Best Posts in Forum: Podcasts

No it's not too complicated but perhaps you are not fully a bottom or a top. Sex is complicated so to me sounds like you are versatile to a degree or you may be not be into penetration at all.

Like the guys in this podcast said that tops should try different condoms, when tops who have either never bottomed before or only once before may not have bottomed for the right guy. But I'm not one to force people to do stuff they don't want to do so I only deal with verse guys.

You let the guy know that if things get serious and he moves to your area and you try to bottom and you don't like it or if you want to top him and he doesn't want you to, then you just have to pour out a little liquor and let bygones be bygones.

You may just have to get some experience points because otherwise you won't know if you two are sexually compatible and you two may just be better off being friends.

 

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes for automatic updates!

In this podcast released EXCLUSIVELY on The Boards, Cypher Avenue founders Ocky Williams and Nick Delmacy join four squad members of Cypher Avenue (Discordant, Dr. Strange, hannibal, JodyBell87) to discuss what its like to be confident, assertive Bottoms in the gay community.

The podcast is only available to members who have met the minimum access requirements (avatar + at least 10 approved forum comments) or have donated on the site here: Donate | Lifestyle. Urban News. Geek Culture. Entertainment. | The Boards

 

@Nick Delmacy

Here you go, I fixed it for you!

 

I mean...if you have nothing unique to offer, what do you expect? And I don't mean you personally, I just mean in general. Like if I was dating a bland, faceless, uninteresting dude whose sole existence revolved around going to work, going to the gym and looking for a hookup/date, how is that helping the person to stand out?

I'll date a minimum wage dude who smokes with a slight gut who at least has interesting goals and aspirations for more....let's say as a hobby he collects first edition vinyl records of Jazz Musicians....THAT is unique and interesting...it may not be what I'm into, but at least its something solid and more interesting than just dating, gym and work.

 

I think a lot of people think this because of misinformation and them seeing black celebrities (gay or straight) in interracial relationships. Black people are the least to marry out side our race while Asians do it the most.

I remember Paul C Brunson doing an interview on this subject a while back:

 

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes or YouTube for automatic updates!

In this podcast, Ocky Williams and Nick Delmacy discuss Nick’s level of Pettiness, the Grammy Award Nominations (9:55), if Tyler the Creator is really Bisexual or is just being gay-vague to sell records (16:00), two Black brothers permanently changing their eye color (23:20), sexy teenagers who look like grown men (33:30), if Nick has a “Peter Pan Syndrome” (43:15), the four reasons HE may not be ready for YOU (47:30), why dating men is like binge watching TV shows (1:03:10), the four stage of a relationship (1:05:50) and many more topics!

DOWNLOAD LINK:​

CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST #67​

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In this podcast I discuss my lack of past visibility and why I choose to remain non-visible on the site and vlogs. Even though this current podcast was influenced by CypherAvenue.com squad members @SB3 and @Omega Level , the topic of visibility has always been anchored to the website. I elaborate on what my intentions were for this space and in the last portion of the podcast, provide details on the Cypher Ave Anniversary party that never was.

Check out my commentary below and please be sure to provide your feedback to keep the discussion going.








Read the whole post here.

 

This is something a little bit different for me and for the Cypher Avenue audience. It’s my first steps into my new vlogging venture where I hope to present more nuanced, “middle of the road” thoughts and conversations that I feel is drastically missing – but desperately needed – within non-heterosexual spaces. A more formal introduction as it pertains to the ‘whats and whys’ is to come but in the meantime; I hope you enjoy parts 1 and 2 of my initial offering…hell, I even created my own theme music.

Many Appreciations,
Ocky Williams



Read the whole post here.

 

Hey, if it ain't broke don't fix it....if your life is great then there's no need to change anything homie.

 

I sometimes hear about the elderly LGBT being forgotten. I've even heard that some who are may reenter the closet due to nature of their chosen retirement communities. You aren't there yet, but do you ever encounter or converse with older guys, ones who may have unique perspectives or memories of a different community? If you have some experience with older gay couples, that could allay some fear of aging alone that some have since, in many places, it seems like older gay men aren't visible.

Generally speaking, I like any discussion that gives me insight into how people think and feel, whether it's the founders or community members in a roundtable. More roundtables would provide a greater variety of perspectives.

