The Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions for Gay Men of Color: Part 1

By OckyDub | Posted Jan 3 2013 | No Comments  

Out with the old and in with the new.  2013 brings opportunity for a fresh start by shedding of the previous year’s bad habits.  Always available for a Public Service Announcement, Cypher Ave is here.  I thought it would be motivational to high light subjects that may be hidden in plain sight.  The following will feature points of view that will step on a few toes…not to cripple but in hopes that it gets some of us hopping in the right direction.

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#1 Stop Sleeping with Married or DL Men

Whether you are single and looking for love or single and looking to hook up.  If you know a man is married or in a relationship…keep it moving.
 
Regardless of what attributes he has, there are plenty of honest single men out there who may have the same or better attributes than the lying, cheating, deceiving DL Man.  You may be thinking, “Hey I’m single. I’m not the one in a relationship.  I’m not the one cheating”, but you are aware of the situation which should make you think that you now have a moral obligation to yourself.  Is he the best you can do?

There are some single gay men who are foolish enough to think that the cheating DL man will actually leave his wife or girlfriend after numerous taboo secret tryst.  Understand you are just the jump off and you have no value to this man besides making his penis sneeze.  Besides if they did leave their current relationship, what makes you think he will not cheat on you in the future?

There are also single gay men out there who only seek out married DL men because they feel these men will be discreet and not share the details of their hidden sex-capades.

While this maybe true, being a willing accomplice in betrayal and treachery is wrong and it will eventually come back and bite you in the ass…and not in a good way.

In 2013, have some integrity and dignity for yourself and find a single man to have fun with.


 Picture#2 Stop Seeking Sponsorship

I thought this had come to pass like gay dudes “stunt’n” and running credit card scams; WRONG!  If you are a grown ass man looking to be “kept” and sponsored by another grown ass man or sugar daddy, this makes you a “grown ass man-child”.

As an adult man, you should be seeking out ways to become self sufficient and not looking or relying on another man to buy you shoes, cloths, provide shelter or pay for tuition.  Years ago when my blinders were burned off by the “gay” life, I was shocked to find  gay men who were overly concerned about another man’s finances, the car he drove, the house he lived in and his profession. 

Not just for curiosity’s sake but to see if the man was wealthy enough to pursue and possibly gain sponsorship.  Sorry in advance and excuse my language…that is some ole bitch shit!  Skip the facade and be honest…you are just a gold digging gay male prostitute.

There is nothing wrong with seeking financial help from friends and family when times are hard; however when you go after a man specifically to gain material or financial “come-up-pence” …you’s a bitch!

In 2013, do yourself a favor…get your legs out the air, get off your knees and STAND on your own two feet.


 

Picture#3 Get Tested For HIV

This can’t be emphasized strongly enough.  Right now according to the CDC; young black bi/homosexual men (between the ages of 13 – 29) account for the highest new HIV infections rates among any other age and racial group of bi/homosexual men.

In addition, new HIV infections among young black bi/homosexual men increased by 48% from 2006–2009. Also the CDC estimates that 1.1 million Americans have HIV, but nearly 20% of them don’t know they are infected!

Come on. We can do better.  Men, we have to make it a point to make sure we are having this conversation with our friends and family.  Just as we ask, “Did you see the game last night?”  During our conversations, we need to also include, “Have you been tested?”

Start 2013 off right and get tested and ensure you know your HIV status.


Picture #4 Stop Spending Money You Really Don’t Have

The secret is out.  If you are living check to check, that means you’re broke…BUT if you are living check to check and you are spending money on things you can’t afford (like; shoes, cloths, trips, jewelry, TATTOOS, the club, WEED) then you are broke and busted.

Speaking in “dollars and cents” the average net worth of assets of African Americans (such as property, savings, and investments) minus their liabilities (such as mortgages, car loans, and credit card debt) is $5,677 compared to $113,149 for whites.

Here’s an idea…next weekend instead of going to the club, make some quiet time for yourself.  Get a pen and paper and write down all your expenses and debts owed versus how much money you have coming in per month.  This will determined what is called your “debt to income” ratio.

Next, determine what items and activities can be cut from your list of expenses (like non-necessities) and see about putting this extra money in a savings account, investing in high interest CD’s or paying down your existing debt.  Most importantly make sure you pull a copy of your credit report and FICO scores.  These are now free for you to view at “Annual Credit Report.com

Make 2013 the year you get your financial house in order.


Picture#5 Seek Professional Help for Mental Health

For whatever reason, some in communities of color look at mental illness as a “white folks” problem. Nothing could be further from the truth. We have some serious mental and behavioral issues that need to be diagnosed.

Countless urban communities throughout the US have free programs or hotlines that are available if you need someone to talk to.  If you are gainfully employed, please utilized your medical insurance and seek physiological or psychiatric help if needed.

Plenty of men have been damaged by their struggle of coming to terms with their sexuality or trauma that has occurred in childhood.

At various times physiological pain can manifest itself in ways we can’t imagine affecting work and our personal relationships. Talking about our problems with a trained professional can help. These professionals can diagnose and determine a course of action so the healing begins. This is a delicate area that we can get control of.

In 2013 begin to work on your mental health and understand its just as important as your physical health.


 
Part 2 coming soon.  As always, feel free to leave your feedback.
 
About the Author
OckyDub

Octavius is a founder and editor of Cypher Avenue. He's here to help speak for us and show the world that masculine gay / bisexual men of color are not a part of the stereotypical gay normal that is seen and fed to the masses. No...we are a distinct breed, filled with character and pride. Cypher Avenue is here to show the world how we are different.

   
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