Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

Def eye contact. If you consciously pay visual attention to me, especially after the mutal head nod of acknowledgement, I'll slide in for light convo. And one thing I'm really good at is dropping statements that COULD be interpreted as flirting, low key ego strokes, or as observational compliments during general convo.

 

Or they will assume I have private pics and allow me to see theirs and immediately hit me saying, open your privates.

 

Ive been single for a while now but my future partner would definitely have to be down for traveling at least once a month. Getting out and creating experiences with one another is paramount. I'd like to be able to pick up a sport together, learn different languages, take cooking classes and educate ourselves on modern art perhaps create some ourselves. Hit up live music spots. Different music, food, and culture festivals etc... I'm into obstacle races so it would be cool if my partner would be interested too.

 

Many people like having sex and plenty of people like having sex with multiple or different partners. This was not/never a problem with the majority of cultures around the world until religion by way of European Christian colonialism in the 1400 / 1500s made it a problem.

Everything else or the "causes of" are not addressing the root and its disastrous implementations and flaws.

If you want to be in a committed relationship with one person, that's fine but its not the historical norm by any means.

 

So, my ex and I have become frielndly, again. 0 sexual interest. In my mind, we've known each other for sooo many years, why put energy into not being friendly, when we literally share the same friend circle?! So, it's ok for him to crack jokes on me, but I can't crack on how he was a shytty bf?!

I literally own my shyt, I can laugh and/or smh at myself, but I have a huge problem w ppl who lack humility. Gtf off the stage every once in a while!

 

This is fascinating. I, for the life of me, cannot understand how there are so many close-to and over 30 yr-old dudes here who live in Atlanta (!!!!) are having problems finding "quality dudes". It truly baffles me.

I've barely dated since I'm a busy person. The guys that stepped to me most recently were at one of the hospitals where I work. And now I'll never, ever $hit where I eat again!

Do you really think you're that shy? Because it sounds like you're an introvert who can at least masquerade as an extrovert. Use it. Now I'm unlikely to allow someone to approach me while I'm picking out groceries. Sometimes my patients are shopping too. Ugggh, it's hella awkward. But I'm game everywhere else. So, you're into music. Well, that young-looking dude playing trumpet at church? He's actually doing a very decent job up there-woahhhh that note was high! And he isn't that unfortunate looking. Is he single? Obviously. Into girls? HA! So come up and say hi, ask me how long I've been playing for, the make of my trumpet. I'll answer and the conversation will be great! I sit in the middle section, but need to be close to the front to actually play. There's plenty of time to talk to me- I need to stick around for a few minutes after church to clean up, put away my stand, talk about the practice and performance schedule with the team. And that's just me. If you're at church and there's a 1)black dude 2)ON THE PRAISE TEAM (really it doesn't matter if singing/pianist/other instrumentalist) 3)who is probably single, it's kind of a dead ringer. And that's outside of age/occupation (I won't volunteer age/occupation unless asked). The difference in relative percentage of gay dudes on stage vs in the congregation is HUGE. 5 dudes on stage? At least 1 is gay- so that's a 20% chance! It's like shooting fish in a frigging barrel. I'd like to think that I'm a quality dude. So, approach a black musician today! You'll bag one soon enough.

No success story from me today- give me a few months, I think I'm seeing movement.

Now, a few questions. Haven't your friends at least tried to set you up with someone? What are the expectations in one's 30s in terms of dating? How picky are you? Any hang-ups on type of work, height, attractiveness etc? I understand hang-ups on values, so I'm ok with that. But I've never believed in "the one"; I only believe in good/bad/terrible matches.

 

You are a man of exquisite taste and worthy of much respect!

 

This happened to me and quite honestly, it was the "relationship" that had the most impact on me and taught me a lot about myself.

The trill was amazing....to go from having no attraction to being flooded with it and having butterflies in your stomach when you think of the person.

 

You. Are. Ridiculous.

