The Unofficial Guide To Being A Man’s Man

By Cypher Avenue | Posted Oct 4 2013 | 30 Comments  

cigar8

This Goldman Sachs inspired list written by @GSElevator [ in collaboration with John Carney (@Carney)] presents satirically fresh look at what it means to be a man today. Many of these tips seem right out of an episode of Mad Men, but quite a few are great nuggets of class and sophistication that can spice up any man’s life.

We’ve tweaked a few of the details to apply them to the type of men who frequent this site by changing some tips regarding women to reference men instead. Let’s go.

 

The Unofficial Goldman Sachs guide to being a man:

  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
  • Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
  • It’s ok to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
  • The best public restrooms are in hotels: The St. Regis in New York, Claridge’s in London, The Fullerton in Singapore, to name a few.
  • Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.

     

    • You will regret your tattoos.
    • Never date an ex of your friend.
    • Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
    • If riding the bus doesn’t incentivise you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
    • Time is too short to do your own laundry.
    • When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.

 

    • If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
    • You don’t have to like baseball, but you should understand the concept of what a pitcher’s ERA means. Approach life similarly.
    • When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go.
 And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
    • People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy. 

    • When in doubt, just kiss the guy. See what happens next.
    • Tip more than you should.

 

    • You probably use your cell phone too often and at the wrong moments.
    • Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the men judging you. And it tells these men you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
    • If you want a nice umbrella, bring a shitty one to church.
    • Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning. 

    • Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave the cell phone in the car.
    • Be a regular at more than one bar.

      Brandy-and-Cigar1

    • Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
    • A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
    • Learn how to fly-fish.
    • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful man.
    • There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
    • You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.

 

    • Ask for a salad instead of fries.

    • Don’t split a check.
    • Sexy men who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
    • Cobblers will save your shoes. So will shoe trees.
    • When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
    • The cliché is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity.

 

    • Be spontaneous.
    • Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. He exists.
    • Piercings are liabilities in fights.
    • Do not use an electric razor.
    • Desserts are for women.
    • Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.


 

    • One boyfriend at a time is probably enough.
    • #StopItWithTheHastags
    • Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.
    • Throw parties. 
But have someone else clean up the next day.
    • You may only request one song from the DJ.

      brandy_and_cigar1

    • Measure yourself only against your previous self.
    • Take more pictures. With a real camera.
    • Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
    • When you admire the work of artists or writers, tell them. 
And spend money to acquire their work. 


    • Your clothes do not match. They go together.
    • Yes, of course you have to buy him dinner.

 

    • Staying angry is a waste of energy.

    • Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
    • If he expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then he doesn’t want you.
    • Always bring a bottle of something to the party.


    • Avoid that “last” vodka. You’ve probably had enough.
    • Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we’ll never know.

 

    • If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs. 

    • Drink outdoors.
 And during the day.
 And sometimes by yourself.
    • Date men outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.

    • If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
    • You cannot have a love affair with vodka because vodka will never love you back.
    • Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Cut it out with the vintage Polo and that ’83 Wagoneer in Nantucket.

 

    • The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist.
    • If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
    • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
    • Never take an ex back. He tried to do better and is settling with you.
    • Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
    • Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party — provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading…”

 

  • Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
  • Male Escorts aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
  • Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
  • Start a wine collection for your kids when they are born. Add a few cases every year without telling them. It’ll make a phenomenal gift in 20 years.
  • Don’t gamble if losing $US100 is going to piss you off.
  • Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”

 

[Via Business Insider Australia]

 

 

About the Author
Cypher Avenue

Cypher Avenue is a direct response to the lack of a single website on the Internet catering to gay/bisexual men that love hip hop, pop culture, video games, sci-fi and mature, open minded conversations. Topics ranging from sex, sports, movies, new tech, science, fashion, comic books, politics, working out, hip hop, booze, television, cars, the outdoors, geek stuff, dating, and relationships; you name it, we have it.

   
Categorized as :
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30 Comments Feel Free To Join The Cypher.

