The Shallow Gay Black Dating Pool: Census Data Reveals Sad Details

By Nick Delmacy | Posted Oct 21 2013 | 55 Comments  

prop8-dude

One of my favorite things to say to motivate myself and others in dating and getting over Ex lovers is: “There are 7 billion people in the world, no need to settle for less. Move on to someone else the moment you smell bullshit.”

This saying has done me well over the years as its a reminder that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Unfortunately a new report was recently released that has me digging up the old cell phone numbers of previous jump-offs. The report released by UCLA Williams Institute Scholars Angeliki Kastanis, Public Policy Research Fellow, and Gary J. Gates, shows that the dating pool for American Black Gay Men may be more shallow that I once thought.

The study is based on Census data acquired during 2008 – 2010 as well as data from Daily Gallup Surveys, revealing geographic and socioeconomic details about openly gay African American men & women. That last part is key to note as these figures are only based on Gay men and women that admitted to being gay to pollsters and Census forms. How much these numbers would change if closeted gays were included is unknown.

Key takeaways from this report are that American Gay Black Men are statistically fewer in number, less educated, more unemployed and primarily only reside in select cities/states. Damn son. So for gay black men to date other gay black men, they have to pretty much expect less and settle for what they can get…especially if you don’t already live in highly populated gay cities.

Excuse me for a second:

done

Oddly enough, the data also suggests that the quality of the African American gay couples fairs better than their heterosexual counterparts. The study found that gay couples were more educated and employed on average than straight African American couples.

So the quality of the men is bottom of the barrel if they are single, but its drastically improved if they are in relationships. Prime example of the cart leading the horse and not the other way around.

Fuck it. I have no expectations of falling in love and getting into a relationship anyway so this report only reinforces how I already feel about dating.

Here are the key figures from the report that stood out to me:

  • There are 1,018,700 LGBT African Americans in the United States (3.7% of all African Americans)
  • Only 84,000 of those African Americans are in relationships
  • Most black men who identify as gay are younger than 25 years old
  • States with most Gay Black Men: New York, Georgia, North Carolina, Michigan and New Jersey
  • The District of Columbia has the largest percentage of black gays amongst the African Americans in their population
  • New York and Georgia have the most black gay couples in the country
  • Only 42% of all same-sex couples are male
  • Gay black men have a higher unemployment rate than straight black men (15% vs 12%)
  • Only 23% of gay black men have completed college vs 26% of straight black men
  • On average, black gay couples make less money than black straight couples ($46,700 vs $60,000)
  • Gay black couples are less likely to have health insurance than black heterosexuals (63% vs 79%)
  • There are far more interracial gay couples than interracial straight couples (47.1% vs 19.1%)

 

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About the Author
Nick Delmacy

Nick is a founder, editor and the pop culture expert at Cypher Avenue. Serving as the designer and webmaster of the site, he is the architect of The Cypher Avenue Matrix.

   
Categorized as :
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55 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. acessential
    acessential | October 21st, 2013
    0

    Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by “shallow” here?

    • Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
      +1

      Low number of quality I’m assuming.

  2. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | October 21st, 2013
    0

    @Nick I read a few of these findings on the HuffPost, but I am seeing these charts and graphs for the first time. I wouldn’t place too much stock into these numbers. As we all know, African Americans who will identify as “out” isn’t and shouldn’t be the barometer for the going-ons within our community. For every Black person who identifies as “out”, I believe there are atleast 2-3 who do NOT for fear of being ostracized [that’s just my theory]. I am currently single by choice so these census numbers are nothing more than a tiny piece of empirical data that should be taken with a grain of salt.

