Best Posts in Forum: LGBT News and Events

This was some disgusting sh*t...

To be really real, it is time as a group of "masculine" brothas to acknowledge that muh f*ckas is on to something with this toxic masculinity stuff.

Getting G-checked in the hood is part of everyday life for ppl that's in the hood. I just recently had to restrain myself from beatin on this lil 5 foot nothin dude at this liquor store in Flint. All I did was get out the car and ol dude started yelling"Beat a n*gga ass in some flip flops" multiple times... I was obviously the only nigga with some Jordan flip flops on, it was also obvious that this dude was suffering from the toxicity of a hyper-masculinized projection. Check another nigga on his manhood in order to reaffirm your own... Classic hyper-masculinized endeavor... Homie thought cuz he was with a bunch of his boys that they would back him if I wanted to make the beef legit... I ended up peacing up all the n*ggas he was with because I was in my hood and they all been knowing me since I was a lil nigga except for him. They started saying "Don't mind him" because they all know what could've happened.

I done had shotguns and glocks pulled on me, done had niggas say I wasn't a real man/strong man cuz I didn't perfectly meet the parameters of one in their opinion. None of this is new and it happens on both the macro/extreme level such as this filmed example and even in micro/banal interactions.

I'm just waiting on a time when I can be a man and not have to beat somebody ass to prove it.

 

On racism in the gay community:
I picture this dude listening to En Vogue's Free Your Mind while swiping left on brown faces.

On homophobia in the black community:
I wonder how many non suburban, mid to lower level communities of color he's been through.

 

Peep this and I hate it. Glad they're getting hella push back for it BUT I didn't frequent the site much due to their frequent focus on all things effeminate and non-people of color....like most gay mainstream sites.

 

The Lives of Great Men a memoir by Frankie Edozien is Nigeria’s first book about LGBTQ Life. Edozien, a lecturer at the New York University captured the lives of gay men on the continent and the challenges they face. Edozien is the first Nigerian to write a nonfiction book on being a gay man.

Dr. Frankie Edozien is the author of Lives of Great Men. The book will be launched in London tomorrow, the 23rd of November at 7pm.

At the 2015 Pen World Voices Festival in New York, Frankie Edozien was still working on his book. Lola Shoneyin, the director of the Ake Arts and Book Festival had urged him to “hurry up and finish.” But sometimes books take a life of their own.

The Lives of Great Men is Edozien’s debut nonfiction book. For someone that’s been in journalism for over 20 years and currently serves as the Director, Reporting Africa at the New York University, one would argue that a book is long overdue. Edozien’s defence however was “this book needed to be done right. In everything I do, I want to ensure that the final work product is as close to perfection as I can make it.”

Edozien’s book is a memoir on what it means to be a gay man in Africa. In a continent that’s accepted the Western notion of Christianity but rejected homosexuality Edozien says: “We’ve seen governments exploit in some fashion, the fear of the gays and it helps them turn the attention away from the fact that they haven’t adequately produced bread, electricity, roads, schools, hospitals.” Countries such as Uganda have established agencies that hunt down gay men.






The Huffington Post said of The Lives of Great Men, “From Lagos to Brooklyn to Accra to Paris, his memoir is a tenderly constructed cloth bearing the imprints of unsung gay men living their lives, triumphing and finding joy in the face of intense adversity. Their greatness is derived from their fortitude, and it’s heartening to come across a book where marginalized members of a given community are being honoured with such tenderness and graça.”


Lives of Great Men front cover. Photo: Frankie Edozien


Edozien would be the first Nigerian to write a nonfiction book on being gay. An excerpt from his book was recently published in Quartz Africa. Part of the excerpt reads:

And back home in Nigeria I am filled with hope when a leading Nigerian online publication, Pulse.ng, calls out Nollywood, our robust film industry, opining that the ‘representation of homosexuality in most Nollywood movies is at best a caricature attempt at bad comedy.’

I have to admit that I used to be of the mindset that, even if it is a poor depiction, at least there is one, especially since many habitually say we gay people do not exist in Nigeria. In all the years that Nollywood has been churning out films – movies that are sought after all over the continent – we have rarely been seen. But the depiction of Nigerian gay men as bearded effeminates sporting bright red lipstick and making exaggerated arm movements is not funny, nor is it remotely the norm, and I now feel that if Nollywood is going to depict us, then they had better do it right. We are not going to be the butt of their jokes. And clearly the editors at Pulse don’t recognize the caricatures on screen either.

