Best Posts in Forum: Articles and Essays

You hit the nail on the head!
It's not just the church but a lot of people that are in this position are in it because of that. Younger generations also can't become independent from parents or guardians as soon or easily as 20 years ago so sometimes they have to fall in line with their wishes until they're stable enough to move out. I honestly think people really underestimate or overlook this fact when discussing this topic, as it's easy to do whatever you want when you live hundreds of miles from family and past relationships. Unfortunately not everyone has the capability to do that or would even want to.

I understand a lot of progress has been made in terms of progress among the younger generations, media, legislation, etc but we still have a ways to go. I think it's like racism, we can fight its spread and do things to make sure people's rights and freedoms are intact but we'll never eradicate it completely.

 

Well if you think about it, the answer is fairly simple. While society may be more open to most issues, gay issues especially, that doesn't make individual households and sects of society more understanding. Especially in those minority sects. The minority is always the last faction to change. While more black households may have a gay homeboy, hair dresser or choir member, it's very different than it being in your own home. One may be more accepting on a larger scale, but the minute something comes knocking on their door things tend to shift.

 

I struggled on how to approach this subject because at times when I attempt to discuss certain subject matters, it can come across as attacking. By the title you know the subject matter and I think it should perhaps obviously be acknowledged that there are multi-millions of heterosexual allies out there who champion for equality and anti-discrimination causes lead by LGBTQ coalitions.

I remember a time not that long ago, when I made a commitment to use the term non-heterosexual more frequently instead of Gay or Queer. My reasoning is that I don’t want to take away the ability for others to sexually self-identify instead of mass labeling those who happen not to be heterosexual. Another term I’m using more is anti-homosexual instead of homophobia. The usage of homophobia always seemed odd to me. I never thought nor felt the people who view me as an abomination, fear me. Many of them think of me as a deviant problem that needs a solution before their utopia can be obtained.

A couple of times in the past something that I’ve tried to articulate to others but failed, was how I think that many heterosexuals harbor anti-homosexual views even amongst seemingly supportive or tolerant allies. Evan though the term Hetero Supremacy came across my radar a couple of years ago, I’m just now connecting to its weight of meaning. It identifies what I’ve been observing and experiencing for much of my life. I would like to attempt to shed light on and identify what I feel are elements of hetero supremacy.

“I may be poor but at least I’m White”; with this phrase the speaker identifies his privilege or advantage in society while acknowledging their perceived supremacy to other races (mainly Black). This thinking is in the well of White Supremacy.

By comparison, hetero supremacy means heterosexuals who believe they are superior to non-heterosexuals and heterosexuality is the only acceptable practiced sexuality. The reason I preference “practiced” is because I think some heterosexuals are morally and sexually less offended with homosexual individuals who vow celibacy like priests, monks or nuns – “Hate the sin, love the sinner.”

As previously mentioned, I believe many heterosexual allies can also be hetero supremacists. Hetero supremacy doesn’t necessarily mean one is anti-homosexual. A hetero supremacist can be for marriage equality but secretly against a homosexual president over their country. Also keep in mind hetero supremacists can believe non-heterosexuality is not a choice.

The LGBTQ community likes to point out studies that prove many self-identifying heterosexuals, who have anti-homosexual views or behaviors have hidden or suppressed homosexual tendencies. To help substantiate these findings are the many public scandals featuring hard line right wing conservative politicians or clergymen who have been caught up in homosexual affairs. Though this is a common theme, I think the majority of hetero supremacists are not repressed homosexuals or bisexuals.

Some hetero supremacists think that non-heterosexuals have cabal like agendas that negatively influences cultures in addition to destroying families and communities. Even though non-heterosexuality has existed for an eternity and civilizations have thrived, there or those who feel that the five to fifth-teen percent of the population is somehow going to make heterosexuals turn against their sexual instincts and nature.

For many hetero supremacists, male homosexuality and pedophilia are indistinguishable. They occupy the same magnitude of deviancy. This myth coupled with other abhorrent tales primarily targets homosexual males and casts them as the harbingers or moral filth. Interestingly hetero supremacy can show leniency towards sexualized feminine lesbians and bisexual feminine women.

From almost every continent there are daily media stories of non-heterosexual peoples facing discrimination and differing levels of persecution (up to death). Globally non-heterosexuals are being bashed, raped, tortured and killed for having the perceived incorrect or unacceptable sexuality. This is due to hetero supremacy merging with anti-homosexual violence.





In accordance with a true heterosexual’s nature; homosexuality is the one thing heterosexuals could never be. This is their one sin that’s truly uncommittable and one that they will never have to seek repentance for. Hetero supremacists own that space and that space wields power. This power infused with anti-non-heterosexual ideologies and hateful sentiments can been viciously enforced.



On the other end of this spectrum one would think that those who profess that they are “tolerant” of the LGBTQ community couldn’t wear the armor of hetero supremacy but this is not true.

