How Will You Grow Your Relationships In 2014?

By Ockydub | Posted Jan 15 2014 | 40 Comments  

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How Will You Grow Your Relationships In 2014?

Most New Year’s resolutions concern quitting smoking, not drinking or diet and exercise.  I usually don’t see any resolutions concerning our relationships? In 2014 how will you nurture your friendships? How will you be a better boyfriend or partner? How will you be more intimate? How will you make yourself more available to your friends and family? How will you be a better communicator?

 

Feel free to share your thoughts.

About the Author
Ockydub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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40 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Ace of hearts | January 15th, 2014
    +3

    This is a good one @ocky I will say friend wise I’ve begin to decrease my social circle and have begin to build stronger bonds with the few that I have decided to keep. Love wise I don’t I know what I want. I’m not settling anymore( haven’t we all said that before) but I’m really ready for something serious again. I’ve started a journal full of poems that when i get in my feelings I write in. On the appropriate day I’m going to have those poems bound and hand them to the man who I fall in love with. Its been really therapeutic for me. I’ve decided I need to be more about me and less about others! I’ve always been a good communicator so I think I will just keep doing what I do for that! I can’t wait to see what the others guys say.

    • RolandG
      rolandgarros28 | January 15th, 2014
      0

      @ace6, that journal idea is a great idea. I don’t write poetry but I’ve kept a serious, and I mean serious, journal now since 2003 and it is very therapeutic. I wasn’t keeping it for a man but wouldn’t that be a great gift.

      As far as growing a relationship, I need to get one. Haven’t had an intimate relationship now going on 3 years. Actually, not a date in nearly 3 years. LOL. It used to make me an angry person that I wasn’t with someone but I’m no longer angry. I have grown a little disenchanted by my lack of progress to the point of utter confusion I would say. I’ve considered moving so many times to give myself more options but then that means leaving my steady employment. I just hope that my lack of interaction recently doesn’t leave me desperate to accept any and everything that comes along.

  2. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
    0

    I don’t plan on changing anything as far as my friendships are concerned. I’ve always been the very best friend to those whom are fortunate enough to call me their friend. I’m non judgmental, compassionate, generous and empathetic towards my friends, and I love them like brothers.

    As for (intimate) relationships, I have a lot of work to do before entering into that arena once again. I’ve recently came to the conclusion that monogamy is a myth. So it may take a minute for me to fully incorporate that belief into my psyche, and then into future dating rituals. Until then, I’m happy and content with life as it is 🙂

    • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
      +2

      “I’ve recently came to the conclusion that monogamy is a myth” Say What?

      say_what_now__by_uberkleinschatzi.jpg

      • ControlledXaos
        Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
        0

        Yes my friend, it is a myth. Especially among Gay Men. If you design your life and relationships around this new reality, then you may save yourself from years of heartache and disappointment. The choice is yours.

        • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
          +2

          Dear @blackpegasus excuse me for this but…You’sa damn fool. LOL I was just talking to Nick about this…monogamy is the LEAST of my concerns in my relationship. There are so many more, much bigger concerns in making a relationship work. Unfortunately your mind is the mindset that gives so many men…fuck that women too…an excuse to fuck up.

          Infidelity is only a part of it because you have to also include dishonesty (cheating is being dishonest) which is basically saying…honesty is a myth. If that’s the case, I guess I’m a Unicorn stud.

      • Exhibit REY | January 15th, 2014
        0

        Glad to see I wasn’t the only person who gave a side eye to that comment….

        • ControlledXaos
          Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
          +1

          @exhibitrey and @ocky – I’m only here to show you brothers the truth. I never said the truth will be pretty. You can continue living in the dream world, or you can join those of us who have accepted the TRUTH. lol

          morpheus.jpg

          • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
            +1

            Please stop it. It’s ridiculously easy to be an honest person. You make the decision to be or not to be, it’s that simple.

            • ControlledXaos
              Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
              0

              Yes @Ocky , it’s easy to be “honest”, but it’s not so easy to be “monogamous”. There is a huge difference.

              • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
                +1

                um how? You make a choice to be monogamous in a relationship. You make a choice to be honest in a relationship. They go hand and hand. If you find it hard being monogamous than you find it hard being honest with yourself and others. This “monogamy is a myth” feeds into the stereotype that gay men are not or cannot be stable and are promiscuous lemmings. I will save money because I’m not buying it.

          • Exhibit REY | January 15th, 2014
            0

            Monogamy is very much real, not a myth like you claim it is. Chances are you need to expand your horizons as far as where you meet men if all you keep running into is dudes who can’t keep their dicks in their pants ’cause right now you sound like a scorned lover who’s been cheated on one too many times. No shots or shade as some of the gays like to call it, but maybe you should also evaluate yourself in the process if all you keep meeting is ain’t shit niggas!

            • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
              +2

              @blackpegasus see I didn’t say all that…that was Exhibit REY LOL

              • ControlledXaos
                Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
                0

                @Exhibitrey and @Ocky – please believe me when I tell you I’m not scorned. I’m just evolved. The peace and serenity that flows through my veins is a feeling I never knew can exist. My stance is not one that comes from pain or heartache, it comes from an acknowledgement that human beings are complex creatures and we are NOT built for monogamy. The concept takes getting use to , but embracing it will free your mind and body from all the lies you were taught by society. Honesty and monogamy does not go hand and hand. The two are vastly different concepts.

                • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
                  0

                  Hold up BP hold up…I didn’t say you were scorned…that wasn’t me. Second what you just said is what I expected and thought you were eluding to. “Humans beings are not built for monogamy”…we are not and no one said that we were. HOWEVER that has nothing to do with making a decision to be monogamous and being honest with your commitment…get it?

                • ControlledXaos
                  Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
                  0

                  @ocky – making a “commitment” to go against what your body and mind is built for is like giving your life to religion. It’s still a LIE no matter how “committed” you claim to be.. And my argument is not germane to just homosexual men. It applies to all human beings. We can agree to disagree, but before this day is over, do a little anecdotal research on the issue. You may be surprised at what you’ll find.

      • Ocky Williams | January 15th, 2014
        +6

        Man stop. Either you choose to be monogamous or you don’t. There is nothing to research. If you choose not be monogamous that’s on you and the men you sleep with. Simple.

        • Ace of hearts | January 15th, 2014
          0

          You know @blackpegasus polyamory may be your thing… I respect that, but I think to call monogamy a myth deserves the *side eye*. I agree that humans are not built for monogamy and that it is a choice that the majority of us “claim” to choose. The only animal that I am aware of that is truly monogamous are swans. You yourself choose to what i would consider the easier way of polyamory just like we choose to be monogamous.

          • ControlledXaos
            Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
            0

            @ace6 – hold up playa… Who said I endorsed polyamory? LOL not I! I simply stated that we are not wired for monogamy. I find it funny how you guys can agree that humans aren’t built for the LIE which is monogamy yet disagree with my refusal to chase it..? LOL if you wanna believe in that fallacy then no one is stopping you. I refuse to live inside that matrix of lies. My future relationships will be built on honesty through the lenses of the real world. Not some romantic comedy or religious text.

            • Ace of hearts | January 15th, 2014
              0

              @blackpegasus So that I’m understanding correctly, you just don’t like the word monogamy for the connotation (religion, society,comedy)? You rather you relationship be built on honesty, trust and commitment to one person? Is this correct?

              • ControlledXaos
                Black Pegasus | January 15th, 2014
                0

                @ace6 – it’s much more than the word or connotation. It’s the meaning that it encompasses. It’s a false template that societies around the world has used for centuries as a means to form families and keep control. Ideally, I would love a monogamous relationship should I choose to partake in one. But I understand that such an expedition will only yield limited results. I’m okay with that..

                • Ace of hearts | January 15th, 2014
                  +1

                  I’m understanding more now @blackpegasus …. I find the gray areas you dwell in interesting so I’m trying to grasp them.

                • RolandG
                  rolandgarros28 | January 15th, 2014
                  0

                  Is it really this complicated? To me, you either want one dick/asshole at a time or you don’t. Some men, like myself and @ocky and a few others on here, would like just one dick/asshole right now. We don’t need an assortment of flavors. And who says humans aren’t created to be monogamous? This sounds like Shakespearean bullshit. @Blackpegasus, I’m questioning if you really even desire this form of relationship. Notice I said form. You wouldn’t be the only one that didn’t want monogamy and it’s fine as long as both parties involved agree. But to say that these types of relationships aren’t possible is definitely naïve.

