Gay Guilt

You don't owe anything to any woman.You deserve a good man as much as they do.

 

No guilt here. My female colleagues always say that I would have made a woman really happy and I just respond with I currently make a man very happy.

I no longer dwell on the naysayers and Debbie downers. My grandma (who I was extremely close) didn't come to my wedding because of she "just couldn't." That caused us not to speak regularly for almost a year. She recently reached out to my mom and uncle to see if I was coming home for the holidays. All of the people who were trying to manifest my happiness realize their place, and I pay them with my time. I feel like if you are not trying to celebrate my happiness you ain't worth my time. My grandma now realizes that and we are slowly but surely making amends.

There are currently 2.5 million American kids in foster care systems. I am sure there are some really cute ones. Living a lie is not conducive to happiness.

 

That would be a negative sir.

 

I have zero reason to feel guilty about being a good dude. It's not my fault I accepted it my homosexuality, didn't do the DL thing, that I'm masculine, educated, and employed. I'm not here for chicks to "oh what a waste" over because very few of those broads were checking for me back in the day and even if they were it's not a factor now.

We are good dudes tryna have something worthwhile with other good dudes. I'm just as deserving, if not moreso because it's harder for us to find a dude that knows how to act rite, as they are.

 

Sometimes I feel bad that I haven't experienced much with a women.

 

Just on the kids front...Like I would be a dope dad...still could happen, but I see a lot of women having to choose from a limited gene pool. Not to say that I'm perfect, but I do posses a lot of the qualities that you see women who go to sperm banks and fertility clinics choose in a donor, lol.

 

Nope. Not at all. As @DreG mentioned earlier, we're just as deserving of finding a good dude as any straight woman.

 

Nope, no guilt. I've made my peace with who I am once I reached my 30s. Besides there are plenty of straight dudes out here who are fuckin up and they don't feel the least bit of guilt so why should I?

 

I would be a liar if I said I still don't feel a tiny bit insecure about my attraction to dudes. I am definitely a different man than I was a few years back when even the mention of the word "gay" or "homosexuality" almost made me have a panic attack. I am still at a crossroad with this whole thing, which has made almost my any attempt at dating, whether with a dude or a girl, end disastrously.

One thing is now as clear as water though: If I ever end up marrying a woman( the end game for me is always marriage, and life ever after...or whatever), She will be fine with the fact that i have dated, messed around, and/or have attraction to the same sex.

FUCK the closet!

 

I think the "guilt" that @SB3 mentions is social conditioning. We're made to feel guilty for not pleasing parental expectations due to religion, much like @BlackguyExecutive references in his own experience, regardless as to one's professional, personal, or other accomplishments and qualities. Some of it is that racial nationalist/Hotep shit reminiscent of Nazi Germany and communism ("reproduce for the good of the black race!!!"). Of course, these days no one questions the fecundity of black straight folk and the amount of kids they spit out, without thought as to the future well-being of such kids.

Many of us older ones that are my or Ock's age have probably already mentored or raised other people's kids to some degree. And if if society wasn't so f'd up maybe more established black or lesbian couples would be willing to adopt the numerous amount of black kids that need homes.

I admit I felt guilty about being childless once only because of the "Idiocracy Factor" not my orientation. It seemed like, just like Mike Judge's movie, I, the intelligent, accomplished one wasn't leaving any progeny while dumb ass siblings and cousins were spreading seed and making the black community dumber by the dozen.



Then I realized it was genetic vanity. My favorite Prince song is "Vicki Waiting" from the first Batman movie and he sums this impulse in men nicely:

Talk of children still frightens me
Is my character enough to be
One that deserves a copy made?
This I one day, hope to see

So, co-sign to previous comments. No guilt at all. I didn't bring a Ted Kazinsky, Adolf Hitler, Jim Jones, John Allen Muhammad, Pol Pot or Idi Amin to this planet; indeed, as woke black gay men, I dare say each of us has probably left the opposite influence on many others in this life and universe.

only if you are still attracted to women. And even then, don't feel bad just let whatever happens (or doesn't) occur at your own time, pace, and inclination.