Racism within the Liberal Left has seen more exposure in media narratives and recently films like Get Out have helped push that dialogue further. Tolerant hetero supremacist can get overly sensitive, defensive or aggressive when the subject of homosexuality is broached. Similar to how some White liberals react when the racism focus is on them instead of conservatives.

Hetero supremacist allies can feel secure and comfortable in their positions and will occasionally say offenses that to them seem harmless.

For example, some things a “tolerant” hetero supremacist ally could say of or to a non-heterosexual:

“I don’t have a problem with gay people but I don’t want it around my kids.”​

“Just don’t try to push up on me, or make sexual advances towards me.”​

“I’m tired of homosexuality being shoved in my face”​

“I just don’t understand. How could you not want to be with a woman?”​

“I don’t have a problem with gay people but why does it have to be on every TV show?”​

“It should stay behind closed doors.”​

“You’re too masculine (male) / feminine (female), to be gay.”​

“You’re so attractive. What a waste.”​

Speaking of tolerance…who the fuck wants to just be tolerated? This toleration is akin to tolerating the barking dog up the street at 2 a.m. or tolerating the crying baby on the air plane. I want the historical contributions by non-heterosexuals to man-kind to be acknowledged and celebrated…not tolerated like a nuisance.

Some of us may even have hetero supremacists in our families that may love us…like my mother. I’m the apple of her eye but she feels she missed out on grand kids, even though she has four from my brother. She also feels like she missed out on my heterosexual wedding and has reservations about attending my imaginary homosexual wedding. More importantly, her religion tells her that I’m going to hell when I die because I don’t view homosexuality as a sin or abomination that needs death bed atonement.

Another thing that hetero supremacists do is label the everyday lives of non-heterosexual peoples as living or having a “Life Style”. There’re cultural differences that are exclusive and celebrated by non-heterosexuals but for the most part non-heterosexuals and heterosexuals live the exact same boring, uneventful, rat race filed lives. What type of “life style” is being referred to exactly? Not only that, many liberal leaning hetero supremacists don’t have a problem with using non-heterosexuals to accentuate and elevate their images as it relates to fashion, slang and dance while still viewing non-heterosexuals as morally deficient. Gays can style and dress the heterosexual wedding while the recipients of the homosexual expertise are against Gay Marriage.

Slightly switching gears, because my life has been and continues to be surrounded by Black people, I need to get real specific about Black hetero supremacists.

97.9% of all the anti-heterosexual sentiments I’ve received in life have come from Black people. I’m aware this is because Black people are the majority race that has existed in my proximities; nonetheless that doesn’t change my experiences. White society may have told me I’m less than and inferior to Whites, but the Black community told me I was less than a Black man and my sexuality facilitates the destruction of my community.

The Black community told me my homosexuality was a European invention and un-African. I learned that historically white supremacy and colonialism oppressed and decimated large swathes of indigenous melanated peoples across the majority of the world. I learned about “buck breaking” and how slave masters and whites sodomized African male slaves in the Americas which is how homosexuality “spread” among African people.

I did learn about how Christianity within colonialism took root and begin to alter cultures and change supposed uncivilized beliefs. I didn’t hear about indigenous melanated peoples of North and South America and their non-anti-homosexual cultural attitudes that existed before colonialism. I didn’t hear about the indigenous melanated peoples of the South Pacific, parts of Asia or in Australia (before colonialism) whose cultures didn’t condemn nor persecute non-heterosexuals.



Homosexuality and all other forms of non-heterosexualities are not a European construct or invention. The Black community regulated my sexuality as a byproduct of European colonialism and un-African-ness; willfully and purposely ignoring world historical evidence to the contrary.

Hetero supremacy is looking down upon non-heterosexuals with a moral smugness and knowing that regardless of all their heterosexual short comings, sins, poor judgments, vices and brutalities, at the end of the day, they can still say, “I may be poor but at least I’m not Gay.”



Concerning the header photo; I wanted to show the juxtaposition between violent white supremacy and violent extreme hetero supremacy. Regardless of religion, race or ethnicity, many heterosexuals throughout the world who would disagree on a multitude of issues, have a united bond in their common hatred of homosexuals… easily allowing oppressed peoples to become oppressors.







Read the whole post here.

 

In exactly two weeks, we will be celebrating our 5th Anniversary of blogging for the community. Five years. Wow. And many people thought (and wished) that we would not make it this long.

If Cypher Avenue is like a college fraternity, then Discreet City was our High School locker room. A place where the fellas felt free to discuss any and everything, no matter whose feathers we ruffled. And ruffle feathers we did.

There has been no website created for and by the Black gay community as controversial as Discreet City/Cypher Avenue…sometimes for good reason. We pissed off the gay feminists, we pissed off the white gays, we pissed off some of our fellow bloggers and content creators…we even often pissed off each other.

One of my close friends called this site “The Fox News of the Gay Community” due to our assertive masculine-leaning point of view and frank discussion on taboo issues.