 

Yo, I’m really impressed with this podcast! “You my sassy best friend” YASSS, bytch” LMAO I’ve mentioned my whole gay friend/brotherhood theory before on here. I feel it’s ALWAYS gonna be difficult for gay dudes to build brotherhoods w/out having been sexual first because we are trying to befriend with something that we also have the potential to have sex/ be in a relationship with and a lot of times its difficult to discern the desire for friendship/companionship from the desire to date/ have sex with/ be in a relationship with said person. Same thing occurs with str8 people. It’s like a snake trying to be companions with a mouse. It’s not impossible, but it’s highly unlikely. LOL Ocky, you made a good point with the whole “Where does racism end and misogyny begin” comment. I don’t deal with effeminate guys, that’s probably the ONLY “Chiseled in Stone” rule that I have, but on the flip side, I have absolutely NO hang ups with Race or Ethnicity. In my mind there’s WAAAY to many beautiful dudes in this world for me to be “tunnel visioned” into just one race, but at the same time, I may pass up one of those beautiful men because he’s effeminate. So is that my just having a preference for masculine men, or my being misogynistic? Is a guy (white, blk, or other) that ONLY dates {insert race} guys being racist, or does he just have a preference for that race of dudes? The world may never know. lol Nick made a really good point toward the end in regard to guys and what they have to offer aside from their careers. You mentioned guys that pretty much don’t have shyt going on with themselves other than work and gym, and sadly over the past years I’ve found myself falling into this category of dudes. I know it sounds really stupid and it’s hard to understand for a lot of dudes on here, but it’s kinda like being a hoarder. Like…I kinda saw it coming years ago but I figured, “eh, its aight, I’ll get back out and start doin shyt again soon enough. I just gotta get my money str8. I just gotta get back into shape> into better shape> into “model” shape> gotta maintain my shape for when I start goin out again”…but I never got to the point of taking advantage of all the work I had put in the gym because I never felt that I looked good enough, anyways. Mainly because I used the gym guys as a litmus test for my attractiveness/ desirability (stupid). In my mind muhf#$kaz was ignoring me because I was… 1. Still out of shape/ too fat or 2. Just a ugly a$$ ni@@a/ Not anybody’s type… which goes back to my self-esteem issues where instead of just sayin’ F it and doin me, OR…realizing more than half of the dudes were probably just str8 dudes, and the fact that I wasn’t giving any type of signs of interest on my part to any of these dudes to start with (I don’t like rejection or being embarrassed, another self-esteem factor that has worked against me), I let that shyt eat away at me. Through all this, I’m blowing off friends/associates that did make the effort to invite me out, guys that I could’ve potentially built friendships with that were checkin on me at the time, FWB’s (there were only two to begin with) that hit me up every now and again, and before I knew it, almost 5yrs had passed me by and now, at 38yo I’m kinda f#&kd because at this point I really don’t have shyt goin on, don’t really know what’s goin on IN The Scene or what to do, and nobody to do sh!t with even if I did. AND I’m right back to the “regular” body I had before I started down this anti-social/ detached path SMH. So yeah, it can (quickly) arrive a point when you realize, “damn…where the f**k did the time go? I’m still single.” And the reality of the gay community is, the older you get, the less chance you really have, and that’s just real. Luckily, I haven’t changed much since I graduated high school, just gotten progressively meaner and subsequently developed a permanent scowl, but my overall looks haven’t changed (thank GOD for my mom’s genes). I mean, in the end there really ISN’T anything to make me standout from anybody else. I’m not “exotic” looking, I have no real “discernable/ unique” accent. I got regular a$$ brown eyes, regular a$$ lips. 6’2” black dudes are a dime a dozen in this city. Some dudes are surprised that I speak Spanish and that I have latin heritage but they’re normally not from here. Black/Spanish dudes is nothing unusual here in NYC. But then, I don’t GO for unusual, “exotic” dudes, either. I like lookin at them, and if one so happen to approach me it’s cool. One of my former FWBs was this fly a$$ West Indian dude from Suriname who I’de seen on Adam4Adam but never hit up and ironically ran into in a store I had to buy something out of one day, but NEEEEEEEEEVER in a trillion years thought would be attracted to me. Come to find out he was feeling me, turned out to be a kool damn dude but, unfortunately wasn’t lookin to settle down. Sex was good as F@#$K tho, but that whole situation is another story for another thread. LOL So yeah, I like to look at those type dudes but I don’t actively pursue them. I like me a regular a$$, average type dude. LOL So then I guess my question to yous, Ocky & Nick, is this, what DOES a dude that may not have anything to “special” to offer, in the sense of being able to offer something different from the other 1,000’s of dudes in a given area, what do WE do to stand out and get noticed without trying to be something/someone that we’re really not? I admittedly have suppressed a lot of personality traits that I used to have when I was younger, and which probably made people gravitate toward me (another issue that I have. I’m not used to having to actively pursue friendships, I’m used to muhfuk@z wanting to befriend ME. Smh LOL). I used to joke a lot more, dance around, and just do silly a$$ sh!t, but that shyt kinda got over taken by anger/depression over the years. Now, it’s like I feel like I can’t even go back to that because the muhfuk@z that know me know don’t really know that side of me, so for me to change back to that would be to them like…”who the f#$k is THIS dude?” Damn man, so many more great points in this Podcast but I’ve already typed a damn magazine article. LOL