    BTW I’ve adapted your saying of there being 7 billion people on the planet when I feel discourage or disappointed about the people in my social pool 🙂 thx

    • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
      +1

      But @blackpegasus you base your opinion on no proof whatsoever. Just anecdotal wishful thinking. I’m a science and data man. I’m also not a Poll Denier. I believe the data is not perfect, as there is always a margin of error, but I believe that it is closer than we think to reality. I don’t really count the men who still don’t admit they’re gay since that’s usually young dudes struggling with their sexuality or old closet cases still praying for God to make them straight: Two groups of men I want no parts of…

      • ControlledXaos
        Black Pegasus | October 21st, 2013
        0

        @Nick I get that you don’t count those guys who don’t admit to being gay (i.e closet cases). but I do. I was one of those guys struggling with my sexuality before I became strong enough to accept being gay. While I was struggling, I still had clandestine hook ups with other dudes who were also closeted. And to this day, even my single gay acquaintances who troll for sex every weekend will never admit to a census worker that they prefer men. So yes, my theory is based solely on anecdotal evidence if not personal experience. Either way, I’m encouraged by the findings presented in this article.

        • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
          +2

          Nah I get what you’re saying. But you’re talking about one-night-stand hookups…I’m talking about dating and relationship material…So yeah, if you’re just looking for closet-cases to play around with and be guilty about the next day, there are way more than a million available out there. But if you’re secure with your sexuality and looking for something to introduce to Mom one day…pickings are slim.

      • Lee king | November 2nd, 2013
        0

        It is very refreshing to hear you speak so eloquently on a subject that is so under-talked about in homosexual circles. I love how you think, you make much sense. I always thought this web site catered to the DL and Closet cases, but I see I was quite wrong.

        • Ocky Williams | November 2nd, 2013
          0

          Glad we were able to clear up the misconception. Thank you for visiting.

  3. Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
    +1

    First off the GIF…“Awesome”

    Second…“That last part is key to note as these figures are only based on Gay men and women that admitted to being gay to pollsters and Census forms. How much these numbers would change if closeted gays were included is unknown.”

    This is reason enough to keep hope alive. Everyone does not identify as gay. Meaning that even if they are “gay”…gay means a lifestyle that they don’t identify with or belong to. Let this report be motivation and not a road block. There are plenty of eligible bachelors are there.

    • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
      +2

      Wait but did we not just release a 2-hour podcast on this? I have no interest in dating a Down Low, “I’m not gay/bisexual” 30+ year-old, closet case. I wouldn’t call those dudes eligible bachelors. That’s like saying there are more eligible black people to date out there because we’re not counting the ones wishing they were white. LOL.

      • Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
        +1

        No you misunderstand. Use me as an example. I use the word “gay” as a convenience. I hate the word but it’s the label that many use inside and outside the community to identify. Gay to me equals a lifestyle that you or I am not a part of. Nothing DL or denial about it. Also what about bisexual men who don’t identify with gay but are looking for long term male or female relationships? This report seems to be centered on black GAY men.

        • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
          +2

          Seriously with this shit again? lol…You know they mean homosexuals…You are homosexual!!!! Enough with this “I’m not gay, I’m homosexual” shit, lol

          • Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
            +1

            Nope…stop trying to define me with your hetero normative sexuality labels…HA

  4. Cyrus-Brooks
    Cyrus Brooks | October 21st, 2013
    0

    I think many of us know that the pickings for a potential mate for black gay men can be slim if you are not in certain locations. Even if you are in a location where there is larger number of available black gay men the chances of finding a suitable partner are still not good. Str8 black women constantly bitch and moan about how hard it is to find a man….they don’t know what hard is. I’m glad I’m out of the dating game and have had the same partner for almost a decade.

  5. Ace of hearts | October 21st, 2013
    +1

    I’ll start by saying great piece @nick. I skimmed something like this on the Huffington Post a while back like this and I was like damn. What hit me the most is that young gay black men are the ones who are the ones that identify with being gay, but they are also the ones who are the most uneducated and unemployed. Living in Atlanta I’ve notice that people in this age group that I meet are not even concerned with either going to school( except for fashion merchandise which they will never use) and they don’t even want consistent jobs. They would rather perform odd jobs and struggle(Pause: AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT). So I agree the dating pool is getting shallow. I to refuse to date someone who cannot identify as gay. I’ve dated a closeted person before and it was to much for me personally. I just hope something changes because I actually would like to date and I want to be with someone because they are the best match for me. I’d rather be single before I settle.

    • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
      +3

      Yeah dating closeted dudes is a waste of time. I know this because I was once there many years ago. As a really young dude I would drop someone with the quickness the moment I felt insecure about being gay, which at that age was often. In hindsight, some of the guys were decent dudes who were really into to me but I wasn’t ready for all that gay shit, lol.

      As for the young dudes in ATL, I believe a lot of them come here for the freedom of being gay but often times it ends up consuming them. They spend more time/effort experiencing the “gay lifestyle”, sex and dating than they do on building for their future.

      • Ace of hearts | October 21st, 2013
        +1

        I can see that because I too moved here for freedom, but I wasn’t amused by the “scene”. I go out here and there, but the majority of what I see turns me off to going out. I’m hoping that graduating and making these career moves will open up a whole new realm to me. This No education, No goals, No job, No dream living dudes are for the birds.

        • SB3
          African King | October 21st, 2013
          0

          I love what you have to say! You better tell it like it is bro! Go after the gold and you’ll find someone who values that about you!

      • Steven Austin | October 26th, 2013
        +1

        Absolutely! You hit the nail on the head…but you know, if they were (expected AND) allowed to experience and develop their sexuality like their straight counterparts, it might severely reduced the amount and degree of arrested development that we have to sift through once they have reached at least the age of 25. It’s a sad state, but I am hoping to bring some of these issues to light through my matchmaking firm. Hopefully, I will be able to help frame some of these issues in a way that will be beneficially for both those men who are already “there,” waiting, and those who are still trying to get “there.”

  6. achris
    achris | October 21st, 2013
    0

    I also read this on the Huffington Post last week and found these numbers very interesting. Polls can be pretty tricky tools to rely on for factual information, especially those that involve self-identification. However I do think these could be representative of actual trends in the gay community. The location stats and the piece about more younger guys identifying themselves as gay is no surprise as it speaks to my generations (I’m in my mid-20s) freedom to be more open with who we are. The income and employment numbers are probably the most intriguing to me as well as the high number interracial relationships compared to heterosexual couples. I do think there are more men and women who have interest in the same sex, but this report does make me somewhat happy to live in NYC lol.

  7. RolandG
    rolandgarros28 | October 21st, 2013
    +6

    You know I come from a much smaller city than the ATL and that brings it’s own problems. There are very few gay men here, much less black gay men. Once when I was depressed about this, I considered changing up my environment and moving to Atlanta but then I started to hear the complaints from black gay men about the dating pool there. A much bigger pool but still slim pickings. Then I started to watch these web series that are filmed there and started to shake my head viciously back and forth. The migration of black gay men to urban cities for “better dating opportunities” reminds me of farm workers migrating to urban cities decades ago. A lot of us moved there uneducated and didn’t try and improve that once we got there, thus leaving most of us in abject poverty.

    The thing that most bothers me about young gay black men, looking at the chart, is that we don’t earn shit. I can’t imagine surviving off of what these charts say we earn. This isn’t just a major city phenomenon either. I see young black dudes where I live and they have no goals at all. They have the latest smart phones and shoes but can’t even afford to purchase a descent car or live 5 to a two-bedroom apartment and think it’s funny. Just disappointing anyway you look at it.

    • achris
      achris | October 21st, 2013
      +3

      In regards to the earning piece you are right, blacks in general earn much less and have lower median household incomes than our white and Asian counterparts. The lack of future earning potential, mainly bc of education, can be seen amongst blk gays and young blk gays as well which is why I found these numbers interesting but not surprising. On the flipside, having lived in Atl and living in NYC now I have also seen that there are brothers out there, even in their 20s (I kick it with them) that are making substantially more than that, have great jobs, and at least one degree. Granted this may not be the vast majority of people at the club on Friday night but it is definitely a subset of people that exist. I think values in the black community holistically need to be examined, gay or str8.

  8. SB3000 | October 21st, 2013
    +1

    1. The .gif is everything I ever wanted in life!!!!

    2. @nick – Why are u so dead on the fact that u’ll never fall in love? For real man. U might look like shit, possibly, but u have a great head on ur shoulders. I dont know if every1 else has noticed, but I can’t understand why such an eligible bachelor keeps taking such a personal, anti-relatonship stance! I cant wait until u fall in love! U deserve it too man!

    • Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
      +3

      Just so everyone knows…

      Nick is a catch and he is not bad on the eyes. What I think is that is he has low expectations about getting into or finding a relationship as to not be consumed by it like many many gay men can be.

      And yes @nick you a great dude and you deserve a loving relationship one day.

      • SB3000 | October 21st, 2013
        +3

        I assumed he wasn’t bad on the eyes…don’t ask me why, when I have never seen him…but I need him to stop playing n be some1’s good, decent man..jus sayin..

        • Ace of hearts | October 21st, 2013
          +2

          I’m liking this mini intervention you two are having for @nick

        • RolandG
          rolandgarros28 | October 21st, 2013
          0

          I think @nick said in a podcast or something he’s never dated anyone older than himself. I think he needs to link up with a silver daddy. LOL

          In all seriousness, he does seem like a great catch AND he’s in a city where there, apparently, aren’t great catches. It seems like dudes would be beating down his door. I guess he’s not willing to settle which is a good thing. I’ve gotten OLDER myself and I settled a lot, meaning I accepted dates with guys who I knew, absolutely, were not good for me. I’m 100% opposed to wasting time now at my age on men/relationships when I know they’re going nowhere. But honestly, getting dates now is a lot harder now than when I was in my early to mid-twenties.

          • Ocky Williams | October 21st, 2013
            0

            What does OLDER mean?

            • RolandG
              rolandgarros28 | October 21st, 2013
              0

              LOL. Not old before you think that’s what I meant. I mean I feel like there was a change in the scene once I hit a certain age. I’ve always been private and low key but I used to go to a club every other blue moon. Once I hit maybe late twenties and no longer wanted to even do clubs anymore, it seems like dates dwindled. I either had to date someone who considered a date as going to a club with 6 of THEIR friends(young dudes) or guys who considered doing crossword puzzles all day a good date. Once I stopped messing with those types of dudes, I realized my options were slim and I found myself settling just to get a date. That’s when I really pulled myself out of the dating scene for awhile just to give myself a break.

              If you’re looking for a good time, partying and shit, it’s easier finding that as a younger gay guy. But once you hit the age as a gay man where you want more than just clubs and one night stands, it gets harder and it’s easy to become disillusioned with the whole process. I completely understand nick. I’m just trying not give up. As you said in the podcast, Keep hope alive. LOL

              • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
                0

                Why are my ears itching? @ocky @sb3000 @ace6 @rolandgarros28

                • SB3000 | October 22nd, 2013
                  +1

                  Bcus we fux w u kiddo..n I want an invite when u have ur big gay ass wedding in the islands somewhere lol

    • RolandG
      rolandgarros28 | October 21st, 2013
      0

      Oops. I didn’t know you could read these. LOL. We been talkin bout you behind ya back. I was defending you but I think you need to delete @SB3000 for saying you might look like shit, POSSIBLY. LOL

      • hannibal
        Hannibal | October 21st, 2013
        +1

        @nick has made it clear that he likes them young, short, nerdy, and in-betweeny bordering on fem. He implied he likes them bendable in a more disturbing podcast moment.

        • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
          +1

          wtf-eccbc87e4b5ce2fe28308fd9f2a7baf3-2530.gif

          • hannibal
            Hannibal | October 21st, 2013
            0

            I mean is that not what you had said? You’re the one that sent me to the podcast to hear it for myself.

          • SB3
            African King | October 21st, 2013
            +1

            LOL you’ll find love one day. I’ve seen your FB pic. You’re a handsome guy. Keep hope alive big brother!

            • Nick Delmacy | October 21st, 2013
              0

              Hol’ Up! Y’all niccas got it twisted! LOL. Nick Delmacy is not looking for love…When did I ever say that?! Don’t put that curse on me! Love is a weak emotion for suckas!!!