    • LEE B | January 15th, 2014
      +1

      After reading these comments and others made by blackP I’m convinced that @blackpegasus is the human equivalent of a cartoon character who walks around with a dark rain cloud over his head. #youneedtherapyson

      • ControlledXaos
        Black Pegasus | January 16th, 2014
        0

        @leeb860 – congratulations! Out of everyone who participated in this debate you’re the first to start calling names and claiming someone needs therapy simply because you disagree with them.

        What are you? 12yrs old?

        • LEE B | January 16th, 2014
          +7

          Come on dude lol! You probably make some of the most abrasive,judgmental, and opinionated comments on here, and you getting a lil soft about a cliche cartoon comparison? Truth is, I actually like many of your post and comments, especially the comic book movie updates, and it’s obvious you are a very intelligent guy. When it pertains to life,people, relationships and social situations, the way you comment at times comes off extremely dark, and dismal. You feel some sort of disdain towards black women, you once said that life is meaningless, and those are just a few examples. Just seem like you have a lot of internal things going on. I bet you are a handsome, in-shape, and successful individual, and probably a “catch” on paper. I too am a very observant, and analytical person myself, but people can be so smart, and try to be so logical, that they over analyze, in attempt figure out every single experience that life throws at them, and as result, make extreme conclusions. Hell, sometimes people put themselves in a bubble and miss out on enjoying certain aspects of life because of it. That may or may not apply to you @blackpegasus but I don’t think I’m going out on a limb when I say there is something slightly depressing about some of your comments.

          Oh, ain’t nothing wrong with therapy! I had multiple sessions in my teenage years, and it has definitely had a positive way impact on my life.

      • Nick Delmacy | January 16th, 2014
        +1

        Offensive or not, this was hella funny… #IJS

  3. Exhibit REY | January 15th, 2014
    +2

    I’m single (hopefully that’ll change in 2014) so I can’t really say what I’ll change when it comes to that aspect other than to be more outgoing socially and to be more available when it comes to that part of my life especially dating. As far as friendships are concerned, I have a great group of friends and we’re constantly pushing e/o to be better than what we were. Family can be a bit tricky since most of them still have issues with me being gay so I recently came to the conclusion that I’m no longer dedicating time or energy to the endless back-and-forth arguments we always seem to get into whenever I attend a family gathering. I still love my family but sometimes that love needs to be from a distance!

  4. Dre G | January 15th, 2014
    +1

    I feel like in trying to improve myself I’ve shut off my awareness of others,so I’ve been trying to focus more on being supportive to anyone i come in contact with who needs it,and just generally stepping outside of myself a little more.Even the smallest or most passive gestures (asking how someone’s day is going,listening to what they have to say) count imo

  5. Nick Delmacy | January 16th, 2014
    0

    Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. @blackpegasus talks a big game but he really must be going through it internally. I’ve never been an “If you can’t beat em join em” type guy…I’m too independent for that. He seems to despise the gay community but time after time he admits that he’s a major contributor to the reasons why he despises it.

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | January 16th, 2014
      0

      That’s a low blow @Nick and I won’t be going there with you.

      • Nick Delmacy | January 16th, 2014
        0

        LOL brother you can’t deny that many of your comments, posts and statements are in conflict with each other.

  6. SB3000 | January 16th, 2014
    +1

    @blackpegasus – I know I might be beating the brakes off of a dead horse right now, but, I know that u MUST know its okay to be open to other points of view…?

    I say that becus u say (and, im paraphrasing)’I would ideally like a monogamous relationship’, after saying ‘manogomy isn’t realistic’. Theres a big diff in saying that ‘some mofos out here aint bout shit’, and trying to tell people who are living monogamy as their reality, that theyre living a lie or something.

    Not only is it reaching, its also a bit disrespectful to those bruthas who are debunking your point thru actions, let alone words.