We were just two guys (myself and Ocky Williams), frustrated with the lack of websites and online communities that we could relate to as Black gay men. Instead of arguing for others to cater their spaces to fit our interests, we decided to build our own.

We never realized that we’d be showing thousands of fellow gay men that they were not alone, helping to give them courage to come out of the closet to friends and family, creating a space for them to connect offline with others like themselves, and that this site would eventually become one of the leading Black gay websites in the entire world (no lie, we have the stats to prove it).

Today we look back at our not-so-humble beginnings.



This was the original banner and menu bar for this website. A new subtitle would often be swapped out depending on how we were feeling that week. For two men with no experience running or building a professional website, everyday was on-the-job training.

The origin story of our site has been told by us before, but for the new Squad Members:

Back in 2010, I had been exploring the gay spaces online and posting in the BGCLive forums for about a year before I got frustrated. Just about every blog, YouTube video, Blog Talk Radio show and podcast were strictly from a feminine or fem-leaning point of view.

So I approached my homeboy Ocky about starting up a blog. Nothing major, just a place to share our interests without talk of Divas, shadiness, messiness and the stereotypes associated with Black gay men. Ocky argeed, but he had bigger goals than me. He wanted to make the site more of a Men’s Magazine. Big dreams, but we had to crawl before we could run a 6-minute mile.

I wanted a simple online journal, he wanted a Black gay Maxim Magazine. As a compromise, we decided to keep the causal “random musings” blog type feel, but also create separate categories for the posts to fall under, giving the semblance of a real website (as seen above). Next we needed a name.

After a lot of bad brainstorming, we came up with a name: Discreet City.

It flowed off the tongue and it automatically embodied what we were about in real life. Not defined by our sexuality, but still embracing it. It seemed perfect and non-threatening (or so we thought).

We focused-grouped the name with friends and got thumbs up across the board. Then we set about to figure out what the site would be about. At that time, we had no experience with the politics within the gay community itself. We had no idea that words like Masculine and Discreet were such trigger words for anger in some.

Remember, this is 2011. Back then gay men were still actively calling each other DL and saying “must be masculine” when looking for dates and hookups. Hell, they still do that NOW.

So when we came up with the text for our very first post on August 24th, 2011, we thought we were being very respectful and welcoming:



In hindsight, I can see where the problems were with this text. But again, this is BEFORE Jason Collins and Michael Sam, BEFORE Frank Ocean, BEFORE Kaldrick King, BEFORE Fly Young Red, BEFORE Freefall and all of the other Black gay web series that have come since.

Back then, the typical black gay websites only focused on these Female singers/rappers, Gay Porn & Porn Stars, News about Homophobic Attacks on Gay men and Trans Women and HIV/AIDS Awareness.

Seriously, that was pretty much it.

So we did our own thing. We only had a few rules: No celebrity gossip, no pornography and no cat-fights in the comments section.

To give you an idea here are some of the posts we released:

Our first official “article” was a film review, something that many other gay sites weren’t doing at the time. Many of them still don’t.



My first essay may have been about sex, but it wasn’t tips on how to be a better Bottom, like we’d seen on other websites and video blogs. It was a real discussion on how little HIV is actually discussed between men when hooking up or dating.



After only 3 posts, we already started to get push-back. One of the comments on this essay wasn’t on the topic and points brought up, it was a tongue-lashing on the images used. I was accused of “HIV Shaming” by having the banner image depicting a man sexually engaged with a scorpion.

Ocky’s first article was not about Beyonce or Lil Kim, it was instead about little known gay Civil Rights icon Bayard Rustin.



Following that, I posted an article that revealed to many gay A Tribe Called Quest fans that the group had once recorded one of the most Homophobic rap songs ever.



The following day, Ocky wrote an essay endorsing the benefits in adult Black gay men traveling more.



Notice the dates on these previous posts, they are all written within the FIRST WEEK of the site’s existence. We were setting the foundation for something different. Something non-stereotypical.

Eventually, we started to build an audience. Without a single advertisement on any websites. By word of mouth, the site gained traction. Unique essays, articles and advice posts like the following were shared on social media and even on hookup sites:













One thing that made me most proud was the community of commenters we had by this time. Notice in most of these posts there are tons of comments. On many gay blogs, they’re lucky to get 5 comments, if any at all. We were averaging 30-40 per post, and many of them were not short, they were long essays in themselves.

Given our strict, no-shade-allowed stance in the Comments Section, guys felt at home & comfortable to share their opinions, no matter how long-winded they were.

The site had grown beyond leaps and bounds. Those who were fans of the site back then will probably remember how often it would crash due to visitor overloads (we were housed on a cheap server at the time). I was so proud of our work here, that I screen-grabbed these stats when we hit over 1 Million Pageviews after only a year and a half:



THEN CAME THE CONTROVERSY

Little did we know, there was a growing disdain for the site and what it represented by black gay feminists on the Internet. I can’t say it came without provocation. In discussing all topics, no matter how taboo, we pushed a few buttons. For example, there was this one:



And then there was this one:



And then another one:



And this one:



The effeminate Black gay blog feminists went ape-shit.

