If Coming Out Is Easier For Millennials, Why Are So Many Still Closeted?

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Feb 22 2016 | 33 Comments  

Ace Rockwood Interview

In this 2010 interview with a young, wet behind the ears Adult Film Performer, Ace Rockwood, it is revealed that the then 21-year old man came out to his mother when he was only 12 years old. The interviewer, director Michael Lucas, seems amazed that not only did this handsome man come out at such a young age, his mother seemed pretty chill about it.

Over the nearly 5 years that we’ve blogging in the LGBT space, we’ve seen a growing trend that younger men seem to have a much easier time Coming Out than the older men had. Before I go on, let’s specify who we’re talking about.

Millennials are considered to have been born between the years 1980 and 2000. In the late 90 and early aughts, our society began to see a rapid shift in how people viewed gay and bisexual men. More of us were either coming out of the closet to be real life representations for others, and the media began depicting us as real characters, not just side jokes or sexual deviants. One other major factor in the sea change, The Internet. Young LGBT men and women were finally able to see that they were not alone though chat rooms, message boards and hookup sites.

So for teenagers and young adults that grew up during this time, it appears to be easier to just rip the proverbial band-aid off and come Out of the closet to the people that birthed them. Seemingly much easier than it had been for Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers.

Or has it been?

Admittedly, Ace Rockwood (now 27-years-old) may have been an exception to the rule. An outlier.

Even watching the above interview, there seems to be information that he’s leaving out. For example, it seems like a stretch for a young black mother to see two 12-year-old boys playing together a lot and directly leaping to, “I wonder if my son is gay.”

My personal (unconfirmed) theory, 12-year-old Ace Rockwood was a little hot boy. A young gay kid who freely explored his sexuality with young boys his age who were willing to let him. It’s very possible that someone walked in on young Ace Rockwood and his friend “living in their truth” together, if you know what I mean. The mother of the second kid going as far as to change her son’s school to separate him from Ace somewhat substantiates this theory.

Speculation aside, its clear that young Ace Rockwood was not worried about staying in anyone’s closet. He was gay and just accepted it.

For many young Millennials, this story is not that out of the norm. While there are many deeply closeted young gay and bisexual men out there, there are just as many who came Out (or were Outed) at an early age. Once that weight was lifted, they discard all of the remaining fucks they could give.

Youtube celebrity Tre Melvin surprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. While one reason was that he regularly dressed up as women for comedy in his videos, the main reason was that, for young trendy Millennials, we’re often more surprised to learn that they are NOT gay, bisexual or at least bi-curious.

If you visit Twitter or even Facebook, the sheer number of Out, Proud, Feminine, Inbetween and Sexually Free young gay men you will find is awe-inspiring. They give no fucks, unless you are a fan of a rival songstress to the Diva of their choice.

They post videos of themselves booty-popping to Beyonce songs.

They start their own cheer leading squads.

They fight for their right to join sororities.

So mission accomplished, right?

We have Gay Marriage.

We have Jason Collins.

We have Michael Sam.

We have Frank Ocean (or do we?).

Gay is okay now. All young gay kids can freely snap their way out of the closet.

If this is the case, why do we still have so many young men coming to Cypher Avenue saying they are paranoid and deeply closeted? They seemingly have the court of public opinion in their favor, why are they still afraid to say they are gay?

Being homophobic is so publicly toxic now that even Manny Pacquiao, a boxer who doesn’t even speak English, got blasted for his recent anti-gay rhetoric. He even lost his coveted (and high paying) Nike endorsement.

Even fellow Christians weren’t (publicly) siding with Manny, and they believe in the same book.

So why would some Millennials still fear coming Out? Or should we get more granular and say that this really only applies to young gay men of color?

Do young white kids have it easier?

Is behind-closed-doors homophobia so prevalent in the Black and Latino community that it drives men to stay closeted even in a general global society seemingly welcoming to them.

Speaking of boxers and adult films, lets look at Millennial Yusaf Mack (born in 1980). He’s the retired athlete who recently faced controversy when people in his neighborhood discovered that he had filmed an X-Rated gay scene for Dawgpound USA.

