No other Cypher Avenue Freshman Class inductee has embraced the site and this community more than the Squad Member of the Month for February 2016, @cypher21.
Let's rundown some of his Greatest Hits: He not only incorporated the name of the site into his screen name, at one point went a step further by superimposing the CA logo into his real Face Pic Avatar. Boss.
On top of that, he's unafraid to start new threads and ask other members questions... He often adds to other Squad Member's new threads with long, detailed, substantive responses (often with photos included)... And so far he's the only new Squad Member to join the 1,000 DAPS CLUB.
@cypher21, as Squad Member of the Month, you don't actually win anything except permission to respond with this Aretha Franklin level Shade towards Patti LaBelle if anyone stands in your way from accepting this honor:
Oh, and also a few celebratory Harry Potter gifs:
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I have been hunting the internet for movies that one we as "masculine " gay community can one relate to that for one doesn't fall into the cliche route. If I can think of one I would say My Brother the Devil
Because I have been through a similar circumstance, less violence of course, I can relate to the feelings of the characters involved. That aside this is a good watch, that doesn't fall into the same trappings of the cliche
- Thread: QUESTION: In High School Were You Openly Gay, Openly Bisexual Or Were You Pretending To Be Straight?
Many of us are Out and openly dating men now that we're older....But was that the case for you even in High School?
To be honest, in hindsight, I had a feeling that I was gay as far back as Middle School...but it wasn't until High School that I started to realize that I was bisexual or gay...
But I came up in the Midwest in the 90s...no black kids were openly gay back then...even the ones who were obviously gay (ie: effeminate men on the cheerleading team).
So I became the kid hiding my growing hormones in the shadows. But the boys just seemed to get better and better looking to me as we all got older. And it didn't matter what race they were.
There was one blue-eyed Jewish kid that I was friends with (I had even gone to his Bat Mitzvah) who suddenly had become mesmerizing to me. I would see him talking and stare at him like:
There was a skinny underachieving light-skinned black kid with freckles and curly hair that I would miss every time he skipped class (which was often, he eventually didn't graduate on time with our class). When he was absent I would be like:
There was a tight-bodied dark-skinned upperclassman who was very frisky with his hands and would cop a feel on me from time to time when no one was looking. I was so paranoid about being "found out" that I never reciprocated, always pulled away and feigned disapproval (I still regret that to this day).
But I was also attracted to girls (and tittays...I love me some tittays) so I pretty much focused on them for most of my matriculation through high school. I dated a few girls but no one I would consider a "high school sweetheart."
Although I was somewhat popular among my classmates, I didn't date much...I kept myself distracted by joining up with as many extracurricular activities as possible (except sports, I was always pretty tall but never very athletic). Even still, I definitely wasn't "the gay kid" or even suspected to be by classmates back then (my mother is another story, a long one).
As the years in High School went on, the attraction to fellow teenage boys (that I tried hard to suppress) had grown stronger.
I got erections while learning to wrestle in gym class and changing in the locker room showers...I manipulated attractive guys into friendships just so that I could be around them more...I even secretly sketched caricatures of my dude crushes in my notebooks (yup, I can draw).
I was horny, repressed and became a straight up bitch.
The kind who you imagine reading Sweet Sixteen Magazine. I even kept a secret journal about my overwhelming crushes for these nikkas since I didn't have ANYONE to actually talk to about it.
I became Drake before Drake even existed.
I wasn't doing this kind of extra stuff with the girls I was dating or liked...So by the time we graduated I knew I had to accept that I was mostly gay, not bisexual. Definitely not Bisexual enough to become a dude who would eventually get married to a woman and never have or act on homosexual urges ever again in my life.
Once I left the Midwest to attend college in the Dirty South...I knew that I had to have my first gay experience as soon as possible.
This ended up being delayed by 6 months because a fellow classmate FROM MY HIGH SCHOOL decided to attend the SAME college as me. So of course we hung out in the same small group of freshmen friends.
Being that I was still (unnecessarily) paranoid about people from my high school finding out about me, I was handcuffed. He ended up dropping out after only one semester, so then I felt like I was finally free to explore that repressed side of my sexuality.