  1. Steven Austin | October 4th, 2013
    0

    Deep! I enjoyed many of these. Very nice!

  2. African King | October 5th, 2013
    +2

    LOL this was an interesting read. This one stuck out to me the most: “Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.”

    If I could do that, that would be a freaking accomplishment!

    • Drewski_ | October 5th, 2013
      0

      This is a must-try, indeed…a good morning challenge.

    • Calm-n-Chill | October 5th, 2013
      0

      Right haha. I need to step my game up.

    • ControlledXaos
      Black Pegasus | October 5th, 2013
      +1

      @AfricanKing start with 20 and add 5-10 reps per week. You will both see and feel the results in days. It will make you look better in your cotton tee shirts and you’ll feel better about your overall confidence.

  3. Drewski_ | October 5th, 2013
    0

    Wait…what’s particularly wrong w/ “It is what it is”?

    And desserts are not just for women!! LMAO

    • Ocky Williams | October 8th, 2013
      0

      I think they mean desserts while out at a restaurant. No saying I agree with this.

  4. ControlledXaos
    Black Pegasus | October 5th, 2013
    +3

    Interesting indeed. These two were the ones that caught my eye.

    1. “Date men outside your social set. You’ll be surprised”.. This could mean several things depending on your definition of “social set”. It could mean getting with someone above or below your financial and educational level, or perhaps your looks and status. It will require courage if you decide to challenge your comfort zone. Go for it! I do it all the time with guys I’m curious about.

    2.”Sexy men who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.”… This one can be tricky, but my experience has taught me that sexy guys who spend time on their bodies, clothing and overall appearance are more receptive to the “attention” garnered from that added detail to their swag. But these types of guys are also very complicated at times, many can be shallow and have hidden self esteem issues. If YOU are the one who decides to crack the ice, make sure you are CONFIDENT with your approach without being overly zealous. And by all means, please have an end game! Breaking the ice with a sexy man is only half the battle. Finish the job by inviting him out for a few shots of ciroc or coffee. Confidence can be more appealing than a gym body…Use what you got and go in! 🙂

    Enjoyable read!

  5. acessential
    acessential | October 5th, 2013
    +2

    Most of these are cool, but some aren’t.

    I will never regret my tattoos, cuz I think about them for months before I commit.

    And that “never use an electric razor” is for white boys. I’ve seen too many brothers get razor bumps. I’ll pass on that.

    • SB3000 | October 7th, 2013
      +2

      True story..ONLY electric razors over here..aint nobody got time for no bic/schick razor bumps

    • Jonah Darnell | October 7th, 2013
      0

      I thought that EXACT same shit!! I never use anything other than electric…

    • Ocky Williams | October 8th, 2013
      0

      I have used razors twice and both times were horrible. Always electric.

  6. SB3000 | October 6th, 2013
    0

    Real talk..most of this made perfect sense..it was like, ‘aight, we got alot of dudes reading n wondering, so lets spell some sht out’! Yo, I enjoyed that! Yall went in umpteenth diff directions, while tryna put mofos on..true story..this might be CA’s biggest one yet..

  7. SB3000 | October 6th, 2013
    0

    No kid gloves, “u grown ass man who wants to meet grown azz masc men who are on ur team..lets start here…” This is def my FAV.POST.EVER!

  8. justjay219
    Justin Jermaine | October 6th, 2013
    0

    This is hands down the best How To guide I have ever come across

  9. D.W. | October 7th, 2013
    0

    Honestly do you @nick and @ocky do most these?

    • Ocky Williams | October 8th, 2013
      0

      In some variations or form, yes. I have some I could add…hell maybe @Nick and @Ocky will work on our own unofficial guide.

      • D.W. | October 8th, 2013
        +1

        I think that will be interesting, cause I know some of these things I do all too much, others I never do.

        Who actually wants a salad with a BURGER, where they do that at, and I only have an electric razor, my dad never taught me to use a razor or shave.

  10. Ocky Williams | October 8th, 2013
    0

    *Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave the cell phone in the car…I need to work on this.