When confronted by the media, first Yusaf Mack (a father of 20 children) said that he was drugged…when the production company threatened a defamation lawsuit, he said that he was actually bisexual…when that didn’t stick he finally admitted that he was fully homosexual.

Once the dust settled, he became somewhat of a hero and inspiration to many black gay men, including many that contribute to this website.

One has to wonder: If it’s so much easier, rewarding and psychologically freeing to come Out in this day and age…why do we make it so hard?

What would it take for all closeted men out there, of every age, to causally shrug it off like young Ace Rockwood did 15 years ago?

 

About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   

33 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Trini Trent
    Trini Trent | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    not the pic of Ace……

  2. tigerbreaux
    tigerbreaux | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    Well if you think about it, the answer is fairly simple. While society may be more open to most issues, gay issues especially, that doesn't make individual households and sects of society more understanding. Especially in those minority sects. The minority is always the last faction to change. While more black households may have a gay homeboy, hair dresser or choir member, it's very different than it being in your own home. One may be more accepting on a larger scale, but the minute something comes knocking on their door things tend to shift.

  3. NickAuzenneNOLA
    NickAuzenneNOLA | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    Many are closeted but most are not, I think we have come a long way with that much alone. Most younger folks. my generation and younger, couldnt care less about someones sexuality so now I think the issue for younger folk is getting over that environmental influences so some are still in that fear part of their lives. I think most by the age of 21 will have come out with no problem.

  4. alton
    alton | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    "Youtube celebrity Tre Melvinsurprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. "
    "UGHH BIYYTCH….Two yeeaaas ho, an' you is STIYLL…COMIN' fuh me" LMAO!!

    Just kiddin. All jokes aside tho, @tigerbreaux made a very good point about the possibility that homosexuality within the Black/Latino Communities is {generally} more easily tolerated when the point(s) of interest are not a member of one's family/household. It's always easier for Aunt Mable and Tia Sonya to "feel bad for Carol/Carola's son down the block cause he gay" but still be cordial to him. But when one of their own comes out they have a f$%kin coronary. smh

  5. African King
    African King | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I speak from experience in stating that it starts in the church. I was 23 at the time while on break from school and my (Nigerian) pastor was speaking positive sermons with uplifiting messages. Then suddenly the sermon took a turn to where he pointed at all the children pretty much born after 2000 that just did Holy Communion. He began to talk about the media and how gay is wrong. Never be tempted by the devil and his lies…. blah blah blah. I've discussed this with black gay men here in South Florida too. It all starts within the church. Maybe this is a stretch but many of the black SGL men on this site have been active in church at some point in their lives especially when they had no control over choosing to attend service or bible study. If you're in church and that is all you hear all day then it is really going to affect you.

    I remember being a teenager and feeling very uncomfortable when my (Nigerian) pastors would begin just spewing words of hate against the LGBT culture and "lifestyle". That is what kept me closeted for a long time until last year when the closet door was forced open by my Nigerian father. I am just living my life now but I know other Africans back in Houston that are gay but still are in the closet from their parents and certain friends/associates because they already know how homophobic their friends and family are.

    It really just depends on your surroundings I think. Some people have that story like Ace Rockwood. I have met some cool black SGL men down here that their parents and extended family and friends gave ZERO f*cks. Then I came across a guy that was put out of the house by his parents when he was 17 years old due to his sexuality. Then by the age of 22 now, he has 3 businesses he started on his own and he lives in a penthouse down here.

    Overall perception = It is easier than before because more people are open minded but it can still be a struggle.

  6. grownman
    grownman | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I would only add to this convo is that within the minority communities-particularly black house holds. The crux is religion, most of us come from some sort of faith based background. Which most call for the condemnation of all things "gay." I didn't come out until the age 22 and it was that reason alone. However, @Nick Delmacy maybe these are coming to you in private. The majority of these cats on here seem to be okay with themselves-even the lurkers but I don't see all you see. Also, I realized that are you have been in the blogging for a minute, so you have witnessed a lot.

