Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

...………that was such a sweet story...every part of it, I don't even need to know how it ends...w-what? Shuddup I'm not crying...my eyes are just leaking...

 

Hey People should do whatever they want to do.
If the Chemistry is right, you ain't gotta keep it tight!

 

^^^ THIS.

 

Been loving these I won't lie lol Would love another which 3 guys post one day!

I know I will make a fool out of myself but its all in good fun like you said, here goes!


– What/who would he look like physically?
Key thing? TALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
I mean 6'5 at least, size 15 shoe, just a big Dude!
Blake Griffin is 6'10! Lawd! My body can't handle it!

Deep baritone voice..thick lips...long lashes...almond shaped eyes..

Don't have to be lightskin or have blue/green/hazel eyes...just interesting ones..


– How old would he be?
Exactly 9 months older then me so I could typically say his older but we would actually be the same age for part of the year! (No..I haven't thought about this....honest!)

– Where would he be from?
Like @ControlledXaos I like guys from the Southeast..specifically my hometown. Don't know why but a man in a Braves cap turns me on!

I would like to be with a guy with a culture different from my own though as I love learning about different cultures so maybe he could be from ATL but have parents from another country? Would love it if he was bilingual!!

– What would his personality be like?
Hmm bare with me here..cause this idea isn't fine tuned or anything but he would be complex lol. Someone with alot of resilience...someone with a personality opposite to my own but with traits that compliment my flaws and vice versa. For example, I'm a pretty reserved person, patient and levelheaded. He could be prone to outbursts and be fairly blunt about things most of the time, but there's a time and place for both kinds of approaches and blah blah cliche I know but it's my kind of perfect, I'm a cheesy guy what can I say! We might fight sometimes but still be able to resolve differences through communication! He'd be very flirty and and charismatic...a smooth operator....but LOYAL and considerate towards me!! (Homie don't play that!)

He would also be very intelligent and perceptive...great at gift giving...weird I know and I'm not the type that would want gifts and favors all the time( They don't even have to be expensive) it's just that alot of people I notice aren't good at that and I love well thought out gifts for my birthday or Christmas.

– What kind of education and career would he have?
He has to have a love of learning and self improvement but what kind of education or career he has doesn't matter to me..He could be an artist like me or into something different IDC. He would make good money that's good enough lol self made too!

– What would his interests be?
HE. MUST. BE. A. NERD!!!

Can't stress that enough! Star Wars, LOTR, Harry Potter, Anime, DC fan, Cosplay and conventions all of that! BUT (here's the tricky part that makes him perfect) he still enjoys other hobbies or interests that I have little to no knowledge of..Music, Movies..We would share favorites but have our own. Kinda goes back to the personality thing I don't want us to be too alike I do think opposite attract but we do need to have something solid in common!


Can't believe I spent an hour doing this.....

 

I have a completely different take on this. My first job was at a grocery store. While I wouldn't quite have the life that I have now, I would have been able to more than sufficiently provide for a bae/family. To be clear, I'm not talking about working at a bodega here. If I was looking to meet and greet, there is no question that I would holler at a Brotha working at Trader Joe's (I would have said TJ's, but I'm triflin' like the rest of y'all and wouldn't step to a clerk at TJ Maxx.). Anyhoo, while I would like to be magnanimous here, I can't be. I draw a clear distinction between working at a national grocery store chain and a fast food restaurant. I couldn't do a fast food worker (I know... I'm a piece of shit too for drawing an arguably arbitrary line, but...I own it.). #teamGeoffrey and #teamtraderjoes. BTW, 50 is not ancient. I'd be willing to stake a grip that my Black is every bit as impermeable as the rest of you who are 34 or 35+ years of old.

 

This was beautiful and romantic as hell...I am so proud of your growth, @African King. Live your best life! I aspire to be you!!

 

Well it's either "Phuck Relationships" or "I Wanna be a Gay Power Couple" and there doesn't seem to be much representation from the middle from what I can tell.

I thought there's a lot of romanticized views of what a relationship is. Funny how people say there are no good gay role models yet they spend a lot of time trying to have a relationship. Well who are you trying to emulated and why? Just do right in the relationship you are in. Every relationship you have will be different. Things you do with Jason , you didn't do with Todd and vice versa. Some things you did with both.

If you can get along with each other, there's interest that's beyond just looks, truthful, have your expectations voiced, understood, and set, you are on the road to a decent relationship.

The rest can usually be worked out.

 

HOLD UP...
1: These twins are busted. They look fake and made up as hell. IMO dyed blond fake hair just doesn't look good on some black women.

2: Why are you asking a "date" where do they see themselves in five years? This is not an interview for a management position at a corporation...its a date dude.

3: If you're not initially attracted to someone. then what? I mean attraction is more than just looks.

