Does This Picture Offend You?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by OckyDub, Mar 23, 2016.

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    [​IMG]

    Readers know I’m very open and honest. Am I offended by this picture?…No. Am I a little bothered?…Yes. Probably not for the reasons you may think.

    I should expound just a little…I’m slightly bothered. The reason is not because the dads are gay. Not because the adopted kids are black. I’m slightly bothered because these kids will grow up in a world dominated by racism and white supremacy and these caring fathers may not be able to educate and prepare these beautiful kids to the harsh reality of a world who views their black skin as negative.

    This can be resolved by exposing these children to cultural heritages. Members of the Black community who can share experiences as a form of education would assist the kids with maneuvering the landscape. YES, I think of history and the evils that White society inflicted upon Black people’s bodies and minds during slavery. Nonetheless, I have to understand logic and realize my apprehensions and cautions when it comes to white people (regardless of history and my experience) are mine. I own them. Some white folks did assist in abolition and ending slavery. BUT wounds are still wounds.

    My beef is important but minuscule compared to the beef of many heterosexual Black people. I respect their privacy but please know the below responses are from real people in a group I belong to on Facebook.

    “Sickening”

    “This is some bulls%&t”

    “It’s your life to live but when you bring children into this madness you have no clue of how to train a child the way they should go and this is not it I’m praying for these children NOW”

    “People in this group kool with grooming black boys for the homosexual lifestyle.”

    “This is effed up…Bad.”

    “Just out of concern why are all the children black?”

    “Perverted sexual fantasies”

    “If they treat them good so what. How many of you have adopted any black kids???? Thought so. Does everything have to be about black and white? They are becoming orphans at a higher rate than ever before.”

    “I hear ya sis but I’m sure some kids in the trailer park need rescuing also. Just saying. …”

    “Well why don’t we all go and fill out paperwork next week and adopt a little black kid and save them from white people.”

    “Why do they have black kids? There is motive behind this shit!”

    “Growing up listening to your father get it up the back side from your other father, will mess your head up.”

    Oh, and they had Hashtags and all Jesus…

    #NotNormal
    #StopInterracialAdoption
    #EndSameSexCoupleAdoption
    #FosterCareCurrentDaySlavery
    #WeMustResumeTheVillage
    #TheyCannotHaveOurChildren
    #ChildrenAreNotAnAccessory
    #ParentingIsALifeLongContract

    I mean they might as well had said the gay couple are fattening the kids up so they could eat them. Really people?

    I have previously spoke on my similar experiences when I was attempting to be a “Big Brother” and mentor a young man. The guardians of these young men were not having it. Due to me being open with my sexuality on my application and during the interview process; my homosexuality was a scarlet letter that prevented me from mentoring a troubled male youth in need. In laymen terms, “my nigga fuck your life experiences, wisdoms and nurturing. These boy’s parents may be in prison for murder, drug trafficking, prostitution, arson or rape…but at least they aint no fucking faggot.”

    These men adopted Black children that for what ever reason. Black people didn’t want and gave them a home. How can somebody be mad at that? Many people feel they will “turn” the kids gay. Most LGBT people are raised in heterosexual households and for some strange reason aren’t turned “straight.”

    Let’s hear directly from the couple who said “Fuck it. I want kids now and I don’t care where they’re from or what race they are. I need to be a dad because I have so much love and nurturing to give.” Well I made this statement up but still you get my point. Oh and be sure to check out the comments on the website for their story at GaysWithKids.com

    Miami’s Most Stylish Family: Gay Dads Danny and Roger and Their Three Kids

    [​IMG]

    Danny and Roger cut a distinct shape on Biscayne Boulevard in Miami. Co-owners and managers of Kore Boutique, they dress the part of a stylish, cutting-edge couple. But the fashion-forward sense does not stop there. Their three gorgeous kids walk the walk as well. This chic family documents their life and style on their very popular Instagram accounts. Together, Roger and Danny have close to 22,000 followers, and we can see why. Gays With Kids shares a little of this family’s story.