  7. grownman
    grownman | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    African KingI speak from experience in stating that it starts in the church. I was 23 at the time while on break from school and my (Nigerian) pastor was speaking positive sermons with uplifiting messages. Then suddenly the sermon took a turn to where he pointed at all the children pretty much born after 2000 that just did Holy Communion. He began to talk about the media and how gay is wrong. Never be tempted by the devil and his lies…. blah blah blah. I've discussed this with black gay men here in South Florida too. It all starts within the church. Maybe this is a stretch but many of the black SGL men on this site have been active in church at some point in their lives especially when they had no control over choosing to attend service or bible study. If you're in church and that is all you hear all day then it is really going to affect you.

    I remember being a teenager and feeling very uncomfortable when my (Nigerian) pastors would begin just spewing words of hate against the LGBT culture and "lifestyle". That is what kept me closeted for a long time until last year when the closet door was forced open by my Nigerian father. I am just living my life now but I know other Africans back in Houston that are gay but still are in the closet from their parents and certain friends/associates because they already know how homophobic their friends and family are.

    It really just depends on your surroundings I think. Some people have that story like Ace Rockwood. I have met some cool black SGL men down here that their parents and extended family and friends gave ZERO f*cks. Then I came across a guy that was put out of the house by his parents when he was 17 years old due to his sexuality. Then by the age of 22 now, he has 3 businesses he started on his own and he lives in a penthouse down here.

    Overall perception = It is easier than before because more people are open minded but it can still be a struggle.

    Took the words out my mouth before I could post it. I can't co-sign enough.

  8. jpo
    jpo | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I've had any number of conversations with young black gay men who wonder why it took so long for men of my generation to come out – their experience is totally different. They've been to school with kids who are already out and whose open status encouraged them. Or they just didn't care. But I live in DC. And we are having these conversations in 2010+. When I moved here in 1981, my boyfriend, who was born and raised, when to school, in DC, and I went to Baltimore on the weekend to the clubs there. He did not want to be seen in any of the clubs in DC. And in Baltimore we saw lots of other guys whom we knew from DC. What was interesting then was that the first guy I dated here in DC was from Texas and he moved here in 1980 and he had not problem going to the bars here because no one from home was here. Today I have millennial friends who are quite out here, but not back home.
    When it comes to this issue, there are many who lead the way, and like everything else, there are those who for whatever reason do not feel comfortable yet being in the vanguard. It would be interesting to hear what folks in smaller towns have to say.

  9. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    'Do young white kids have it easier?' At least to this part, I think yes they do.
    But there are still class differences. It is harder for young white gay men from working class or 'underclass' families as opposed to white gays from wealthier families. A generalization of course, but I think it is true, and has a number of reasons. I think there may even be regional differences(maybe harder in Mormon Utah of the rural Bible Belt?)-Religious beliefs do matter. Of course these same factors may apply to young gay black men too.

    I also think young white gays have it easier because the support systems in place for young white gays(and white gays in general) are much larger, expansive, better funded, etc. As unfair as it is, in a nation that is still over 60% non-hispanic white, and which is even more reflective of white privilege than that percentage suggests, almost everything is going to be easier for whites compared to similar blacks.

    *Yusaf only had ten kids and I think 3 grandkids as of last time I read an interview about a month or two ago. I admit I follow his media presence.

  10. jusrawb
    jusrawb | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I do generally speaking think that coming out is easier as far as what happens afterwards but the scared feeling is the same no matter the reason. There is more acceptance now so even if your actual family doesn't accept you, you most likely will find people that do. I think that feeling of, your the only one in the world that is gay and you have no one to relate to, is diminishing. A major and most of the time the only factor for someone not coming out is religious reasons. Also I think that idea that you are less of a man if your gay (especially for the black community) plays a big part. The ignorance of these stereotypes and false ideas are being noticed and we are seeing more gay people that are out and living regular lives that we can relate to. The biggest hurdle is religion in my opinion.

  11. ControlledXaos | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    If you are not comfortable with your circle, or the possible rejection from that circle, coming out is difficult.

