Best Posts in Forum: Dating and Relationships

  1. Jai

    Jai Being strong minded.
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    Blah, I waited a long time to have sex..it wasn't magical or made me feel different. All I can say about being a virgin for so long really says noting or places you above anyone else.

    I bottomed for this 22 year old guy....my first time having sex. The entire scene was like the scene between Halle & Billy Bob Thorton in Monster Ball movie, couch and everything.

    Idk wtf I was expecting but this wasn't the Disney ending I made up in my mind...cause after that he got what he wanted & departed...I, on the other hand was left shaking on the couch like a desperate housewife, right before I went and soaked in the bathtub for the rest of the night.

    I always though keeping my virginity for so long made me special...My friend's response, "It's about damn time!"

    Idk what else to say about it other than if you want to do it with someone you consider special, do it, if you want to get down to business with a random guy, do it. Just wrap it up. lol
     
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  2. DreG

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    I have two fathers.I was raised by one man,and I knew my bilogical father my whole life too.I am undeniably my biological father's favorite child,and I was the only kid in the house ,so I got a lot of my (adoptive) father's attention too.So i grew up being doted on and I still was attracted to men.Biology is what it is.You can grow up in an all boys military school and still be a homosexual.

    The women in your life can have an influence on how you interact with people,but not your orientation.
     
  3. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    Morbidly obese...I don't know. Regularly obese, overweight, thick, chubby...I wouldn't mind at all. I would be able to cook all types of shit I see on food network for him. Have that muthafuker like "more please Ocky" :feedme:
     
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  4. takeyourmeds91

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    I refuse to lay up with the white devil....
     
  5. Sean P

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    I don't think it's a question of being old school in the world of modern dating. Some of us appreciate a level of independence and breathing room while others don't mind being attached at the hip. When two people with different needs meet and get to know each other, they will need to compromise if things are to move forward successfully. I'm like @takeyourmeds91. I occasionally need some breathing room so that I have a little time to appreciate you (and sometimes to simply live inside my head).
     
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  6. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I blame myself and @OckyDub more than anything...for as long as you've been coming to this website, if we haven't educated you on E. Lynn Harris' legacy and importance to modern black gay culture, then we've def failed in some ways. There would be no DL Chronicles or Black Gay Web Series without the work created by E. Lynn Harris and James Earl Hardy.
     
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  7. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    "I hadn’t been with anyone else, where as he made it clear that he had been with many individuals, but always had safe sex."

    Please forgive curtness as I've been watching a lot of Judge Judy lately...but is he the only dick or ass left on the planet?

    [​IMG]

    -It could be dude has had unprotected sex and is afraid to get tested because he is afraid of the results.

    -Great, condoms protect you from HIV but you said you're paranoid about STI's so does that mean yall still do oral with no known test results for hepatitis, herpes, etc?

    If somebody else created this thread, what would you tell them? You not having sex with him means nothing because you already know he is with other dudes, so his needs will get fulfilled.

    What answers are you looking for or what conclusions do you need that your instincts aren't already telling you?
     
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  8. takeyourmeds91

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    This is a very interesting piece even though it's been discussed ad nauseam.

    I think I would actually be bisexual if our society normalized it. In a similar vein, I've always thought that many gay dudes are actually not even gay foreal - I think because of society's "one-drop" rule, some men subconsciously feel confined to homosexuality.

    But then again, I got niggas texting me up talmbout they were thinking about catching my peen while they were having sex with a chick...maybe @NikR is right lmao
     
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  9. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    Dude has shown you where his head is at,so you gotta accept that an keep it moving.Y'all can still be cool,but there's nothing more there for you to entertain.
     
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  10. ControlledXaos

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    Mane, most of us have "that one straight dude" who if they did the right thing at the right time... Bow chika wow wow.

    Look. You are a grown man. Just straight up ask him what's up. Folks need to quit playing.

    But I'm telling you that if you want to proceed with this, romantically/sexually, it could backfire. I'm coming from the pov of not having a platonic male relationship when I was younger in my 20s and I wish I had that then. It's harder to bond with people once you are older, it can be done however. If you have some tighter bonds with other guys you might be alright but if this is the ace boon coon.... Might not be worth the risk.
     
