What is a deal breaker in the beginning stages of getting to know someone?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    I think for me one of the main things would be a man who disrespects me and also a man who has zero respect for himself.

    What do you guys think? What is a deal breaker in the beginning stages of getting to know someone?
     
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  2. cypher21

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    Mine would be drugs. Had to talk to drunk and high people contacting me randomly at night...wasn't cute..
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  3. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    For me it's inconsistency.
     
  4. Nigerian Prince

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    BRO! YOU hit the nail on the head! Do you think that you get more inconsistency with gay/bi men or with women? I think I may already know the answer LMBO.

    I am consistent maybe 90% of the time because school can really interfere and I will get back to other guys I come across late but man.... I don't know why the gay male psyche is filled with men just getting on apps because of boredom and "just killing time". I am so annoyed.

    I gotta find out how to be like @JNH412 and just get guys to approach me in public! lol
     
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  5. Jaa

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    I think that's a male thing. If there were apps where straight dudes could easily find women often wanting to hookup, posting revealing photos of themselves and writing wild stuff in their profiles, they'd regularly browse it. The closest thing they have is probably Tinder. I've never used it but it seems to feature slightly different behavior since it connects to Facebook profiles and you can only swipe so many people in a day.

    I'm sure a lot of guys and girls, straight and gay, browse Instagram for fun, sometimes posting wild comments about sexy thirst traps and drinking girls' bath water. The apps provide the bonus of possibly making a local connection or finding "fresh meat" for those into that. A lot of folks like people watching and apps provide a bastardized version of that on demand.
     
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  6. KritiKal Analysis

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    The deal breaker for me is the inconsistency and no reciprocation in communication. If I call/text you, I shouldn't be the only one. If I hit you up and you can't get to the phone right then, no problem. At least and at some point that day, acknowledge that you received my communique. You may be busy and I COMPLETELY get that as I am, but it takes like 5 seconds to say, "Saw you hit me up, will hit you back a lil later."
     
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  7. OhSheit

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    In addition to inconsistency and poor communication...

    When the "we're talking" stage extends longer than it should be. Get at me, let a nigga know where you wanna take this/what you want out of it.
    Dependent on weed and alcohol to have fun.
     
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  8. BlackExcellence

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    Everything mentioned here and I'll add too attached too fast. Like "I really like you you gon be my dude" within like two weeks. Nigga you don't KNOW me lol
     
  9. Champagne Papi

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    ....that's numero uno for me yeh. I can safely say that consistency is the most attractive thing in a person.
     
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  10. Champagne Papi

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    Dudes that insist on constant communication!

    I wish people in general would understand that neither constant communication nor forced communication is natural.

    N*ggas these days except you to have your phone and be able to communicate with you at all times and that sh*t is simply not realistic.
     
  11. tigerbreaux

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    Eh, I see what you're saying, and I kind of agree, but when you REALLY like someone, you tend to talk to them more than you would normally talk to anyone else. Plus, in this day and age our phones are ALWAYS in our hands or not too far away. So, just given the times, you would expect to have a text replied to in 1-2 hours max. Otherwise you explain after the fact, or tell them you have something to do beforehand. Not out of obligation, but it usually just comes up naturally.
     
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  12. tigerbreaux

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    In addition to the aforementioned, Not being able to handle wit/sarcasm or take a joke. I'm someone that's "always on". I try to tempter it as best I can and even warn people who don't know me that's just literally how I am, so after that, if you can deal with that, you shouldn't be offended or butthurt by every little quip. Quip back! That's what I like.
     
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  13. Champagne Papi

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    Truly yeh, I see where you're coming from and I mostly agree. You like someone, of course you are going to want to talk to them more often than usual.

    ....but, there should be a healthy boundary set and respected; without any pernicious thoughts of why you haven't gotten that text back.

