First of all, is this his picture? Is he aware that you're posting it online? If not, that's messed up and possibly illegal in some states.
Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships
Page 6 of 27
- Thread: Effortlessly Good looking
I haven't talked much about my dating this year, only because it has been really, really dry.
I still put myself out there, go up to guys and strike a convo, exchange numbers, but after that crickets. I still see said guys around, and we exchange pleasantries and I keep it moving. I use to get very weird and insecure. Like avoiding the dude or walking very fast by him, while I fake being on the phone, when he hasn't called but this year I am quite chill and let it go.
If its for you it will come, that's what these universe folks say right? *shrugs*
Anyways, I was at the lobby at work just watching folks come into the building and I see this very handsome dude. Just like the dude in the picture above without the beards and well dressed. Like he didn't put any effort or thought into it, but it came out wonderful. I think Italians call that Sprezzatura.
So works done and I see homeboy waiting outside for his ride alone. At this moment I know I have to go talk with him.
(Side note: I did not have any high hopes or expectation for said interaction. Also, I know my physical level and am comfortable with it and there is no way in Kings Landing or Mordor homeboy was going to be interested in me).
We start talking, he is a Geophysicist (smart) and as he his talking I could't help but admire how good looking he really was, and how my life would be if I had such features lmao
We exchange numbers, he never calls, blah blah blah. I still see him around and I noticed one thing about him, he NEVER looks not groomed. Everything about him is always in place.
I thought okay, its just in my head but one time during lunch I heard his team mates talking about him. He was made their leader, and they were saying how good looking, well dressed, fade always on point, skin moisturized and glowing he always looks. I couldn't help but chuckle.
My coworker comes to sit beside me and then handsome dude comes up and starts talking with his coworkers. He says Hi to me and I reply.
Bruh! you need to see the reaction my straight coworker had when he came.
He immediately sits up straight, and adjusts his shirt.
I burst out laughing, cos it was so obvious my coworker was caught off guard and jealous of his good looks. All the ladies were just transfixed on him. He leaves and in a failed attempt to recover his ego, my coworker says to the ladies 'But he ain't got no beards though...'
While at home I stand in front of the mirror and ask, can I try to look always groomed and would that help? as in haircut always on point which means never missing a haircut appointment, always moisturize , always look effortlessly well dressed
too much effort, I will just stick to my good sense of humor. Some say I have that...
Here’s a question for the Squad Psychiatrists on the site:
Time and again, when I meet guys in bars and clubs (or on dating apps, back when I was using them), nearly 100% of the time when it comes to meeting up for the “first date” they want me to come to their home to “hangout.” Is this the new norm?
Do I come across as “trade” for booty calls only, not to be seen with out in public?
Here’s a recent exchange I had with a dude I had just met the night before at a house party (I’m the blue texts):
Dude, we just met! Why are those the first two options?!
I mean, I get it. Some people are just more comfortable in private intimate spaces as opposed to the public. And we’re grown men who can keep our libidos in check in public, so why not in private as well?
However, to me, this always comes across as a transparent attempt to get a hookup. And if I wanted a hookup, there are far less time consuming ways to get one.
When a guy asks me to come over his place before we’ve even had a single conversation (besides yelling at each other over club music), that says “hookup” to me. Especially when he opens the door wearing just a tank top and basketball shorts:
Dude, are we going on a date or are we about to play defense? Which is it?
Am I overthinking that they just want sex?
Should I just smash and keep it moving, hoping that the sex will keep him around for an actual date later?
Maybe I’m just a prude who wants a little dinner and conversation first.
I’m not that much of a prude, though. I’ve often stated on this site that I don’t mind sex on the first date. But in my mind, the sex is the climax to a great day/night of getting to know the other person in a neutral setting (aka “the date”).
Kinda like this:
Some of you may be saying, “that’s just a TV show, not reality.” However, in the past, I’ve had many dates go exactly like this. Dates so dope, neither one of us wanted the day to come to an end.
What happened to going out for a drink:
Or how about going bowling together:
Again, I accept that I could be doing dating all wrong in 2018. So much has changed with technology and traditions over just the past 5 years, why should dating be any different?