For Edozien, writing this book was a labour of love and he hopes the book would allow for many “good conversations.” The Lives of Great Men is a celebration of African lives.

 

Good for him!

He'll be 21 tomorrow gentlemen... but you might have to wait in line because the gays/bi's are already at him.

 

Last year I was raped.

And because I’m a stubborn man, I didn’t even begin to deal with it until months later.

I was newly single and living a faux fabulous life; not necessarily ready to be physical with someone yet, but I jumped on “the app” to get a little attention and see what was out there.

They all can't be bad, right?

Per usual, I kept the conversation pretty surface level with most guys. Sure, I’ve used apps to consensually find late night hookups before, but I wasn’t really in that mental space emotionally yet.

One guy in particular was really nice. Good job. Quirky. Two-point-six miles away. From his picture on my cracked, dated iPhone 5, he definitely was not my type. But I figured at least someone wanted to treat me to a free cocktail. We met at his house early evening and chatted it up for a bit. He drove us to a nearby bar where it was obvious that he and the bartender had built a rapport from the friendly head nod and suave introduction. Now, anyone who knows me personally knows that as skinny as I am, my alcohol tolerance is that of a German lumberjack. This night, it took only three small, unsupervised complimentary whiskey cranberries until I was blacked out, facedown, with my new “friend” penetrating my anus in his bed.

I still have no idea how I got to the man's bedroom. I remember feeling suddenly dizzy at the bar. I remember leaving the bar. But getting back to the car? The drive back to the apartment? Saying goodbye to the friendly bartender? Nothing. When I came to I was able to push him and he got off of me. But I was too weak to even walk and I instantly fell back asleep. When I woke up again, I walked to my car and fell asleep for another few hours until I gained the strength to drive back home. I never saw or spoke to him again. In fact, if I walked right past him today I more than likely would not be able to recognize his face.

At first I was totally fine. I had made the decision to put myself at risk and this is what happens to people who do that, right? Totally my fault. I decided it was best to tell someone who meant the world to me, though I still was not able to say the word “rape.” However, this trusted person used the information I disclosed to him and threw it in my face when he found the opportunity to be upset with me.

That was the moment it unexpectedly hit me.

My body. My naked body. The only thing I was given at birth was violated. You can take my material things, but the first gift given to me, my first gift from God… It was assaulted without my consent. The feeling was something I have never experienced before. The touch of another human being was absolutely disgusting. My usually clear and concise mind was unable to properly formulate the words to express what I was trying to internally pick apart. Why now? Was I hurt from the actual event? Were these suppressed emotions what I had been subconsciously been holding back for months and months? Was I just hurt that someone I truly cared about used something so personal against me to try and hurt my ego? I had heard rape stories, but never thought anything like that would ever happen to me; especially as a man.

When I was able to get a grasp on my words later that evening, it all came out like months’ worth of suppressed verbal vomit. I ended up calling a guy I used to date who I trusted and who knew how to deal with me on a deeper emotional level even though we were not together. Through talking about it and having a comforting ear, I finally addressed the fact that I was indeed raped.

I decided it was best to see a therapist. In all my years on this planet, my mind, body and soul never had a reaction like this to something. I wondered what else I was holding onto that could emerge through conversation with an unbiased professional. Completely out of my emotions this time, I told the story and they were in shock that I was able to vividly describe something with such a straight face.

There were a couple triggers here and there. A certain pop song I specifically remember that night on the way to the bar. I was thrilled when the song that was publicly silently cutting away at me in social settings was dismissed from the radio airwaves. I used to tense up when I thought about the cruel statements from the friend who is no longer in my life.

I thought about pressing charges. Maybe getting the bartender fired or at least doing an investigation. I had no clue if he was involved, but he probably had some answers. When I thought about it, I really didn't know the location or the name of the bar. I couldn't even remember what the bartender looked like, his name; and it had taken so long for me to come to terms with everything that I had already let the pain and everything go. I would never condemn someone who goes after their attacker, but for me it was a personal triumph. I have no information. I made a personal choice to not move forward with trying to find these people. I did not want to put energy into something like that. I made the choice to put power in my words and bring awareness to the topic.