Even though only about 5% of the total posts on Discreet City/Cypher Avenue were about Femininity/Masculinity, we had growing reputation as a site being populated with Dow Low Masc Fem-Bashers who wanted to eliminate feminine gay men from the world.



Do a quick search on Twitter for “DiscreetCity” or “Discreet City” and you’ll see countless debates and criticisms about our site purely existing to bash fem men.

I rarely shied away from a good discussion on the critiques with them, but it always ended with them getting frustrated and blocking us.

Then they started blogging about us!

Can you fucking believe that?! We were the topics of conversation in blogs! To this day it makes me smile.

It first began with internet-popular Black gay feminist, Anti-intellect:

THE #1 REASON THAT “DISCREET CITY” FAILS AS A SITE FOR BLACK GAY/BISEXUAL MEN



He went on to write more from there but you get the gist of it.

Then came criticism came from one of the current biggest Black gay bloggers in the game, Funky Dineva:

Kerry Rhodes, The Pain Of Being Outed. Reasons Why Black Gay Men Stay On The Down Low



Then we got attacked on the pages of Huffington Post of all places:

To a Brother From a Snap! Queen



While I didn’t mind the criticism, it was becoming exhausting. I get it, we were a site that criticized others, how hypocritical would it be for us to not be able to take it in return?

Ocky took the accusations of femmaphobia and internal homophobia more to heart than me, but we both eventually felt like it was time for a change.

The site, now being the subject of other major blogs, had grown out of its small beginnings. It was time for a remodeling. However, we weren’t necessarily “rebranding” a tarnished company. On the contrary, we were going to still be as brash, opinionated and controversial as ever. We just felt that it was time for Discreet City to graduate into the more robust platform, “Cypher Avenue.”

So this is why we don’t consider them to be two different sites. As a matter of fact, 97% of the articles that were posted on Discreet City were transferred over to the new server and Cypher Avenue.

So as we dive head first into year five, now with over a thousand articles, essays, reviews and posts, tons of podcasts and interviews, and a full modern message board with hundreds of users…I’m proud of the work we’ve done and thankful for the opportunity to contribute to the Black gay community.

 

In this 2010 interview with a young, wet behind the ears Adult Film Performer, Ace Rockwood, it is revealed that the then 21-year old man came out to his mother when he was only 12 years old. The interviewer, director Michael Lucas, seems amazed that not only did this handsome man come out at such a young age, his mother seemed pretty chill about it.



Over the nearly 5 years that we’ve blogging in the LGBT space, we’ve seen a growing trend that younger men seem to have a much easier time Coming Out than the older men had. Before I go on, let’s specify who we’re talking about.

Millennials are considered to have been born between the years 1980 and 2000. In the late 90 and early aughts, our society began to see a rapid shift in how people viewed gay and bisexual men. More of us were either coming out of the closet to be real life representations for others, and the media began depicting us as real characters, not just side jokes or sexual deviants. One other major factor in the sea change, The Internet. Young LGBT men and women were finally able to see that they were not alone though chat rooms, message boards and hookup sites.

So for teenagers and young adults that grew up during this time, it appears to be easier to just rip the proverbial band-aid off and come Out of the closet to the people that birthed them. Seemingly much easier than it had been for Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers.

Or has it been?

Admittedly, Ace Rockwood (now 27-years-old) may have been an exception to the rule. An outlier.

Even watching the above interview, there seems to be information that he’s leaving out. For example, it seems like a stretch for a young black mother to see two 12-year-old boys playing together a lot and directly leaping to, “I wonder if my son is gay.”

My personal (unconfirmed) theory, 12-year-old Ace Rockwood was a little hot boy. A young gay kid who freely explored his sexuality with young boys his age who were willing to let him. It’s very possible that someone walked in on young Ace Rockwood and his friend “living in their truth” together, if you know what I mean. The mother of the second kid going as far as to change her son’s school to separate him from Ace somewhat substantiates this theory.

Speculation aside, its clear that young Ace Rockwood was not worried about staying in anyone’s closet. He was gay and just accepted it.

For many young Millennials, this story is not that out of the norm. While there are many deeply closeted young gay and bisexual men out there, there are just as many who came Out (or were Outed) at an early age. Once that weight was lifted, they discard all of the remaining fucks they could give.



Youtube celebrity Tre Melvin surprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. While one reason was that he regularly dressed up as women for comedy in his videos, the main reason was that, for young trendy Millennials, we’re often more surprised to learn that they are NOT gay, bisexual or at least bi-curious.

If you visit Twitter or even Facebook, the sheer number of Out, Proud, Feminine, Inbetween and Sexually Free young gay men you will find is awe-inspiring. They give no fucks, unless you are a fan of a rival songstress to the Diva of their choice.

