Late 20's living with your Mom

Yes. This is the beginning of 2016 and 2017 is far away and I'm sure you didn't plan on moving to NY on Jan 1st 2017. So because you couldn't get a particular apartment that meant no other apartments were available? Not a 1 bedroom or studio no where?

 

Huh? You got discouraged and prices are high (getting close to NYC prices)?


Sounds like you are comfortable living with moms for the security and I'm sure you will have a tougher time looking for apartments in NYC than you will ever have in Richmond VA.

 

Like many things it depends on the circumstances. I understand how you feel..I'm in my early 20's and I still live at home but don't want to. Jobs are tough to come back especially jobs that pay a sustainable income for a person so I wouldn't see it as a turn off, more of reality for a lot of people these days. It'd be different if you had the means to live on your own but chose not to simply because you want to be taken care of. Anyway Goodluck!

 

An immature guy would dismiss you for not having the place of your own. Though it could also be seen as you being responsible. If you had gotten the apartments and signed the lease and then had the financial chnages, you'd have been obligated to pay the rent. Not ideal.

Another thing is sometimes guys want you to have your own place so that they can come over to see you, but not vice versa if they have roommates themselves. Not only do you need your own place, you have to have the right place. Not only the right place but it's got to also be in the right area of town. These are things guys will require you to have to even click their profile, because you know that they have everything together and are perfect already.

I find it interesting how in larger cities where people have roommates or shared housing is common while people get themselves established, that the expectations people place on others are so high. Just because you don't have your own place should not make you undateable nor does it mean you are looking to move in with someone else or spend all your together time at their place.

 

It should not be looked at as permanent. You should be dead set on a On My Own plan at least by age 30.

You should be helping your mother pay the bills, first and foremost. That's just being grown and respectful. Aside that, you should be saving towards a security deposit and making at least $40,000-$45,000 a year, if you plan to live by yourself. Otherwise, you are going to have to look living with a roommate. That roommate should be somebody you trust and truly get along with, yet capable and responsible to pay half the bills with no BS.

In the meantime, don't focus on people's personal opinion or judgement on your current living situation, unless they are contributing to your income and livelihood.

 

How would you describe your relationship/interactions with your mother?

 

Co-sign.

 

Co-sign

 

I have had similar thoughts floating in out of my my head over the last month. I have some pretty serious setbacks that temporarily have caused me to move out and come back in. I am coming back where it all started. Lol. But, thank God that is temporary.

 

Everyone is preaching really good. Excellent responses.

 

If your relationship with her is agreeable; you can never be to close too your mother. Bump what others may say...maximize the opportunity you currently have (in living with one of your makers) to improve your financial situation then follow your dreams when you are best positioned to take flight. In the interim, appreciate and cherish that woman. She wants the best for you so focus and transition on when you are best prepared.

 

It's only a turnoff when

1) you have never lived away from home and have no plans to leave
2) your mom is always around whenever I come over and we can't really relax until we get in the bedroom
3) when we get in the bedroom, we can't freaky cuz 1) she still awake 2) you moan too loud and don't want me to...<fill in the blank>
4) literally at the end of the day, as a result of 2, 3 and 4, I can't get my nut

 

I really don't care if he comes to my house but I dont want to be in a situation at his place & his mom his there. I like my freedom of space & exploration.. .lol

 

agreed sadly it is a reality for a lot of folks in this day and age and with how jobs are hard to come by especially good paying ones, but i would say that you should be looking to get your own before you are 30, I myself will be 21 come tomorrow and i still live at home but i do plan on moving out after i finish college, and then get a decent good paying job and save/manage my money, cause the work study job i currently have is nice but the income isn't enough for me to sustain myself, it helps to get by is all. anyway best of luck bro!

 

word! agreed to the fullest!

 

I understand your fuckstration with living with your mom, g. As a young man you naturally feel the need to move out and have your own place. I don't know your mother but I'm old enough to know that many mothers oftenwant for their sons(I don't know about daughters) to move from home and get their own place. The reasons for a male child doing so are likely already obvious to your mother. I don't live in the New York area so I don't know a thing about real estate and apartment availability there. I suggest you ask your mother and any resourceful relatives and friends who live in or near the New York area to help you in the search to find a place there. You didn't say WHERE - as in what area or borough in New York, you'd like to move to. That's a considerably major factor in your search and is less ambiguous than just telling someone that you want to move to New York. Any friends, relatives or potential work associates there can help by simply being on the visual lookout for places that are looking to rent. Obvious as it is, if haven't already done so, continue searching the internet.
(more to come)

 

Now, about your specific question:
Personally, I would have certain issues with men who are near age 30 or older and who work and/or have a good paying job yet choose to live with their mother (or father or with both parents) when they could - or rathershouldhave their own place. It's about manly priorities and about manly independence. I've taught my 19 year-old son that one of the major keys to manly independence is having his own money in pocket and bank, his own place to call home and walk around there freely naked if he wants and his own set of wheels to go whenever he wants to go (and not necessarily get those things in that order). However, I'm flexible to know that sometimes things do happen in a person's life which can have a negative impact on a man's independence; things which can force a young or older man to do or change things which he would much rather not do. The key in such situations is to develop and stick to a working plan that will help regain that manly independence. A man needs independence; it's simply in our DNA.

