Many feminist of all genders and orientations use masculinity and misogyny almost interchangeably. As if one can’t exist without the other. While some gay feminist view masculinity as a materialistic accessory with no real value or meaning, others gays want masculinity redefined so whatever new definition they conjure up, it can cater to and fit their needs and sensibilities. These are the same type of gays that can over use and misuse patriarchy and misogyny throughout their diatribes but are quick to ask “what is masculinity?”, as if it’s a foreign concept and the prototype hasn’t been created yet. Okay, enough of my mini-rant.
I’m here to briefly share with you that there is another side to masculinity that I and plenty of others have experienced and know exits. It has nothing to do with misogyny, bullying or asserting dominance over others. It does have to do with caring, compassion and empathy. Let me tell you the recent real life example that inspired me to write this.
One Sunday morning, I haphazardly looked out of my window. Across the street I saw 5 boys playing football. They appeared to rage from 7 to 12 years of age. 3 were Black and 2 appeared to be of Latino or Mexican descent. The oldest or biggest boy was playing the quarterback position. He threw the ball and one of the smaller boys caught it and was tackled by another boy. The tackle was not hard but the way the boy fell; he hurt himself and began to cry. The other boys immediately went to his side to comfort him.
One rubbed the hurt boy’s back, another rubbed his head and the other two kneeled at his feet offering reassurance. What I didn’t see or hear was, “man up”, “don’t be a pussy”, “men don’t cry” or any other angry or aggressive types of responses. These boys were caring and very compassionate for their friend. A couple of minutes later, they boy stopped crying and the oldest asked him if he still wanted to play. The young boy smiled, brushed himself off and their game continued. The young boys had no idea how happy they made me to see and hear their positive interactions.
Of course I have experienced hostile bullies throughout my childhood or misogynistic douchebags in college but I have also experienced moments like the young boys shared during their rough and tumble game of football. Why isn’t this side of masculinity discussed more? Typically when I see and hear masculinity being discussed, it’s usually used or spoken about within negative misogynistic contexts. Masculinity seems to be the cause of bullying, domestic violence, mass shootings, rape, animal extinction and Global Warming. Yes I’m using some sarcasm for the last two examples but masculinity is not the cause of these things; more so they are caused by insecurities and fear.
Outside of sex and sexual imagery, masculine and or masculinity at times appear to be Politically Correct dirty words. I feel straight and gay masculine men need to speak up and out concerning the stereotypical negative views that seem to be associated with masculinity. We need to start constructively challenging the current narrative around masculinity, because right now the feminists have hijacked it and are dominating the conversation.
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