Yes…this statement seemingly contradicts the title of this essay, but keep following me for a moment. Technically, I’m a Bisexual Black American man (I’ll get back to that later though). So, of course I believe that Bisexuals exist….sort of…There’s a LOT of so-called black bisexual men out there claiming to be something they’re not. It’s as epidemic and as delusional as feminine men who keep saying that they’re masculine (cue the angry emails that will now flood my inbox).
THE KINSEY SCALE
If you tell a lie long enough, you begin to believe that it’s true. Many Gay men claim to be bisexual when they really aren’t. Examples: You have 40-year-old masculine men that lost their virginity to a girl in High school (and haven’t seen a vagina since) claiming to be Bisexual. You also have men more Flamin’ than a bag of Hot Cheetos claiming to be Bisexual. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen many of both of these type of men with children so that adds some credence to their Bisexual claims. But it’s really not that hard to get a woman pregnant with the proper cocktail mixture of mental stimulation and Tequila shots.
My point is, there should be an expiration date to the Bisexual claim based on either how long after a man’s last (enjoyable) sexual encounter with a woman has been and/or the sheer number of Gay encounters he’s had since then. In simpler words, if you have WAY more Gay sex than Straight sex, You’re Gay…not Bisexual. If your 10-year-old child is the evidence of the last time you had sex with a woman, you’re Gay…not Bisexual. If you watch straight porn but primarily look at the men or imagine being in the woman’s position, You’re Gay…not Bisexual.
To the masses, when a man (or woman) brands themselves bisexual, that says to the world: On any given day, he/she can be seen dating or having sex with either gender. A pure Bisexual literally has it both ways all the time.
That brings the essay back to me. While I’m technically Bisexual since I’ve had girlfriends and I still fantasize about women (breasts are nature’s greatest inventions), I haven’t dated a woman in at least eight years….and I’m no longer seriously entertaining the idea of it, to be honest. As I’ve written about in the past, I suppressed my Gay side for so long in life that it eventually took over me like my name was Harvey Dent. So I just say that I’m Gay (or “Homosexual” if I’m speaking to “Gay” Hater Octavius Williams). Essentially, my Bisexuality is long past its expiration date.
[Editor’s Note: Diving into the labeling complications of Men that exclusively date and/or have sex with Transsexual men is an issue worthy of its own article entirely.]
So why are so many men either in denial or outright lying about their sexual orientation? The answer is simple.
To many in the Gay community, the appearance of being Bisexual is an unspoken badge of honor. This is directly tied into the pedestal worship that many truly masculine men experience. Bisexuality is seen as a turn-on, proof that the man is virile and able to blend into any social environment. This is especially the case outside of the Gay community.
Homophobic Heterosexual men and women seem to tolerate/accept a Gay person slightly more if they think that he is Bisexual. As if it symbolizes that the possibility for him to be reformed is still open. He’s just going through a sexual phase. Women (especially black women) accept Out Masculine Bisexual men more than Out Masculine Gay men. These women feel like they at least still have a shot at attracting/dating/having sex with these virile desirable men if they are Bisexual. When many find out that an attractive unclockable masculine man is exclusively Gay, a rage builds up inside of them that can only be unleashed in the comments section of popular gossip blogs.
The coming out of Frank Ocean (or whatever the fuck that was) is the most recent indicator of women’s new-age ease with Bisexual men. The strategic plan by Ocean and his Public Relations team to keep his sexuality ambiguously Bisexual was a way to soften the blow to black women within his fan base. And it worked.
I need to emphasize this next point:
It’s very ironic that women accept Bisexual men so much more when those men are the ones 100% responsible for their Down Low Paranoia. There are NO GAY MEN in Down Low relationships. This is yet another Myth. As the Kinsey Scale demonstrates, an exclusively Gay man could not even get an erection for a woman, let alone deceptively maintain a committed relationship with her. Bisexual men (and Bisexual men ONLY) are the Down Low culprits.
These Myths continue and will continue because Gay men are damaged creatures. We are psychologically scarred by the way we perceive ourselves through a homophobic society’s prism. Like devout religious people, the older Gay men teach the younger Gay men these Myths/Traditions and they in turn perpetuate them to even more Gay men.
Even Cypher Ave is to blame in many ways. The difference is that we’ve at least recognized step one of the road to recovery is to stop lying to ourselves and accept that these problems (within ourselves) do exist. As a community, we have a long uphill psychological battle left to go.
– Nick D