I wondered who else ever felt in denial about being sexually assaulted. Even as a very self-aware black man it took me months and unexpected assholism for me to personally address, acknowledge and heal from what had happened to me. The thing is, women are not the only ones who are subject to rape. Once I started doing research and reading the statistics and studies behind rape, especially the history, I wanted nothing more than to let men and women know that if this happened, you are not alone and it's okay and healthy to talk about it. Rape in men, especially heterosexual men by women is more common than you think. I’m still learning and researching.

I brought it up on stage at a Kiss & Tell Live event in New York City. Expecting it to be an uncomfortable but well-received conversation, I could feel the air sucked out of the room full of Manhattan gays and gals. I began to notice every time I brought it up, people would clam up and instantly get uncomfortable. It soon became common that more and more of the men in my personal life came forward with similar stories. I was graciously given the opportunity this month to tell my story in a room full of people in Washington, D.C. I purposely didn't tell the story I was going to share with the facilitator prior to, but I saw I was the only man on the panel and it fit the theme of the event. Whether the audience liked it or not, they were going to hear me out.

The talk went great. I received so many "Thank yous.” So many questions. Especially from women. It was put on Facebook Live and I've had people comment, inquire and commend me, both nationally and internationally. I learned so much and was given the opportunity to hear stories from the other amazing panelist who sat beside me. Our testimonies varied, but our willingness and desire to openly share our stories of overcoming was enough to instantly unify our energy. Our vulnerability organically drew us together.

So, I have a message for you: You are not alone. Speak up. Speak out. Learn from others. Get the help you need to heal from this and turn your pain into power.

If you have any questions for me, feel free to email me at info@jaycebaron.com.
I'm A Black Man And I Was Raped

 

Not knowing where to jump into this lively popping thread, Im glad this part was stated. Because after reading all the comments it seems many of the responses were taken more personal than what the actual thread implied. Whether anyone want to admit it or not.

True and its unfortunate. But as we all know of course this "problem" is so larger than what we could ever address in a thread post, because now your going into black culture and black male gay acceptance territory. We all know that there are many, MANY black gay men in media that masculine black gay men would be able to identify with if they in fact were open about it. Unfortunately they remain not OUT probably because they are active in black culture a la entertainment, music, black media, etc and due to the stigma and fear they have they just won't be open. It seems like the "gay white men of color" examples you used were probably never really active in black culture to begin with. Therefore when you see black gay men open / loud and proud in media all you see is the Dons, Karamos, etc. I feel like if the perspective changed in our black culture, you would see more "gay BLACK men of color". Something we know already just further reiterated.

Going back to examining this thread on a personal level, I can appreciate about myself that Im this guy ^^
I am completely equal opportunity in who I deal with. All races can be secy to me as long as dude is indeed sexy. If I were to imagine my "perfect" partner I would love for him to be black like me, but that would probably fall number 5 or even later on the list. However, I could never relate to the "gay white man of color" and not sure even where that comes from. If I were to get into anything long term with another race or someone white (its actually highly likely I will based on recent experiences) my gay blackness is solidified.

All in all tho, Im with ya. It would be great to see more black gay men in popular media that seem to love on each other and also be relatable. Maybe one day we will.

 

Based on my own experiences I also unfortunately see, hear and read black homophobia almost everyday, even when there's no reason for the subject to come up.

 

Wait wait...two things off the back that I'm noticing is missing from the survey AND this conversation.

1) The survey was on ONE particular group of Black people; Black Protestants that's it.

How in the hell can the entire Black community's views on homosexual and homophobia be dependent on this small ass group of Black people; as if they speak for the majority of Blacks?

ALSO

2)How were the survey questions conducted and administered?

The reason I'm asking is regardless, it this was a written type fill in the blank questionnaire or verbally to participants via phone or in person, if the questioner was White or Asian; who handed them the survey or asked the questions in person, I believe some of these Protestant Black folks gave answers that were what they deemed PC as a way to appear intellectually mainstream and non-bigoted.

I see, hear, and read black homophobia almost everyday.