    If your favorite cousins are talking about gays, that makes it hard. If the latest mega pastor is involved in a gay leaning scandal, and all you hear are negative things about gays, that makes it difficult too.

    Young people who are still dependent on their parents and not fully launched are in a hard place I think. If I were in college I'd have a hard time telling my mom I was gay and I knew I had to still go home for the summer break because I didn't have plans (or maybe money) to go to summer school full time.

    Independent men who have made it to the gay beacon Atlanta are in a better position. I do wonder about if you are your "own man", paying your own bills, and not depending on your parents and live your "truth" why is it hard for those guys go come out? You stay in the club and gay functions in Atlanta do you turn "the gay" off when you travel back to Tumbleed, Indiana? What's the fear there for the "independent" gays who have made it to Atlanta, NYC, Miami, DC etc?

    Also do these guys not have family members who follow them on social media? Do they heavily use circles to keep family from seeing the "gay" posts? Do they have a "safe for fam" social media account and another for "the lifestyle?" That seems so overly necessarily complicated to do.

    I think these younger guys are really worried about what others think. And that's understandable to a point but I don't think it's something that they should be concerned about.

    One doesn't have to be your kin to be your brother and many gay men have survived and thrived without family support. It may not be easy or comfortable, but it's doable.

  12. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I think that there has been tremendous progress in just the last 5 years on gay rights and equality issues. I also think that is is much easier today for people to come out and live a fully open life. People know their gay siblings and children, their neighbors, their colleagues etc. It is much harder to be overtly intolerant. Our ideas about tolerance have also shifted. So if the question is, is it easier to come out in 2016 vs 2000. The answer is yes. It is 1000 times easier than in the 1960s-70s. I am equally taken back by our Youth who think that being LGBT is such a nonissue. That trend is occurring around the world. The next generation of LGBT people will grow up in a much more tolerant world.

    With that being said, I am on the front lines of processing people who are seeking political asylum because they are being persecuted because they are LGBT. These people's basic human rights are being violated. So when I see people in America let their fear consume them, I want to scream, "TRUST ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS" but I recognize that everyone has a process and coming out when one is ready is the only way to live authentically and fully.

  13. tigerbreaux
    tigerbreaux | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    BlackguyExecutiveSo when I see people in America let their fear consume them, I want to scream, "TRUST ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS" but I recognize that everyone has a process and coming out when one is ready is the only way to live authentically and fully.

    Eh, that's kind of a false dichotomy. You can't necessarily compare those two instances because America is already a liberal, democratic society. Sure, people would kill for our "first-world" problems, but you can't compare the two different regimes because people still have problems. I understand what you mean though. There are people out there with HUGE problems and we should keep that in mind.

  14. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    BlackguyExecutiveI think that there has been tremendous progress in just the last 5 years on gay rights and equality issues. I also think that is is much easier today for people to come out and live a fully open life. People know their gay siblings and children, their neighbors, their colleagues etc. It is much harder to be overtly intolerance. Our ideas about tolerance have also shifted. So if the question is, is it easier to come out in 2016 vs 2000. The answer is yes. It is 1000 times easier than in the 1960s-70s. I am equally taken back by our Youth who think that being LGBT is such a nonissue. That trend is occurring around the world. The next generation of LGBT people will grow up in a much more tolerant world.

    With that being said, I am on the front lines of processing people who are seeking political asylum because they are being persecuted because they are LGBT. These people's basic human rights are being violated. So when I see people in America let their fear consume them, I want to scream, "TRUST ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS" but I recognize that everyone has a process and coming out when one is ready is the only way to live authentically and fully.

    Well said. Back in the day(around 1980) it was almost impossible to find real positive, or factual info on gays/homosexuality. I had to go to the damn sociology library at Ohio State, search, and find positive, factual , or neutral info on what it was to be gay, what gays did, etc. There was almost no positive media presence. I had to go and research on my own to get the material to help me unlearn everything I had been taught growing up.

    Regarding your second paragraph, also well said and a perfect opportunity to post this:

    AP News | The Columbus Dispatch
    Across Europe, gay migrants face abuse in asylum shelters

    These people don't just need asylum-they need asylum from the other asylum seekers!

