Inside the Mind of Octavius Williams: Part 1

By OckyDub | Posted Nov 11 2016 | 15 Comments  

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This is something a little bit different for me and for the Cypher Avenue audience. It’s my first steps into my new vlogging venture where I hope to present more nuanced, “middle of the road” thoughts and conversations that I feel is drastically missing – but desperately needed – within non-heterosexual spaces. A more formal introduction as it pertains to the ‘whats and whys’ is to come but in the meantime; I hope you enjoy parts 1 and 2 of my initial offering…hell, I even created my own theme music.

Many Appreciations,

Ocky Williams

 

About the Author
OckyDub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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15 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Rico
    Rico | November 11th, 2016
    0

    Well, don’t have any real constructive criticism as of yet, since it’s a new direction. Like a TV series, I think you have to give it a few episodes to critique (hell, I’ll even give Herr Trump a 100 day grace period before I start tearing into his administration). So, more comments around Episode 4 (A New Bro).

    I did laugh at the porn shop interlude, as we’re both old enough to remember when those places were mainstream. The note under the door made me laugh. Yeah, that first proposition out the blue takes you for a surprise. I was 18, in college, and some Menace II Society crackhead looking dude just walked up to me at a bus stop, looked at my crotch and said, “You look like you got a BIG ol’ dick, why don’t you come back in this alley and let me suck it!” So, I was horrified and thus my homosexuality stayed latent for many many more years to come. Even when a lot of older grad students took me under their wing as a freshman and only YEARS later did I realize they were looking for more than Socratic relationship in me.

    Also, feel you on the job tip, so proceed at your own risk, or as I joked a few months ago, Django Chained. But every subject doesn’t have to be political. Sometimes we all have weird, funny shit in our minds that have nothing to do with politics. Example: Recently, I visited an older cousin who had a picture of me taken around the time of that bus stop episode. I had a Narcissus at the pond moment ’cause now I’m looking back at myself through openly gay eyes. I kept thinking, Dayummmm I was such a fine black twink. I couldn’t take my eyes off the pic and I wished I had a time machine so I could go back in time and fuck myself lol (I’m definitely turning that into a story). So, I’d like to hear some of those out-there Ock thoughts too, not just current events.

  2. hannibal
    hannibal | November 11th, 2016
    0

    *FAINTS*

  3. jpo
    jpo | November 11th, 2016
    0

    Hearing each other's stories is the first part of building community. The Boards fulfills this role. Your vlog brings it to a new level. It is a commonplace that most of us felt isolated and alone growing up. We knew or suspected that we did not fit in. 50 years ago the circumstances were different but the reality was the same. Now all these years later it matters to me to hear you speak openly about your experience, your need for intimacy. I wish it weren't true, that we had moved to a better place.
    I hope you continue this. It brought smiles at times and that is good. We need to find the humor in our experience.
    I particularly like your eye for detail and your willingness to tell your story – right down to the slimy floor in the booth – for some of us of a certain age we have been there and there is no point in sparing the sensibilities of those who were not lucky enough to leave the video store with our shoes sticking to the sidewalk.

  4. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | November 11th, 2016
    0

    I'm listening , not finished , but I'm out here like :

    :rocks::lupe1::feedme:

  5. Rico
    Rico | November 11th, 2016
    0
    jpo

    Hearing each other's stories is the first part of building community. The Boards fulfills this role. Your vlog brings it to a new level. It is a commonplace that most of us felt isolated and alone growing up. We knew or suspected that we did not fit in. 50 years ago the circumstances were different but the reality was the same. Now all these years later it matters to me to hear you speak openly about your experience, your need for intimacy. I wish it weren't true, that we had moved to a better place.
    I hope you continue this. It brought smiles at times and that is good. We need to find the humor in our experience.
    I particularly like your eye for detail and your willingness to tell your story – right down to the slimy floor in the booth – for some of us of a certain age we have been there and there is no point in sparing the sensibilities of those who were not lucky enough to leave the video store with our shoes sticking to the sidewalk.

    Lol. I got all that near sticky experience as a kid in a comic book store. There was a side room that had unadvertised adult material. Me and my friends would always see older guys go in there and not come out before we left with our DC, Marvel stash. One day, my buddy went into the side rooms when the comic book guy wasn't looking. He came out a half hour later with a glazed look and said hurry up, lets go. As we were waiting for the bus, he pulled out some Hustlers he shoplifted and told me of the glories of the secret side room (the comic book store was downtown just a couple of blocks from Larry Flynt's offices too lol).

    I was too scared as a kid to go in there and by the time I was 18, it had been torn down and turned into a parking lot.

  6. jpo
    jpo | November 11th, 2016
    0
    Rico

    it had been torn down and turned into a parking lot.

    In DC they (the stores) got turned into condos!