 

I can understand why Luther Vandross never came out. I remember the horrible things homophobic members of my family said about him concerning rumors about his sexual orientation back in the day. If he had come out I have no doubt he would've been vilified by the black community. Luther would've gotten the persona non grata treatment.

 

I'm definitely one of the older crowd who hates the term queer. To me that is a slur and I as a gay man don't want to be identified with a term meant to denigrate people like me. Also I agree with @ControlledXaos point that I don't appreciate, nor do I think it's proper to lump homosexual people in with all these other "sexual minorities" like gender nonconforming etc. However I could be a bit more understanding if they didn't use queer as catch-all term.

 

Its official @Nick Delmacy ; you've turned into a gay hotep.

 

Everybody needs to just stop w the bs! We all know what masculinity is, and we know what fem is! Shyt aint rocket science

 

Anyone excusing this is purposely giving him a pass because of superficial reasons (ie: he's cute, or they like his character on "Atlanta"). I don't know of many rappers in 2018 who are spouting lyrics like these...and the rare ones that do get backlash from them, as should Lakeith Stanfield.

We can't sit here and give shit to Joy Reid, Roland Martin and Isaiah Washington and give a dude like this a pass. ESPECIALLY when, as other have already stated, Lakeith knew that what he was posting would be offensive to many of his LGBT fans.

On top of that, the offensive lyrics didn't serve as a comment on bullying or discrimination...it was just a nigga being anti-gay to make himself seem more "manly."

I don't dislike Stanfield in general, so its not me being overly sensitive and biased. I just think, like so many models/actors/personal trainers on social media, we see their public image and forget that they are regular people too...regular people who can easily be as homophobic as anyone you meet on the street. Especially in the Black community where the Church indoctrinates judgement and disapproval of others' lives that don't meet ever sliding religious standards.

 

I am just plain old, run of the mill gay. I don't want to be lumped in with the gender non conformists, trans, or intersexed. Those are not my life. I get people want to be all inclusive but it's hard enough as a black masculine gay man. Adding groups that don't really apply to me doesn't make sense.

I only look at a few Gay Voices articles as is. The few black guys writing for them I don't relate to. I have to be my own aggregate service for issues that affect me or ID with and most of that comes through here or Facebook.

 

many racial minorities who complain about these kinds of rejections clearly crave white acceptance and need to begin with some self reflection around their desire. i also think it's entirely possible to not want to watch disparaging statements about your cultural group normalized every where you turn.

on tv, dating apps, news, etc., asian men are depicted as asexual, unmasculine, undesirable, and awkwardly geekish. it's good that asians are pushing back. my jack'd filter leaves only black men in view, so i generally forget white men also use the app. still, i'd be disturbed to find out that a large number of profiles read "no blacks" even though i'm not interested in white men.

at the individual level, it makes perfect sense to recommend that asians stop desiring individuals who don't desire them. but this claim is really an indictment of grindr's cultural practices -- through its silence, the app cultivates an environment that normalizes anti-asian prejudice. that cannot be resolved simply by sticking to your own kind.

i just don't understand why it's so difficult for men to speak in the affirmative. i am attracted to [...] or i am looking for [...] just sounds more clear and humane than no [...].

 

The concern I raised has nothing to do with Spelman being left off the hook for anything. It was the choice of articles that was selected to tell this story. Language and how it is conveyed matters and without proper context, it could be interpreted in a manner that, as i said, perpetuates ignorance and increases bias.

Spelman instituted a policy that welcomes transgendered women, not gender confused men. Biology does not necessarily correspond to gender, given that gender is a social construct. Womanhood and manhood are expressions of gender. When one becomes transgender, it is assumed that they are completely giving up the former for the latter.

Spelman is a school for women and they are making a public affirmation that they consider transgender women, women. Is it politics? In Sarah Palin's voice, "you betcha." But im sure that regardless of what any of us think, Spelman made a calculated decision--meaning that the development team was a part of the decision (contacting donors)--and they surely have weighed the costs and benefits.

The same reason a straight man would want to go to school at Spelman would be the same reason a transman would wanna go there. There's a reason men aren't allowed, so an individual that identifies with a man should not be allowed to attend for those reasons. A transwoman would definitely want to go to a school like Spelman if she is into the whole womanhood, empowering thing. More than anything, folks want to accepted and affirmed and this could do that for transwomen who choose to go there.