  11. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    As long as we have the same values,I don't care what he believes in.If he believes in God,the Brahman ,or the Mother the Maiden &Crone,but only for the sake of being able to check religion off his checklist like a politician ,and has no actual values,then it won't work.If he is Athiest or Agnostic,and judges me for having beliefs,it's also going to fail.

    Basically,you gotta take it at a case by case basis.Generalizing leads to potentially missing out.I believe in one ultimate source of creation,but my oldest friend is a pagan.As long as you two synch up ,your theories on who or what runs the universe don't really have to.
     
    #6 DreG, Jun 3, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2016
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  12. Tyroc

    Tyroc Deactivated Account

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    ... or I'll just do a little background investigation and find out

    As in the form of an anal examine?



    Sounds like an effective, fun & time proven method.
    image.gif
     
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  13. BlackExcellence

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    Well for me initially I wanted a relationship because I was tired of the empty hook ups and the doing the "online thing". I also started hanging around other gays and saw some people in healthy relationships and wanted that for myself. I eventually met a guy and we really dug each other. While it didn't last when it was good, it was really good, and thats a feeling that no friend or relative can give you. So yes it's a lotta work and yes a lot of gay relationships are dysfunctional but it's human nature to think you'll be different or that 1% that work. It's why people keep going to law school or playing the lottery.
     
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  14. Omega Level

    Omega Level DRACARYS
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    I will answer your questions in regards to my personal experience and opinion in the order you gave them

    • Yes I have both "slept" with someone on the first night as well as had sex with someone early on in the getting to know phase. (side note - im laughing you said SLEPT WITH... talking about heteronormative language. lol) Something substantial formed with one. A 3 year relationship. With the other, nothing substantial. Mainly because I wasn't interested. So it can go either way.

    • Yes men can be easy. And I thank GOD for that. :franko1: Seriously though, if I would pass any judgement on men having sex with me early, it would be a favorable judgement. I like men who are decisive and go for it. Especially sexually.

    • I dont make dudes wait. But im not aggressively eager either. I go with the flow and vibe. Usually if im getting to know someone one of the main interest is indeed sexual attraction so it can be evident of the first date. I would prefer dudes not make me wait, but its not mandatory for him to want to have sex on day 1. However, personally for me its a turn off if he plays coy for too long. Like he's some school girl saving it until I say I love him. Dude im sooo good on you with that shit. I would be willing to acquiesce sex if we are really vibing, but only until about the 3rd or 4th date.

    All in all you have to find the dude that matches your sexual personality and the additional things if a relationship is pursued. I have a very sex positive personality. I dont mind talking about it, I see no shame in it, and I dont judge others sexual taste, opinions, or fetishes. Me being with someone who is a bit up tight about sex wouldn't be a match. So try to become more self aware of your feelings on sex and what you would desire. Its ok to want someone more conservative if thats what you are.
     
    #5 Omega Level, Sep 6, 2018
    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
  15. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    I've never had that dilemma because I don't find white men attractive. I'm suspicious of white dudes as a general rule. From my observation most of them have some level of latent or overt racism no matter how nice or progressive they may appear on the surface. Gay white men are just as bad if not worse than straight white men. They seem to fall into 2 categories they're looking to fulfill their BBC fantasy or they wanna fulfill their plantation slave master fantasy. They just give me the heebie-jeebies. Don't be surprised if the N-word comes outta his mouth at some point.
     
  16. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    When I was dating, every fem kat I came across lied about being masculine.
     
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  17. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

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    "...e figures if they were also interested, they would come to him. At the time I thought he just had a big ego but I learned that it was more of a rejection self defense mechanism. "

    It absolutely is a defense mechanism, albeit a recessive one because it f$%ks us out of a LOT of potential opportunities.
     
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  18. DreG

    DreG is a Featured MemberDreG Art Heaux
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    He's such an insipiration.The progress he's made...people really can change.
    [​IMG]
     
  19. Sean P

    Squad Leader The 100 Daps Club Supporter

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    Every relationship is different. While I have never been married, my parents have been married for 60 years and from my ringside seat, a successful marriage takes work. No matter how strong the love and physical attraction, those things alone won't carry you through.
     