 

I mean, he out here in these streets looking like Verdine White from EWF then wanna get butthurt about it.



Then Scruff... I mean that's mainly white guys at least when it had installed and they were really only checking for thick/muscular dudes and neither of his profile pictures gave me that despite his diva fan on deck hair style or cap.

My conclusion is, if you want a certain type of man, there's some things your are going to have to become or accept to have that type of dude. If you are naturally not that type, it's futile to charge into something you are not because eventually, The Real You is going to be tired of being repressed and the aftermath could be scorched earth when it's revealed.

 

This is why @ockydub n i stopped inviting him to bbqs n fish frys (yes frys) but @Nick Delmacy still invites him out, for jack daniels n such

 

This was definitely intended for a 50s hetero relationship. I'm not trying to be no wife to no dude. You scratch my back, I scratch yours. That's ideal.

 

I think a minimum of 3 times a week. However, I think giving random head should be at least 5 times a week.

 

You have not met him before and he asking for money???

C'mon Nick you should know what dude is about, using what he has to get money from dudes! A lot of dudes do this now. I have fallen for them before, thinking he might just be in a rough patch now. However once the favor was done and I said no to the next one, GHOSTED! Fortunate he letting you know what he is about, your money/support. Unfortunate that you want more from him and have to now move on. Oh, the battlefield of dating...

 

What I've learned about myself over the past month since meeting more guys and going out on a few dates is that I value my space and I like when the guy I am seeing has his own life just like I do. Then after we do our thing solo, we can come together.

Like @acessential said just be straight up and see how he takes it and if he is not understanding of your grind then chunk up the deuces like Chris Brown, Tyga & Kevin McCall!!!

 

How do you guys get catfished? Lol. See I FaceTime before I meet someone. I'll be damned if I waste this gas I put in my car just to meet someone and find out they weren't who they said they were lol.

But attraction is important in my opinion. My philosophy is if I'm gonna date someone I'm not sexually attracted to I might as well date a woman. But I try to not be too picky. For example I'm very comfortable with dating outside my race as long as the person is very well versed intellectually on racial issues aka as the kids would say "woke" lol.

I mean I can relate Ive met guys before who have had everything on my checklist but the physical attraction. But if I can't bring myself to kiss you, it's gonna be a problem and eventually that issue will show over time one way or another.

 

That BETTER not be her in the default pic lookin as base model as she does, cus she'd have to pay me. I'm over all of this shyt! Just date someone u vibe w! Wtf is asking for credit scores?! I'm done w this dating 'thing'.

 

Real talk about having a life outside of your partner. I see so many relationships fail because people don't have a life or identity outside of their partner. It is okay to have your own friends, interests, hobbies, etc.

 

calculates furiously, becomes sad, goes to bed

Wait, you're after @Tyroc too? Hot damn, I knew he was the truth!

 

The best way to ask without appearing crude is to ask "What are you in to?" This is after it's already been established that you're both interested in pursuing more. If someone asked me right off the bat, I would feel kinda violated. Then again, I hate the terms "top" and "bottom" and their connotations.

 

I tell people i enjoy being single and not ready to take on someone fulltime right now. I think a lot of people enjoy the idea of being in a relationship but dont understand that it takes a lot of work. You have to be willing to put up with all the stuff that person brings with them. At this point in my life Im selfish and enjoy it.

 

I'm on the same page as @acessential

I would love to have any kids with my partner with the same birth mom so that they can be true siblings.

 

Big Brother Octavius to the rescue! I'm very impressed with these suggestions! And tbh, it sounds like you've found someone really special. I hope the problems you've specified in him can be fixed or reconciled. Besides that, it seems like y'all are really hitting it off.

 

This is some bitch-made shit...real talk

 

Is that Android? Whew, the ghetto....haha jk. But my first and only two serious relationships were long-distance. The first was 2 years, the second like 8-9 months. It was tolerable when I was younger but I was also lucky enough to have relatively easier access to them than you do, currently.