    [​IMG]

    Danny and Roger have been together for nine years. Danny (photo above, right) was born and raised in Miami, and Roger (photo above, left) is an Iowa native. They met at a bar in Miami beach and were married on May 8, 2009 in Roger’s home state.

    Although Roger was uncertain whether kids were in his future, Danny always wanted to be a dad. It was Danny’s strong desire to be a father that made Roger realize his own paternal dreams. They adopted their first child, 6-year-old Sebastian, through a private agency and they’ve had him since birth. When they tried again with an agency, they experienced two failed attempts and ended up losing money.

    [​IMG]

    As a result, they decided to try foster-to-adopt to expand their family. London, who is 2 years and 9 months, joined the family in June 2014; 2-year-old David became Danny and Roger’s third child in December 2014. Both London’s and David’s adoptions were finalized in 2015.

    [​IMG]

    When asked about their journey to fatherhood, Roger explained, “We feel there are so many children without homes that they did not need to be our biological children. We wanted younger children but race was never chosen. Our first son we got at day one, our daughter at 14 months and our youngest son 20 days before his first birthday.”

    As Roger can attest, the foster-to-adopt system isn’t always straightforward: “It’s not easy, I’m not going to lie. But the rewards are so great and beautiful. The foster-adoption system is flawed, but if you have time and patience there are so many kids that need to be loved and need good loving parents.”

    [​IMG]

    The foster-to-adopt process took what felt like an eternity for the family. It also seemed to involve an entire village with two social workers and two guardians ad litem in multiple court dates. Although creating one’s family through foster-to-adopt may not be for everyone, Roger does point out some serious benefits: children in the system get Medicaid health care until they are 18, and they can attend a state university for four years free of charge. Roger advises, “The way we went about creating our family may not be for everyone. Choose your way, embrace it, love it, and most importantly, love your children.”

    Roger and Danny, whom the kids both call Daddy, are teaching their children that despite everyone’s differences, people are all the same on the inside, and to remember to love as they are loved. Follow Danny and Roger at @danny120378 and @rogerlisrael_sanchez.​

    [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Props to them for stepping up, seeking, proclaiming and owning fatherhood.

    Nonetheless, be honest… what is your initial reaction when seeing the picture and how do you feel about this couple and their adoption choices?

    [​IMG]









    Read the whole post here.
     
    #1 OckyDub, Mar 23, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2016
  2. Comment Imported From Main Site

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  3. @yahoo.com

    @yahoo.com When the lights get low, I Burn Brighter.
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    Precious2.jpg

    I love it. I think of what the alternative could be for these children - in a system of foster care, instability, abuse and other ills that they could possibly never recover from. If someone wants to take them in, love then, live as a family, teach them morals and give them the security and comfort every single child should have, then go for it. Who am I to cast a stone of doubt when I am not taking them in to my home? Since the sole purpose would be to do so because they are black like me... chile please.

    There are alternatives - although Monique from Precious' picture is used for illustration purposes, let's face it, we all know there are some real life Mary Jones, take your ass down to the welfare, don't feed their kids before school and don't care about them types out there.

    And for the ones who have the comments and the negative feelings towards this pic and the reality that a lot of white gays are adopting black unwanted children because there is virtually no wait to adopt them because of the excess - I do not see them stepping up to he front of the line to handle the tens of thousands of black foster care children in this country waiting for a loving, secure home. In many cases they are part of the problem... hell, some of those rebel rousers need to get off their soap boxes and be a part of the solution and not a part of the problem. my2sense.
     
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  4. ColumbusGuy

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    I think it is great..and I had a good reaction to the pic. But I absolutely agree with Ocky that they need to have black people in their lives so they know about their own unique culture. That is something that white people cannot do for these kids. Hopefully these dads know this and will ensure they grow up with a good connection to their black heritage and ancestry, along with having a good loving home and two parents to love them.
     
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  5. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    I think this can further express my point of view...
     