  15. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    tigerbreauxEh, that's kind of a false dichotomy. You can't necessarily compare those two instances because America is already a liberal, democratic society. Sure, people would kill for our "first-world" problems, but you can't compare the two different regimes because people still have problems. I understand what you mean though. There are people out there with HUGE problems and we should keep that in mind.

    I am not trying to discount what LGBT people face in the US. Particularly, youth which have huge homeless numbers, and sex trafficking and so on. I know there is tremendous struggle that exist and sometimes violence. What I was trying to point out is that despite all of those things, we don't have influxes in cases where people are being thrown off buildings to their deaths, being stoned, poisoned, jailed for long periods of time, tortured and abused. I may have a little privilege as a black gay man, who is a diplomat but I do take pity on some of the men I personally know who don't have things to fear except some kind of perceived rejection. I feel bad for the men who live in self imposed isolation and I do compare that to the men who live their life in the face of extreme danger.

  16. BlackguyExecutive
    BlackguyExecutive | February 22nd, 2016
    0
    ColumbusGuy

    Well said. Back in the day(around 1980) it was almost impossible to find real positive, or factual info on gays/homosexuality. I had to go to the damn sociology library at Ohio State, search, and find positive, factual , or neutral info on what it was to be gay, what gays did, etc. There was almost no positive media presence. I had to go and research on my own to get the material to help me unlearn everything I had been taught growing up.

    Regarding your second paragraph, also well said and a perfect opportunity to post this:

    AP News | The Columbus Dispatch
    Across Europe, gay migrants face abuse in asylum shelters

    These people don't just need asylum-they need asylum from the other asylum seekers!

    You are right, the international community needs to do a better job at securing the security of Asylum seekers once we have them. In the US, we have a robust vetting system that takes into account a lot of factors when it comes to initial temporary housing etc.

  17. tigerbreaux
    tigerbreaux | February 22nd, 2016
    0
    BlackguyExecutive

    I am not trying to discount what LGBT people face in the US. Particularly, youth which have huge homeless numbers, and sex trafficking and so on. I know there is tremendous struggle that exist and sometimes violence. What I was trying to point out is that despite all of those things, we don't have influxes in cases where people are being thrown off buildings to their deaths, being stoned, poisoned, jailed for long periods of time, tortured and abused. I may have a little privilege as a black gay man, who is a diplomat but I do take pity on some of the men I personally know who don't have things to fear except some kind of perceived rejection. I feel bad for the men who live in self imposed isolation and I do compare that to the men who live their life in the face of extreme danger.

    I totally get what you're saying, but you can't 100% compare the two. If that were the case none of the problems we face here would be comparable to the things going on in other nations, but they're still very real problems.

    While a young man who grows up in an extremely religious household with a family he's very close to may not fear death, but being shut out from a family and community he deeply cares about is just as damning, especially if that other extreme is something he'd never experience anyway. Your own personal hell is just that, so while in the grand scheme of things it may not be worse than someone else's, it can't be discredited. That's all I'm saying.

  18. cypher21
    cypher21 | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    African KingI speak from experience in stating that it starts in the church. I was 23 at the time while on break from school and my (Nigerian) pastor was speaking positive sermons with uplifiting messages. Then suddenly the sermon took a turn to where he pointed at all the children pretty much born after 2000 that just did Holy Communion. He began to talk about the media and how gay is wrong. Never be tempted by the devil and his lies…. blah blah blah. I've discussed this with black gay men here in South Florida too. It all starts within the church. Maybe this is a stretch but many of the black SGL men on this site have been active in church at some point in their lives especially when they had no control over choosing to attend service or bible study. If you're in church and that is all you hear all day then it is really going to affect you.

    I remember being a teenager and feeling very uncomfortable when my (Nigerian) pastors would begin just spewing words of hate against the LGBT culture and "lifestyle". That is what kept me closeted for a long time until last year when the closet door was forced open by my Nigerian father. I am just living my life now but I know other Africans back in Houston that are gay but still are in the closet from their parents and certain friends/associates because they already know how homophobic their friends and family are.