We now live in a world where texting is considered “talking.” Men on this site have overwhelmingly said that they loathe talking to a dude on the phone, they prefer digital interactions instead. Our devices are connecting us more than ever, but traditional communication and social interactions seem to be breaking down.
Maybe I’m a relic of another time. Maybe the reality for gay men post 2018 is that when we tell our grandkids about how we first met we’ll say: “We both swiped right, he sent me nudes, I went to his place, we had sex, and the rest is history…”
What are your thoughts?
Yesterday was not too bad as far as the weather especially during the afternoon and my date was off from working 3 days in a row so we did a cute movie date. I suggested two movies: 'Den of Thieves' and the Oscar-nominated film, 'Call Me By Your Name'. He chose Den of Thieves so we went with that and met up in the afternoon in town. Since he moved from out-of-state late last year to Atlanta, it was actually his first time going to the movies in ATL since moving down here. We got to the theater and went all the way to the back, which is what I usually prefer whenever I go to the movies. I was shocked that barely anyone was in the movie given that it seemed like it was heavily promoted but anyway we shared small talk during previews and even a bit throughout the movie. I noticed how we naturally leaned on each other during the movie which was nice. It really was cold inside the movie theater and I could literally feel him shivering then he zipped up his jacket and I put my arm around him. Then he leaned on me completely as I had my arm around him. I was like "YO! I'm the man!" LOL. But seriously I felt good spending time and space with the guy and I like the fact that he feels safe with me and he thanked me for keeping him warm.
After the movies, we just talked more and walked around town then I walked him back to his car and we talked some more there in the parking garage. We shared some more laughs and we both let our nerd show which was cool. I like that we appreciate that in each other because there's nothing wrong with being a nerd. We were about to wrap up then I suggested that he drive me back up from the parking garage to the shopping center and then we got in his car. This dude has a CLEAN luxury vehicle man and he works hard for it doing all those shifts in the medical field. I loved the black and red leather interior. It was so smooth like he is. Then after a little more talking, we both just leaned in and went for the kiss. It started off slow then I felt his tongue then I started using mine and it was amazing. When we finished he was like surprised and wondered who taught me how to kiss and I told him that it is innately a part of me since I'm a Scorpio! LOL. Mind you.... I've only kissed 3 people in my 28 years on this earth! Never kissed a woman before and the first guy I kissed was last year during Memorial Day Weekend after a big house party! Anyway, so we drove out of the parking garage then we talked even more and bonded off of music and I was surprised that he knows some of my favorite Nigerian musicians like WizKid for example. Before we went our separate ways, we kissed even more and I could tell he was feelin' me just like I'm feelin' him. We definitely already got plans for our third date next week and we're both looking forward to it. I just like that I can make him smile and laugh. He does the same for me. I definitely feel more confident as a black gay male since I have actively pursued dating this year in Atlanta.
It is interesting because at times I will be thinking like, "Wow am I really doing this?" I have a man in my arms here in the movie theatre and I am not afraid of what anyone else thinks about how we are interacting with each other in public. For me that speaks volumes because I can remember back to 2012/2013 when I was just finishing college and got more involved with Discreet City & Cypher Avenue. I was super paranoid but now I am definitely more confident. I know that while I've been on the dates, I've just told myself to enjoy the moment and live in the present. To not try and think about months or even years down the line with this particular man. He is a good man though from what I can see.
I do feel conflicted though because I remember when we had our first date and he talked about how he doesn't even want to remain in Atlanta long-term because he would really prefer to be in Dallas. I wondered if it was still worth it even dating him but I felt like it was and I should go along with it. We really are vibing. I also am conflicted because given my life situation over the last 2 months, without going into too much detail, I will more than likely be moving back to Houston within the next week or so. I have things that I need to get in order and Atlanta has proven difficult to do those things. I do hope to return to Atlanta later this year or no later than early next year. I really love the growth that I've experienced since being in Atlanta and I want to make it my home in the long run. At times, I've wondered if I'm leading him on knowing that more than likely I will be moving and I'm still dating him. I don't know but in the near future I will definitely know for sure if I will be moving out of Atlanta----temporarily hopefully.