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  6. Omega Level

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    Yeah, I think kids need love, compassion, and great opportunities to succeed. Even more so if you may come from a challenging background and are adopted. If these men can do it, by all means go for it. I think it would have been wonderful if a black family or even black gay men could have adopted them therefore they would constantly see a reflection of themselves. But that didn't happen.

    I think its definitely the responsibility of these men to acknowledge their kids race and try to eduacate them accordingly with the history of black people and the state of black america today. Hopefully they will do that.

    As for the "black hetero folk" negative comments, I have long stop reading individuals like those comments. I resided to the fact that many hetero black folk are so EXTREMELY ignorant and they always will be. They will continue and sometimes even take pride in being "sexual orientation supremacist and social media gay lynchers". And like all ignorance and negativity, it may be around for a while but in the end it never wins. They will keeping spewing the negative hateful comments and gay people just keep getting stronger, richer, and more powerful.
     
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  7. LeMignon

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    It's a very beautiful thing. This couple has opened their home to these three children. The biggest challenge is the reaction. I hope no harm comes to the couple or to the kids because mainstream society can't fathom a White gay couple with Black children. There will be a stigma, but everyone lives with some sort of stigma. Our people paved the way for us to be accepted, just as this couple paves the way for gay couples who adopt, regardless of race.
     
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  8. acessential

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    I think it's cute, but I definitely agree with Ocky's initial thought. Two white parents regardless of sexuality need to be well versed in how white supremacy will play a role in the lives of their adopted black children. It's not impossible to learn, but they definitely should make a genuine effort.
     
  9. ControlledXaos

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    Well I feel the same way about this as I do when these Caption Save a Child folks run all the way around the world to adopt a fashionable Chinese kids versus an American one, regardless of race.

    If you adopt a discordant cultured child, you need to do your best to educate yourself and that Child on their culture. That will require work and effort.

    I have no problem with the adoption because otherwise, where would these kids be? Black people are usually not running to the adoption agency like that. And I love how they get all self righteous, woke, and holier than thou when it comes to things like this.

    All white people are not out to do us harm.
     
  10. BlackguyExecutive

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    I am not personally bothered by this at all. I find this family to be beautiful. I work with colleagues who facilitate foreign adoptions and the process is tough and demanding. Unlike, the oops we're pregnant culture, adoptive parents take the time to really understand the needs and culture of the child they are making part of their family. It is imperative, particularly when the family is going to be mixed race. I want to point out, that in these pictures, we see the children with their natural hair (minus the dye) and done in styles that are typically seen on black kids. These fathers probably didn't know that at first but they took the time to get educated on something as powerful as hair style. So for ANY HATERS out there, I say cut it out and get a grip. In the United States there are roughly 1.5 million children navigating the foster care system, if these men can provide stability for these three kids, why is that not a good thing?

    I also co-sign with the other comments on this thread too.
     
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    Nah the kids look happy and they have a home
     
  12. nikko92

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    looks like a white trendy gay couple keeping up with the styles, but if the kids are safe and happy by all means, get your fatherhood on.
     
  13. Tyroc

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    I'd like to believe that they wanted and love or are learning to love the kids.

    My initial reaction to the picture was, mixed race couple with children.
    My eyes see something other than just white in Roger, the guy on the left but I'm also from NY and I'm from and used to seeing all kinds of blended rainbow hued families.

    I feel it's important that they know how the larger world will view and possibly treat them as they grow up but I look at a lot of people who come through my job alone on a daily basis, raised by parents of the same race living in neighborhoods predominantly of their race and still hold little to no regard for each other, calling each other names and using words that show little self respect or awareness, holding on to concepts that equate being less black as being better, more desirable and holding more value.

    If these dudes are genuine in their regard to raise these kids in a loving strong, positive home then despite my own sometimes strong negative feelings regarding own my prejudices, I applaud them and hope they are able to achieve just that.