    It really just depends on your surroundings I think. Some people have that story like Ace Rockwood. I have met some cool black SGL men down here that their parents and extended family and friends gave ZERO f*cks. Then I came across a guy that was put out of the house by his parents when he was 17 years old due to his sexuality. Then by the age of 22 now, he has 3 businesses he started on his own and he lives in a penthouse down here.

    Overall perception = It is easier than before because more people are open minded but it can still be a struggle.

    You hit the nail on the head!
    It's not just the church but a lot of people that are in this position are in it because of that. Younger generations also can't become independent from parents or guardians as soon or easily as 20 years ago so sometimes they have to fall in line with their wishes until they're stable enough to move out. I honestly think people really underestimate or overlook this fact when discussing this topic, as it's easy to do whatever you want when you live hundreds of miles from family and past relationships. Unfortunately not everyone has the capability to do that or would even want to.

    I understand a lot of progress has been made in terms of progress among the younger generations, media, legislation, etc but we still have a ways to go. I think it's like racism, we can fight its spread and do things to make sure people's rights and freedoms are intact but we'll never eradicate it completely.

  19. DC.
    DC. | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    Coming out at twelve, was definitely hard for me, and I feel compared to now ten years later now that I'm 22, it does seem easier to come out for alot of people. In fact whenever I see someone 25 or older whose not out, I sometimes incredulously think to myself "Were still doing that?", but then I quickly give myself a reality check and realize, everyone's moving at a different pace and it's not my place to question and also who the hell am I to diminish someone else's struggle because it looks a bit different than mine? As a 22 year old, I'm not like most who are financially dependent on families, so I never feel like I have anything to fear, such as being financially cut off or anything, if anything it's reversed, I'm the one providing the financials. lol.

    However for those who are financially independent, I do wonder why they don't come out to their parents? However I think in trying to answer such a question we come to a deeper revelation that its not about the financials, but more so how they may not want their relationships with their families to change. Because our relationships in life honestly in my opinion do more for us then money can. However my close friends of millennials whom I know, are all out, so it's strange to think that there's a huge majority who still arent, especially with gay marriage legalized, LGBT churches and rumors of LGBT oriented schools potentially opening up.

  20. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    Why would anyone use a a porn star and porn director as an example? And Michael Lucas is the worst of the worst a total scumbag. I would not trust a damn thing from that interview-he would have said anything the @sshole Lucas would have wanted him to. My personal theory(unconfirmed) is of a young f**ked up kid who came from dysfunction and said what an evil creepy psychopathic leech from hell told him to say.

  21. scooter
    scooter | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    I feel coming out should be left up the individual, I would never advise or tell anyone that they should come out to their family or friends. I think Alex's character from Noah's Arc summed it up best if and when one does decided to come out to his loved one's he better make sure you its the right decision, he/she is "ultimately laying the foundation for the life you will have to lead once everything is all said and done." As for me I was inadvertently outted by a friend of mine five years ago. We have both moved past it since then, but my parents was not so welcoming towards the news even to this day. However, I feel much better about not having to hide who I am my brothers have made it clear that they still love and care about me. So as I stated early some people may not be ready to come out and that's okay. Now I think we should discuss the difference between being Discreet vs. DL!!!

  22. DC.
    DC. | February 22nd, 2016
    0
    scooter

    I feel coming out should be left up the individual, I would never advise or tell anyone that they should come out to their family or friends. I think Alex's character from Noah's Arc summed it up best if and when one does decided to come out to his loved one's he better make sure you its the right decision, he/she is "ultimately laying the foundation for the life you will have to lead once everything is all said and done." As for me I was inadvertently outted by a friend of mine five years ago. We have both moved past it since then, but my parents was not so welcoming towards the news even to this day. However, I feel much better about not having to hide who I am my brothers have made it clear that they still love and care about me. So as I stated early some people may not be ready to come out and that's okay. Now I think we should discuss the difference between being Discreet vs. DL!!!