@Nick Delmacy @OckyDub @SB3 @Sean P @DreG @acessential @takeyourmeds91 @NikR @Infinite_loop @ColumbusGuy @ControlledXaos @Michael @lyriq88 @Cyrus-Brooks @RolandG @Jai @Omega Level @Lean Lantern @Artistic Arsonist @Juan-Carlos @Ora Obi
- Thread: Is This Accurate?
As a person who goes on maybe one date every two months let me just say this: dating is stupid and I hate it. But also let me say this: it’s very good and why the hell not. But what is for certain is this: it’s ridiculous and will definitely (OK not definitely) ruin your life unless you use your brain about it. If you’re someone who, like me, has been a massive tit about dating in the past: you have to read this. If you’re someone who keeps getting curved to absolute hell by people who seemed to like you: you gotta read this. If you’re someone who loves reading even very stupid words, well then hell, you really must read this. Because dating is hard, and with the festive season approaching you might be tempted to reach out to all sorts of toxic people. Being cautious when your heart is an enormous hopeful flesh bag is hard. It’s all hard, actually. So be smart. Be prepared not to put up with any old shit. Be very sure of what you deserve. Because you’re a shiny star and it’s time you started acting like it. So here’s how to stop making terrible dating mistakes.
STOP IGNORING RED FLAGS
Red flags include: acting indifferently, refusing to make room in their life for you, being kind of rude, or doing odd or unexplained behaviours at you. Basically, if you spot anything that in the past has signalled something bad: Don’t ignore it. Don’t make special allowances because you’re extremely love drunk and horny and because you reeeally want this one to work out. If they’re the real deal, they’ll hold up to scrutiny and they’ll listen when you ask what the hell’s up with how they’re being lately. If they’re not: goodbye. They’ve gone. They don’t exist anymore. They’re vapour. Farewell.
DON’T GET CARRIED AWAY
I don’t know you. I don’t know if who you just went on a date with is indeed the love of your life. I don’t know if you’ll get married and buy a Fiat Punto. I don’t know if you’ll be together when the inevitable robot war begins and you’ll get evaporated by lasers together. Maybe. But also maybe they’re the worst and they’re gonna hurt your feelings and steal your VCR. So practice slowing down, practice managing your expectations, and try to base your hopes on how they act in reality rather than in your most hopeful dreams.
STOP DATING THE SAME KIND OF PERSON
Mix it the fuck up. Stop dating all the exact same person what are just dressed up in slightly different skin bags. If you’ve only ever dated sad poem writing types, why not try dating a happy clam farmer or a folk singer? Anything. Who cares. Having a type is so tired. It’s over. Give up your type. Put your type on ice. Throw your type to the sharks. Try something different. Stop prioritising everything that isn’t kindness and emotional support and being a decent partner and just see what happens. Maybe nothing. I don’t know. I’m single. I don’t care. I do what I want. But I’m betting that giving less of a shit if they tick arbitrary boxes and focusing on how they treat you ends up being a really good move.
WHY ARE YOU IGNORING YOUR OWN ISSUES?
You’re fucked up. It’s fine though, because I am too. We all are. We all live in the swamp together and we have to do our best to survive it. One way to survive it is to look at patterns of behaviours and decisions that have led us into terrible places in the past and think “maybe let’s not do that this time’. Maybe it’s giving up on yourself and your own dreams whenever you get into a relationship. Maybe it’s letting insecurity interrupt your happiness, or pushing people away because you’re scared to be vulnerable. Maybe it’s that you keep eating ice cream even though you’re 90 per cent sure you’re lactose intolerant and you’ve had a rash on your tit since July. Maybe it’s something else. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I’m just beautiful and smart and you must listen to me.
DON’T MAKE PEOPLE INTO PROJECTS
Or at least people who don’t behave as though they like you. Which is actually essentially the same thing on account of how liking someone means wanting them to feel good and liked and fixing your behavior to demonstrate that. Obviously. Except not obviously because we all keep flipping putting up with it. Which is ridiculous and I’m tired of it. Be tired of it with me. Next time someone starts treating you like an old bag of milk, instead of making excuses for them, tell them “Hey, don’t do that”. And then withdraw your precious delicious time and energy and refocus it in places that actually produce returns and make you feel good. Wow. What a concept.