    @Ockydub
    I was also involved in a mentor/big brother program for at risk youngsters through my job a while back. It was through a community court program in an economiclly challenged area in Harlem where they try to help with the whole components of housing, criminal and family issues and I honestly don't recall if the gay question came up on the application or the interview or if it just waived because of my job or assumptions that I wasn't.
    I'm not sure if it would have made a difference though, these kids and their always single mothers were just happy after exposure to us,
    to have an outside positive law enforcement influence that wasn't just trying to lock the kids up.
     
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  14. Discordant

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    As many others have stated, my only issue is that these kids may not be as culturally aware as they should be and they, and their dads, may be in for a rude awakening should the institutional racism of our country rear its ugly head. Granted, they also have two (seemingly) affluent white fathers who have already found a way to work the system in their favor concerning college (for 2 of them at least.) I wish them all the best in the world and am glad someone is willing to adopt these beautiful black babies because our people sure don't seem willing to.
     
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  15. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    It bothers me more so that black children are often just thrown to whoever wants them and they don't take as much care with placing them with families that are sensitive to their particular needs. You rarely if ever see the reverse of this. They make very certain to place white children with white patents and black children can just go wherever? There is no way possible two privileged white men can teach black men how to navigate this world and furthermore accessorizing black bodies deeply troubles me as well. I could care less about them being a gay couple because love is love and family is family but none of this is lost on me. When was the last time you've seen a black same sex or opposite sex couple with white adopted children?
     
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    Nope as long as everyone is happy it shouldn't even matter. It takes a village to raise a child great jobs dads
     
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  17. mojoreece

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    I just wonder if the kids will get the cultural things that their African American peers get.During a summer in college I stayed with a white family with 3 kids and an adopted young black child. It was surprised how well the young kid he was about 5 or 6 was so aware about race. He even stated that he would walk up to black women admire their beauty and one time told his white mom he sometimes he wishes she was white. I was also surprised how they gave the child so much freedom. He use to crawl under the stable during dinner and would even tell his parents NO when they told his to do something. It was very different how myself and many of my African American friends were raised.
     
  18. Aejae

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    Well I was concerned only because they were black kids being raised by a white couple, but after reading this article, I'm at ease. People who are pro-life are the same people who would condemn this type of stuff, but fail to realize that there are millions of children who need loving and caring homes to live in. Imma be honest, I don't do children. I believe the people who brought them in the world should take care of them. But when you have a couple like these two gentlemen, it makes me feel better because there are people like them out there who do want to be part of the solution and care for children who needs that in their lives. Props to these guys. I love this.
     
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  19. Sage

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    I'm much more grateful for the picture than I am bothered. It's my hope that these children will have a firm understanding of their Blackness and how it positions them in this world. At the same time, given that their parents are two priviledged white men, I hope that these children will approach the world with a quiet and undeniable confidence in what they will accomplish. Interracial adoption has its drawbacks; however, I applaud these dads for accepting the mantle of fatherhood. It's not easy and it ain't for everyone. These men stepped up and I applaud them.
    The negativity espoused in the Facebook group gets on my damn nerves! It's so easy to clutch a bible and put all the holier-than-thou foolishness out there, but these folks will be the last to take this children into their homes and nurture them for a lifetime.
     
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  20. alton

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    "...black children are often just thrown to whoever wants them and they don't take as much care with placing them with families that are sensitive to their particular needs. You rarely if ever see the reverse of this."

    My question to you would be, is there a predominate "reverse" of this? Meaning, what is the {round about} percentage of black couples looking to adopt, versus white couples looking to adopt. I'm pretty sure there are Black orphans out there that have been adopted by loving/ caring black parents, and not just for a State Check. Just like I'm sure there are black couples that have adopted white/asian/latin children. I just think the percentage is lower for those instances, not because of the system itself, but because most black parents know society (especially their peers) would give them the only side eye for having children that look nothing like them.

    I think we have the habit of seeing only just a small piece of the bigger picture {in this case, adoption}. I'm more than certain the majority of white couples are adopting white children, black couples are adopting black children, etc etc. These types of situations like the one in the article, just stand out because they go against the "norm". Even when there was the "big thing" about Hollywood actors going overseas to adopt children (my beef was never with them adopting children outside of their race, it was more so because there are plenty of children HERE in the US that need loving homes) that was still a very small part of the bigger picture. The Media just rammed it down our throats so much that we began to think it was "the latest craze".