I still didn't become "the gay dude" or have tons of whorish gay sex, but at 19 years old I finally got that first taste of what gay intimacy and intercourse was like with another dude. It was marvelous.
The rest is history. It was on and popping from then.
In hindsight, I do kinda wish I had taken more of a risk in high school to explore my sexuality. While we didn't have Jack'd, Grindr or sites like Cypher Avenue back then, I did highly suspect that some other classmates were down as well.
And while I may have been rejected if I made a move or just became overly touchy, at least word may have gotten out to a kid on the down low who actually wanted to experiment and/or possibly date...even in secret.
However, I have heard horror stories from men who were outed as a kid and even had to change schools because of the torment that came as a result. So maybe it's for the best that I didn't come Out in High School.
So what's your story?
Were you Openly gay in high school?
Were you openly Bisexual?
Were you paranoid like me?
Did you have gay sex at all as a high school student?
Let us know your journey through adolescence....
Wassup guys. I’m 25 turning 26 in November. I’m currently exploring my sexuality lately trying to figure out what I want. I’ve been suppressing feelings so long and not living out what I am. Hope you all support me on this journey. I must admit I am a bit scared and hesitant of. Hope you all can answer my questions and be straight up with me!
26. I have a photo to prove it.
However I'm thicker with higher body fat but stronger than I was then too. So I'd say that in comparison to then and now, I cancel things out between the two different bodies.
I'm working in reigning things back in but....
This is so true.
However, people can still get their body right, they just have to put in more effort and finding what works for them and their body. I'm working on my IIFYM numbers now.
- Thread: Let's Talk Fetishes
I have a couple fetishes. I am a top that likes guys bigger than me in stature and "down there." It's a psychological dominance thing that turns me on...being the aggressor when physiologically, I am not, in comparison. I'm kind of a nerd, and am reserved, laid back and pretty chill. My sexual alter ego is just the opposite, so the dominance thing, I guess, just fits into that. My other fetish is hands. I notice hands and become attracted to a person because of them. I kinda think that has something to do with the fact that I play piano; hands are something that just kinda stand out to me. But my junk will get hard if I see a guy with nice hands.
I once dated a guy who liked to ride me and would turn around to grab my feet when he was ready to nut. Feet were like another sexual organ to him.
- Thread: What Would You Do?
This actually happened to me like 6 years ago. Met a guy on the chat lines, dope masculine voice, was very discreet due to his music career. We talked on the phone for hours. Planned to finally meet a couple days later.
I chose a local dive bar since I figured he'd want something private yet still public.
I wore my typical attire, a fitted cap and skateboard sneaks...and waited in the bar for him to arrive. When I tell you this dude showed up looking like he was in a Prince outfit and wearing some bright yellow boots, I lie to you not. And he had his curly hair out in a big Jewish permed Afro. He was technically a black guy but was mixed with at least 4 different things.
The dude was beautiful though, great features and skin, good convo... which is why I still kicked it w him.
It was kinda embarrassing in that bar though.
Nahhhh that's santorum, heavy on the lube. The colon (and rectum and anus for that matter) is not a vagina. Im not aware of it producing all manner of secretions during sex, like female organs could.
"But but but, doesn't the colon have mucus cells?" I hear you ask. Yes, there are mucus-secreting cells there, but when you look at the histology of the colon, the tissue is mostly cells that absorb stuff (water mostly, a lot of what the colon does!). The mucus is there mostly as protection.
So, naaah. Naaaaahhh. Any wetness down there is gonna be santorum or the dudes nut. Dudes need to stop calling their booties *ussy or bussy or mussy and whatever the hell else they do these days. The booty just doesnt work that way. And youre not a woman.
Now imma go back to..um...investigating those vids.
- Thread: Your Thoughts?
This should not be surprising to any gay guy who's ever read online dating profiles. Dudes can be real nasty about this. What I find odd is most of the guys online claim to be negative but the infection statistics tell a different story......hmmmm.
