Feeling Like A Burden

Discussion in 'Mental, Medical and Sexual Health' started by acessential, Dec 13, 2015.

  1. acessential

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    So I always tell people to reach out to others when they're feeling anxious, depressed, or otherwise mentally unwell. I'm not very good at taking my own advice though. I feel like talking to someone places a burden on them. Everyone has their own shit to deal with, so sometimes I feel like sharing my shit makes them feel even more overwhelmed so I usually keep everything to myself. And it starts to build up overtime. That's definitely not healthy. It's weird, but I don't want to hurt others so I don't talk about my shit. My question to the squad is how do you keep yourself from feeling like a burden on others?
     
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  2. DreG

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    For me,it's about having certain go-to people who I know I can depend on.Those are the people who share their lives with me,the good and the bad.If someone is open enough to share their load with you,it usually means they are receptive to your needs as well.
     
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  3. grownman

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    First of all, just know that when it comes to me you can always inbox me or put a thread out. I love this-because we all learn from each other. Their is no "clique and clack" with me. I totally understand. It's probably 6 posts of me on here sharing my mental well being. I feel like this site is a place you can let go and be yourself. Everybody needs to have a place to rest. My first place of sanctuary is my music. I love music and it's healing for me. I have my sister and cousin(who is one of my best friends).

    I agree w @DreG that you need at least one person that will not judge or criticize your feelings. We all have hangups, insecurities, physical and psychological issues that need working through. If you feel like you're always burdening people than you might want to question who you are around. Or, it could be just you holding on to your pride-maybe you feel like that makes you soft? I am not sure, but you know.

    I handle mine similar to the way you do-hahahaha. The difference between me and you is that my face and body language will show. You will know when I am depressed or pissed off. I have never been able to hide it. I have become more vocal and because all of those years of suppressing it has caused me to be extremely defensive. But we will get there. I usually close off-especially during this time. This is how we start down the path of healing , by sharing. Happy healing my friend.
     
    #3 grownman, Dec 13, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2015
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  4. BlackExcellence

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    I have a couple best friends that I tend to go to or talk about when I have issues but what really helps me is just kinda diversifying when talking about your issues. I try not to share everything with one person because you never know if it's too much.
     
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  5. acessential

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    That's a good approach. Diversifying.
     
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  6. cypher21

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    You sound like me. I have the exact same problem, whenever people come to me with their issues I'll darn near exhaust myself trying to help them. Everyone's responses are great! Keep em coming!
     
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  7. acessential

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    Yeah that's the thing, when I actually do gather enough energy to talk to someone, I try to make it clear that I don't want them to solve my problems. Sometimes I just want someone to listen who I'm close with. But that still sometimes feels like a burden. lol.
     
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  8. cypher21

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    Right but everyone deserves that at least! I think we may just be too hard on ourselves, it's easier to see that in other people then it is to see within ourselves..
     
    #8 cypher21, Dec 14, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 14, 2015
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  9. Jaa

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    I usually have at least one person I can talk to about most personal things but there have been times in my life where I feel like I'm a dark storm cloud threatening to bring darkness to anyone who becomes invested in my well-being, or I've distanced myself from those who want to check in with my progress when I'm not in a mood to make any. I try to keep dark shyt to myself, or maybe save it for someone trained to hear it rather than bring it up with friends. Occasionally, I'll make a journal of sorts to release the thoughts.
     
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  10. BlackguyExecutive

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    I believe that everyone has a relatively small inner circle i.e., close best friends, spouses, etc. These are the people who are your ride-or-dies, they your friends without question. These are the type of people who you cannot burden no matter how large or small the issue. I can probably count on a few fingers who those people are for me. Those are the people who will bring me a rain jacket and umbrella and weather a storm with me or the people who recognize when they don't need to do anything except be there for me. If anyone tells you that you are a burden on them then they are not the kind of person you are looking to really confide in. For the most part, that person is my husband but I also have a two friends who are literally my right and left hands and between us we can carry a burden or work to ease a burden. I think you will know when you have found someone or some people who work hard to ease your burdens...that is when you found it.
     
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  11. OhSheit

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    This is totally me. I find myself doing more counseling to people that have more experience in life/situations than I do and it's exhausting. I break legs to help other people. Whenever I go through something, I don't reach out to friends because the type of friends that I have aren't dependable when you need em and don't know how to console. I'm not close to anyone in my family and I'm finally starting to build a relationship with my younger sister. Perhaps we need to find a better circle, don't be afraid to let our guard down and not worry about putting a burden on them, just let it all out like they do with us.

    I just deal with shit on my own and go through depression phases that I eventually get over. I don't want to feel that way anymore.
     
