When 21-year-old Adam Harris announced that he was gay to his Alpha Delta Phi brothers at the University of Alabama, he had no idea how they would react. Would they reject him? Would they continue to embrace him in their close community of friendship and trust?
Adam loved his life in the fraternity and didn’t want anything to change, but he understood that if he didn’t want to be treated differently, he needed to prove to his brothers that, despite his sexual orientation, he was still the same loud, cocky asswipe they’d known all along.
“I told them right off the bat that just because I’m a homosexual doesn’t mean I can’t be the same douchebag as I was before,” said Adam, who maintains he still wears the same Oakley sunglasses and croakies he wore back when he was still in the closet. “I’m still going to treat those I’m attracted to like disposable sexual objects, I’m still going to leave my empty protein shake cups festering in the sink for weeks on end, and I’m still going to show up to costume parties in blackface.”
“Yes, I’m gay, but that doesn’t mean I won’t pick fights with people who accidentally bump into me at bars or shout belligerently offensive things at strangers on the street,” he continued. “If anything, it’s kind of cool that I have more license than ever to casually throw the word ‘faggot’ around in conversation.”
Initially, some of his Alpha Delta Phi brothers were uncomfortable with Adam’s confession. Their concerns, however, were unfounded, as six months after coming out as openly gay, Adam is still committed to being the same incessantly deplorable shitstain he’s always been.
“When he first told everyone that he liked slobbing knob, a few of us—me, Gavin, Tanner, Schwartzy—were worried he might start acting like a pussy, but he’s actually been pretty chill,” said Brody Henley, one of Adam’s fraternity brothers. “It’s like, okay, his number-one slampiece might be a dude, but at least he’s getting some anal, you know?”
From Adam courageously embracing his sexual identity to the tolerant, supportive response from his fraternity brothers, everything about this story is inspiring. Be sure to share this with the gay assholes in your life!
First published at Clickhole.com
OckyDub
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Gavin, Tanner, Schwartzy, and Brody.
Bwahahaha!
I thought this was something from The Onion. Close enough.
This had the onion written all over it from the start!
…I don’t even know how to respond to this post…”Good for him” seems appropriate I guess. I’m glad that he didn’t feel the need to make major changes because he decided to own his love of dick…smh…
The part about his number one slampiece is too much lol
This story would go a lot different if Adam were Tyrone.
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I am glad that every school I have been to didn’t have a greek system. Secondly, I don’t understand how in a system that thrives on the idea of brotherhood and fellowship that you don’t know or can’t sense someone’s sexuality…especially someone that is suppose to be Frat brother…this article reads like a work of fiction.
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Truly an inspiration.
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Frat life manifests undesirable characteristic traits and are a breeding ground for those with an identity crisis, low self-esteem, low morale and character. The word “brother” implies a personal relationship, there’s no way in hell you can have a personal relationship with X thousand men …. some bullshit. And you really don’t have one with em in your local chapter, none of my homeboy “line brothers” showed up to his mama funeral, blowing up his phone to check on him, nor help finance the arrangements … I DID. And I’ve seen neos get totally embarrassed/beat up by their “brothers” for forgetting or messing up “the grip” (secret handshake). It’s some child play, hot dumb ass mess bullshit
I got into with a kappa the other day who was trying to recruit my little brother into a chapter that I know (I messed around with a dumb ass kappa from this chapter) can possibly kill or seriously injure him if something goes wrong … them niggas are super ignorant, childish, lame, and stay suspended but unfortunately are now back on campus to brainwash more men and cause havoc once again. But my little brother is better than that, he’ll gracefully and peacefully navigate through life without kappa just like billions of others do on a daily basis. Maybe even be president one day right Barack Obama?
I’m amused when non-greeks are so pressed to discuss Greekdom.
By this rationale you can never discuss Politics, Professional Sports, The Justice System, Women’s Rights, The Medical Field, etc….
Those things are not secret organizations. BY definition fraternities are secretive groups that everyone does not know everything about.
You think Fraternities are “secret” organizations? That’s like saying Coca-Cola is a secret company just because details of their corporate meetings aren’t open to the public.
Also, you do realize this “article” was a joke, right? Its from The Onion’s sister satire site called Clickhole.
you do realize I wasn’t referring to the article right?
I’m amused when some greeks get butt hurt over any criticism.
I have literally seen people turn brand new the second they crossed.
I’m mean I don’t have a problem with people, greeks, who can objectively look at the system but the second greeks start to play the “I’m better than thou card” I tune out.
* STERN STARE* No one is butt hurt. I’m just trying to understand how one can critique that which they do not understand. That’s all.
I understand it well enough that between my family members, friends, associates, and my analytical mind to notice patterns and similarities across all 9 groups.
But you just proved my point so…
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