"“Today, I’m not only sorry for what happened, but I condemn it. That’s why I looked for help and I am certain everything will be cleared. Likewise, I’m following the process and am always willing to collaborate with authorities to prevent the evil that resulted from this big mistake. More importantly, I ask my family for forgiveness. They are my life’s priority and I will continue to fight for them always.”"
I wish I knew what the apology was for or why it was needed. What exactly needs to be cleared? WTF do you need to speak with authorities about?...to prevent evil? Oh now I get it...
I jacked off in a film over a decade ago that was apart of a gay film and since the world (God) hates queers and fags, (but not big booty whores, simulated fornication, drugs and liquor in music videos) I'm so sorry for being 'attached' to some gay homo shit. I'm not gay I love women (see my music videos) and my team (via PR firm statements) will get to the bottom of why I needed money to jack off on video while seeking fame and stardom.
Fuk him and his Kevin Hart apology.
I actually enjoyed this. Been feelin Tripp since that reality show. 100% my type of dude.
Brodney is actually really handsome, but sounds like a 12 yr old girl. Sorry, not sorry.
I like the juan n gee dynamic and the fact that theyre using their years long relationship as a platform to come up. Visibility matters. However, Im personlly not feeling them dedicating their ball to the ballroom community this year. Everything gay doesnt have to be for EVERY gay under the lgbtrnsgdkfneianzn___ umbrella. U can't just be an accountant, doctor, mailman, hairstylist OR bartender who HAPPENS to be gay and uninterested in super stereotypical gay shyt, and still get to kick back.
I also feel like, while not a couple, but esp w the roundtable approach, @Nick Delmacy n @Ockydub could have ran this lane for years, esp as legit masc dudes. I understand the disinterest in universal visibility, but I also get that this many years in, wer'e STILL talking about the lack of diversity/masc men being willing to rep.
- Thread: Going Limp
My Two Cents.....
Plenty of men are not into anal sex. If its not what you're into I think it goes with out saying no one is forcing you to do it. To help with alleviating the frustration, maybe stop getting sexually involved with dudes who want it (or want it on the regular) and link up sexually with guys who are into "frottage" or "sides"; we've shared this before on Cypher Ave Guys on the ‘Side’: Looking Beyond Gay Tops and Bottoms
Frot (slang for frottage; ult. from the French verb frotter, "to rub") is a non-penetrative form of male-male sexual activity that usually involves direct penis-to-penis contact. The term was popularized by gay male activists who disparaged the practice of anal sex, but has since evolved to encompass a variety of preferences for the act, which may or may not imply particular attitudes towards other sexual activities.
Also...(don't know if this is your issue) but some dudes have watched so much porn through out their lives and have become so accustomed to masterbating while watching, that they are not able to perform sexually due to the difference in stimulation and sensation.
- Thread: Self Acceptance
It's a day to day process. I feel like so many black gay men are broken because of all the things we've had to face our whole lives. Many of us look for love and acceptance through other men and that's just just a recipe for toxic, needy, and unhealthy relationships. We should really find it within ourselves because at the end of the day, the only person who could make you truly happy is yourself. If someone isn't comfortable with themselves, they're going to poison any relationship they have with someone else.
I just say fuck the world. I'm pretty introverted, so it's easy. I have a handful of friends and family who care for me. And that's all I need. Whenever I'm facing something difficult or feeling insecure about something, I always think "What's the worst that can happen?" A lot of the time, the worst isn't even all that bad. And even if it, so what? If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. You can't change that. The only thing you can change is your mindset.
- Thread: First Time Bottoming
Many of you know my journey of being with guys over the last few months and my rendezvous with my coworker bae (who we are going to refer to him as Dame). Well I shared with you all that I am spending the weekend with him. He’s actually helping me tell this story to lol.
So anyway, me and Dame been having some serious fuck sessions the past couple of weeks. The last few times we’ve been at it, I’ve noticed Dame has been getting a bit handsy and playing around my ass. He did informed me that he’s technically versatile so I already knew one day he would want to fuck me. So earlier today we were about to go at it again. We’ve been drinking all day, lounging around and horny. Dame flat out said “let me fuck you!” I don’t know if it was the drinks or what but I agreed.