4: How is being a condisending bitch sexy or cute? Women look at these reality shows and think this is how women are supposed to conduct themselves. These twins seem extra shallow. If they don't straighten up they're gonna be alone like Patty and Selma.

 

-I can't w yalls stock photo choices lmao.

-I agree w @cypher21 Peele's lady is abt his speed. Neither of them are bad looking.

-I think these 3 attractive celebs get the most heat:




There are better pics of all 3 ladies out there, but these are some pics that had ppl rollin in their graves.

I don't necessarily think it's a general str8 thing. The majority of successful, str8, male 'catches' tend to have a bad chick on their arms.

I personally see the discrepancy more among the hood blatinos. If i had a nickel for every time...I think its mostly based on the fact that a more basic chick simply requires less than the 'Dashiki's n other chicks who are leaving the hood at some point.

As for the gays, I think theres a lack of reality sometimes. I dont knock the IG dudes who only wana date each other. If ur a 10 who only wants another 10, thats totally upto u. I think the bigger problem, (I can't remember what post it was in, but u brought this up somewhat recently @Nick Delmacy ) is gay men not being realistic about dating on/at their level. Its like, if u can survive being gay in this world, ima need u to be able to survive accepting that ur a 6, n a 10 MAY VERY WELL not be checking for u.

Thats not to say that it cant happen, but for some ppl, gays very included, physical attraction matters a lot. Some of us appreciate the other things brought to the table.

 

I am always confused with this kind of think piece logic. Instead of narrating a story from a positive disposition these kinds of writers always resort to the negative. I feel like if these brothers focused their efforts on who wants them versus who doesn't then we all would be in a better place. I also think people need to broaden and expand their horizons for god sake, too many of these broken hearts close themselves off to men because they too are looking for something that is quite frankly unobtainable.

If you are looking for your masculine, intellectual, muscular, extra woke, brown skinned, no baggage, upfront. insta-handsome, prince charming...then boo boo you are likely going to be waiting a LONG TIME....

 

I think it's kind of silly to not want to be with someone based on 1 or two precieved flaws least of all ones that don't really matter nor can they control. I believe we are the only culture in which we believe someone can be too much of who they are. That persons too black, too gay, too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, too light, too dark etc all things people seem to use to cancel out otherwise great people then wonder why all they can get is a nut or a wet ass but can't seem to get love and commitment. I'm all for having standards but people have the prioritization of their standards fucked up.

 

@Ocky, I think your approach to this is somewhat misappropriated. A person's faith is at the core of who they are, at times. It can shape their values, how a person thinks and how they behave and interact with others. Whether we agree with ones faith and how they practice it or not, it is extremely sacred to them. Just as you have your very impassioned beliefs about A,B, or C, so too do people who believe in the Lord, God, Jehovah, Allah, Buddah, Hinda, Jimi Hendrix, etc. Whenever we state preferences of any sort, we are gonna exclude a contingency of potential good catches. That's just the way things work. As it has been mentioned before, being "equally yoked" is more important than anything, so there's nothing wrong with having a preference that someone share the same beliefs as you. A man believing in or having faith in a deity doesn’t necessarily equal quality or integrity, but that's not the point. It's about being on one accord with who you choose to spend your life with. If a dude wants another dude he can go to church with, there's nothing wrong with that. We may think he's limiting himself, but that's his prerogative. If he's fasting and praying enough, the Lord will send him somebody. Lol.

 

I would choose myself. Fuck them both.

 

@Infinite_loop @Lancer @TheEdge lol. @Nick Delmacy GMFU hahaha.

I will say this. I was born here in America so my experience is slightly different compared to someone like @Infinite_loop or @Lancer or @TheEdge but the fears are very real. I am living my life here in America BUT I am very cautious about how I move because the repercussions are out there if you do a lot especially on social media. My Facebook is very straight. I just post and share inspirational quotes and I have the occasional pictures with friends that I've been out with mostly in Atlanta (then some in Houston and some other cities). Facebook is where all my Nigerian family members from back home mostly are connected to me. We are in touch and I know that I will be going back home to Nigeria in the next few years. The last thing I need is anyone back home questioning me about who my friends are and what I am doing because things look "suspect".

The truth is that the choices and decisions we all make do not only affect us but they also affect our other family members. I can live my life and be social and be involved in various initiatives in the black gay community here in ATL without having the whole "gay thing" come up in discussion amongst my parents and extended family. If my parents want to still be able to be involved in the Nigerian community in Houston and other U.S. cities as well as back home then I would want that for them instead of them being faced with rejections from ignorant people. They can live their life and I can live my life as well.