    Not to mention....because you like the person and want to talk to them more often doesn't always mean the feeling is mutual....you can't expect every guy you like to reciprocate on the exact same level.... ....and I don't even want to start on how intimidating it can be for someone to have this person who has this incessant need to communicate with you and how much that can cause the someone to withdraw from the engagement.
     
  14. tigerbreaux

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    Of course, I'm not talking about stalking or anything, but if you're having a steady conversation with someone and the pattern starts to change, of course you're going to start to think something.

    And of course, you should pick up on social cues and see if someone isn't truly feeling you. You know, I'm starting to get the sense that you are one of these inconsistent conversation people, cause you're kinda reaching with these reasons..they're starting to sound like excuses lol.

    Sunny how you said you hate inconsistency, and in the very next post said you hate people that need constant communication LOL Constant doesn't mean incessant or overbearing lol
     
  15. Nigerian Prince

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    I was talking with a guy about this very thing at a singles mixer in South Florida. The inconsistency thing. It happens a lot. But I agree, don't talk about how you want people to be consistent THEN be weary when you're being contacted by them. Of course the other party should not be contacting you incessantly BUT it should be reciprocated on both sides if you're both really into one another. Don't play games and wonder if you are doing too much if both of you feel the same way! No more games!
     
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  16. Pathology18

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    Asking for nude pics within the first couple of meeting someone. Like n***a chill with that smh
     
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  17. acessential

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    Some good points were made about consistency and communication. I think this all depends on what you mean by "consistent." I think shit like "good morning texts" are excessive and possibly annoying. And I don't like to text constantly throughout the day either. Everyone is busy and I think everyone should live their own life. If you're constantly texting someone throughout the day, you're not living your own life. It feels like you get lost in the relationship and you're no longer whole. They automatically know everything you're doing because you're constantly talking to them. Plus, I think a good percentage of modern day relationship anxiety is caused by unanswered texts. I think it's better to not communicate throughout the day unless it's really important because you'll have your own experiences. And when you finally do talk to the person you're dating, you'll have some interesting things to talk about because they don't know what happened. Go to work, school, exercise, shop, do your own thing. Give each other space to be your own person and give each other the opportunity to actually miss each other. Communicating all day is excessive because it feels like the person is constantly there. With that said, if you like someone, of course you want to hear from them on a consistent basis. If you don't communicate or like to communicate with said person, are you really in a relationship? I'm not talking about texting all day or talking for 2-3 hours a day, but chatting in some form (texting, talking, messaging) for a period of time seems normal. If not everyday, maybe every other day. Nothing should be excessive, but if there's a huge dearth in communication, that's an issue too. I understand everyone is different, but if you feel like you're forcing communication with someone you like, I would ask "why" and "how." What did you expect from a relationship? These are rhetorical questions of course.
     
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  18. LeMignon

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    Yeah, I'm starting to date someone and I'm realizing that the constant texting might become a strain on the relationship. These tips are definitely helpful for me!
     
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  19. Rah Brown

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    I agree this a major one for me too.
     
  20. DC.

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    Definitely great point from all, but I agree with @KritiKal Analysis , Reciprocation is a big thing, because when getting to know someone it should always feel like a two way street, but then again if it doesnt, then things might be too forced. But truth be told for me when first getting to know someone even if I'm attracted to them, I dont really view them as anything but a friend first, because I don't want to put expectations on someone so soon in the game, especially if time eventually showcases that they cant fit a particular role you may have had in mind for them (such as boyfriend etc.) And therefore when you get to know them as strictly "friends", that's when you really be able to see for the most part a true transparency in their character. Plus as many of us may know by know a good friendship lays the foundation for a great relationship.
     
  21. Champagne Papi

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    I think you and I are talking about two different things; similar, but different.

    I think how one interprets constant is subjective, innit?

    I'm not sure how you're correlating my great disdain for inconsistency for my hatred of unnatural, constant communication....

    ....I'm not sure how you're connecting the dots, but ok. Lol
     
  22. Champagne Papi

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    ....you are f*cking brilliant yeh!
    [​IMG]
     
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