They post videos of themselves booty-popping to Beyonce songs.

They start their own cheer leading squads.

They fight for their right to join sororities.

So mission accomplished, right?

We have Gay Marriage.

We have Jason Collins.

We have Michael Sam.

We have Frank Ocean (or do we?).

Gay is okay now. All young gay kids can freely snap their way out of the closet.

If this is the case, why do we still have so many young men coming to Cypher Avenue saying they are paranoid and deeply closeted? They seemingly have the court of public opinion in their favor, why are they still afraid to say they are gay?

Being homophobic is so publicly toxic now that even Manny Pacquiao, a boxer who doesn’t even speak English, got blasted for his recent anti-gay rhetoric. He even lost his coveted (and high paying) Nike endorsement.



Even fellow Christians weren’t (publicly) siding with Manny, and they believe in the same book.

So why would some Millennials still fear coming Out? Or should we get more granular and say that this really only applies to young gay men of color?

Do young white kids have it easier?

Is behind-closed-doors homophobia so prevalent in the Black and Latino community that it drives men to stay closeted even in a general global society seemingly welcoming to them.

Speaking of boxers and adult films, lets look at Millennial Yusaf Mack (born in 1980). He’s the retired athlete who recently faced controversy when people in his neighborhood discovered that he had filmed an X-Rated gay scene for Dawgpound USA.



When confronted by the media, first Yusaf Mack (a father of 20 children) said that he was drugged…when the production company threatened a defamation lawsuit, he said that he was actually bisexual…when that didn’t stick he finally admitted that he was fully homosexual.

Once the dust settled, he became somewhat of a hero and inspiration to many black gay men, including many that contribute to this website.

One has to wonder: If it’s so much easier, rewarding and psychologically freeing to come Out in this day and age…why do we make it so hard?

What would it take for all closeted men out there, of every age, to causally shrug it off like young Ace Rockwood did 15 years ago?

 

I speak from experience in stating that it starts in the church. I was 23 at the time while on break from school and my (Nigerian) pastor was speaking positive sermons with uplifiting messages. Then suddenly the sermon took a turn to where he pointed at all the children pretty much born after 2000 that just did Holy Communion. He began to talk about the media and how gay is wrong. Never be tempted by the devil and his lies.... blah blah blah. I've discussed this with black gay men here in South Florida too. It all starts within the church. Maybe this is a stretch but many of the black SGL men on this site have been active in church at some point in their lives especially when they had no control over choosing to attend service or bible study. If you're in church and that is all you hear all day then it is really going to affect you.

I remember being a teenager and feeling very uncomfortable when my (Nigerian) pastors would begin just spewing words of hate against the LGBT culture and "lifestyle". That is what kept me closeted for a long time until last year when the closet door was forced open by my Nigerian father. I am just living my life now but I know other Africans back in Houston that are gay but still are in the closet from their parents and certain friends/associates because they already know how homophobic their friends and family are.

It really just depends on your surroundings I think. Some people have that story like Ace Rockwood. I have met some cool black SGL men down here that their parents and extended family and friends gave ZERO f*cks. Then I came across a guy that was put out of the house by his parents when he was 17 years old due to his sexuality. Then by the age of 22 now, he has 3 businesses he started on his own and he lives in a penthouse down here.

Overall perception = It is easier than before because more people are open minded but it can still be a struggle.

 

I truly applaud you guys on this endeavor. CA is my default site and has really helped me view many things about the world differently (in a positive way) and also helped me look within myself and see my own faults as a man and work on what I can change. Next move is a Radio Show/ Live Podcast my dudes, then on to TV.

 

That Time My Punk@ss Roommate Got Us Car Jacked During Gay Pride Weekend in Atlanta

Format transposed from Cypher Ave’s Twitter account.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Many, many years ago in a city far, far away at Black Gay Pride in Atlanta…YES this is a true story.

In no way am I passing judgment but I just wasn’t down with the gay sexcapades in the mini mansion. These kats were cool but not my type.

I don’t mind letting my freak flag fly but I keep it at half-mast until the time is right. These kats grew up together; they have history.

Their boyhood homosexual curiosities and flings evolved into adulthood closeted flings.

I aint mad though; props to them for at least having an outlet. Which is more than I had growing up.

The mini mansion belonged to my roommate’s “out of town” parents. As they humped around; I drank good brandy and looked at TV.

Far from bored, I was turn’t up. I was impressed with the large house owned by a successful prominent Black family.

The other humpees in the other rooms also had parents who were senior executives at large Fortune 500 corporations.

The parents of these young blk men (getting their freak on) net worth was in the multi-millions. Having met many of them, I was inspired.

Still kinda new to Atlanta GA; as a young Black gay man in this space, I felt the career possibilities were endless.