Mind you I have already heard of the horror stories of anal sex but I’ll admit I kinda dabble with it even with my ex girlfriend. I didn’t let her use a strap or anything but there were times she fingered me and I also used a 2 inch butt plug a few times so this wasn’t the first time anything went up the back door. So I got up and showered and used douche. (Sidenote: douching is really a mood killer when you are like ready to go now lol). After the clean up, I was kinda hoping he would have move on from me getting fucked but nope he was already game. I let Dame know the deal that this is my legit first time and his ass better be patient with me or I’m going to literally punch him in the face. He grin and said alright but I knew the mf’er was lying.
So I am going to bypass the foreplay shit and get right into it. He had this numbing lube and put some on my ass. It tingled me but I was so nervous and my heart was racing. He finally put some lube on him and position his dick to my hole. His initial entry didn’t feel bad at all. It just felt wider that my little butt plug. He asked how I was the whole time. Then I got a little impatient and told him I’m ready for him to put it all in. He did asked a couple of time if I was sure and I said yes. He did and when I tell you I let out the loudest yelp. Just imagine a crying goat. Or when Castro bottoming. That was me. He was smiling the entire time too. I did have moments when i enjoyed it. Like I don’t know if I was was turned on by knowing another dude just as masculine as me in me. It just did something to me. Bro I was sweating and waiting for him to be done.
It seemed like it took him forever to cum lol. Then he just laid on top of me for a while. I have gained a new respect for both him and others who do this shit regularly. It really takes a lot of concentration. It is a humbling experience hahahaha. Like I was so worried the whole time about the obvious but I see that he didn’t stop so I guess I was good. You couldn’t have told me I would have ever did this even a week ago but here I am. I think every guy once need to experience this (even though I know a lot are going to decline lol). I wanted to know from others how were their first bottoming experience and any tips for me in the distance future (if I decide to do this again).
- Thread: black male writers for our time
diverse list of black men in literature: novelists, poets, playwrights, short story writers.
check out the interactive list and article. it's pretty dope. proud to say a couple of my homies are featured. many black gay writers are also featured. all black e'rythang.
I have a lot of men in my family. One brother, a few uncles, some nephews and a whole bunch of cousins. I love them all, but I really don’t have a lot in common with any of them.
And this applies to me from their perspective as well. I’m sure from their perspective, their gay (brother, uncle, nephew, cousin) isn’t really the most relatable person in the clan. However, many of them don’t even know I’m gay, and if they do (or suspect), I’m not vocal or outwardly gay around them. It just never comes up, neither by me or them. What I do project is success, intelligence, love of family, the ability to talk to anyone on their level and generosity.
My younger brother is great and I love him…Our father passed away when we were very young so we he kinda only had me to look to when he was growing up. Not to brag, but I think he had a decent role model with me. I never got into trouble, did well in school, went to college, started a career early and became pretty successful at it (well, at least enough to support myself).
But besides our mother, his marriage, two kids and frivolous pop culture, we don’t have a lot to talk about with each other on a non-superficial level. He’s religious, I’m not. He doesn’t really talk politics past the news headlines. We can’t discuss my dating (or lack thereof) since he’s straight. He doesn’t really drink and he no longer “turns up.” And although he has a great full time job, he’s constantly broke, borrowing money from me or our mother.
I have a bigger social media following than my 21-yr-old introverted rapper nephew. He gets zero replies or likes, yet he posts 5x more than me…If he’s not reposting memes, he rants about girls and all his “haters.” If I comment on one of his posts/photos, he deletes the whole post/photo by the end of the day. I get it, Unc might embarrass you to your friends...but with no other likes or comments, clearly no one else is checking for what you have to say, Neph.
I love the dude, but I do wish he was a bit more scholarly, sociable and extroverted. Same with my 15-yr-old nephew. He has no interests, goals or hobbies besides eating and watching YouTube. Typical for a teenager, but usually you see some signs of who they will be as adults around that age.
They both just kinda take up space. Nowadays, I see so many 16 to 21 year olds who are HUNGRY AF. They are business owners, collegiate scholars, musicians, athletes, articulate advocates for causes, party promoters, YouTubers and Podcasters, etc.