    *Drink outdoors.
 And during the day.
 And sometimes by yourself. HA I do this too much

  11. SB3000 | October 9th, 2013
    0

    [email protected] for having to come back and revisit this post to realize that this wasn’t actually a CA post. See, becus when I originally read it this weekend, I was, ummm..well..yea..

  12. bpaisle
    Byron P. | October 9th, 2013
    0

    I pretty much agree with all of these. I can’t use a manual shaver though. I’m always nervous about razor bumps. I just use the same clippers that I use to line up my hair. I totally agree with the one that says start taking more pictures with a real camera. Some events deserve more than a smartphone camera. Don’t even get me started on people who pull out their big ass iPad to take pictures. There is no way to do it without it looking extremely stupid.

  13. American Hustle | November 19th, 2013
    0

    Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets?!?! I’m so quoting that one tonight when I’m drinking outdoors and actively avoiding any selfies or hashtags

  14. walkdawg
    WalkDawg | January 6th, 2014
    0

    Very interesting post. Some I agree with while others received a shoulder shrug. All in all, cool article. Thanks for sharing.

  15. SB3
    SB3 | July 1st, 2016
    0

    Carry cash..YES! If yall only knew how many times I've wanted to slap a bytch (always women, I promise) trying to charge a 2$ club soda!

    Tie drawer tho…Im good.

  16. jpo
    jpo | July 2nd, 2016
    0

    An interesting list, not necessarily predicated on a GS income: what does translate for me is the number of the points that come down to consideration of others (including charging a $2 soda).
    And despite the photo, I notice there is nothing about smoking – cigars, cigarettes (does anyone still smoke a [tobacco] pipe?), crack – well I wasn't expecting that one, we all know the GS types do lines, which is why it is good to know the best public restrooms.
    I have only one question: do we conclude that vodka is the alcohol of choice at GS? That is surprising.

  17. SB3
    SB3 | July 2nd, 2016
    0
    jpo

    An interesting list, not necessarily predicated on a GS income: what does translate for me is the number of the points that come down to consideration of others (including charging a $2 soda).
    And despite the photo, I notice there is nothing about smoking – cigars, cigarettes (does anyone still smoke a [tobacco] pipe?), crack – well I wasn't expecting that one, we all know the GS types do lines, which is why it is good to know the best public restrooms.
    I have only one question: do we conclude that vodka is the alcohol of choice at GS? That is surprising.

    Vodka is the 'skinny' booze…

  18. LeMignon
    LeMignon | July 21st, 2016
    0

    These were gold!!

    Cypher-Avenue
    • Never date an ex of your friend.
    • When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go.
 And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
    • When in doubt, just kiss the guy. See what happens next.
    • Tip more than you should.
    • Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning. 

    • Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave the cell phone in the car.
    • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful man.
    • Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. He exists.
    • Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.

    • One boyfriend at a time is probably enough.
    • Measure yourself only against your previous self.
    • Your clothes do not match. They go together.
    • Staying angry is a waste of energy.

    • Revenge can be a good way of getting over anger.
    • If he expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then he doesn’t want you.
    • Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life. There may still be a mortally wounded Russian mobster roaming the woods of south Jersey, but we’ll never know.
    • Date men outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.

    • Never take an ex back. He tried to do better and is settling with you.
    • Don’t gamble if losing $US100 is going to piss you off.
    • Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”

    Can someone explain what this means though?

    Cypher-Avenue
    • If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
  19. ColumbusGuy
    ColumbusGuy | July 21st, 2016
    0

    ^^ I think that means that if you are going somewhere like a club and there are ropes and lines, you don't want to be standing in line waiting to see if you can get in(you will look bad). Either know someone there that will let you cut ahead of the line and let you walk right in (like when you say who you are and they check with the person in question and then come back and usher you in, making you look important), or don't get in the line at all. ???

  20. LeMignon
    LeMignon | July 21st, 2016
    0

    Oh ok lol




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