Well...If these families only knew their boys Cliff was sucking Melvin while Kenny and James jacked off, while looking. How did I know?

I stepped away from the big screen TV from time to time to look but I didn’t touch. You know my snobbish freak flag and all.

About two hours later it was time to hit the town. It was Saturday night in ATL and good times were to be had.

Kenny was gay-gay and was heading off to meet his friends and get his pride on.

It was only 8pm. That meant stopping at the Power liquor store by Bankhead and heading downtown.

Dugan’s on Ponce was the creep spot. Plenty of DL kats postin up in a Str8 environment biding their time until the gay clubs opened up.

The bathroom is where the successful DL dudes would leave their business cards looking for “dates.”

Yeah, my local native friends were teaching my naïve bumpkin ass all the tricks of the trade.

When the Long Islands had kick’d in, the club cruising begins. We HAD to go by Tracks – where the GA Aquarium now stands.

Ride past Club Bulldogs, to see the long line of brothers lining the sidewalk on Peachtree St waiting to get in the small packed bar.

Parking lot pimpin behind The Varsity by Club Apache. Riding down Cypress St. where the male prostitutes would flash for cash.

Then to Tradewinds by Underground ATL. Where I found out Countess Vaughn was bisexual.


Due to her openly holding hands and kissing a butch lesbian and all.

Yep, my gay DL college educated rich dude clique had hipped me to all the gay spots downtown. I learned a lot.

This story is how I learned not to ride with club hoppers on the prowl. Drive your own damn car so you can leave when you want.

Horney muthafuckas on the prowl got ulterior motives and if you’re not careful, you can get caught up in their sex pursuits.

This is the case with my roommate Cliff. He was a pretty boy wannabe Kappa type ni@@a whose parents give him everything.

He stayed on that E&J red cup turn’t up. Triple Six Mafia, Outkast, Goodie Mob, E40. Truth though, this ni@@a knew how to party.

When them college girls break at 8pm, he hunting for dick until 3am. No hate from me. I was his wing man…but he STAY getting caught up.

Caught up in one way or another. I promise you, b4 this night in question, this kat has run outta gas at least 4 times since I’d known him.

Who the fuck just runs outta fukin gas every 3 months while driving?

This particular night though was live…OMG! I got a past that I’m not proud of. Learn better to do better. I wasn’t always a saint like now.

Keep in mind I hadn’t fully disconnected from the streets of my past. Almost though…but not at that particular time.

The squad I rolled with was all about appearances and being unclockable. They had to maintain the exterior.

Because of whom their families were and the positions they held.

Because we were all masculine our flow seemed to fit. However, masculinity DOES NOT negate gay messiness.

One of their stomping grounds was a straight white leaning club. Frat bros and hoes. The squad knew how to play the “game.”

Chillin with white dudes from Ga Tech. Let me set the image…Four attractive, educated and inviting Black men…

3 with “money” (excluding myself), feeling and smelling themselves, full of testosterone…looking.

On this night, we rollin in two “newer” (at that time) Ford Explorers (bought by parent’s money) up to the “white” club.

My squad knew sometimes, these straight white dudes who were brave on liquor would explore their gay sides.

Not known to me, a different type of victim had already been marked by my squad outside the club.

A sloppy drunk out of town white dude agreed (really) for us to give him a ride to his hotel. My gawd his was wasted.

Apparently this tactic was used by my companions to get heteroflexable frat bros to engage in homo activities due to liquor being an excuse.

Not in this case. Once he was in the truck, my criminal mind (again I’ve grown) at the urging of the James, we rolled that muthafucka.

YES, I feel bad even typing this. But karma will get my (our) asses in the end.

I get in the back seat and push McDrunkskins to one side and proceeded to reach in his back pocket and take his wallet.

Once in my possession, we promptly pulled up to the next side walk and pushed said drunkard out and drove off.

Blowing the horn and laughing all the way as he began to vomit on the side walk. Smh.

Drinking, smoking and high-five’n to our new found wealth, we decided to hit up a staple food spot; IHop in downtown ATL off Ponce.

During munchies time, Cliff gets a “what’s up” booty call on his flip phone & breaks camp. The Ford Explorer caravan has now split up.

Cliff’s childhood homeboy (Melvin) now has to ride with me and James. Cool, Melvin is cool as shit.

Out of all the squad members, he would be the most likely for me to get down with sexually.

30 mins later Melvin gets a call. It’s Cliff and he has ran outta gas. Seriously muthafucka!

Didn’t you know you were going to be driving this evening? After all the numerous gas stations we passed on the way down here?

Ok ni@@a where you at? We on our way. About 15 mins later, Cliff called back.

“Naw hold up. Two fine kats who I thought were yall said they’re gonna help me out. Imma call yall back.”

I’m scratching my head. NOTE* This is what took place while we were on our way to rescue Cliff.

While Cliff was waiting for us to get there, he spots a Ford Explorer driving towards him. Thinking it’s us, he flashes his lights.

