeminate gay men but for others it's a learned behavior. I've also seen guys who started out as pretty "normal" masculine leaning guys when they first come out but as time goes on they surround themselves in a gay ghetto so they start adopting gay lingo, gay culture, and increasingly effeminate and flamboyant behaviors. They soon become unrecognizable. Of course people in media like to promote this stereotypical image of gay men because it gets laughs. I also have a hypothesis about whyany effeminate guys are often very bitchy and unpleasant to be around. It's a defense mechanism all their lives they're made fun of and disrespected so they rely on being a spiteful bytch as a way to pre-emptively lash out at people at the slightest provocation or even when aggression is unwarranted. This why I tend to avoid effeminate men whenever possible. I don't enjoy getting into verbal jujitsu matches with people and fems can be especially nasty and vicious because they're so experienced at it.
It is something that people naturally have. Some do begin talking that way when they're around their gay friends.
Hell yea it's an act! Smh at the dude in the traffic stop video.
LOL that was the one I just finished watching. I remember that video from years back. He had me ROLLING.
I feel like you can spot someone that's faking it or being extra but I believe there are folks that just can't help it, learned or natural – that I can't prove if its natural or not but still.
What annoys me is when a persons tone, bass, etc. of their voice gets associated with the definition you have for gay voice. I'm not quick to label or judge someone just because a person has a soft or high pitched voice like others do. I hate how it gets associated with that twang and 'black girl sassiness' that you're talking about in the OP.
And let me just say that I don't mind the gay talk you're speaking of and the lingo/terminology, feminine mannerisms…all of that stuff, when its in a joking manner or in certain situations (that don't involve me lol). Like come on… you know that video with the guy at the traffic stop was funny… I just wouldn't entertain him if we got into it on the street.
I've had women who would speak like they regularly do when they are talking to me….but as soon as it's announced that I'm gay, most of them adopt this sassy, gay lingo and start spitting all these "giiirrl", "YAAASSZ", "spill the tea", etc. terms and sayings at me. I've actually had a female friend that was disappointed in me because she couldn't "talk gay" with me.
Another funny thing is, I've had some gay/SGL male friends switch up their lingo from talking to me (and I'm assuming other dudes) to talking to a women. They go from "Sis" to "What it do bruh" like a switch….it just leaves me there amazed like, bruv….did you just butch it up like that? Lol.
I don't know, it's probably through conditioning….but it's evident that some have control of it and "bro-it-up".
Learned for some, just the way it is for others.
I think the slang + gay voice kills it for me. "Gurrrl" "biiiiitch" "coins" "yaaauuuhhhsss" "hunni" "boo" all of that with gay voice is when it goes over the top. As been said, I think some guys who start to become more comfortable take on the mannerisms and such thinking 'that's what I'm supposed to do/that's what being gay means'.
I don't understand how in the clip, Louis CK had to get mean. He couldn't have helped the customer even in Quita/Gay speak? I know it's sketch but still.
What's already been said. For some it's authentic, for some it's fake. I know a dude since childhood who didn't have the "gay voice" when we were growing up. We came out within a couple of years of each other. After he came out, his voice completely changed to the stereotypical gay voice. I thought it was weird and that it sounded fake. To this day, he still talks like that. Then again, he could have been suppressing his real voice for years and then finally decided to be himself when he did come out. It's whatever though. I don't think it's a big deal if a dude comes out and decides to adopt that voice. That's his prerogative.
SNL skit was funny as hell lol. I have to watch that again.
I think some of it is intrinsic with some gays, some others adapt to their environment and if that environment is all about the sassy gay, the will get the voice that goes along with it. I knew some kids who even in elementary school that had a bit of the 'gay voice' and it stayed that way through high school. This was back in the seventies and they had no place or no way of knowing about the gay voice-they just had it. They did not have the expressions and the lingo(or attitude) but they lisped and smacked and sounded girlish. It just was what it was. There were only a couple of them that I ran across as a kid growing up, and yeah, they caught hell for it.
you are awesome!
Wasn't miss thing / mr. thing giving way too much!???
That is typical – I am mad my man didn't show up and when he call me girl, imma let him have it behavior.
I Think it is cool in company that knows and can appreciate it (like your gay friends) but as an everyday, all the time thing – it is becoming problematic. I am seeing way too many effeminate men and I think it is cultural (learned) and they cannot discern when to turn it off. Let's not forget, you become what you practice or do with some regularity. If you and the "gsiiiiiiirrrllllllls" are chillin on the regular and that is how you talk all the time – then oh well… it will bleed over into professional and personal settings that are not gay.
I have this conversation (with myself lol) all the time. It’s a tricky topic to talk about because you don’t want to offend anyone.
I have noticed over the years that a lot of gay men have a very similar tone. But in the same breath, you can say that…
– a lot of heterosexual, urban black men have the same tone
– or all white girls from L.A. have the same tone
– or guys from the Bronx have the same tone
I think the difference though, is that a lot of visible gay men are subconsciously making the pitch of their voices higher. This can be found as unattractive to some because…I mean…it’s not your natural voice. It can come across as you imitating a women BUT you are a man and you have a mans voice.
The generations are getting better, but when we were younger we didn’t have an array of gay role models to look up to or want to be like. A lot of gay men turned to women for guidance because–well–the men in our lives were ashamed of us. Our peers at school, our fathers, our preachers, the guys at the barbershop…etc.
Not all men naturally have deep voices just as not all men naturally have high voice. But sometimes it is like, can we just chill and take it down a few notches. lol
Again this is a tough topic to speak on. But to sum my comment up, I’m all for everyone being their authentic selves!