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  12. DreG

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    A lot of times stuff seems worse after it's had time to swirl around in our imagination.Letting someone in does help to gain some perspective and help you realize how to manage the problem.Once you make yourself verbalize the issue to another person,that makes it more real and then they can help you or you start to move forward.When you just sit on it,it's like stewing in the mess and it never really gets better.
     
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  13. Sean

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    This is something I still struggle with, but less so than I did before. Unfortunately, it took a near-anxiety attack, confused as a heart attack, and later a subsequent, all-out anxiety attack, complete with a 911 call and ambulance ride to the hospital, for me to get better at talking about the things that worry me to others. That said, don't linger too long on holding things inside.

    There are certain individuals I can call and know that I will only get positive vibes from. When I call, sometimes, I don't even have to say anything, the conversation will eventually get to where it needs to be and I'm able slowly let some things go. Other times, all I have to do is call and the fact that person is just giving positive vibes is relief enough. Sometimes, just taking that step or having that intent and having positive affirmation is all you need. Figure who are those in your life that will affirm you and will always have your back and just call to hear their soothing, calming voice.
     
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  14. Lancer

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    My response is just KEEP TO YOURSELF! Personally I always keep things to myself, no matter how consuming it is for me. I try to find out ways to let it out without talking to anyone about it, be it by cleaning out my place, rearranging my closet, trying out old clothes and see if they still fit,cleaning out the fridge, scrubbing out the floors, taking walks late at night when its heavily snowed out and all i can hear is the sound of my Boots on fresh snow. These things, however little, seem to clear my mind or provide a new perspective on the issues i have. For me i NEVER want to be a burden to someone.
     
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  15. hannibal

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    I go through bouts of depression from time to time. I have a few go to friends. I usually make sure to check on whats going on with them first before unloading my nonsense on them.
     
  16. Tyroc

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    I've learned to be my own therapist and self analyze since I don't have anyone that I can share with that wouldn't exacerbate the problems.
    I find the painfully honest self reflective voice(s) can be illuminating and enlightening.

    Like @Lancer, taking long walks, reorganization of my space and even raking leaves sets me on a pathway that helps set the jumbled mind puzzle pieces into orderly piles.

    I also have a built in sense of humor safety system, where any situation or phrase with the potential towards humor has a lithium like affect on my brain and tricks me into another mindset.
     
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  17. Jdudre

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    That is not healthy not to criticize but if you don't have any friends to talk to try to find a good therapist. Its going to take awhile to build trust just like any relationship but I believe it is more beneficial then just keeping it inside for the mear fact you have to have someone to bounce your thoughts off of.
    I say this because a lot of the times especially when we are down we do not think clearly I know this for a fact it doesn't matter how smart or how well you think you know your self you need someone to talk to about the things that bother you. I am not saying you have to agree or actually follow there advice but having a different perspective on things is a great tool. To argument the other mental health advice given out.
     
  18. Tyroc

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    Appreciative of the advice and agree that talking to someone can be extremely beneficial and I am someone that gets to hear more than their fair share of opening up and unburdening of themselves from those around me but in my case especially when I'm down, interacting with anyone is the last thing I choose to do.
    I have 3 lives that depend on me being around to take care of them, so that sense of responsibility with time and age have taught me to make rational, clear, non emotion based selfish decisions.
    I do talk to friends about things and have opened up somewhat on rare occasions but have found that for myself that my deep troubling inner issues are better off left inside.
    I've also learned to adapt to negative emotions.
    when I'm sad and overwhelmed, I'll cry it out in a hot shower and If I'm at the Hulk smash anger level, I'll go shoot it out at the range, which is also a tax write off, so there's that!
     
  19. DC.

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    So this is definitely a great post and very informative so I'll share a few of my thoughts. I feel for one, you have to identify who will view you as burden and whom you call to open to, because you can't do it with everyone. For example there are some friends or acquaintances you can really only have a good time with. This may sound terrible but there are times when some friends call me I'll look at the phone and say out loud to myself, "Do I have two hours to hear this person talk about themselves"? and sometimes the answer is yes. lol.

    The problem sometimes with opening up with people if after a while if all they hear about from us are our "Woes" they may start to label us as a complainer, or someone whose always depressed etc. So that suggestion given to you earlier about diversifying is golden. Usually when people call me about problems they face, I'll let them speak first, then ask what they would like to see change about their situation, and if I can't suggest any potential solutions then I just meet them where they are. Meaning if they say something like "Im so upset that happened", I'll say in response "I'm sorry that such and such occured, because I can see how it makes you feel". Because when someone is opening up to me, I feel it's important for me to present in the conversation with them.

    And the same goes for me and what I would like in reciprocal. Because If I open up to someone and all they do is just "listen" I then regret opening up to them after that moment, because I feel like the wall can "listen" as well. just keeping it funky lol. I think it's important for us to meet people where they are. But alot of people get uncomfortable or worry it may bring "negativity" to them.
     
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