    By the way how do you add the signature to your message that you have at the bottom? the one by obama? I've been trying to figure that out for the longest. lol

  23. DC.
    DC. | February 22nd, 2016
    0

    scooterI feel coming out should be left up the individual, I would never advise or tell anyone that they should come out to their family or friends. I think Alex's character from Noah's Arc summed it up best if and when one does decided to come out to his loved one's he better make sure you its the right decision, he/she is "ultimately laying the foundation for the life you will have to lead once everything is all said and done." As for me I was inadvertently outted by a friend of mine five years ago. We have both moved past it since then, but my parents was not so welcoming towards the news even to this day. However, I feel much better about not having to hide who I am my brothers have made it clear that they still love and care about me. So as I stated early some people may not be ready to come out and that's okay. Now I think we should discuss the difference between being Discreet vs. DL!!!

    When I think "DL" I think girlfriend or is married. now with discreet, I just think not out. So whenever a guy says he's DL, I'm looking at him like so you a girlfriend? lol.

  24. scooter
    scooter | February 23rd, 2016
    0

    DC.When I think "DL" I think girlfriend or is married. now with discreet, I just think not out. So whenever a guy says he's DL, I'm looking at him like so you a girlfriend? lol.

    I feel the same guy I have nothing against anyone who wants to live a discreet lifestyle or those who choose to be on the DL! However, I just choose not to date anyone who is DL that is in an established relationship bf/gf or husband/wife. I refuse to be sneaking around like I'm in high school all over again.

  25. scooter
    scooter | February 23rd, 2016
    0
    DC.

    By the way how do you add the signature to your message that you have at the bottom? the one by obama? I've been trying to figure that out for the longest. lol

    When you click on your name at the top it'll take you to your profile. On the left hand side of the screen click signature and upload whatever GIF you wish and add the signature of your choice.

  26. acessential
    acessential | February 23rd, 2016
    0

    Coming out still isn't a walk in the park, but it has definitely gotten a lot easier for individuals of all ages. Especially for millenials. Although there are a few bad seeds, most of my generation doesn't give a f**k anymore. Even if they act like they do. They may have said homophobic remarks growing up, but that moreso has to do with the culture around them where it's normal to say ignorant stuff like that. But once they find out someone close to them is gay, they don't necessarily react in a hostile way. It's kinda like "oh…" It's not a complete change, but it's a lot more accepting than if a much older individual was confronted with the same scenario. I personally have not encountered any homophobia directed towards me from my peers. Especially in college and grad school. I know everyone is different, but I don't really worry about having my sexuality revealed to people close to my age. I only hesitate a little when it's someone a bit older.

  27. BlackOnyx1 | February 23rd, 2016
    0
    tigerbreaux

    Well if you think about it, the answer is fairly simple. While society may be more open to most issues, gay issues especially, that doesn't make individual households and sects of society more understanding. Especially in those minority sects. The minority is always the last faction to change. While more black households may have a gay homeboy, hair dresser or choir member, it's very different than it being in your own home. One may be more accepting on a larger scale, but the minute something comes knocking on their door things tend to shift.

    I agree heavily with this because while it may seem that it is easier to come out nowadays, when it comes to minorities i.e. blacks, latinos, asians, etc. it is still very hard and difficult to live in your truth so to speak without fear of being outcast, kicked out or even beat up by people who are supposed to love you and care for you.

  28. Patrick
    Patrick | February 23rd, 2016
    0

    I don't think "shrugging it off" is as easy for some folk. Living in your truth is one thing, but also finding what your truth is, is a complete other thing. I personally have been labeled so many things in my life that didn't feel right. Straight, Gay, Bisexual. This is because society forces you to have a label if you don't label yourself. So for the young ones that are being made to come out, its very unfortunate they aren't allowed time to understand what they feel when they are ready to feel it. Though Im not against being who you feel you are, 12 is a very young age. People who are straight aren't backed into a corner about their sexuality while those who have inflections of something different immediately need to put themselves into a box. I personally chose labels at a young age that did not suit how I really felt. It took up until 30 for me to understand that I am not comfortable being labeled as Gay, Straight or Bisexual but I am Pansexual.
    Coming out should be done when you feel it best for you. However, if you are hurting yourself staying in the closet whichever kind of closet it is you need to find some peace with your life and not make others hectic because you don't love yourself. (its rude to say someone doesn't love themselves because they won't come out or feel they can't come out, but thats real… you have to love yourself and doing what makes you comfortable is definitely self love)

