Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

What's wrong with having a date? Isn't that how you get to know someone? I'm confused.
No, better yet he's confused. This dude sounds like he doesn't know whether he's coming or going. Life is too short to be bothered with people like that.

 

I don't feel the need to travel a lot with a potential partner, especially when I live in a city metropolitan that already has so much to do and see.

Having said that I would like to go to tons of live performances and shows.

Atypical group activities that pop up around the city...

Cooking (and messing up) unique meals from scratch together...

Hit the many Festivals that occur in the city every year...

Check out the nightlife...

Bingewatch TV shows and specific movie genres...like mini-film festivals of our own...maybe even invite friends...

Traveling is not totally out of the question, but def not essential...and to be honest, it's pretty "gay," especially when it is to resorts and beaches...even gay couples going hiking is cliched at this point

 

From my experience dudes in education (teachers, principles, administrators) are hilarious because they are often straight up FREAKS and good lays IMO.

Its hilarious to me because when you see them on the job or talking to parents I think to myself "If you only knew what that freak dude is into thats running this whole school"

 

I'm not saying its easy, I'm saying it's probably easier if black people are your aim. Yeah black dudes do all that, but they give you that "how dare you approach me" kind of look. Unlike the gay black mecca that Atlanta is known to be, LA has no main black scene like that. So many people I've known have moved to Atlanta because of it. Even I've contemplated moving there as well.

 

I get it. I've gotten better over the years with small talk. For me, you have to be comfortable in the environment you are in or else, you will shut down even saying "Hi" to someone. If you are comfortable, it's a lot easier. If I am comfortable in the environment I'm in, I will try to find the most basic thing to talk about like "Damn it sure is raining out here!" or "This elevator is sooo slow" or if someone says something like those I will just chime in saying "Yeah, I hate the rain!" or "I know. It was like this yesterday...".

1. Make sure you are comfortable in the environment you are in.
2. Find the most basic thing to talk about/say something about.
3. Make eye contact or give some gestures to help with moving into the conversation.

 

I have a coworker who is straight for all intents and purposes, but we've kissed a few times. I've had 2 of them over the years, actually. I've just stopped caring about how anyone decides to label their sexuality, if they choose to. Just enjoyed the moment w a masculine guy who I think is hot.

 

Exactly. This dude got a whole wife at home. He was the one stepping out. I am all for bisexuality but I'm doubtful Daddy in Law to be was open about it.

Throwing away a relationship you've personally invested years in over a 45 min hookup just doesn't seem worth it to me. If you end it there is no way to break it off without looking like a complete ass.

 

A friend of mine is interested in a man and told me to link them up. I gave the dude my friend info and the dude said that my friend is a big boy and can reach out himself. Not sure if my friend reached out yet BUT I've already seen the guy my friend is interested in around and I've always thought he was attractive. We just so happened to match on Tinder today so let's see where things go. My bro told me that if my friend has not reached out that it is none of my business and that I should engage the dude. Let's see what happens.

 

Wow this thread revealed how embarrassingly shallow I am. I don't know that I could and I know that's not right.

 

This. And I bet it will be viewed as being negative instead of constructive.

 

Hahahaha. I’ve dealt with these types before. The dry ass conversations be KILLING me. It’s like why even bother hitting me up if you can’t carry your weight in the conversation. It’s partially why I gave up the idea of entertaining a traditionally masculine guy. While lacking in some areas in masculinity that I find attractive, I’ve had better success with guys who don’t fit that type and lean towards the other side.

 

I remember the day my husband and I walked into the Clerk's office to get our marriage license. It was a six months after marriage equality became legal in Florida and just two months after the SCOTUS made marriage equality the law of the land. For some reason, I was nervous about the entire thing, even though we had done everything that was asked including taking the 4-hour premarital course. The clerk while processing our application kept printing the marriage license with one of us listed as a bride...she did this three times to the point I started getting upset. I was like Look, Ma'am, there is no Bride. In her defense she was really trying to fix the problem, we were her first same-sex couple and she didn't know how to complete the forms to say spouse instead of husband and wife. She managed to fix our license and she wishes us well and told me to mail the license back to her to be registered after our wedding. I looked at her and said, I will bring it in personally. I don't trust the mail.

I wrote all of that to say this...same-sex couples who are getting married and defining the institution how we see fit and are engaging in new traditions including taking pictures. When I see two men getting married I don't think of one of them as a bride because there is no woman in the picture, regardless of if one or both men are dressing effeminate or feminine. When I got married none of the men in our wedding including the grooms wore white because brides wear white but to honor that tradition all of the women in our wedding party and our wedding official wore white dresses. Remember that we are remaking the institution of marriage and putting our own normal spin on it.

 

You stoopid! OMG! Lolololol

 

I am a bit jaded so my motto is "I may be fuked up in ways, but you are not sh#t either in some way or another so shut up"

And there is a difference between having three way sex, and having a three way relationship. I could(and have) done the first, no way for the second. Why be in a relationship if it is going to involve 3 or 4 or even more people? Too complex for true trust and intimacy(which is actually kind of rare at least among gays and hard enough for just two gay guys) JMO.

