Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

Of ALL the flavor's, you choose Salty!?!
Rape by Fraud!?!

Speaking of Fraud let's take off ALL the 8 layers of makeup, the 301's and 501 lashes, the hair extensions, the Peruvian bundle hair, the MAC nude lip 'Decay' gloss, the Victoria Secret Miracle push up bra, Wipe the contour off your upper 'imagined' cleavage, take off those heels and go to that same bar.

 

For a minute maybe,but it's still not as satisfaying as laying up with someone with whom you have a special comfort.

I feel this way too.I get the sense you're kinda like me in that you like a certain amount of space.I will admit the idea of being totally commited and vulnerable is not something I can accept very easily.

Yes.the idea exhausts me sometimes.It's probably like kids.If you care enoug habout he person,you wanna do the work.In the abstract,it sounds like putting up with someone,but practically,it's more like working towards a goal.Rewarding work and such or whatever.

I only give the side eye to people who feel they need a relationship to be complete,and can't enjoy life otherwise.I understand having things you want and stuff,but people who lose themselves when they get a partner and worship them just for being present are the ones that make me take a pause.Then you have people who just want one because it's like a status symbol.

 

While she does seem a bit snobbish, I commend her for prioritizing her finances and making sure she doesn't attach herself to a deadbeat who will only drag her down. Props.

 

And the award for most long-winded is not even a contest! Lol

 

There will be no change at all on the apps. What I know will happen is that Gay Muslim men, Men of middle eastern decent or even those bearing such similarities will receive more hate on the apps. With 'Go back to your country' or 'Not into explosive situations/Types' written on profile descriptions or they will just get no reply when trying to start up a conversation or simply just be blocked!

 

LOL if you're ever on the receiving end of it later in life just remember...its no big deal.

 

LMFAO!! These are hilarious. I Walking Dead'ed through my 2nd relationship for the entire year that it lasted. smh. But...I was only 23yo so it was a lesson learned. The last dude I really dealt with 4yrs ago, I Frankenstein'ed him hardcore, but again, learned my lesson. Ever since then, the other two dudes I know are pretty much Predator'ers, and since I've since lost all patience for the Reindeer Games, and really pay neither of them any mind when they do decide to show up. One I give the benefit of the doubt because we literally just hangout in the city, and he's really good company. The other just appears when he wants to get plowed. I'm nobody's "Red Dick". LOL

 

If I were dating someone and found out they'd had some sort of surgical enhancement, I would most likely have treated it like I did when the clothes came off and I'd see the weird and or ugly tattoo(s).
Not to my personal preference but if it made them feel better about himself and it wasn't an addiction or something that they used to draw distracting attention toward themselves, yeah sure, why not?

 

White people need a place to meet as well....lol

 

Same thing my mentors who've been together for 24 years have told me. You gotta kiss MANY frogs before finding your prince. They found each other at 40 years old so when I trip about not even doing so much as holding another man's hand at 26 years old, they tell me to calm down lol.

Like @SB3 said we gotta keep showing up.

 

I think male role models are very important for young boys. They're the only ones that can teach you how to be a man. However, women teach men how to be good men. Boys need the dynamic of both. I dont think sexuality has anything to do with any of that. You were going to be gay either way.

 

Closed-minded or Judgemental dudes who think anything other people like is benath them.
Anyone who can't take a joke,takes EVERYTHING super serious,and who can't laugh with me.

Niggano by @DreG posted Aug 21, 2015 at 2:57 PM

Physically the onlything I'm not into is long hair.

 

Only while in the bedroom can you do this. Otherwise we fighting and I don’t fight fair.

 

Based upon what you posted it seemed you made a list of all the things you DONT want. When it comes to life it seems that many of us as human beings tend to focus on all the things we dont want, what isnt going right, or whatever is negative.

I think you should forget about all the things you DONT want and focus on the things you DO want.

Make a list of those things and become steadfast and secure in who you are as a person. The people that love you, (TRUELY love you) will come around to accept anything you present your life to be as long as you certain and confident in who you are and what you want your life to be.