    I don't have an issue with this. If they themselves are not able to efficiently teach these boys about their African {American} roots, then I'm pretty sure they can find outlets for them to learn as well as interact with other African American people. For all we know, these two men could have a slew of straight black friends, with kids. We're judgin' them based on a few pictures and an article.
     
    #20 alton, Mar 25, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2016
  21. BlackguyExecutive

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    I find it a little strange to suggest that these white men of some considerable privilege cannot or are not equipped with the knowledge of what their kids may face in a world of institutional racism and prejudice. I often think that same sex parents have an even more unique view of discrimination and institutional barriers than most, including, straight cis-genered black couples.

    I only personally know two sex same couples who have adopted children of mix races and each couple have taken the time to educate themselves on the needs of their kids, for example, two white lesbians (of some economic privilege) adopted a black baby girl and hispanic baby girl) and I saw them work tirelessly to provide culturally appropriate experiences for their daughters. Including paying for black hair stylists to teach them the care and maintenance of their black daughters hair, now my friend can whip of fierce hairdos for her daughter and they are keeping it natural.

    I don't necessarily believe you have to be black to fully recognize and understand the black experience. Despite that most of us have had "The Talk" you would be surprised at how that same exact Talk happens to adoptive kids who have white parents. I also know a significant number of mix-raced gay couples who have adopted a little UN of children where everyone in the family is a different race and culture.

    I feel like there are so many black families that don't teach their kids shit about their heritage or roots yet we don't say anything about them.

    Lastly, white children make up the majority of kids navigating the foster care system in the US and are twice as likely to receive a permanent placement, and white people are twice as likely to choose adoption, yet black and brown children are twice as likely to spend their entire childhood without being permanently placed, according to US Health and Human Services, so I think that finding these kids good, safe, stable homes should be the highest priority.
     
  22. alton

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    "I feel like there are so many black families that don't teach their kids shyt about their heritage or roots yet we don't say anything about them. "

    I couldn't agree more, brutha.
     
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  23. LeMignon

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    You're absolutely right! I feel that if they're going to take the time to go through the long adoption process, then they'll also take the time to provide their children with what they need, which includes knowledge of their racial heritage.

    Yeah! I didn't learn more about my roots until I truly took an interest in them. I had to search. I wasn't taught it in my family... except on very rare occasions looking back.
     
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  24. ControlledXaos

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    All this black male intelligence and thought out responses in this thread though!
     
  25. Dante

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    Well said!
     
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  26. Dizzle

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    I think it's a good thing....and hope that it's a good thing (if that makes sense). I think it's funny that Black people want to act like they're so concerned about the kids well-being when it was Blacks who throw them away in the first place. Not only that, but I would say that most Black parents don't even educate their Black kids on their heritage and culture.....so why are Blacks acting so concerned about the White dad's possibly not educating their adopted Black kids on Black culture? How many Black parents actually sit their kids down to talk to them about Black culture or their ancestry to educate them on where they come from and who they are? Nigga please. Yall real funny.
     
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  27. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    Awesome. I forget that cypheravenue.com isnt exclusive to the boards. Either way, life isnt cookie cutter, as these grown azz men know, and their children will grow up and learn. Ev1 will be ok. N fuk them homophobes! I wish I encountered them in my day to day so I could beat the brakes off of them n simultaneously relieve my balled up anger! Bytches!
     
    ColumbusGuy dapped this.
  28. Rah Brown

    The 100 Daps Club

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    I love it. If white straight couples can do it why can they.
     
    ColumbusGuy dapped this.
  29. ColumbusGuy

    The 100 Daps Club

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    See? This kind of intelligence and insight from grown non-feminized, non-gay Agended, just 'normal' or 'regular' black gay men is why I really like this site.

    And also why I still wonder why there is not an equivalent site for the same type of white/hispanic/asian/other gay guys?
     