 

This.

There's a point in life where your maturity and experience has to actually be applied. If you know better, you're expected to do better.

Not trying to blast you but you hear people say "I got caught up/one thing led to another" etc and that's how things go south. We all know when something has the potential to lead to Adult Situations and sometimes you just have to get yourself out of them or not even put yourself in the position in the first place.

Use this as a learning tool.

 

Damn Nick, that description about the IT guy sounds specific as fvck. Whats homeboy name? LMAO

 

OMG @Champagne_Papi get in here!! because I know damn well you wanna be the turkey in this sandwich...

 

Flirt, but:

 

I kind of hate dude after reading some of that.
What he thinks is love, sounds more like masochism and extremely low self esteem.
The boyfriend is not the the problem, this dude allowing himself to be doormat is. He sounds like a grade A drama Q, whining about someone who's obviously not invested in him.
I hope he protects himself.

 

For young dudes, probably not successfully but I think much older dudes could make it work out, especially if they're entering the decline of their sex drive.

 

Truthfully yes. Lately I've been trying to look past looks when I'm "talking" to someone. You'll be surprised sometimes a person's personality or mind set can over shadow their looks.

 

It would be ok with me just no implants. If it looks unnatural it would be a turn off. The whole idea of plastic surgery is that its suppose to look natural. The two bottom pics clearly went to somebody's basement to get illegal injections.

 

I don't have a problem with this. Some white people don't want to date outside their ethnic group and I respect that. There are black people and other races of people who don't like interracial dating either.

 

....just want to reach through the screen and hug him tight!

Interesting article! I have shared many of your sentiments on this topic, because people to seem quick to defend hookups. FB, etc but if you want to take things slow and build a relationship you're a prude or playing games. I understand everyone has needs and some need more then others but really? I'm not being selective because I think I'm better than anyone I'm just trying to do what best for me, same as (mostly) everyone else! So glad to see I'm not alone on this front because alot of guys my age seem fixated on only one thing. Like you I worry that I'm missed out on things by not being more open, but I hard finding the balance between having fun and overdoing it.

 

I have never dated or had sex with a coworker and would never do it. My motto is, "don't shit where you eat." If things go bad you'll still may have to see this individual regularly if not every day. At the very least it can make your work life uncomfortable at the worst it can threaten your employment especially if the relationship becomes abusive or ends on a sour note.

 

Wait what? Personally me and my partner I had a "problem" this past Sunday. How does this now mean "open relationship" time? Work it out and stay together OR work it out and part ways. And what does the zombie bride in the pic have to do with anything? Is he wanting to be with woman?

 

See...this is why we can't have nice things. Ol' Shug Avery azz mofos like @OckyDub got jokes n turn their noses up to the struggles of you singles.

 

Well the current one is now 8 months and it looks like it’s going to be a keeper. I was like @ControlledXaos this time last year, so never say never!

 

I'm with you on this one Nick. I'm more of a traditional guy as well. Going to each others place on the first date doesn't work for me. If the guy is asking to meet at your place or his place before you even have the chance to get to know each other then its clear they are looking for sex more than anything else. I don't think there is anything wrong with going to each others place say like on the 3rd or 4th date but even still for me in that situation I'm probably not looking to have sex if I'm interested in dating the guy. You would think this type of behavior is more so limited to guys who are on the hookup apps. But there are some gay dudes who are looking to date and prefer to meet up in this fashion which is crazy to me. I used to come across this when I was younger and first started talking to guys. Most of the guys that I meet now at least in my experience are looking to go out on a real date on the first meeting and not just get comfortable at my place or his place.

 

I mean....they cynical person in me is wondering if this is an artist who wants the freedom to pursue his art while the white bottom BF holds down the household and bills.

 

Yeah I'm not mad at this either. At the very least its a non-porn related event where couples can come together to do something positive.

 

This dude tried to get at me in the showers today - talk about "no thanks" (older, like olldderrr, man)

@Apollo That was actually solid advice. The dudes who want to be approached create moments for folks to approach them. I'm actually one of those dudes that will stop in between sets and watch game highlights, CNN, etc for a lil second.

At any rate, I understand where you're coming from because I don't approach guys in the gym for same reasons - I do try to be near them when it makes sense during my workout though lol. Wish I had something substantial to actually contribute.

Edit: motherfuckeres at the gym be fine af with booties and prints...don't make no sense smh

 

And Brodney reps a big part of rhe problem. How are u a handsome, personal trainer whose been on EVERY damn gay reality show, but ur out here talking bout 'getting to know someone' and 'hanging out' for a damn year?! He is too damn old to be coming up w alternative labels for dating! Like, seriously?!

*one day, when im prob 90, and no one cares about me, the gays will get real w themselves...i believe it...i think*

 

Physically yes! (providing STI status verified)

Psychologically, no. Not because of moral objections but because I'm an natural introvert and it's hard enough dealing with entertaining one other person's baggage let alone two or more. As Johnathan Rauch wrote an introvert's motto is "I'm okay, you're okay in small doses..."