DON’T MAKE PEOPLE INTO PROJECTS
You can’t glue macaroni on a man and call him your boyfriend. Take my word for it. They just get mad and make you buy them a new t-shirt. Same goes for going out with people who aren’t even remotely ready for a relationship and trying to change them into someone who is. You are being ridiculous. Even if it was possible for you to change them into someone who’ll treat you well and return all the energy you’ve poured into them (it’s not but just imagine) I promise you that you don’t have time. Life is for doing a bunch of cool stuff and meeting people what make you happy and eating hotdogs in the bath. What it’s not for is acrimony and interpersonal struggles and constantly feeling let down. It’s not fair on you, it’s not fair on them, and it’s definitely not fair on me. Because I just want us all to get along and have a nice time and you’re ruining it.
STOP DECIDING THAT BEING SINGLE IS TERRIFYING AND THE WORST OPTION
Being single can be lonely and it can be depressing, yes. But being with a person who treats you like you’re a liability whilst you consistently show up for them is even worse. It’s just easy to forget that when it’s been 109 days since you last had sex and you did an audible moan this morning when the bus driver brushed your hand giving you your change. So buckle up, celebrate your singularity and make the best of it. Don’t romanticize romance, remember that it’s worth waiting for something extraordinary, and then do just that. Sure you can look forward to finding your person (or people) but enjoy being a person now. Enjoy becoming more of yourself, enjoy not having to share space with people you aren’t crazy about. Enjoy the whole delicious hideous mess of being alive. Cos it’s pretty cool.
How to stop dating the wrong people
First, I want to say I think it’s important for gay men to celebrate their relationships in a public way. This means allowing ourselves to be pictured with our partners and from time to time, posting on social media.
There’s nothing wrong with this.
What’s more, the importance of public sharing is particularly necessary when a same sex couple marries or when something significant happens; like a vacation or family event.
But that’s not what this post is about. Instead, I’m talking about gay men who think it’s incumbent upon themselves to document each and every moment with their partner.
Let me give you an example:
Not too long ago, a person I know hired a photographer to take pics of his proposal. That’s right, he paid $200.00 for a guy with a camera to memorialize the exact moment he got on bended knee to ask for his man’s hand in marriage.
Replete with rose petals and a candle lit path to boot, the whole thing was staged to look like it came out of a Hallmark Channel movie.
And of course, once the pictures were developed, he posted them on Facebook immediately. This is same guy who also takes random selfies of himself spooning, like his man was some kind of trophy.
But here’s the thing. They never got married. In fact, news of their breakup was just posted on social media (of course). Which goes to prove that just because you see a fairy tale romance online does not mean it’s happening in real life.
In their situation, both men were cheating on each other. Don’t ask me how I know this – I just do. And they had only been dating one another for six months. Kind of soon to get hitched, don’t you think?
Which makes me wonder why they put on such a big production in the first place? Were they trying to convince themselves they loved one another? Did they want onlookers to be envious?
Who knows. But here is what I have observed over the years.
Anytime you see a couple (gay or straight really) oversharing pictures on social media, alarm bells should be going off.
That’s because healthy relationships always speak for themselves. They don’t need photographic props or “convincers”.
These couples know that constantly showing your love to third parties cheapens what they have because when you have an audience, everything feels like a performance.
The real validation they receive doesn’t come from hundreds of “Likes” but instead, from each other.
Healthy Gay Relationships Aren’t Plastered on Facebook - Gay Pop Buzz
- Thread: How Short is Too Short?
I am your run of the mill, American male. I'm 5'10". Woefully average in height. I'm not tall. I'm not short. Most men I meet literally eye to eye. I don't really have a height preference when its comes to dating. There's advantages to guys who are a little shorter, a little taller, and the same height I think.
However the below photo made its way into my Facebook feed.