The Explorer stops but it’s not us but two different kats.

They agree to push him to the gas station but told him they would be right back.

By this time in our misadventures James stopped at the famous strip club Magic City. Chillin near the extended the parking lot.


Yes this is a straight strip club, but again, this is Atlanta. Heteroflexable men are everywhere. We parking lot pimpin.

Cliff calls back. “Yo these 2 dudes I just met are gonna push me to the Chevron station. They gotta pick up their homeboy first.”

What? Flag on the play my ni@@a! The trap is being set.


Now keep in mind “push” means, they’re gonna push Cliff’s truck with their truck…not by hand.

Ok, cool. The Chevron is right down the street from Magic City.

We get to this muthafukin Chevron. James, Melvin and myself…in Ford Explorer A. Cliff is at the pump…in his Ford Explorer B.

Cliff’s new friends, two kats around our age and a peculiar looking “older” gentleman in the back seat, were in Ford Explorer C.

YES…Ford Explorers were popular as shit back then before and around the time of the Firestone tire issues. Look it up.


Drunken cackles between us and them were had as we clowned Cliff’s dumb ass for yet again running out of gas. Really ni@@a?

Yo these two dudes were sexy as hell. Cliff wasn’t lying.

Out of the corner of my eye, one of the “them” glides into the back seat of their white truck. My ghetto “Spidey Sense” tingled.

A long black barrel of a shotgun emerged followed by the dude holding it. A loud mechanical sound of “chick-chick” and he cocked it.

The cocking of the shotgun silenced the banter. As its slowly aimed towards my chest…Terrified! My mind said “oh shit.”



My country ghetto Louisiana (on my father’s side) instincts kicked in.

When in trouble and being chased by an alligator, snake or bumble bee…you run zig-zag in a Z-formation because they can only go straight.

LIES! Snakes and bumble bees can zig-zag and chase your ass. Alligators can’t though.


Nonetheless this works fine for muthafuckas with guns too. It’s hard for them to aim and get a good shot off.

Not waiting to feel the buck shots like Ricky in Boys in the Hood; the wind was hitting my face.

I heard a distant voice from the gun holder behind me say “where you goin ni@@a?”

I’m thinking “Muthafucka I’m running from you, you asshole!”

In what seemed like 1.5 seconds there was at least 80 yards between me, that gun and that fucking Chevron gas station.

I was Gold Medal at the Olympics fast that night.


I turned around and was witnessing the scene. I didn’t want to see any member of the squad get shot.

With guns to their faces, the squad was giving up wallets, cell phones and keys.

Why hadn’t they run when they saw the first gun?

Was it because these rich dudes had not experienced ghetto, gangs, getting jumped, or shots fired before?

Three trucks needed three drivers. Back when my roommate flashed them mistaking them for us. He told them...

“Yo my bad, I thought yall was my homeboys coming to help me out. They got an Explorer too.”

The two would be carjackers knew they needed a third wheel man to make the set-up complete.

They went and picked up a homeless looking man and I’m sure promised him cash/food/drugs, etc. if he was to drive one of the jacked trucks.

Watching the scene from a distance, after the keys, wallets and phones were taken, all three trucks speed off in procession.

Once I saw the last pair of red tail lights turn the corner, I ran back over to the group. Cliff was the most shaken and upset.

I knew he felt like this was all his fault….in some ways it was. People do bad things. We had just robbed a man a couple of hours b4.

Instant Karma Muthafuckas…

Cliff goes into the gas station and calls the police. The attendants had witnessed everything. Shit was crazy and I was in awe.

Minutes later numerous police show up along with a helicopter overhead.

We told them the details and while some officers speed off in the direction of the jackers, some stayed behind to get statements.

Less than 10 minutes later, popo had found the two trucks. The jackers drove them to the housing projects, less than 2 blocks away…

And parked them in a parking lot surrounded by other vehicles. Obviously these dudes had done this before.

Silver Linings. My person and belongings were intact. The trucks were recovered and towed away. Yeah the squad had to tell their parents.

Truck keys and ignitions had to be recalibrated. Credit cards cancelled and house locks changed.

But no one got blasted. No open or closed caskets. We were all very safe and fortunate.

Looking back, I had no idea at the time this was be an important Life Lesson.

In the coming months my life drastically shifted. I moved out into my own apartment. No more roommates.

I stopped hanging with all them dudes. Not just the squad present that night but ALL of the squad (it was about 9 kats total).

I couldn’t tell you where any of them are right now. Writing this does make me wonder. Only a little bit.

Not only did I quit them cold turkey but it also was the steps leading me to quit the “lifestyle.”

I didn’t want to come to Atlanta and become a Black male or Black Gay male statistic. I wanted more for myself.

I isolated myself; I cocooned and begin to metamorphosis and evolve.

I used that opportunity to transform myself and journey down the road to becoming a real man.

Fin

 

If you are not comfortable with your circle, or the possible rejection from that circle, coming out is difficult.