I am naturally an introvert but I do have my extroverted tendencies so I have grown to be more social amongst the black gay community and also the African gay community here in Atlanta. I've been able to network and establish more connections. I do put myself out there so to speak but I am still flying under the radar at the same time. I am not as close to being a "gay socialite" as @Ockydub and @Nick Delmacy portray me to be lol. I am just happy that I don't have to do the whole DL thing but I do know that when I do go back home to Nigeria within the next few years for vacation that I will be very discreet.

I can talk to my (extended) family members about so many other things aside from love and marriage. While the topic will come up, I'll just make up a story or switch up the subjects and keep it moving. That's the harsh reality of it all. I do think that while there is a truth to the whole African and Islander theory that @Nick Delmacy has that even Americans (not directly connected to family in Africa or the Caribbean) do deal with not wanting others to find out. It is just that with Africans and Caribbeans that while the experience is similar, there are the cultural differences and some additional layers to it all.

**Sidenote: I personally know 4 men in that picture who are from Ghana and Nigeria who live in Texas and New York and they are "family" lol.

 

#StopTheHeteronormativity

 

What/who would he look like physically?

Face:

Laz Alonso


Body (there's just something about the way this man is built despite his 'queerness') :

Pavel Petel


– How old would he be?

34-48 to my 40.

– Where would he be from?

The US but not a stranger to international travel. I tend to like southern dudes the most so definitely from the southwest to the southeast.

– What would his personality be like?

Funny and adventurous. He would be about business when it came to it but know how to not take things too seriously and be able to pull me out of my comfort zone when I need that push. Also motivational and supportive, well mannered and cool under pressure and be able to put up with my bullsh!+ when I'm tryna be funny and troll and not get all butt hurt about stuff and also bullsh!+ me back. I want someone who can give and take as well as I. Lol

– What kind of education and career would he have?

This is not important to me. As long as he's successful at it, enjoys it, and it doesn't interfere with our relationship we are good.

– What would his interests be?

Ideally we would have many common interests like being active, travel, video games, geeky stuff, food... But I'd also like us to have hobbies and interests that are our own so that we both have outlets independent of each other. I don't want a siamese twin.

 

I don’t send nudes for this exact reason. Because at the end of the day, once they leave your device you have ZERO control over them.

I’d be mad as hell if I were in your situation. In my opinion, that’s a huge ass violation. I would never do that to my BF nor would I allow that with me.

 

I agree with a lot that has already been stated, both in the video and in the comments.

I just feel like a lot of people act like dating is no different than a hobby or playing a new video game: "I'll get around to it when I have time." Building a relationship with another human being takes time and work. So many people say, "You don't really know the person until after 6 or more months, sometimes longer." Yeah, of course it will take a long time to "know" a person if you spend more time/energy LOOKING for the date than you do actually DATING that person.

I don't think that means spending every waking moment texting, talking and being with the other person...but if a man's desire is to do all of the things with his free time that he did when he was single, he should just stay single.

As an entrepreneur and self employed freelancer, my livelihood depends on spending time in to get rewards out. I view dating as the same. If I want to build something with a guy so that he becomes my best friend, my closest confidant and my trusted monogamous sexual partner...At the least, that requires prioritizing him over my PS4 time.

But what do I know, I'm currently single.

 

I know multiple people who didn't get HIV from an untrusted source, but from a trusted source. In fact, the first guy I ever slept with only told me that he was HIV positive the week after we fucked. He was "trusted". He was positive because he trusted his then boyfriend years ago.

If I was wearing my white coat, and you were sitting in the chair across from me as my patient, I would say, "I'm very concerned about you and this relationship. Firstly, you need to consider starting PrEP ASAP to protect yourself from HIV and get tested for all other STIs. After all, this is your health- you can take control of it. Also...this dude sounds like bad news. [insert very serious doctor side eye]"

But since you're not my patient, and this is the interwebs, imma say, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP!!!!!! RUN. DON'T WALK. RUN. RUN GOD-DAMMIT RUN."

I've seen this movie before- it doesn't end well.

 

Well why do you think tons of people approach you? What do you think you are doing that makes them come to you? The way you dress? Your group of friends? Signals you give out? What do you think it is?

 

I think with black women they want to have a trophy on Sundays to show off to other single black women and be in the "I's Marriedt Naw!" club.

I get wanting to be with someone who has similar goals and ideals but that doesn't require a particular religion. People think that going to church and praying the loudest is going to get them to heaven. No. Part of the main reason why I fell out of going to church is because of other humans who try to use their beliefs as a way to make themselves feel superior to others.

"you better get right with God!" when they probably have a rocky history of hoeism themselves.

"this weather is bad. It's raining in Kosciusko and volcanos in Figi! We are in our last days!" No we are not. This planet has always had weather of all types simultaneously.

"ion won't no trans folks in the baffroom wit me! " they been in the bathroom with you since the modern age. You just didn't know or care until Target's policy went viral.