  30. Comment Imported From Main Site

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    I don't understand what the problem is. These kids needed a healthy & stable home and this couple has chosen to give it to them. So unless the couple has somehow elbowed their way to the front of the line and cut ahead of thousands of other more qualified black couples, then I don't have any issue. Nor do I want to participate in creating an environment that discourages the adoption of black children by qualified parents of any race. The local news station in my city does a weekly segment called "Wednesday's Child", where a different child who is up for adoption is featured every week. Almost ALL of the children are black and a good amount of them have been waiting for over 10 to 15 years to be adopted. The only preference that they all have is to be placed in a loving family unit. Sometimes it can be heart breaking to watch. So with that in mind, it's easy to see that racial and cultural barriers have already kept a lot of children in the system. We cannot climb on our soap boxes and start placing additional demands on what adoptive parents should look like. It's irresponsible and does more of a disservice to the kids. We haven't walked a day in their shoes and cannot let our idealism get in the way of their chance of a happy home. My advice to anyone who is concerned is; be the change that you want to see.
     
  31. Comment Imported From Main Site

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    The lack of consciousness of black people never ceases to amaze me. The National Association of Black Social Workers adopted a resolution against trans racial adoption. It should be something read and pondered when examining this issue. Furthermore, white children are very rarely put in black households. I agree with the association that the barriers for poc should be lowered so that non white childrren can be raised in a culturally affirming household.
     
  32. Jeremy Carter Powell

    Supporter

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    Okay, first off, the dads, in my opinion are hot as hell! I commend them for stepping up to the plate because these children are going to need them. I understand the concern about them not being able to address the inevitable issue of race when it comes up, but I'm sure they'll try their best.
     
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  33. Comment Imported From Main Site

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    After Lidice massacre and the Warsaw Ghetto uprising, the Nazis placed Jewish children in so called Aryan homes in order to obliterate their culture. They realized that Jewish cultural values and norms would not be effectively upheld in non jewish homes. To this day, Orthodox Jews oppose interfaith marriage and adoptions for the same reason. Native American children similarly were placed in white homes as part of the genocidal plan to erase native culture. There are sound, clinical reasons why the national association of black social workers consider transracial adoptions as an existential threat to our survival as a black community ...and on the individual mental health of black children who have been adopted by whites. And once again...notice that transracial adoptions appear to be one sided in its omplementation. Its very rare to see white children in non white homes.
     
  34. Tyroc

    Tyroc Deactivated Account

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    And I find the lack of insight into what a child really needs to as equally astounding.
    I agree that white children are almost never placed in non white homes but that has nothing to do with the plight of black children who do need homes and clearly outnumber the number of black people and families who want to give them a stable and loving home.
    To know me personally is to know someone who is very awake and community aware with a deep love for my people but when it comes to children I put my own feelings aside and think of what's in their best interest.
    Leaving out a home that will put fourth effort into raising a child in this world with love and understanding, even if it's a limited understanding is a completely blind mindset that cares more for an issue than the children and I see the children as far more important than an issue.
    they can learn racial and cultural pride as they grow up and into the world but you don't get to replace a proper, happy, healthy upbringing.
     
    Sean P and ColumbusGuy dapped this.
  35. jiveturkey

    jiveturkey Lurker

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    Listen, its fine its great, anytime anyone steps up and adopts its a noble and wouderful thing. I think we all can agree. The pic of the 2 white dads and their adopted black children seems to be beautiful family, lovely even. But, I believe the photo shows the another side of these great United States. It shows the remanagement of slavery through genocide, segregation, and imprisonment. I know it may seem like I'm being dramatic, but sometimes we forget some of the big reasons why our community is systemically broken. Sometimes I think we as black folk really don't wont to face the true reality of what was done to us in this counrty. It was a immobilization and then the destruction of our family structure. We cannot aford to forget this part of history because white america love writing the narrative of them and them only being the hero and or savior.
     
    grownman, mojoreece and OckyDub dapped this.
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