"Narcissists and Psychopaths Love to Stay Friends with Their Exes"

Discussion in 'Mental, Medical and Sexual Health' started by Jaa, May 13, 2016.

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  1. Jaa

    Jaa
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    I recall several being against dating those who remain friends with exes or former flings. I don't have any exes but I think I could remain friends or at least good acquaintances depending on the nature of our breakup. The, "People who are in close, healthy relationships are typically more physically active, more socially connected, live longer, and are physically healthier," line is interesting since many say they become less fit once they're in a relationship. And lol at the link to the author's other post "Only Stupid People Have Lots of Friends". She has a knack for inflammatory titles.

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    A new study found that many people who befriend their former lovers are narcissists and psychopaths. We spoke with an expert to understand why your troubled ex-boyfriend has been sliding into your DMs.

    For anyone who has ever wondered what kind of psychopath stays friends with their ex, a new study has sought to uncover why people with "dark personality traits" (such as narcissism, duplicity, even psychopathy) maintain relationships after their expiration. For many people, staying friends with an ex is unthinkable. Even Psychology Today has urged the public not to befriend extinguished flames because: "they are less emotionally supportive, less helpful, less trusting, and less concerned about the other person's happiness."

    In "Staying friends with an ex: Sex and dark personality traits predict motivations for post-relationship friendship," Oakland University researchers Justin Mogilski and Lisa Welling asked 860 subjects to list the motivations for their involvement with their exes. According to the Daily Mail, the researchers also surveyed the subjects to determine who had dark personality traits. "Previous studies have shown that people who score highly for these traits are more likely to pick friends for strategic reasons, and prefer short-term relationships," the Daily Mail reported. The researchers wanted to know if this were true for former lovers, too.

    To determine this, subjects were tasked to rate their reasons for maintaining relationships with their exes by importance. The highest importance ratings were given by those who felt their former relationships were "reliable, trustworthy, and of sentimental value." But researchers also found that subjects who had "measures of dark personality" were more likely to maintain relationships with their exes for "practical and sexual reasons."

    In an interview with Broadly, the narcissism expert Dr. Tony Ferretti explained why people with dark personalities—particularly the narcissistic ones—would want cuddle with the cold corpse of their dead relationship. "Narcissists hate to fail or lose, so will do what they can to maintain some connection if they didn't make the choice to end it," Dr. Ferretti said. "They can experience narcissistic injury when rejected by a partner and have difficulties letting it go or healing from it."

    Read More: Only Stupid People Have Lots of Friends

    Romantic relationships are important to psychological health, Dr. Ferretti explained, adding that intimate bonds boast many benefits: "People who are in close, healthy relationships are typically more physically active, more socially connected, live longer, and are physically healthier," he said, adding that partnered individuals are even less likely to smoke and tend to their overall health. "People who are in deep, close, healthy, and intimate relationships tend to be happier," Dr. Ferretti said. With such a broad list of benefits, it's no surprise that someone might want to keep a former partner close or to try to reclaim what they once shared together.

    But for narcissists, there are other benefits to relationships, Dr. Ferretti explained, and other motivations to cling to one that has ended. For example, a narcissist may feel as if their social status or position is amplified because of their partner. This is why some ego-maniacs acquire "trophy wives," Dr. Ferretti said, adding that in the mind of the narcissist, a trophy wife is an improvement to their self-worth and confidence. "Narcissists have a tremendous amount of pride and can't accept others being with their ex."

    Dr. Ferretti agrees with the findings in the study by Mogilski and Welling, stating that dark personality types are most interested in how relationships can be useful to them and that such people "may stay connected to [to exes in order to] have access to valuable resources. They also have inside information about their exes vulnerabilities and weaknesses that they can exploit and manipulate which gives them a sense of power and control," he said.

    Narcissists and Psychopaths Love to Stay Friends with Their Exes | Broadly
     
  2. Tyroc

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    I think it depends on the circumstances of the relationship and the maturity level of both individuals.
    We didn't work out and I liked or loved and had fun with you together then I can do and feel the same way apart, just without the sex or sexual tension.
     
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  3. grownman

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    I, was one of those members who vehemently opposed maintaining friendship with ones ex.

    However, I have had a change of heart. Once my ex and I healed and had some time away-the friendship we established carried on. So, yes, I agree with Tyroc that it depends on the maturity of the two.
     
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  4. ColumbusGuy

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    This whole article just starts off wrong and stays that way. I don't even know how this applies to gay relationships or black gay relationships(an even smaller pool of people)-the pool of people is so small it makes everything different. Social circles intermingle, It is harder to 'avoid' people, it just makes sense to try to make the best of things if a relationship has gone bad and at least try to be civil, and if it ended without acrimony(sometimes people drift apart, know it and are ok with it and end things peacefully) why cut off someone?

    "The highest importance ratings were given by those who felt their former relationships were "reliable, trustworthy, and of sentimental value."-this was the number one reason, the other 'dark' reasons followed. But this is even more important in a small group. Those qualities are hard to find(especially trust) and if you have it and can maintain it with someone, why lose that?

    Even the title (and the other title 'Only stupid people have lots of friends') just puts me off. As was noted by the OP..what is up with these titles?
     
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  5. bpaisle

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    I think I am still going to have to pass on it. I'm not convinced that maturity really plays a part in it though.
     
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  6. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I really HATE, HATE, HATE when dudes say that its a lack a maturity if you don't feel the need to stay besties with Exes. Its so condescending and somewhat arrogant.
     
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  7. SB3

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    Its completely understandable why the general blanket statement would be 'no', but it really is unique from couple to couple.
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

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    But he did not say that in isolation....he said it depends on the circumstances too. He never said it was a lack of maturity, he said it was the maturity level of both people. One could be very mature and see that it is not going to work as friends, while the immature one wants to cling to a dead relationship(of any kind) for dumb reasons.

    I agree you just can't say 'they are immature if they don't want to stay friends'-maybe you found out your ex is a thief or drug addict(or a troll living constantly on BGC)-the mature thing would be to run far away!!!!!

    I think there are always a lot of 'ifs, ands, or buts' involved and it varies from situation to situation.
     
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  9. grownman

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    I once thought like too. So, I get it. But damn...Luckily, we are all able to have our own opinion. That's some pretty strong 3x "hate" their.

    :sadcam:
     
    #9 grownman, May 21, 2016
    Last edited: May 21, 2016

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