  29. Jdudre | February 24th, 2016
    0

    I don't think coming out has become easier, I just think we have just started noticing it a lot more mainly because of money and technology. Those two things have given a lot of people access to education, a wider range of people and the most importantly time to think and reflect. As far as the whole white people are more progressive than other people that is pure bullshyt and wishefull thinking on the part of a lot of people.

  30. Thami Ndaba | February 26th, 2016
    0

    Sorry if I'm repeating a view that has already been expressed in the above comments (downside of commenting late on a post)… Millennial here (25 year old from JHB, South Africa) I came out at the age of 13, I was open to my friends and school teachers, my family knew about it and even though I am masculine I never had to pretend to be straight. Got to high school and I was one of those gays that treated their sexuality like its a political statement. I was the first openly gay soccer player at my high school (a boys only school). In 2006 gay marriage became legal in my country and boy oh boy was I "out and proud". Then I passed my teens and realised once you "come out", the world expects you to behave in a certain way. The straight world might be tolerant (and some fully accepting) but they only tolerate gays who fit into a particular box. If you're gay and a fashion designer who's flamboyant -nobody makes a fuss about you coming out (except the usual bigots of course). It's hard to tell people you're gay when you look like just another straight guy. I'm now a young professional with "straight" mannerisms and habits yet people still go like "oh you can't be gay, you're not like the 'ones' I know!". Some people even think I need to come out. To answer the original question in the article: I think one the major reasons why millennials stay in the closet isn't because of the fear of rejection but because being "out" only means a particular way of living to the society that we live in… I appreciate that a lot of the rights we have as LGBT people wouldn't be possible without our flamboyant brothers being in society's face. But they've made it harder for all the masculine gay men who don't fit the stereotypes to come out. Society only recognises effeminate guys as being the "proper" gays…

  31. callie_bear_3 | April 23rd, 2016
    0

    I think men of color and minority have an innate social pressure on them to either succeed above all odds in a fairy tale sort of manner or become a demonized statistic. There's usually little wiggle room when you're growing up between teachers/counsellors and your family system, or at least that's how I felt. So with that being said, I can totally understand how a child not aligning with the route to greatness so to speak would ultimately cause fear and the ignorant actions which result from that emotion to come out of the person(s) charged with the responsibility of ensuring that child's future. I'm by no means saying I condone this behavior, but am just trying to step into those unfortunate shoes for a moment. Coming out as LGTBQ really muddies that binary the white man has put on us, even if being gay is en mode now more for millenials than it has been since the Ancient Greeks and really the pre-Euro-Christian world.

  32. Nicholan
    Nicholan | February 17th, 2017
    0

    1. Religion

    [​IMG]

    2. Being homosexual is not necessarily something you can see, such as race or gender. Therefore, people have a harder time relating to it–which is sad btw because you shouldn't have to relate to something in order be understanding.

    [​IMG]

    3. Guys don't want to be associated with the "gay lifestyle." The word "gay" has been branded as something that a lot of homosexual guys may not directly relate to or want to be apart of. It has also been branded as something that may be "undesirable" (sexually) in the eyes of some.

    [​IMG]

  33. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | February 18th, 2017
    0

    Trump is going to jack this up so badly. We had some gay refugees from I believe Uganda who came here last year….I wonder how Trump's anti-immigration stance is going to affect/effect(cannot for the life of me remember the rules for those two smh)asylum seekers coming here from Africa, the Middle East, etc., who are gay and in great danger just for that fact.
    I am not hopeful.

    A year ago who would have thought we would have "President Trump" and the president would become just another enemy for these people? I wonder how many will die because of him, not only through his own actions/inaction but because very homophobic places may now think with Trump in and Obama gone, the US does not give a damn about what they do, so it is open season on gays?




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