 

CO sign to @TreDaDon and @sekou comments. He's living his life, being positive, and running his own business. He's not dropping bombs on little kids in Asia, poisoning water in Flint, Michigan, or selling out the US Constitution to Russia.

Good for him. I saw the response that someone made on Twitter to an asshole hotep "Afrocentric" nigga that tried to call out EJ and his parents. I agreed with the sentiment:

"Magic Johnson got a son with his own fashion line worth over $200 million. What did your parents get? A broke ass homophobic piece of trash."

 

Good Guys/Nice Guys/Turt Up Guys

Hummmmm I was really wondering where I was fitting in on this scale comparing what I think to the site overlords' lines of thinking. Lol

Where would I Be?

I know I'd still be the me I am today. I'm too old to have a sudden personality change since going from lurker to member. What's different is having connected to others like myself.

Bisexuals

I think a lot of straight black folks don't have the concept of bisexuality understood. If you have any same gender sex, you are gay. There's a "1 D!čk Rule" in place for sure. I'm guessing that's due to The Downlow obsession straight black women have. Just seeing FB posts about Milan Christopher, you can see most of the responses are "he gay" even though he's dating this chick now and I have not heard any straight female saying they are checking for Andrew Caldwell and really believe he's been deliverT.

And I got a lil shout out:

 

Um..*nervously raises hand* to be honest I like when you guys talk about any and everything, current events, articles, random stuff, you two just flow really well off each other so it works!

There's always something going on (especially these days) and hearing Y'alls commentary on events is refreshing and even reassuring at times. I personally loved the top/bottom round table like most others but I can't think of something similar for you to do with that right now .

I think just constantly providing listeners with a different view on things is interesting like maybe a podcast where we hear from family members of gay people (parents, children etc.) and get to see how they dealt with their loved ones being gay or one with white gay culture vs black gay culture, or a DL one with anonymous guests, idk how you would get these people lol but you get the point.

 

I'm with you on that. No anal/penetrative sex for me at all. I've lost a lot of dudes after they've found out but who cares.

 

I think that ppl need to learn how to call a spade a damn spade n stop trying to over think everything. Neither label (masc/fem) or what they 'entail' is going anywhere anytime soon, and thats ok. All Im saying is that masc men do not need, and will not apologize for not being feminine gay men. If a dude like derek j is representative of a part of what 'gay' is, then i def appreciate every image of a masculine gay dude that we can get, just to balance this thing out. Im not anti fem, but im 100%, unapologetically pro masc!

 

As you very well know,I stay up past my bedtime all the time.I just have the tv on mute so my mama won't know.

 

Let's do a podcast with versatile dudes, dudes who aren't into anal sex at all, or dudes who aren't into labels. I feel like there's a whole bunch of different issues that could get brought up. When I get asked if I'm a top or bottom, I'm not always sure how to respond.

 

And the Size Queens have come to hold court.

 

Don't feel alone, I'm sure there are LOTS of men (young and old) going through the same thing as you. One of my best gay friends (early 30s) said he's not a fan of the whole anal sex thing (receiving and giving) but still does it occasionally. He's been in a relationship for about 3-4 years now...

Thanks for sharing your story/reservations with the Squad...

 

Hmm. Where y'all seeing all these pics???