I think this guy is attractive. However most of the ladies who replied to the photo said he was too short. Maybe for them and from the point of view that this could be a potential baby daddy, I can see how they couldn't get beyond his height.
I mentioned that sexually, he probably could do a lot of acrobatics to hit that spot. I mean low center of gravity and all.
Still the ladies were not biting. Could it be his clothes? Maybe his youthfulness? I'm not sure. I really didn't dig that deep with the chicks in question. I thought he wasn't bad looking so it really didn't matter what they thought on this hypothetical situation.
Being a sexually active guy, I went to use cases for what sex could be like with someone this height. For real, being on top, you could be thrusting and pulling him onto you at the same time. He'd not really be able to "run from the D." Probably even spin him around on it while he's riding you, like he's riding the agitator on a washing machine.
Have to be careful hitting him from the back though. Probably would literally break his back if you are too heavy. I would not want to be the one ending up on an episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER over that.
69 could be a little problematic. Unless you're into yoga, double jointed, and really flexible. However you could sit down on the couch, have him stand on the outside of your legs, bend over and you can eat the groceries while he's slobbin on the wood.
As a top, he could probably be spinning around and hitting the prostate in all kinds of different ways. His low center of gravity could allow him to like jack Hammer it in. Short legs means he his thrusts wouldn't be much deeper than he's endowed but the quickness could be intense.
I honestly started this thread being seruius about dating someone significantly shorter than I but my senselessness took over and here we are.
So my attempt to get this train back on the track is... Would you date a dude who is significantly shorter/taller than you are?
So I've been taking a bit of a break on here...stepping back and observing more then usual...reading things others have said and having conversations with other members.. and these thoughts has been nagging at me for a minute.
Is there anyone out there actually looking for a relationship? Is romantic attraction to another person nonexistent in gay men or is it mainly just sexual? I know sexual attraction is a powerful thing..not denying that, but sometimes I get frustrated in my attempts to connect to anyone in on a deeper level, no one wants to open up or share more then superficial things.
For those of you in relationships, how did it start? Purely sexual attraction/passion or did you grow to an Romantic interest in them over time? Both is acceptable as I do believe a balance of both is healthy, it just seems like that's extremely difficult to find.
It’s finally 2016, the year that the United States of America gets a new President and Nick Delmacy gets a new Man. So I’ve decided to (somewhat) document my journey here on the site in a new series called, “Nick’s Adventures in Dating.”
I won’t go heavily into detail about the men or dates that I’ll go on throughout the year, but I will give enough broad strokes for you to get a sense of my progress or lack thereof.
Those of you who follow politics know how members of the GOP always say that President Obama’s low unemployment rate (currently resting at 5%) is full of shit because so many people have just stopped looking for work out of frustration that they’re not being counted in that low percentage.
That was me in 2015.
I purposely took myself off the market for various reason:
1: The Black Gay Dating Cycle is Typically Short & Stereotypical
Dating in Atlanta be like:
2: Many of the Gay Men In Atlanta Are Not My Type
I’m a simple man who likes simple things.
I don’t need my dude being a gaylebrity, a gay personal trainer, a gay web series actor, a gay fashion label whore, a gay socialite, gay Instagram famous, a popular gay bartender at gay bars or a well-known gay party/club promoter.
These are the types of everyday black men I’d ideally like to meet and date:
Here are the type that are usually available to me in Atlanta:
3: Meeting Guys is Boring and Repetitive
The process of meeting new guys can be really dull, repetitive and full of the same boring script:
“Sup? How you doing? Where you from? How long you been here? You like it here? What kind of work do you do? What do you do for fun? What gym do you go to? What are you looking for? Just friends or more? When was your last relationship? How do you get down?”
I know all of those questions are needed when initially getting to know someone, but if you’re texting, chatting and/or talking to multiple men in an attempt to whittle your way down to one, it gets old very quickly.
Some members of the Cypher Avenue Squad may think I’m cynical and jaded on dating and relationships. This is far from the case. I just keep it real.
Black gay men seem to want honesty from me when it comes to reviewing web series and LGBT musicians, but conversely they prefer for me to regurgitate the same positive-only fantasy about gay love, dating and relationships. Lying to them gives them hope, I guess.