 

I love this! Y'all have a new bond and you get try to guide him from avoiding with some potential pitfalls we all encounter in some form.

 

Better you than me.

I just don't have time for young cats.

I have been hit up by them on apps but, in the back of my mind I'm thinking.... I know I'm getting into daddy classification and I'm okay with that, but I'm not generous. I don't have 'body'. And all I would want from these guys is some good good. Which is fine if that is all they want from me so that would make thing mutually agreeable. However, the generation gap does have some cultural and experience differences that would cause a mismatch and make dating a constant learning lesson. You learning stuff from them and you teaching them stuff.

I can barely figure out how to put on a SnapChat filter. These guys don't have patience for me I don't think, and I don't think I do for them. I'm on Xbox and most of them have PS4 and Switch. I have full time job so my weekends are free. Oh you gotta stock on Friday night? You're closing on Saturday night? You're covering KayKay's shift Sunday afternoon? But are free all day Tuesday? Oh, ok. Well I'll holla.

Honestly, I have not been too confident until recently because most of my hang ups revolve around my physical appearance, mainly weight. Yeah yeah, I get that I'm considered thick and swole and that is alright but mofos want abs. Ok, maybe they will settle for a tummy, but at the end of the day, a flat stomach is what's poppin'. And after this last weekend, seeing a group of gays 'our age' running around with decently flat stomachs, crazy abs, and track star obliques, even after I was encouraged to and did take off my shirt among the tribe of them, (maybe they'll be a thread about that later, maybe not) I still felt a tad self conscious, even after getting a few compliments. Again, this is a hang up I admit to and work on and I may never be 100 percent happy with it but I don't think I need to go on someone's couch to talk about it. At least not for that issue out the greater scheme of things I could be on somebody couch for.

Back on track...so when 40+ guys are running out here looking like they 32 with 26 year old bodies, and I'm over here feeling like Jabari the Hut, why on earth would someone actually 26, who I could chronologically be their daddy, want anything to do with me? I feel like I can barely compete in my own demo, let alone THAT demographic.

One thing that being in a gay mecca has taught me is that the bar is HIGH for physical appearance. Way higher than what I came from and I understand now more than ever why these fellas are so adamant about masc 4 masc, fit 4 fit, and etc because they probably had to work so hard to get a golden ticket into the door themselves or they stressed the freak out because they can't eat the deep-dish pizza and cheesecake they really desire so they can stay within the gates.

The other stuff.... fancy titled job, lux brands, and such ain't me. Even if I was making 80k a year, you'd still see me in my Levi's and Target brand t-shirts, eating at the hole in the wall wing joint, and trying to find a hotel with a free breaffus for vacations. I'll go one up and get an Air BnB though. lol

edit for readability

 

Great topic! I'd agree with your point that technology has helped erode some culture around dating, since now you can order in a meal and a person with the same device in about 5 minutes. The ease of sharing information that used to take longer to divulge changed the threshold of intimacy, especially as we're meeting people for the first time.

 

Yeah, I don't waste time on dudes who are "too busy" anymore. Why are you even online or a dating app if you know you don't have time to actually date? If you're working three jobs just to make ends meet then you should have self awareness and understand you shouldn't be out in the dating market wasting people's time. The first time a dude tells me he's too busy to simply respond to a text, I delete and move on.

 

I think people can identify as more hetero or homosexual in the broad spectrum of their life or personal taste / preference, but I do indeed think sexuality is absolutely fluid for most homosapiens.

I believe we can all find ourselves sexually attractive to the same or opposite sex given a particular circumstance, moment, and more important a specific person in the attraction.

Besides those that are bi-sexual Im sure people stay true to their self identified preference, but Im sure there is definitely a dude out there that would make a straight guy do a double take and wonder. And likely for straight woman looking at a certain woman and gay men or women seeing a specific person of the opposite sex desirable.

For example for me - I have always said and still to this day that I would fuck the shit out of Jada Pinkett. I always had it BAD for her every since A Different World. And trust me, im gay as fuck....