If your favorite cousins are talking about gays, that makes it hard. If the latest mega pastor is involved in a gay leaning scandal, and all you hear are negative things about gays, that makes it difficult too.

Young people who are still dependent on their parents and not fully launched are in a hard place I think. If I were in college I'd have a hard time telling my mom I was gay and I knew I had to still go home for the summer break because I didn't have plans (or maybe money) to go to summer school full time.

Independent men who have made it to the gay beacon Atlanta are in a better position. I do wonder about if you are your "own man", paying your own bills, and not depending on your parents and live your "truth" why is it hard for those guys go come out? You stay in the club and gay functions in Atlanta do you turn "the gay" off when you travel back to Tumbleed, Indiana? What's the fear there for the "independent" gays who have made it to Atlanta, NYC, Miami, DC etc?

Also do these guys not have family members who follow them on social media? Do they heavily use circles to keep family from seeing the "gay" posts? Do they have a "safe for fam" social media account and another for "the lifestyle?" That seems so overly necessarily complicated to do.

I think these younger guys are really worried about what others think. And that's understandable to a point but I don't think it's something that they should be concerned about.

One doesn't have to be your kin to be your brother and many gay men have survived and thrived without family support. It may not be easy or comfortable, but it's doable.

 

I would only add to this convo is that within the minority communities-particularly black house holds. The crux is religion, most of us come from some sort of faith based background. Which most call for the condemnation of all things "gay." I didn't come out until the age 22 and it was that reason alone. However, @Nick Delmacy maybe these are coming to you in private. The majority of these cats on here seem to be okay with themselves-even the lurkers but I don't see all you see. Also, I realized that are you have been in the blogging for a minute, so you have witnessed a lot.

 

"Youtube celebrity Tre Melvinsurprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. "
"UGHH BIYYTCH....Two yeeaaas ho, an' you is STIYLL...COMIN' fuh me" LMAO!!


Just kiddin. All jokes aside tho, @tigerbreaux made a very good point about the possibility that homosexuality within the Black/Latino Communities is {generally} more easily tolerated when the point(s) of interest are not a member of one's family/household. It's always easier for Aunt Mable and Tia Sonya to "feel bad for Carol/Carola's son down the block cause he gay" but still be cordial to him. But when one of their own comes out they have a f$%kin coronary. smh

 

I think that there has been tremendous progress in just the last 5 years on gay rights and equality issues. I also think that is is much easier today for people to come out and live a fully open life. People know their gay siblings and children, their neighbors, their colleagues etc. It is much harder to be overtly intolerant. Our ideas about tolerance have also shifted. So if the question is, is it easier to come out in 2016 vs 2000. The answer is yes. It is 1000 times easier than in the 1960s-70s. I am equally taken back by our Youth who think that being LGBT is such a nonissue. That trend is occurring around the world. The next generation of LGBT people will grow up in a much more tolerant world.

With that being said, I am on the front lines of processing people who are seeking political asylum because they are being persecuted because they are LGBT. These people's basic human rights are being violated. So when I see people in America let their fear consume them, I want to scream, "TRUST ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS" but I recognize that everyone has a process and coming out when one is ready is the only way to live authentically and fully.

 

Impressive on so many counts.

• the number of posts right from the start is awesome
• the diversity of subject matter
• the distinct voices of Ocky and Nick come through from the start - (in the 2011 post on a Tribe Called Quest, Nick wrote "Probably not . . . no fuck that" when I just read that I heard Nick on more than one recent podcast ) you've grown but haven't changed who you are
• the serious nature of most of the content, more often than not a deeper dive
• the respect you show your audience, especially in the way you encourage response

I followed Discreet City after I wandered over from another blog. I stayed, even when I got pissed off.

CA continues the tradition of openness. The proof is the discussion on The Boards.

Thanks for five years of provocation

 

Wow, to think I've grown along with the site! I first discovered Discreet City back when I was trying to come out to my family... How times have changed! This was an awesome post. LOL Happy Anniversary, Cypher Avenue

 

I've had any number of conversations with young black gay men who wonder why it took so long for men of my generation to come out - their experience is totally different. They've been to school with kids who are already out and whose open status encouraged them. Or they just didn't care. But I live in DC. And we are having these conversations in 2010+. When I moved here in 1981, my boyfriend, who was born and raised, when to school, in DC, and I went to Baltimore on the weekend to the clubs there. He did not want to be seen in any of the clubs in DC. And in Baltimore we saw lots of other guys whom we knew from DC. What was interesting then was that the first guy I dated here in DC was from Texas and he moved here in 1980 and he had not problem going to the bars here because no one from home was here. Today I have millennial friends who are quite out here, but not back home.
When it comes to this issue, there are many who lead the way, and like everything else, there are those who for whatever reason do not feel comfortable yet being in the vanguard. It would be interesting to hear what folks in smaller towns have to say.