  20. Sean P

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    See... There’s a reason I don’t write an advice column. I would have told the dude to respond to the soon to be father-in-law as follows: “I wasn’t dating your daughter or anyone else when I dicked you down. You, on the other hand, were married with a child. If you say something, you damage three relationships. We don’t have to be friends, but we are ‘bout to be in-laws. You better learn to grin and bear it.”
     
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  21. thane

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    I have a long history of a junker/classic old car ownership. There was the $1,200 Volkswagen, my $500 dollar Volvo, $1,500 Mazda rotary. That Volvo was a beast and was one of the best cars i ever owned. Insurance was cheap an no car note was heaven something I can't say about my current chariot. Its weird because I would take off cross country on the drop of a dime in those old junkers without a thought and...no cell phones..man that was a different world. But no to me, cars are a device to get from A to B not a measure of anyone worth social, financial or otherwise.
     
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  22. takeyourmeds91

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    Yea, I'm going to talk to him tomorrow - I don't have the energy today lol. And you're very right - if he's not down with it then fkc it, i'm not looking for a man anyway

    He's 26 and does have a job but not necessarily a career. Your guess is as good as mine at this point about hobbies haha. I think he just needs to find him some business - something to keep him busy. While we're on the subject, a man that has too much time on his hands is very unattractive. It's cool to chill sometimes but you need to be continuously working on yourself.
     
  23. Nigerian Prince

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    A close friend of mine went through this exact same experience. That is a huge red flag man. You always need to be in relationship who values YOUR health just as much as YOU do. If he really cares about you, then he would follow you to go get tested.

    Another friend of mine was in a similar situation to your own and put a lot of trust in the partner. He did not trust his intuition and ended up HIV +. This is not to scare you but thank God your outcome was in your favor. I just want you to know @Desh92 that most new cases of HIV do arise from black gay/bi men in relationships.

    Put yourself first and don't be afraid of being alone.
     
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  24. NikR

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club

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    Women actually aren't open to dating bi-dudes. I'm not sure why she's pretending like she or the vast majority of women are.

    Biphobia exists because homophobia exists, and the only thing worse than a gay black dude is the bi black dude who is actually gay but denies it up until the time when he finally, belatedly, relents and yells, "fine, I'm gay! Happy?!". So to women, bi dudes are liars at baseline. I don't feel that way; I just feel like I meet a lot of confused, scared bi dudes who wanna get dicked down...but then really really really want a life that looks conventionally perfect- with 2.5 kids, a wife and a dog. That's the reason why I'm much less open to considering bi dudes for a romantic relationship--quite frankly, I'm not really here to have kids (I'll tolerate them as the rich uncle lol) but if you're bi and want kids, you'll probably end up with a woman. Which I am not. Boobs are awesome though.

    Morning y'all!

    tumblr_inline_nwlj8kaBmj1qlorls_500 hiiii (1).gif


    TL;DR Dating bi dudes may increase the chance that you'll be the side chick. Boobs are awesome
     
    #4 NikR, Jan 24, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2018
  25. Omega Level

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    F would be the major turn off to me. With a strong E as the second turn off.

    How are we going to work on anything if you in and out and back in jail? nah bruh, date a dude in there. And if we can't get past anything we dealing with because you have to always involve yo mama? kick rocks

    A,B,C - I'll try to inspire different behavior through example. Maybe they'll see the benefits
    D - Hell, its just a car. He could borrow mine while we work on options of getting his own.
     
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  26. Cyrus-Brooks

    Cyrus-Brooks is a Featured MemberCyrus-Brooks The Black Vulcan
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    I could see a straight dude contemplating getting a side chick, having a side chick, or multiple side chicks if sex with his wife is boring, Contemplating sex with another man? I'm sorry this muthafucka is not straight. He's a closet case bisexual(DL). Straight men don't have sex with other men.
     
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  27. acessential

    Squad Leader Best Thread Creator The 1000 Daps Club

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    I'm like a 1.25 on a good day.
     