But the funny thing is I also wanted Will Smith. (Especially Suicide Squad Will. DAMMIT!!)

So you could imagine if I was ever invited to have a 3-some with Will and Jada I wouldn't need to have sex again for the rest of my life. That would be it. I could die a happy man.

 

I am fine with an Afro-Latino male or a darker skinned Latino man but I LOVE my melanin.

I just think people chase after those who are emotionally unavailable more often than not. People are also stuck in a certain image.

 

It's one thing to have been to jail, but a jail bird is a 'thing' all it's own. And if u always broke, that's ALWAYS a problem! Employment is always avail. It might not be the most glamorous, but u get 10 more points for having a consistent check. Those are equally, the worst, in my opinion.

 

OH sure just tell your wife you want to have sex w/ a man and see how she feels lol.

 

Depends on how many drinks I've had.

 

My parents know but I know they do not care to meet anyone I will date in the future.

 

If whoever posted that only knew the half of it.

 

PS. We're on the same page..

 

I am over here like...



I have found that scheduling is not a bad thing particularly, if time is an issue. I recently started sharing my google calendar and I just noticed a few things my husband has started doing, not only putting down rendezvous on the calendar but setting up push notifications to my phone with sexy and sometimes freaky messages as reminders. I found myself giggling in a meeting when I checked my phone and the person sitting next to me was like what's so funny....

 

Many of these also apply to people you'd consider a friend. I think this was a good write up.

 

Great advice bro! My main hobby is music. Creating, listening, and anything pretty much involving music. My friends and I do physical activities like horseback riding, bowling, volleyball, baseball, basketball, and flag football. Honestly, we don't do that stuff enough for any bites to really stick. Now that the weather is heating up though, I'm gonna encourage the squad to do more of that. I love the idea of taking some sort of class. Never thought of that. Basically I need to mix it up and get out there more. I hear you! Thanks for the great advice!

 

Im w u! As long as theres no history of drama, lets not bother drumming any up.

 

I think the real is that a lot of gay men have murked the waters of what masculinity is. N Im over it. Being the least fem of ur crew now qualifies mofos to be 'the masc one'. Its like there's a new category called 'gay masculine' smh.

 

I think that summed it up. Assumptions about masculinity and femininity aside, most people don't immediately gravitate toward men with long, flowing locks (maybe with the exception of well-suited Europeans and people into some Fabio-like, romance novel cover type of look), just like some aren't into women with short or bald cuts. He would likely get a similar rise in responses with a mere haircut. In fact, the cap probably helped by hiding his hair and giving the appearance of a short haircut. Without it, the pulled-back hair would have likely been somewhat visible.

I've seen others get more attention with a change of hairstyle. And really, if he cares so much about being unique and not putting on a "mask" (sweeping generalization), then he's probably only compatible with a small subset of the population anyway. His smaller number of initial responses is just the reality for those outside of the norm, which I'm sure is disappointing when you're already outside of the norm for being black and gay but it's just how it is.

Another generalization:

I'm pretty sure his dating life is full because he's a fairly muscular guy. That plus the scruff, tattoos and chest hair, all features that are often praised. And if he's an Instagram model-type, he likely posts like of pics of himself doing "fun" or "cool" things displaying his body and apparent affluence and desirability. If the guy were out of shape, he wouldn't attract the same level of attention even if he were the most masc guy ever (or at least a different kind; there are popular bear and thick dudes). Many of the popular Youtube gay guys like DaveyWavey are totally fem and don't have a shortage of attention. They also tend to have muscular, lean or athletic builds. Some people need to accept that their chosen look doesn't attract the mainstream rather than assuming the mainstream has some kind of personal issue because they aren't checking for them.

 

It would be weird. I mean, how am I supposed to feel if we was getting it in and I was like "yeah, beat it up...James..." I'd pause. I'd be confused.

 

I've already started the process but I'll continue to be open minded. Focus on the quality vs quantity of people I date and when I do find a potential relationship to not be as cautious as I've been in the past to dive in. Trusting my instincts more.