  7. ControlledXaos
    ControlledXaos | November 11th, 2016
    0

    Thanks for the sharing this @Ockydub I related to to all of that.

    I'm not close to a single member of my grade school classmates . I was always drawn to the male form even as a kid . So I get all of that with the hunching , ding a ling showings , and vagina views but I wasn't molested or anything . I was precocious tho and curious . I feel comfortable enough to say had the opportunity to be "molested" been afforded to me,I'd have willingly participated .

    I totally distanced myself from chicks in high school . I never felt like I really fit in with any particular crowd . I never bonded with classmates and it's odd to me know seeing how tight knit some of them are on Facebook . Like really close .

    College was crazy . Dorm rooms and communal showers were hard . We had dudes walking around the dorm on the way to the shower butt ass naked . I had not seen so many other dudes nude before I was losing my mind . I had to take showers in the off hours because the moment I'd see a naked dude . . . Rock . And would quickly leave the shower if another guy came in . I really could not handle it then .

    And flicks . . . I was totally focused on the dudes when all I had was straight porn . I loved the gang bang scenes because it meant more dudes I could focus on .

    Good listen . Looking forward to hearing part 2.

  8. DreG
    DreG | November 11th, 2016
    0

    Man,to put yourself out there like that aint easy,but it's really groovy you did because a LOT more people than you'd probably think can relate to your story.There's been handfuls of guys in my real life or online who have nearly the same story as you,even the part about your brother.I think when people hear things like what you shared,it makes it easier for them to open up because now they know their narative isn't weird and that others will relate.

    media

  9. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | November 11th, 2016
    0

    I have only listened to half, will get to the rest, but good job in being an example for other gay men to follow, to open up yourself and reveal these things, to not only help yourself in a cathartic sense, but to also let others know they are not alone.

    Also is that you in that pic?

    *I was browsing Youtube and what do I see recommended on the side for me?-this video! Damn spying sneaking internet!!!! lol.

  10. SB3
    SB3 | November 12th, 2016
    0

    Dope. I’ve always appreciated ur willingness to be unapologetically opinionated, and I appreciate ur willingness to go even further, being so candid about some things that a lot of gay men have also experienced and can relate to. Glad you were able to get ur vlog goin. Looking forward to part 2. Thanks for sharing this.

  11. SB3
    SB3 | November 12th, 2016
    0

    Not EnJ?! That easy jesus?!

    We got a bottle of that in hs (unfortunately my mom was in the hospital for a stretch of that year, so my sister, who is ur age, was 'in charge')

    4 of us got our hands on a bottle of that my sr year of hs. We went to my house n watched 'Dont Be a Menace' n got sooo sick n fukd up bro.

    U really brought me back w that random EnJ part.

  12. SB3
    SB3 | November 12th, 2016
    0

    N like I said, a lot of ppl can relate to this podcast man. My cuzzins (my age group) and I used to hump too! And fight too! Kids literally do this kind of stuff. Our parents would have card parties, n the kids would be sent to go over there somewhere! We used to hump. It was def very 'intersex', but we def had some young homo moments too. N like u said, it wasnt even sexual, cus no one was out here lookin for an orgasm at such young ages, it was about being 'bad' and 'secretive' in the actual bedroom closet, like during sleep overs.

    Now, never my sister. She was 'too grown' to deal w us 'lil' kids. She thought of us as filth, lol. But yea, my cuzzins and I were some mischievous kids too. The adults were in there gettin liquored up, n we were in there 'bein grown'. Smh.

  13. TreDaDon
    TreDaDon | November 12th, 2016
    0

    1. I have MAD respect for you.
    2. You are not alone, many have experienced something like this but are not brave/hones enough to talk about it. Or maybe they just aren’t ready to share.
    3. Listening to the intimacy scenarios you talk about I relate to you on so many levels.

    Thank you so much for this. I have longed to meet some normal, sane guys who I can relate to, trust, share with & just get through life with, outside of my relationship. As SGL men of color, we have a unique experience in this life, in this country and we could really be so much of a support to each other if we channeled that energy. Again, I truly applaud you, lift you up and thank you for this. I really needed to listen to this today.

  14. SwagJack
    SwagJack | November 15th, 2016
    0

    That was very heart warming. I felt the vulnerability. Thanks for sharing pieces of your soul with us. http://imgur.com/a/tnjoL

  15. jusrawb
    jusrawb | November 28th, 2016
    0

    This might be one of my favorite podcast because it is really relatable and needed because I think we all felt alone growing up, especially if you are raised in the church. I like hearing about others stories, although this may sound weird but it makes me feel “normal”, like what I went through and the secret thoughts I had was common. I did have the bro type relationships growing up but I always felt alone because as far as I know they weren’t gay. Good Job Ock! Can someone post the link of Nicks version?




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