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  28. Omega Level

    Omega Level DRACARYS
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    Honestly, I think being up front is a great option. It has served me well. Don't get me wrong, don't call him saying, "I want you, come over". LOL. But maybe if he is receptive to light casual conversation between just the two of you, shortly during the conversation I would say something like,

    "Hey, can I be upfront with ya a minute. Hopefully your not offended, but I find you attractive and was just wondering if you are single and would be interested in getting to know each other more?"

    or something like that. I know I know, it takes mad confidence and balls to just put it out there like that. Im just giving you an example of what I would do based on who I am today.

    As others have said, you can also do the casual conversation thing with an ear open hoping you hear a clue about him being gay or whatever. Personally I never had the patience for that. And on the other end, I never had patience for others doing it to me. I remember there was a guy very interested in me, but he kept beating around the bush being very vague to the point I was turned off.

    I guess what I am saying is confidence and being upfront can be hella sexy. You just may be surprised with the results....
     
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  29. Fanon

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    How ironic you make this thread. I just made an account earlier this week and my initial reaction to the app overall is a lot of these dudes are full of shit, catfishing, and/or wanna play games. For example...

    Why is it the holier than thou types that writing these long ass dissertation about how "they're not interested in hook-ups" that turn right around and be the first one's sending pics? :mindblown: That shit annoys the fuck out of me!!! Like, stop frontin' you're on here to bust a nut like the rest of us. Get over yourself!



    I won't go over all the details of my first sexual encounter, but apparently, I'm very good at eating booty. Might just have to try this verse thing out after all...LMAO
    [​IMG]
     
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  30. mojoreece

    Bae Material The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    I had to stop when ole Kat-women said masc men look for other mas men that's a fem trait and then said she was more masculine than who.....?lol :whut:smh but she got the nerve to sat there perched in full drag. As I said in this post " The whole concept of a fem man not understanding why a gay masculine man would want to be with someone like them seems weird". Its though some take on the role of a bitter black women. If someone is not interested in you just move. That means their not for you.


    [​IMG] [​IMG][​IMG]
     
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  31. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    This is where I stopped reading...Everyone is dating but me...even the unemployed brothas...:mjcry1:

    [​IMG]
     
  32. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    First: Why his nose so shiny? It was distracting

    Second: Can we STOP with the false narrative that gay men are more promiscuous than heterosexuals?

    Third: The ONLY reason a dude would be concerned about being perceived as a "hoe" is because they are a gaylebrity or they're dating and having sex amongst a group of friends. Of course if you're running through your friends and their friends, you might get a reputation.

    I don't date my friends or their Exes.

    Every dude I've dated, I had no idea who and how many people they had fucked...unless they told me...and even then, that was before this is now.

    Fourth: You got some good sex and he didn't return your call the next day...So what...Good riddance, he just showed you early that he wasn't shyt. So you would have rather wasted 3 weeks dating an "ain't shyt" dude instead? What, so he could slowly see the real you? That would make him stay? He ain't shyt...if he will disappear after one day, he will disappear after 3 weeks...He just saved you 20 days of back-and-forth with an "ain't shyt" nikka and you still got some peen out of it.

    Fifth: If you're sexually active but concerned about becoming a Hoe...most likely YOU ALREADY ARE! Remember that HOOKUPS COUNT! Just because he didn't take you out for a $200 date first, that doesn't mean that it doesn't apply towards your overall Body Count!

    Assuming that everyone reading this has at least 12 hookups/NSA-sex-partners a year (one per month), how is that ANY different than having sex with 12 dudes on a first date who didn't call the next day?! Shyt, I'd rather have 12 one-dates and sex than 12 anonymous hookups. And if they talk, cool...all they gonna say is I put it down, possible free advertising for the dude who actually wanna keep the merchandise...

    [​IMG]
     
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  33. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    Because: Gay.
     
  34. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
    Site Founder The 10000 Daps Club

    Joined:
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    I just don't know which I'm more tired of hearing about: Dating App Racism or people constantly talking about Dating App Racism. I wonder do folk know racism and bias isn't going any where?
     
    alton, mojoreece, SB3 and 3 others dapped this.
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