I’ve had my share of rants against Gay Gatekeepers and gay purist tirades within these halls before and my stance hasn’t changed; nor has the one sided vocal perceptions of those flag bearers I speak against. The meme below has made the rounds within some gay circles via social media through sharing or reposting; showing support of the “internalized homophobia” message. I’ve had a couple people ask me what I thought of it…I think it’s typical and hypocritical of fem leaning gays. Frustrated, I created the meme below and shared it. Why did I do this… unfortunately many gays don’t seem to realize, care or understand that the first portion of the first meme above is in reaction to the dominate effeminate characteristics widely displayed and perpetuated within the culture. The homosexual men who don’t exhibit the more fem leaning characteristics, now have to traverse the landscape attempting to display their own individuality which is counter to the narrative. Many times I dislike when race is brought up while discussing sexuality; this is due to past wide spread conversations involving privileged White gays, who while arguing against LGBT discrimination, evoked the Civil Rights movement when they could care less about the struggles concerning people of color. So in this instance, I didn’t want to interject race but after viewing the meme, all I could think about was – as a Black man – how I have attempted to maneuver and be a counter balance to the abundance of negative Black male stereotypes the plague our global society. Even when I’m professional in my appearance, no matter how secure or properly fit my pants are around my waist, from a distance, for many in society, I’m still just a “nigger in a suit” who isn’t as qualified. By the reaction of this meme, it’s perplexing that taking a stand and speaking out against a worldview stereotype or cliché (that exists through prejudices which are no fault of my own) when it comes to Gay men, now constitutes internalized homophobia. Interjecting my race and speaking out and saying “I’m not a lazy Black man” (via racism and white supremacy this stereotype & cliché exists); based on this here faux political correctness, I’m now shaming, talking down to, or “think I’m better than” a black man who may be perceived as being lazy…WTF? Media (regardless of the initiators or creators) helps foster and spread stereotypes of any peoples that are non-white. Popular media is saturated with gay stereotypes and clichés. Media presented by LGBT creators are saturated with gay stereotypes and clichés, which in turn continue to feed the cycle. In my past, when heterosexual peoples have had questions about my sexuality, the questions were entrenched in stereotypes and confusion. Guess what; a vast amount of homosexual men have questions, curiosities and societal views that are also rooted in stereotypes and clichés because of media. These tropes are continuously perpetuated and exist because of straight and gay facilitating factors. Nonetheless, is this where we’re currently at within the discussion…speaking out against stereotypes has now morphed into shaming? A masculine man can exist within his masculinity with no problem but speaking about his pride in his maleness and masculinity is offensive and is putting down another…why and how? I never have nor do I think I will ever feel that an effeminate gay man who expresses his pride in his femininity is an affront or attack to my person. In fact effeminate gay men are praised and celebrated within many liberal progressive circles…and no I’m not just talking about within GLAAD or HRC circles but also within mainstream media. Strangely, prominent elements within these camps will label a proud masculine leaning homosexual man as “acting”, “butch acting”, “butch queen”, “straight acting”, “trade”, etc. this code language means, the homosexual masculine leaning man is not being his true authentic self as the fem leaning proud gay men are. Interestingly, no one within gay ranks issues a challenge to this narrative which is opposite of how blacks gays would like white allies to challenges their white counterparts when racist comments are presented outside of ear shout of people of color. A fem man can label himself as a fem, fabulous sassy bad bitch, with a fierce tongue and receive finger snaps and accolades of being a proud embodiment of “Gay.” A masculine homosexual man can say he is masc, witty, with a sense of humor that boarders on ‘sarcastic jerk’ and he is deemed a frat bro-serial rapist-butch-thug. No cheers or open armed togetherness from the gay hordes. The very unfortunate thing about all of this is that they (the gay and fem gay elites) don’t see or even care to understand the hypocrisy within their thoughts, words and actions. I always feel a sense of anger and alienation, due to the blindness and hypocrisy. In addition, some fem gays want understanding, compassion, acceptance and a receptive ear to their testimony (as they should) all the while degrading others homosexuals who want the same but happen not to fit the mold of the dominate portrayal of “Gay” that is encompassed by the lifestyle. I’ve seen numerous documentaries, YouTube interviews and read testimonials where fem homosexual men profess how they were outcasts, didn’t fit into the masculine role and therefore they bucked the hetero-gender- patriarchal- normative stereotypical roles of straight men. These tales were received and celebrated as being empowering and motivational. If a masculine gay man professes a very similar testimonial, the gaynormative gay gatekeepers go on the attack while proclaiming “_________” shaming and undiagnosed insecurities laced with internalized homophobia. Masculine homosexual men continue to be described as “acting” while fem gay men are “naturally being themselves” unapologetically while coveting the role of victim within the gay community in which they control unopposed. The reactionary response from some homosexual men; that not all of us are like the widely viewed image of what it means to be gay should be examined, celebrated and used as a testament on how diverse the “community” is or should I say, could be. Regrettably this is just another example of gays who want tolerance, acceptance, compassion and understanding but are unwilling to extend it to others outside of their a-like bubble. Not understanding and rejecting masculine homosexual sensibilities attributes and behaviors shouldn’t be met with hostility (such as being called boring, non-fabulous, or acting) from the gay ruling class who feels they get to lead unopposed. In this regard, their actions are really no different than heterosexual homophobes they rally and rail against. Read the whole post here.