But you know what, all areas of life aren’t fair. You want the world to be one way, but it’s the other way…
Being gay is gonna suck at times…Dating is gonna suck at times…Being black and gay and dating in a gay lifestyle that you don’t relate with is REALLY gonna suck at times. But this is the world and reality we live in.
Although I had to take a break from the gay madness, I know that I still want and need to play the game from time to time.
As many of you heard in our podcasts, I temporarily jumped back into the dating scene last year by joining non-gay-hookup sites and apps like OKCupid and Tinder. The results ended up with me being either shunned by black men for white men and/or being dragged along by gay men just looking for hookup sex or a texting buddy to “pass the time.”
This experience didn’t turn me off from dating altogether, it just let me know that digital gay dating may not be for me.
So in 2016 I will be going back to meeting dudes the way that worked well in the past: Live and in person.
No more hookup apps. No dating sites. No digital nothing.
Where will I be meeting these men if not the Internet and smartphone apps?
Fortunately for me, gay men exist everywhere. In grocery stores, at gas stations, in malls, in everyday life. I have friends who know other gay men. Gay men go to “straight” events, parties and functions. We’re everywhere. Especially if you open yourself up to non-black men (White, Latino, Asian-American, Middle-Eastern, etc), which I’m definitely doing in this go around.
Although this direct method opens me up to more in-my-face rejection, luckily I live in Atlanta where attractive gay men are like buses, miss one next 15 one comin’.
Having said that, excuse me, I see a handsome guy in the cereal aisle of this grocery store who’s just my type….
See you guys in the next update!
Feel free to ask any questions or share your own dating experiences in the comments section!
While in the supermarket today I saw these three magazine covers and had to ask The Squad:
Which of these 3 very different types of dudes would you date if he was gay?
Remember, we’re talking DATING, not just for sex….
I’ll go first…
Let me start by saying that superficially, all three men are very attractive. But how I imagine they would be as gay boyfriends is another matter altogether.
While “Gay Dwayne Johnson” would likely be a Total Bottom (which works for me), I also imagine that he would LIVE in the gym, making him a very inattentive boyfriend. He’s so into fitness that there would be no room for date nights full of junk food and alcohol (very important to me) and he would be limited in conversation topics (also very important to me). Also, he would likely be an abusive borderline alcoholic, forcing me to tell my boy @ockydub that my bruises are from me accidentally falling into doorknobs, repeatedly. Ain’t no way I’m ending up diagnosed with Mary J Blige Syndrome after dating “The Gay Rock.”
Now “Gay Michael B. Jordan” is def my type physically, but while I imagine that he would probably be Versatile Bottom (which still works for me), I can’t help but assume he’d be one of those young messy, stuck-up, conceited, entitled homosexuals who has been Out and gay clubbing ever since he 16 years old. He looks like he would be the type of gay dude that LOVES DRAMA! He probably wouldn’t be faithful and all of his “best friends” would be people that he’s fucked in the past. “Gay Creed” is not about to have me calling my boy @ockydub to cry about how yet another young hot boy dude keeps waving red flags as I constantly refuse to break up with him just because he’s so cute that I can’t stay mad at him long:
That leaves “Gay Idris Elba” who, I suspect, would be Versatile Top (which only marginally works for me). Don’t ask me why I think that, I just look at him and think “British Top with only occasional bum play.” But I gotta admit that out of the three dudes, he looks like he would be the best boyfriend. Not only would he be an attentive lover, he looks like the whole gay clubbing scene is long in his past, if he ever had that phase at all. On top of that, he looks like he would love a dope conversation, laugh at my bad jokes, suffer through watching my nerdy TV shows and movies, support me with my personal goals and just be an overall good dude who willingly enabled my clingy intimacy addictions.
Who of the three men would you choose if he was Gay and why would you choose him?
Read the whole post here.