Not all young Black men will be Marques Brownlee, but can I at least get my nephews to rise to Chief Keef status, building a successful career while on house arrest?
Say what you will about Meek Mill and Chief Keef, they put in a lot of WORK. After buying him equipment to make music, I asked my aspiring rapper nephew to send me some tracks to forward to a colleague who could help him get exposure (something he says he desperately needs help with). After getting no response for over 24 hours (he keeps his phone on him at all times), he informed me that he (coincidently) just had a hard drive crash so he lost all of his music. I can’t imagine even Meek or Keef having the same response when they were as young as 16 years old.
There’s still hope for my youngest nephews (under 6 years old), and I haven’t given up on the older ones, but I hope one of them turn out to be something more than just alcoholic baby making machines.
My Uncles have never been traditional Uncles. None of them have ever done anything for me in my entire life. Not even just gifts, even just advice or being much needed male role models after my father passed away when I was a pre-teen. If anything, all I was taught (by example) was to not do crack cocaine (middle uncle) and, if possible, cut off your entire family and create a new one (oldest uncle).
Even to this day, I don’t have a relationship with any of them besides cordial “hellos” at family functions. Just last summer, one of my uncles bragged about having a “good job” making $12/hr (without benefits) in a 100˚ industrial factory (youngest uncle, still older than me). Without any living grandparents, I don’t have any older men in my family to look up to.
Pretty much all of my male cousins are typical blue collar midwesterners, hourly factory jobs are seen as “winning.” Conversations consist of liquor, weed, hoes and “getting money.” They all say they want to come to Atlanta, not to network or look for career opportunities…they want to go to the strip clubs and go “where the hoes at, cuz?”
There is ONE male cousin (my favorite), about 8 years younger, who is dope AF. He has a well paid engineering job in addition to owning several businesses around the country. He’s smart, articulate, a master at code-switching and has traveled the world way more than I have. The diamond in the rough. Even his own brothers are nothing like him.
The women aren’t that much better, only one or two of them are close to Michelle Obama territory (intelligent, successful, articulate women who can hold their own in a board room as well as a backyard barbecue). At the end of the day, I do love all of my family. The hood fabulous and all.
And I’m not saying that I expect all the men in my family to be molded out of a cookie-cutter Black Millennial web series spinoff of Dear White People where everyone causally quotes Friedrich Nietzsche, Tupac Shakur and Steve Jobs in the same freestyled monologue about Technology, Politics and Race in America:
No I don’t expect this (it would be nice though), but I do kinda wish I could go to a family reunion or gathering and be in awe about how dope and inspiring the Black men in my family were, both young and old.
Making the jump from dating to starting a new relationship is exciting. It’s also a big deal. Not just a big deal because you’re taking your relationship to the next level, but because things are about to get serious, and seriousness involves having a talk about specifics.
Although there are definitely things that you should know about someone before you date them, since you’re not perfect, there are things you need to share as well. Fair is fair after all. And, more importantly and perhaps even more obvious, is the fact that being up front and honest in the beginning is better than surprising your partner later on in the relationship.
While I strongly feel that you don’t have to share your sexual past or anything else that’s definitely not your partner’s business, there are still some things that they deserve to know. Just like you deserve to know some specifics about them. So before you cozy into a new relationship, take a moment to think about addressing these
Here are 11 things you should tell someone before you get into a relationship.
1. Your Political Views
Considering 47 percent of Millennials wouldn't date someone who doesn't share their politics, if you haven’t covered this yet, then it’s a must. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone then realize, after the fact, that they’re anti-choice, anti-same-sex marriage, and think that “making America great again” via Donald Trump is a good idea — unless you’re on the same page with all this. If you’re not, then there could be problems.
2. Your Relationships With Your Exes
First of all, you’re under no obligation to maintain relationships with any of your exes. In fact, many people don't stay friends with exes, so it’s not likely that your new partner will judge you for it. But let’s say it ended badly and resulted in restraining orders or other legal issues, then it might be something you want to share — just as much as you want to share the fact that you’re besties with all your exes. Because that’s something your new partner deserves to have a heads up about, too.