              • RolandG
                rolandgarros28 | October 21st, 2013
                +1

                You never said that? Uh huh. Need I direct you to one of your previous podcasts? You know I’ve memorized them joints like Jerry Falwell has the bible. Stop being so mannish and admit you want love. We don’t judge. LOL

              • hannibal
                Hannibal | October 21st, 2013
                0

                We can have a thirst games. I’m sure people will volunteer as Tribute for @nick

              • SB3000 | October 22nd, 2013
                +2

                Aint nobody here for ur bull @nick – we’ve ALL decided that ur getn a man! Just sit down, shut up, n let us control ur life! 😉

          • SB3000 | October 22nd, 2013
            +1

            @nick – Im not fukn w u n ur .gifs tonite. But..I DO question if ur rly that into ‘soft men’. I feel like ppl heard u say that its ok for u, n ran w it. But I think Nick just wants to be ‘the man’ in his relationships, n hasnt exactly accepted the fact that 2 grown azz men can both be ‘the man’. So whenever he wants to page me…

            • Nick Delmacy | October 22nd, 2013
              0

              Well you were half right. Dudes heard I don’t mind a dude who’s a lil soft and ran with it. 85% of the dudes I’ve dated were masculine by even our rigid standards.

              • SB3000 | October 22nd, 2013
                0

                O, so Im still in the running folks…lol

                • RolandG
                  rolandgarros28 | October 22nd, 2013
                  0

                  Why don’t you just ask him for the digits and get it over with? LOL

                • Ace of hearts | October 22nd, 2013
                  0

                  Y’all are killing me! first I thought it was and intervention now I feel we are seriously trying to hitch @nick ….. There is a headline for you “The Hitch Nick Campaign” LOL

                • RolandG
                  rolandgarros28 | October 22nd, 2013
                  0

                  I’m trying to help my man @SB3000. LOL. I hope we run this campaign better than the Obamacare website or he has no shot. LOL

                • SB3000 | October 22nd, 2013
                  0

                  Its more fun this way!…but unfortunately, I cant just say that, becus these mofos have an error mssg that says ur comment is ‘too short’

  9. Exhibit REY | October 21st, 2013
    +1

    First off, good read (I’m keeping that .gif by the way LMAO). The numbers game is a sticky situation for both hetero & homosexuals. While I’m sure there’s a grain of truth in the statistical date, I wouldn’t put too much stock in them when it comes to determining your future dating/relationship aspects @nick. I have a feeling its because the data used to conduct this research isn’t necessarily current, that’s possibly why the numbers don’t lean in our favor but I could be wrong. But we also have to factor in laws that help the LGBTQ community; most people who identify as gay/lesbian tend to move from state to state because there aren’t too many laws in place that benefit them (when Prop 8 was initially proposed, TONS of gays left California). I will say this though, while I’m not sold on the data presented, I’m definitely intrigued by them and I’m interested in seeing what data from 2011-2013/2012-2013 would present.

  10. Rox808 | October 22nd, 2013
    +1

    Damn. Well I had a few potentials before hand but I had them high ass standards too. ive lowered mine to a point, but hopefully ill get lucky and strike gold.

  11. NextLifetime
    nextlifetime | October 24th, 2013
    +4

    I’m single lol I’m in school, I want better for myself. I’ve met a few guys around my age 21-24 here in my hometown Atlanta that were in school and doing great things. While I agree with most above me there are slim pickings but good guys out there it’s just a matter of finding them.

  12. D.W. | October 29th, 2013
    0

    Those quite interesting, I think are skewed due to those who actually identify themselves, but this shines a light on things for those dudes that want to possibly get in relationships with other black men

  13. CGN | November 30th, 2013
    0

    Well this is encouraging.

  14. Tayvon De'Andre | January 26th, 2014
    0

    This is interesting ..thanks for sharing

  15. Zion MarQuiese Devereaux | February 1st, 2014
    0

    The sad thing is that these numbers get even lower for the superficial, shallow, arrogant, elitist and narrow-minded.

  16. NickAuzenneNOLA
    NickAuzenne | April 9th, 2015
    0

    Interesting to see all of these statistics in one place. Bookmarking this page.




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