 

Damn @Ockydub , we had the same f#%kin workout schedule. I did the 6-7 days a week, 2-4hrs at a time for about 6 months and the results were great, to be totally honest. I slacked off a little from listenin' to muhf$%kaz tellin' me "oh...you workin out too much"..."ohhh, you doin too much cardio, you gonna burn away your muscle"..."uhhh, duh duh duhduh duh duhhhhh" and then sadly, eventually I stopped altogether. But that was mainly because my freelance side hustle was pickin' up and that paper was lookin' good. I rationalized that I got this bangin' body and still couldn't meet er' muhf$ka so, might as well drop it and settle in and make some money. I've honestly been tryin to get back on it now for 2yrs but it's hard, dude. It's like I still got in the back of my mind "f@#k it, all that work for nothin', anyways so why bother" because on some real shit, I wasn't doin' it to be healthy, not with the way I smoke. It was purely aesthetic.

I tried/ am trying the Personal Trainer thing, and I took a break from him because I have some other obligations comin up but...my trainer is actually pretty good. I didn't get a meal plan per se but, he gave me pointers and recommendations on better eating, this veggie/fruit/fiber shake thing I need to drink 60oz of a day, and I get 1hr 30min sessions. He's not cheap, but he doesn't break my wallet either, but to your point, on some real shit it has to be 4-5 days a week, on a strict meal plan, and hardcore training to see any results with a trainer. Me and him have talked about that. I just cant afford 5 days a week with this dude, not now at least. I'll start back with dude in November but I do think about another point yous made. Not that I'm attracted to dude... he fly as f#%k, but I'm not in it for that, but...I do think that maybe in the back of my mind, I'm really just payin' to have a workout partner because I can't find a workout partner of my own volition. My only close friend here in NYC is my cousin and he can't work out with me (too weak). Everyone else I know is lazy as f#%k and/or can't work out with me because of their strength level or, they just don't want to work out with me. So yeah, maybe psychologically I'm paying for a workout buddy {that doesn't really workout with me smh LOL}

Last point, that whole thing about not dating because one thinks they aren't in optimal shape, definitely applies to me. I feel like with "so many" IG Model and Physical Trainer looking dudes and Runway Model lookin dudes walkin the city, who the f#$k wants a "ol' regular a$$ dude" like me (obviously no one LOL). So I kinda just stay off in my own little "world" and watch everyone else.

 

That "born a bottom" segment was funny. But made me realize...I have to find myself and have some decisions to make. I haven't bottomed yet but that's how I imagine myself to be, but my only basis is the hetero-normative role stuff; I'm a virgin. I'm just a regular dude but when I'm with another man more submissive behaviors/traits come out of me so I just think that a bottom is what I have no choice to be. I like dick but I just don't know if bottoming is my "calling" until I try I guess. The whole bottoming thing seems like it's a lot to deal with as far as preparation/life-style/confidence and I'm not sure if I'm ready for all that either. Not to mention I'm more of an ass man, that's what gets me aroused and that's all I look at but I don't even know if I want to be a top either.

This is a messy situation but I'll share my business anyway:
I've been dating a dude for four months but it's long distance slash one-sided open relationship, he's a strict top and we haven't had sex yet. He's respecting my decision to not have sex whenever we do link up and I know part of it has to do with the fact that I'm cool with him fucking other dudes when he's back in his city. We communicate so I know what he's up to, I get pictures of the dudes, I tell him about dudes that try to holla at me, we have a whole routine and it works for us.
If things do start to get serious/monogamous and he moves to my city after he graduates then I know that there's going to be a time where sex comes into play and I don't want to waste his (our) time if it turns out that bottoming is not my thing. I've expressed that I'm nervous about having sex and he seems to be understanding of my situation and tells me not to worry, if the time comes he'll make me feel comfortable, I'd like it, and all that typical top game ya'll be spitting. I'm thinking I'm just gonna give in and at least try bottoming with a random or call it quits with ole boy if things get serious.

I just want a masculine dude with no labels that just wants to do oral and be dominant in the sense that he's the one in the relationship that does the holding from behind but not stick his piece in me. Is that too complicated?

 

@Nick Delmacy That podcast wasn't as bad as you made it seem it was going to be.

 

I was starting to think podcasts were mythical creatures I was gonna have to go do research on...

 

LOL at @Ockydub's losing battle to discuss media and pop culture's differing reactions to Beyonce and Kendrick's police brutality-referencing videos.