 

If a straight guy turns gay, he was gay to begin with. Probably just questioning or downlow.

But for real, gay men are sensitive to stuff like this. Perhaps she could've been more eloquent in how she stated her position but the reality is it's her revue. There are plenty of gay go go dancers and strippers out there stripping for gay men. Sometimes, I don't want straight people with me when i'm relaxing either. IJS

 

He must be having trouble securing another white boyfriend.

 

They seem like they want to include so many people or groups they might just as well call it HuffPost Non-Heterosexual Voices.

 

That would be too easy....if he did that, then he would have to find something else to be offended about.

 

...but wait though...

This is 95% of most rap music. These weak lyrics were tame as hell.

 

I glad an happy he is embracing his son but I don't know if I would have introduced him too the world soo early. Especially since his mother is a evangelical pastor.

As i have said in the past I think children should be able to explore w/ out it being made public to the world. The internet is not always a friendly place.

 

This mutahfukin astute observation post here....

I have a feeling within the year we can add blue bubble vest Deray McKesson to the list.

 

Yeah I don't think anyone here on The Boards agrees with the GOP that the economy is in the dumps, my point in bringing that up was that while all that be factually and technically be true...often when you talk to actual people, they're not feeling the recovery just yet.

Kinda like when you meet a dude online and "on paper" everything lines up with the type of dude you like...but when you meet him in person, there's no match....Even though gay marriage is legal and you keep reading that black gay relationships are on the rise. Many of the dudes on this site are hopelessly single.

I think all that applies to the Black Homophobia conversation as well. In that other thread, some dudes kept asking for statistics and data...but as a person who has been getting emails and comments for years from black dudes struggling more with being gay due to people in their own family or black community than with hetero white strangers, I gotta lean towards there being some truth to the "myth." Even if just anecdotally.

So, while I love to debate/discuss this topic, I'll concede that the hard data may not be on my side. But Personally and anecdotally, I still believe the idea that black people (nationally and globally - see: Nigeria and Jamaica) are just as, if not more, homophobic than white people.

 

It's a shame people are casting doubt on this. Men get sexually assaulted and abused. Men usually don't report it because they are ashamed. They may be gay and don't want people to know and the rape just makes it worse for them or they are straight and don't want people to think they are "less manly."

I'm mad that the roommate allegedly didn't help. That's some foul azz sh!t.

 

This is my experience,but for me I probably hear it from women more. They are a huge part of the "toxic masculinity problem".

 

I see what @Nick Delmacy is saying.

It's not that they are not Black anymore. It's that from the outside going by social media, they appear to be loving a nice gay white guy life. I don't relate to any of them. I haven't seen Karamo's season of The Real World since its initial run but I was a fan then because I identified with him. There were hardly any masculine Black gay out men on TV then. I was intrigued. Fast forward a few years and....I don't see what I saw then with him and what he seems to project now. But good for him.

Even with Shaun T, who I was mesmerized with, I did feel like "well damn" when his light bright behind ended up with some blue eyed blonde Ken doll boyfriend and subsequent husband.

All these men are Black, first and foremost. But I think that they definitely don't project Black Gay Culture in the way that I think the black females represent it and it's not even that they have white men on their face arms. I would say that the Hot Gay Dads give me BGC. Milan Christopher gives me BGC. These article guys don't.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting to see positive images of black men in the media but don't say that homosexual men are what is wrong with the black community. There is ZERO proof that all the individuals pictured are 100% straight. Period.

Black men, whether they are straight or a part of the LGBT community, can be led by a black gay man to learn about different things that can be applied to their personal and professional lives. Two callers phoned in to The Breakfast Club yesterday morning to discuss this. NH talking about that in the way he did was uncalled for.

 

I hate the term straight-acting. It is as if in order for you to be legitimately gay, you supposed to be feminine (the stereotype).

I believe that most feminine gay males do not see how their heteronormative perception of SGL men (fem gay to masc gay is to straight female to straight male) is the problem.

 

Good God, I'd fvck the shit out of...what's his name? Haaz Sleiman?

 

This was me for a long, long time:

Adam had learned to manage his mannerisms so well that no one suspected him of being gay. But still, he says, “I couldn’t trust anyone because I had this thing I was holding. I had to operate in the world as a lone agent.”