Damn, I just typed a long response and lost it. But it still puzzles me that defending "masculinity" is a issue. As a youngster- I had mostly straight friends to try and imitate. But, I was never "hyper masculine" So, I was one of those that would be questioned or just raised eyebrows. Purses, make up, tight clothes, jewelry, gay slang -never.These were not even something that I wanted to do. But, to read articles where you have to defend your natural state as a man still boggles my mind. I think a lot of it is white vs. black. I love Whitney Houston, all forms of art and music, nature hikes, etc. These are not traditional interests for most black "hyper masculinity". I also, grew up loving 2 Pac, Biggie, Basketball, studying tai chi etc. I don't allow myself to be in a box anymore. I also will fight and defend myself if I have to.
All of these "narratives" are rooted in one thing. MONEY. These stereotypes are perpetuated to raise money. HRC, GLADD, OUT, The Advocate, and even black media who report on LGBT issues all do this for MONEY. I have determined that MONEY leads to all conflict in our society be it gaynormativity or whatever.
Feminine gays in gay media, especially social media are like feminists. Anything associated with masculinity or traditional manhood is considered evil. A common meme they use online to attack masculine gay men is we're not being "authentic" or we have "internalized homophobia." I say the opposite is true. It seems to me they've have internalized homophobia since they have bought into the heterosexual idea that equates homosexuality in men with being effeminate.
Ocky, I appreciate your thoughts about this subject. It is simply a growth point for the black gay community. Our community is made up of all kinds and all deserve respect from one another. I also think that some members of society are truly upset at the fact that black gay men are not all fem and draggish. Tbough im really o er the white men hitti g every black man up to sleep with them like its a priveledge or something. Here's to hoping we create better opportunities to unite and overcome this Bulls hit mentality like we belong to different tribes or some shit like that.
You masculine men have it so hard. How do you live knowing that on TV fems are more popular. You're all very brave.
I know you are being sarcastic but...there's a few out masculine men on this board. At least comfortable enough where there's an entire thread showing their full faces anyone on the planet can see. I think it's easy for media to use the sassy black gay character so they do that because a masculine gay character is too hard a dynamic for people to write a character about. I know I'm tired of gay people trying to make all gay men fit into the "queer" box then when they are truly not about that part of gay life, other gays get all butt hurt about it. We are all gay. But I don't need to fit your image of what you think I should be. Again folks whine about lacking diversity and not being accepted but only when it fits their narrow views and experiences.
People keep blaming the media and my only question is...are masculine black gay men writing their stories or volunteering to be on reality shows? I work for a network that has NO GAY men on any show and I said I'm going to change that. Come 2016 we will have our first gay male. Its all about who is creating the stories.
Great! That's awesome! And I'm not throwing shade at that . I'm genuinely glad. I can only speak for me and I have a full time job and other interests. I'm not anyone's actor or writer. Though I almost predict every show I watch outcome by the end of the episode. That's just not where I'm at or my passion.
And I understand that. My point is that people complain about a lack of representation and try to frame it as some agenda. The reality is that the people who would be qualified to write stuff or be on reality tv...simply don't. Therefore you end up with LEE Daniels and Patrick Ian Polk telling our stories...and see what we end up with. In my case ,the network was very upfront that they don't have a problem with black gay males, but they don't know how to write them. I stepped in to correct that. We need more people like that.
So what I gotta do to get Tasha to stop thinking Im just playing hard to get? Because, clearly it cant be that Im gay. I have on dusty sweats n a basket full of bacon n wings n frozen pizzas, so yea, gay cant be the problem. Clearly my point is that media frames ppls mindsets about groups who they dont get to interact w in their own worlds. N the whole issue w the one argument, is that, they say in one breathe that they dont know how to write black gay men, then, everytime we turn around there's a new black gay character on some show. The only thing is, its always the same damn character. And as Ive stated before, I think a big part of the issue is black women's comfort zones. They're often ok w a fem guy, but a masc dude who happens to be gay, leads to fears of what their man could be up to, since he doesnt carry a purse either.
Or what they can see and never have as what we do with straight men. I mean I don't have a problem with the entire bodies of work of Polk, Daniels or Shonda. There were some characters on Noah that I identified with to the degree but they were not main cast. Oddly enough I found the Queer as Folk characters more likeable, realistic, and relatable. Granted I haven't seen QAF in years so I'm not sure if it has aged that well.
Thanks Karen for all the lovely tips. If we continue down the road of your wonderful gender generalizations we should come to some unexpected conclusions. Who are these 'guys' you speak of? Also, it seems to me that this obsession with huge dicks and enormous tits is largely a North American phenomenon.