3. Your Relationship With Money
Even if you’re not getting married or moving in together, your soon-to-be partner should know your thoughts on money. Money is a sensitive subject. People who spend a lot have a hard time understanding people who are frugal and vice versa. This isn’t to suggest it’s a dealbreaker, but it’s important to be aware how you both feel about money. If it does evolve into living together, it would be nice to already have that out of the way.
4. Your Plans For The Future
I’m not talking long-term here, but you should definitely share your short-term plans. If you have every intention of joining the Peace Corps in the next six months, this is definitely something you tell someone before you get into a relationship with them. It’s unfair to you both if you start something, it’s great, you’re both in love, then you’re being shipped off for a two-year stint in a country a world away.
5. Your Employment Status
If you’re currently unemployed or even between jobs, this is something you should definitely share. There’s nothing wrong with being unemployed, but if this person you’re about to be in a relationship with is going to be paying for the bulk of things until you find employment again, they need to know.
6. Your Relationship With Your Family
No family is without its drama. But if you have one of those families where things are always crazy and you’re getting sucked into it while picking the pieces of a sibling’s most recent escapades, then you should consider letting your partner know. If there’s a part of your life that can occasionally interfere with your relationship, you can’t keep it to yourself. Think of Sarah in Love Actually — the fact that she has to answer her brother’s phone calls 100 times a day is something that one should share before getting into a relationship.
7. Your Expectations
I feel like when we make the jump for “just dating” to “relationship official,” we often leave out what our expectations are for the relationship and our partner. As someone who has made this mistake, I have two words for you: Bad idea. You can’t go blindly into a relationship, hoping for the best, without letting your partner know what you want for yourself, for them, and for the relationship as a whole. To not cover this, will just lead to disappointment.
8. Your Need (Or Not) For Alone Time
While there are those who need ample alone time, there are those who simply don't. Whether you value independence or togetherness is something to discuss, if they don't already know. That's not to say that independent people and dependent people can't succeed in a relationship — but it may be something you need to work out.
9. Your Level Of Jealousy
Although a bit of jealousy is OK, because hey, you’re only human. Obsessive jealousy, on the other hand, is not and it leads to a whole slew of arguments. While you may be in denial about just how jealous you can get, you need to dig deep and try to come up with the truth. If you’re going to get jealous every time your partner goes out with their friends, or anyone else for that matter, they need to know.
10. Your Need For Privacy
Some people when they get into relationships suddenly hand over their password to their email, Twitter, Facebook, phone — you name it. While others enjoy keeping things very private and wouldn’t have it any other way. Just because you’re in a relationship with someone, it doesn’t mean your need for privacy goes out the window. So this is something to make clear.
11. Your Views On Monogamy
If you think your partner liking an ex's Facebook photo is cheating — and some people do — and your partner doesn’t see the harm, then arguments are bound to happen. Just like what constitutes cheating can vary from person to person, so can how you view relationships. Are you monogamous? Non-monogamous? If you're in an open relationship, what types of sexual behaviors are permissible? What aren't? There are a ton of possibilities when it comes to relationship styles. Cover this topic before you get into a relationship so you know you're on the same page with what's cool and what isn't.
11 Things You Should Tell Someone Before You Get Into A Relationship With Them
- Thread: Today is Ocky's Birthday...
- Thread: Public Service Announcement
I was informed that a known Cypher Avenue Squad Member broke the Gay Bro Code. A member that most of you all know.
It was awhile ago but he shared personal (private) info about one (or more) member to who knows how many others. Might be happening more than we know with other members.
Our goal was to create a dope place online for many discreet gay/bi masc men to converse and feel at home. Your privacy (and ours) is important to us. If you choose to reveal certain information about yourself to others, it should be YOUR choice. When members knowingly take that choice away from you, that's a violation. I think Ocky and I have built enough respect with the members to know we would never break that trust.
However, we can't control what happens when ppl converse off-site. Y'all be careful what you do & say to ppl online or in meet-ups, especially those you barely know.
And remember that dudes gossip just as much as women.
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