- Thread: What's Your Type (Post a Pic)
I was a virgin until I was 21. Complete virgin. Wasn't even naked around another adult outside of a locker room scenario. I met this guy. We dated for 3 months. I really liked him. Convinced myself I was falling in love with him, kind of like. I thought he was the right one to give it up to. He broke up with me the next day. I later found out from his best friend who I hooked up with my best friend that he'd wanted to break up with me for a long time, he just wanted to get some booty first. You can't control how other people will react to anything you do or how people will receive the gifts you choose to give them.
If you feel like you're ready and that he will give you the right kind of experience for your first time, whatever that experience looks like in your head, go for it. But also understand that he's his own person with his own agenda and motives. Would I date a virgin? I'm not opposed to it at all. But I know several guys who feel the exact opposite. For some there's more pressure for them to be someone's first. For others they don't want to deal with you trying to figure out who you are and what you like sexually. As others have said, the virginity is only truly precious to the virgin, no one else. So when you contemplate sex, operate with that understanding. It will limit your regrets.
Just watched most of this (skipped the advice interludes) and I feel like I wasted a lot of time. Too much on that Brodney "dating" topic. Poor editing, way too long.
Tripp barely said anything (because of Brodney) and the couple things he did say were messy and hypocritical: 1) Being a young opportunist gay dating an older banker who he knew already had a family and 2) the irony of a porn actor being turned off by a dude merely having the Jack'd App on their phone.....Dude, you have simulated sex in poorly produced black gay web series, THAT'S THE TURNOFF!
Back to the vid:
Atlanta folks make it seem like they would be better off finding a partner in Arkansas or something.
I hate how dating has become such an ambiguous term. It shouldn't hold so much weight yet it scares the shit out of people.
I think I'm about over the term "talking" too, that shit is wack and a cop out. If we're going out on numerous dates and not just hooking-up then we're freaking dating - meaning the activity of getting to know each other and explore romantic possibilities. It doesn't mean we're in a committed relationship about to plan to live our lives together. But we can definitely talk about that if that's where you want or don't want to take it. I just want people to relax.
I'm def. going to approach the way I date differently next time by 1) being more upfront, letting the person know that I like them or don't like the way they're treating me off the rip 2) stop allowing myself to be in the confused stage and not be afraid to ask them about our status after a certain amount of time (fuck your scary ass) and 3) stop cutting people off so quickly, with an exception of people that actually deserve no explanation or closure #thugbae
I just did a search for the term “cac” and the only time it appears here is when you just used it. I have never seen nor heard of the term “cac”. This is new to me and don’t know what it means or stands for. Nor have I seen where someone of color stated “I HATE white gay men or white people” on this site. We don’t and have never tolerated this type of behavior and have deleted comments or banned individuals who have in our 5 yr history.
The men here are speaking from their experience and stating their preferences. Speaking for myself and obviously having written the essay; I don’t have a problem with black or white men stating their preferences or wants when it comes to sex and dating. I don’t see them as racist, which in my opinion is an overused and misused term.
If men of color want to come to this site and vent about their negative experiences being on the receiving end of white racism, bigotry and prejudice, I’m not going to prevent that. As you stated “basically seeing white 'society'(whatever that really means) labeled 'sick' and pathological, etc.”…Yes; absolutely many people of color have this view based on history and experiences in their day-to-day lives, that many in white society have chosen to ignore, don't speak out against it or act like it never exists. I haven't read all the comments here, if you saw these sentiments, did you reply to the person or did you think or ask yourself why they felt that way? FYI...some views concerning white supremacy and racism have categorized them as "sickness" or mental illness/disease, which is something people of color have been stating for years (not saying I agree with this by the way). Simply Google "racism is a mental illness."
Gay men of color having a popular centric space like Cypher Avenue to freely discuss white gay racism and race, while reading commentary on the subject matter written by masculine leaning gay men of color, is unfortunately something that is almost impossible to find.
It’s really hard to even address when these mainstream sites don’t even broach the subject matter or topics of race in the Gay community because it’s not something that is impactful to their audiences. Many times when the subject matter is broached on mainstream gay websites, it’s out of touch with trolling or ignorant commentary from many white people in the comments sections.
If a white or black person chooses to visit this site and not challenge or spark discussion if they feel they’re viewing generalizing statements about white people, that’s not something I have control over. Just as you have spoken, all who visit have a chance to speak their minds.