If a dude told me he lived with his parent(s) then I may have to base my concerns about that information on WHERE and HOW such living arrangements/conditions were or are established. For example, does that man have his own room or floor in the home? A room where the parents just can't walk in nor eavesdrop through the wall or door? A room where the door to that room can be locked from the inside? Ideally, the private room shouldn't be on the same floor as his parent's bedroom. Is there some private access to the bathroom? Does the parent know and respect the fact that their son is now an adult and that he will often have friends and possibly sex partners visiting him? If the son is gay or bisexual and sexually active, do the parents know and respect this fact and that he may bring home someone of the same sex for company or sexual pleasure? What are the rules or agreed-upon compromises established between the son and his mother/parents? Some parents don't want any sexual activity knowingly happening under their roof (although I'm sure they must know that their son's masturbation sessions is one kind of sexual activity that's likely been happening under their roof for most of their son's life there. LOL!) Then there's the stressful thing about the son and his guest having to be quiet, or putting up with "appropriate visitation hours" and/or sneaking someone in and out of the home.Ugh! Most, if not all older men will not want to deal with that. And no older man ever (ever!) wants to hear shit from the parent of a younger man regarding differences in age. You'll never win a battle of wits in that situation, especially if your sex partner is close to or is the same age as your mom or dad.

I think the concerns of men who are dating or who are playing friends with benefits with a partner often depends on the age or the mental maturity and sexual life experience of that man who is visiting the son who is living with mom/parents. If you live at home with mom, dad or just the grandfolks - or if they live with you (which happens too) then I urge you to simply be straight up honest about that fact with your potential sex partner or romantic interest. Many mature men would understand and appreciate the upfront news and may invite you over to their place - provided they have their own. Don't let the fact that you live with mom/parents (temporarily) be a deterrent from you dating or getting your dick wet on occasion. If a guy turns you down for that little factor then he probably wasn't the right man for you to kick it with anyway.
All my best!
- RobFather X

 

I completely agree!!! Currently I am living at home with my parents. After completing my Master's I decided to move back home to do some work in my community with my MPH. At the time, I had a timeline to move out by the beginning of 2016. However, my job cut both my hours and my pay and I was attending school to complete my pre-requirements for medical school. So it was decided that I would remain at home until it is time for me to attend medical school, which will be hopefully in the fall of 2017. Ironically, I have come across several guys who are also living at home with their families as well... So I would hope that it wouldn't be too much of a factor. But like RobFather X said, have a plan and stick to it!!!

 

I don't see anything wrong with living with moms if you are doing everything you can to save up and break out on your own, particularly if you are living there rent free. I moved away to college at 18 and moved out of moms house. My mom turned my room into an office and put a futon in there for me. When I would come home on breaks, I used the couch. After that realization, I got a really small cheap apartment in a sketchy area and worked and saved to move to a nicer better place. Having that place made me learn a lot about myself, it showed me how to be responsible, how to manage my money better etc.

Reading your original posts makes me think that you are not necessarily a risk taker, that is ok. I use to be the same way. Always playing it safe. But in all actuality you can achieve a lot more than you think. It might require you working a little harder, Finding yourself in a roommate situation before branching out, but all of that requires stepping out and taking a risk. If you fail, it appears you can always go home but you won't know that until you just do it.

Before you know it, you will be like me, moving around the world where I don't speak the language. You get a taste of taking risks and seeing that it pays off will make you an adrenaline junkie.

 

I think it will be a turn off... But to the wrong guy. Because truth be told the right guy for you will be understanding of your situation and won't judge you for it. Even though there's nothing to judge if you ask me.

You know in life sometimes we beat ourselves up because we're running on a schedule, but no matter what in whatever way or fashion were always gonna be behind schedule and that's not always a bad thing. Most guys these days require 22,000 things out of you, yet bring nothing to the table themselves, watch out of those guys. And I love this post and the overwhelming support you guys brought about our fellow cypher!