"Formation" got more attention than "Alright" because she has a larger, more vocal fanbase. The song and video have more easily digestible, buzzworthy lyrics and imagery. He just doesn't have the buzz or type of fans to have a video garner lots of blog and video reactions. Plus, Beyonce topics attract lots of attention so some outlets and Youtubers might just be trying to get hits or following the hype.

I've seen "Formation" called an "I don't give a fuck" anthem and that the Red Lobster line is part of Beyonce embracing her blackness, which could be considered topical and linked to black pride but, yeah, the lyrics wouldn't be out of place in a typical hip-hop video where Beyonce "slays" her haters by bragging, shaking her nicer than average post-baby booty and flashing handfuls of money. That's another thing. A song talking about haters and paper will get a louder reaction than Kendrick's hopeful one about the struggle.

It's funny that she used the hype for what some call one of her most meaningful songs and videos to slyly announce a tour in a Super Bowl commercial. Smart use of hot topics for hype and commercial gain. She managed to get more media attention for a single song's video and performance than her husband's artist Rihanna got for putting out one of her better received albums after an unusually long wait.

LOL at something a friend posted on Facebook:

 

I'm still listenin to this and will have more comments later on but, as far as Prince's androgyny and some of these "rappers" today...Prince was a true artist. His image was inherent to his artistry. These dudes nowadays that are prancin' around in embellished, cold shoulder blouses, floral crop tops, sun dresses, and all that other bullshit are doin' it (imo) strictly for attention and media buzz. That's not an artist, that's an industry puppet strugglin' for relevance.

 

Article Discussions,Randomness,and Personal stories like the last two podcasts.The interviews have been good for introducing me to new too though.Another interview with a squad member with an intersting story would be cool ,like the one you guys did with @acessential .

 

Good podcast. I've said this before, but, I still find it odd how much people have constructed an identity marker based on a preferred sexual position. "Bottoms do this." "Bottoms do that." as opposed to "Men who bottom." I'm an anomaly. Not down with the strict labels and the associated defining characteristics.

 

Brehs, we present to you a new episode of the CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST where you’ll hear us give updates, engage in heated topic debates, interviewing interesting homosexual men of color and us verbally adding on to the articles posted on the website. The episodes will be available in four ways: You can listen to them on the site, watch on YouTube, download a MP3 version or subscribe to us on iTunes or YouTube for automatic updates!

In this podcast, Cypher Avenue editor Octavius Williams is interviewed by Ranier, founder of the popular blog “Love Life of an Asian Guy.” They discuss the difficulty of dating through apps and social media when overt racism is present.

DOWNLOAD LINK:​

CYPHER AVENUE PODCAST #48​

VIDEO VERSION:

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I think the best part of being w other men is that penetration isnt necessary. Sooo many options for a good time...ijs

 

What exactly are you trying to say? No disrespect, but it seems as though you're frustrated with the fact that there are people who have issues with the labels (and their connotations) of masculine and feminine. Are we not allowed to voice are concerns about the negative effects of those labels?

To your point about big words, if there were any "big words" used, then I think it would be in your best interest to support black men who decide to utilize a vocabulary that conveys a higher intelligence. Also, I find it complimentary for anyone to suggest that I write like I'm from Harvard.

 

History and anthropology disagree regarding the etymology of words, specifically masculine/feminine. Cultures all over the world and throughout history define masculine and feminine very differently. All I'm advocating for is that we understand that those words can have harmful effects on our community. Moreover, I'm suggesting that we take a holistic approach towards how we define each other. In my opinion, we do a disservice to ourselves (the black gay community) and the whole human race when we play the false dichotomy game of masculine/feminine. Being gay is an opportunity to reject the heteronormative legacy of gender norms that informs our perception of one another.

That being said, I agree, in part, with your statement regarding a balance but I would suggest that the real balance comes from admitting that men, gay or straight, are masculine and feminine. Unapologetically "pro masc" suggest/implies that there's something wrong with being feminine or that men who claim to be masculine are not capable of being feminine. I know, and appreciate, that you're not anti fem, but that line of thought scares me. It is akin, but not the same, as saying: I'm not anti-black, but I'm pro-white. It's not racist, technically, but it makes me pause and think about what the underlying effect of those words are.

I do not believe I mentioned that "masculine" men need to apologize for not being "feminine". If an apology is insisted, then I think most "masculine" gay black men should apologize for the shamming, disrespectful, and hateful manner in which they discuss the topic of "feminine" men.

Also, I very much appreciate you taking the time to discuss this issue with me.