Even just being a few years older, my tolerance for it has quickly declined. I don't mind starting off that way or even having it woven into our relationship due to careers but we need to have a gameplan. I'm not doing long-distance indefinitely with a to-be-determined cessation date.

If he has no plans of moving anytime soon and neither do you, I'd think a little harder about pursuing it further. It sucks when you find that connection with someone and unfortunately, I feel like it's becoming a lot more common to end up in situations like these. But shit, what did Erykah Badu say? "I guess, I'll see you next lifetime." lmao

To your previous point, it definitely does slow down the process of understanding if you are truly compatible so there is a level of risk. And that was a bold ass but real ass statement lmao. That sounds like something I would say.

 

I was expecting this to happen at some point. Any picture uploaded to the internet should be considered public by default IMHO.
Also, S3 buckets accidentally made public was the highlight of engineering fuckups in 2017-2018 majors incidents were the U.S Department of Defense(lol) and GoDaddy.
Someone literally keeps a list on Github of the many companies that have "accidentally" made S3 data public nagwww/s3-leaks
The problem with that particular AWS service is because it's a Swiss Army knife. it is essentially like Google Drive on steroids. which is both what's good and bad about it. For instance, you can host your blog, document or anything on there anything you want to be public. I keep my resumé on an S3 bucket and just share the link on my personal website for recruiters to see.

On the other hand, we use it at my job to store encrypted secret data and other sensitive data. The problem? A few years ago, It was incredibly easy to make everything public

 

You are correct. I think it should be clear (obvious) we're talking about within reason, not fecophilia. Not no 2-girls-1-cup type shit.

The first thing that ALWAYS comes to my mind if/when it happens is, "that is what soap and water is for". I'm not saying continue to completion....nope, get up, clean off and then jack off and keep it moving.

There was one kat I was with in my early early twenties who was beginning to paint and I told him dont worry, not to move, went to the bathroom, cleaned myself off, got tissue, cleaned him off and then wiped his butt with a warm cloth (rinse and repeat) and still had a great session afterwards...just with no butt play.

I'm thankful that years later when I did it to somebody they were just as patient with me and didn't make it a big deal.

Everyone is different....its just not an "end or the world" crisis for me.

 

I hate the idea of holding hands. I do not want to hold hands in private, in public, at the mall, at the club, underwater, on the moon, or anywhere else. It doesn't have anything to do with what anyone else thinks. I just like my space. I'm not super affectionate anyway so just the idea annoys me lol

 

Yeah all just speculation. They say they met on scruff, an app “primarily for white bears and cubs and the men who like them.” So its likely he just genuinely likes to stick is “hand” in Winnie the Pooh’s honey pot.

 

@Infinite_loop hell nah lmao - the travel/ig models just it that much easier to be let down.

@Krimsonic_ we're painting with a broad stroke but yes, i agree - I'll give a lil bit on masculinity just to have some level of engagement so we're not sitting there looking stupid after I'm tired of asking him questions

 

Back when I was in college I was sorta talking to this older married woman. I backed off once she wanted to sneak me into her husbands house to have sex though. I had imagined a situation where he walked in on us and I got paranoid so I deaded it.

Married man, on the other hand, I may have went through with that if that situation had ever presented itself. I would probably do it now too. Fuck it, I'm single with no responsibilities to maintain someone else's relationship that I don't even know. Especially if that dude is the one coming at me hard.

If a married dude (or guy in a relationship) is trying to cheat with me and I say no, please believe he's gonna just cheat with someone else.

The only line I don't cross is if I know the couple. Like if his boyfriend has looked me in the eyes or shook my hands before. Like, I wouldn't actively pursue a dude I knew to be in a relationship or married. Otherwise, for all I know that person doesn't even actually exist.

 

Trust. No question. Ppl like to say 'we cant have ____ w/o trust' but genuine, whole-hearted trust leads to/allows for a comfort level that cuts all of the walls and layers blocking you from addressing any other issues.