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | January 16th, 2014
      0

      @sb3000 – So I’m being disrespectful to people who are in relationships because I don’t believe what they believe? LMAO! well maybe they should grab some pitch forks and join forces with the Christians, because I don’t believe in that bullshit either…

      And you’re right, this is a dead horse.

  7. D.W. | January 16th, 2014
    0

    Funny thing I was just talking to a friend bout this today, I told her that among the many changes I am in the process of doing, I want to be a better friend than I am. She told me today that I am the best person to call on when things are rough or you really need something rather that physical or emotional but I can kinda just disappear on if there is no crisis. I want to not disappear on friends and constantly all be in my life friends even more.

    Far as a romantic relationship, I don’t see anything changing, I am not in one and probably want be in one. MY focus is on my career and to truly move up in my company, I have to be flexible on location. I do plan on staying in one place at this point n my life and a relationship is not feasible.

  8. SB3
    African King | January 16th, 2014
    0

    I would like to learn how to be a friend again. I’ve been alone (not lonely) for the past 2 or 3 years of my life but I still do have a super small circle of friends from elementary & middle school. I have a lot of associates but I do not consider anyone a friend here in professional school. Just the small talk buddies. I would like to put myself out there by probably joining an intramural sport or getting involved BUT I really have to get a grasp on learning this material so I may be alone for a bit longer! Also, just accepting myself and growing more confident so that people can be attracted to that. I think I am pretty personable but I have my socially awkward moments.

  9. SB3000 | January 17th, 2014
    0

    Well, I think I could get all of my friends to cosign me as a good friend. My fam knows I have their backs, so…I guess I have to make my homebody/workaholic ass get out more on the social scene. I go out at a decent rate, but Im also always out with my group of friends who all happen to be str8.

    Maybe I’ll just have to put more effort into trying to meet more gay men. I dont pretend to have all of the answers, by any means, but I know that anything short of a, ‘hey, Im actually gay’ sign, may not work when im w my friends.

    I was actually out with a really good female friend of mine the other nite, just having drinks. Our server, who I thought was on the team, and kinda fly..well, I automatically got this thought that, I have to come back here alone..simply becus I know he and every1 around thought my friend and i were a couple.

    She was like, ‘why cant u see wasup w him now?’ That kinda let me know that I still have some work to do, becus she was right. So, after my diatribe…Im gona keep workin on doing my part.

  10. Rox808 | January 27th, 2014
    0

    Damn im late to the party. haha. Well I plan to just keep in contact with everyone. even going into more social media. i just got an instagram and twitter. twitter more for a professional kind of thing. As far as being a better BF. First i need to get one. Now accepting applications. haha. But overall, just gotta be more out going. Honestly, I need to nuture more of my “gay” relationships. Thats a bit missing for me. But hey, good luck to everyone else and their goals.

    And I know im late but imma jump in anyways. I dont think Monogamy is a myth. I believe its something we are taught. I dont think Humans by nature are meant to be monogamous creatures. If that were true we would have alot less baby mamas and missing daddys in this world. I personally love being monogamous with one person. It can be a beautiful thing. but i dont knock those who aren’t. i think as MEN (not gay men, but men) are fascinated with the idea of having multiple partners and we continuously glorify that standard. Thats probably why it has become a myth to us because we are not continously exposed to healthy relationships of gay men. dont we have enough going against us? But hey, if u believe its a myth, fairy tale, go ahead. just dont get upset when u think u have found some kind of fairy tale ending, only to end up like an M Night Shamalat (cant spell his name but u know who im talking about) movie where u just get disappointed in the end.

  11. PAPIMARCOVIBE | March 11th, 2014
    0

    WOW Relationships can be deep, complex, and hard to manage, monogamy says you will get busy with no one else if that is the boundary you have set. i had what i was thinking was a boyfriend but after further deeper looking we were just sex partners, and i had a fb that i knew was not a relationship but was comfortable, but was not honest because he was married. so after putting that away, as in ending both relationships. getting back in the gym and working on a way to meet people outside of being at work, or a4a, or freak clubz, and doing the test for my status. i am good to start and begin looking for some one. open relationship, closed relationship, honest relationship, i am looking for the last one. so now begins the dating or at least coffee dates lol.. peace.




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