So I'm definitely not one for" church folks "like that.

One of my exes used to say that I shouldn't jack off without him because that's" spilling the seed " well WTF have we been doing? We ain't finna be making a baby.

 

I was wondering, do gay men even make-out with individuals and call it a night? Is that more frowned upon than just skipping to anal? Too old fashion a bit? Cuz I'd be more open to sucking face than sucking other things. I wouldn't mind doing that type of hoeing around.

Great read though, Dry-dick Nick.

 

I was about to say, negro, u just started a damn thread in the comments section!

I think u made some valid points, but the glaring difference btwn str8s n gays (at least during OUR times) is the visibility and ability, to openly be u.

Str8 men want loose sex, because they don't (typically) have as easy access to it, as gay men. So when gay men end up 53, no longer the hottest guy on jakd, and FINALLY want someone to be on their UNCONDITIONAL team to grow old with, after spending all of their 'hot' years thotting, wtf can be surprised?!

Im extremely, EXTREMELY, untraditional, but, like the point of this post says, Im over people acting as if gay men are wrong/crazy or ridiculous for wanting intimate adult relationships.

Just because it's more difficult, due to our history of having to date, basically, in shame, doesn't mean that we have to pretend like we're all happy to be 'that' uncle, upstairs in the room.

Hell no!

Im a handsome, virile, 'good' guy, and I deserve to not be a 'best man'/'groomsman' all of my life, JUST because I like men.

It may never happen, but pretending like it's 'oh well' (just because Im not interested in the masses of women who hit on me every fukn 5 minutes) NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

ZERO shame in being gay and admitting that you'd like a man to love u!

 

I like the picture on the left. Miss me with your body image issues.

 

Lauryn Hill "Ex-Factor" is always good. Soulful and speaks to you.

112 "Your Letter" This isn't quite a breakup song, but it's the song you would play back in school when you were still coming to terms with your sexuality and you start to develop feelings for your homeboy and part of you hopes he feels the same way but then your heart starts breaking when he starts talking about these girls he really likes.

 

I’m mixed on this. I do feel that both gay and straight couples sometimes share idealized images of their relationship on social media for fame and/or to cover up deficiencies in their relationship. But I don’t think this is always the case.

For me, I do sometimes share my relationship on social media. He’s part of my life, so I don’t feel the need to hide that aspect. My Instagram and Facebook are both private though, so these images are generally for folks on my friend/follower list as opposed to the wider public.

My partner, on the other hand, very rarely uses social media. No instagram and almost never posts on Facebook. He’s changed his profile picture twice in the past 12 years.

With that said, I do think it’s important to see images of black gay couples. And I’m not gonna lie, I like seeing them. It’s comforting and it forces white folks and straight people to confront it head on. And it helps other black gay men. So many black gay men are afraid to post anything on social media due to shame or fear of negative repercussions. It’s good to know you’re not alone.

 

and the ironic thing is.... Kevin Hart's current pregnant wife was the side chick that he cheated his ex wife with.

 

My observation when reading this...

"Who talks like this in real life?"

"Did this muthafucka say his friends / associates differing opinions are making him suffer mentally?"

This comes off as pompous and pretentious.

 

"Short legs means he his thrusts wouldn't be much deeper than he's endowed but the quickness could be intense. "

Im here at work dying over this LMAO I have a thing for short dudes. I think they're adorable, but I've found that can't take them seriously because I always look at them as little living toys or elves or some wacky sh!t. I'm 6'2', my shortest partner was 5' tall (ridiculous). My last partner and the dude I messed with for a minute after him were both 5'4". I would like to deal with someone maybe an inch or so taller than me, tho. I admittedly get "hot & bothered" when I see a dude that's like 6'3" 6'4" because its kind of a "rarity". I'm always the Jolly Black Giant in the situation.But yeah, as far as the shortest, 5'4" is where I draw the line. I've found that the shorter the dude, the meaner they tend to get. LOL

 

The whole concept of a fem man (not all) not understanding why a gay masculine man would want to be with someone like them seems weird. It seems like even in the gay community people don't fully understand sexual fluidity and the complexities of bedroom preferences. I think a lot of gay men cant get past these rigid labels. I cringe when they keep calling each other "girl". Or when they say stuff like (in @Nick Delmacy gay voice) "O he said he was a masc top but he really a bottom....he bottom better than...." etc. I think a lot of black fem dudes take on the mentally of black women for some odd reason.

 

I do think there's some truth to "femme-shaming" whether blatant or inherent but we're not going to use gay-dating apps as the barometer for mistreatment within the gay community. Anonymity brings out the worst in all humans.

 

Bill collectors don't care if the money came from tv or security,so I don't see why one makes a difference.If the lights are still on,I don't knock anyone who makes a comfortable living.