- Thread: Could you date an obese man?
- Thread: Masculine 4 Masculine
Now it's time for a fellow virgins thoughts( because yes my opinion is valuable too) after reading what everyone else has to say.
I absolutely understand where you're coming from as being a virgin can put you in a very conflicting mental state at times. You value it for your own reasons and want to uphold your values but at the same time you can't ignore all of the influences and realities of how the world is especially the "gay dating" world, not to mention your own cravings from time to time.
For me, I'm not waiting for the "perfect guy" or situation to happen, I'm waiting on the right guy, there's a difference. I just want to do it with someone that means something to me, preferably someone patient lol, but also someone that cares about me too. Growing up I didn't have alot of stability at home so I went looking for it in everything else and I think that eventually carried over into my precision of relationships later on. Being with someone I know will try to be there for a while became a priority so losing my virginity to just anyone was out of the question. I say all this to say Ask yourself why you want to be a virgin and if that reason still holds up in your mind as a value worth believing in just keep at it. Know why you want this, don't just follow what we're saying, this kind of thing is highly individualistic IMO.
Also an important thing right now like others have stated is to not focus on that aspect of your relationship with this guy yet and just keep building on it. Find out more about him, spend more time with him...don't jump the gun on all this, you two are still in a budding stage it seems. If the topic of sex comes up I think the best approach would be to simply be honest and open about your reservations. If finding someone special to you is important to you then you should not compromise...being a virgin in itself is not a noble or valuable thing, its the person motives for being one that are. I feel like its part of who you are...I understand the points guys above me have made but in the end @African King only you can say what the right decision for yourself was.
- Thread: Masculine 4 Masculine
I think a lot of feminine men think that homosexual relationships should mirror heterosexual ones, where one person is masculine and the other feminine. A masculine dude seeking another masculine dude pretty much goes against this.
- Thread: Would you Stay and Sacrifice?
There will always be something bigger and better in our imaginations. Our mind plays games by allowing us to believe in the mythical realities where relationships are perfect. On the contrary, relationships are hard work and you won't get everything you ever dreamed of because...well, dreams are not real. Maintaining meaningful relationships requires sacrifice but that should always be a two-way street. I like the box metaphor:
- Aug 28, 2015
- Daps Received:
- Thread: Where White People Meet
- Thread: Ruin A Date In FOUR Words
"You're a doctor, right?" (maculopapular rash revealed from nether region. blank face)
"Soooo, what's the diagnosis?" (blank face)
"Can I have penicillin?" (Of course! Naaah, just shitting with you. Leaves.)"
"I'm on my period."
"You're like my ex!"
"Ohhhhh my ass creeeaaaamin' "
"Sup. Sup. Sup. Sup."
"You're not that attractive."
- Thread: Masculine 4 Masculine
All of these muhf@#kaz is madd as hell, but "Blondie" is TIIIGHT! This is the same situation as the whole "No Fats, No Fems, No Blacks, No Asians, etc" madness, If a nikka don't want YOUUUUUUU...for WHATEVER FUCKIN REASON.....MOVE, ON!!! Your bitcha ass whining and complaining and eye rolling, lip smacking, exaggerated inflections is NOT going to change a muhfukaz mind and make them sympathize for you and give you a mercy fuck.
I'm really not one for all the "Dick this, Dick that" talk. That (among many other things) turns me off about a lot of effeminate men. I'll say every once in a while.."yeah, dude probably got a big ass dick" or "damn, homeboy got DICK" if I'm with my cousin or my best friend, but the dick/ sex conversations are a big turn off for me.
Poor Pedro. In regard to his commentary on not feeling privileged and not to look down on guys that you don't consider on your level, he might as well have been tellin' a Black Baptist Preacher from 1930's Alabama that he need to have a flamboyant, gay man in charge of the "Ursher Board", because I could see it in "Blondie's" eyes while he was talkin...."Little Latin Boy in drag....SIT yo ass down, bitch. We don' do, foo foo, boo boo". LOL
- Thread: Rejected for Not Wanting Raw
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