 

I thought of this after my pervious response; it's good to hear men from other ethnic/social groups address the same topic. One of my childhood/art heroes was Maurice Sendak. Most people on this board know him for his most famous children's book, "Where The Wild Things Are." I only recently found out he was gay in the past couple of years.



Sendak mentioned in a September 2008 article in The New York Times that he was gay and had lived with his partner, psychoanalyst Dr. Eugene Glynn, for 50 years before Glynn’s death in May 2007. Revealing that he never told his parents, he said, “All I wanted was to be straight so my parents could be happy. They never, never, never knew.”

In reading an interview he did with Comics Journal, I realized he had his own "gay guilt" as @SB3 terms it. Being Polish and Jewish, most of his family was wiped out by the Nazis in the Holocaust. Coming of age and terms in the 1950s, he experienced that guilt as he felt he should have had kids due to his family being slaughtered.

 

LOL!! I wish I would feel guilty because I'm a good dude that don't like pu$$y.
{Funky Dineva voice}
"CHYLE, CHEESE"


Why should I feel sympathy? It's plenty of "good" straight dudes out there for these chicks to choose from. If they can't find one then it's most likely 'cause they suffer from the same shit that the majority of us gay dudes suffer from..."A Ni@@a Don't Meet my 101 Point Laundry List so Ima Pass on Him". I accepted my homosexuality a looooooooooooooooong f@kin' time ago. and while I've said many times, if I was straight I {probably} wouldn't have any issues relationship-wise (or at the very least, getting some pu$$y), I don't dwell shit that ain't neva gonna happen. I got enough issues trying to attract a "good" dude that I'm attracted to my damn self. I got NO time or energy to be worried about some trick madd because I like d@#k and she can't get mine. I see/ experience it all day everyday.

 

When I first understood that my mind was open to the possibility of being even emotionally available to another man in a way beyond the typical brotherly fashion I was afraid. I thought to myself if I can feel this way that means it can go further and oh what if I fall in love we wouldn't be able to have biological children etc all of these things ran through my mind and I'd say a blend of guilt and the feeling that this realized sexual openness was selfish of me definitely was something I had to unpack. Being bisexual definitely assisted me with thinking that it's a possibility that if children and a wife is what is in the cards the possibility is there, if it's not it's not. I've accepted that and the guilt has subsided.

 

Yeah this film factored into my feelings on being childless too. Especially after this recent election. Add to that I see my nephews being heavily indoctrinated with religion...I do think the world needs more children raised by gay men and women for the fact that they would grow up more accepting of others and sexuality. But then again, there are a lot of ignorant, ghetto, bible thumping gay men and women out there too...so maybe its wishful thinking.

 

Well, Nick, since you've seen the movie, you know the solution is... ELECTROLYTES!!! (makes Vanna White hand gestures while saying word).

Yeah, you're right. And religion is going to fuck it up for a lot of black kids that need adoptive homes because white-right turds and black-Bible-thumping retards would rather see these kids unattached to foster/adoptive families than be put in care under Teh Gays...unless it's somebody like Madonna or Angelina Jolie collecting more foreign black kids like movie tie-in collector cups at McDonalds, then it's alright.

 

It's not just right wing whites and black Bible thumpers. It's also these Pan-Africanists, Black Hebrew Isrealites, and these Hotep fucktards who also share this same homo-antagonistic ideology. These guys seem to spreading like a fungus.

 

I sweatergawd! The Nouveau Woke get on my nerves!

 

Maybe it depends where you live. As collective forces they are almost nil in Chicago. Even the Farrakhanvicts don't stand on the corners with bean pies here no more. I guess I lump hoteps under religious folk.

 

Not gon lie I do feel guilty sometimes but I know the guilt would be way worse if I had no male siblings

 

Not guilty at all. We all are deserving of good men and to the bi dudes, they are deserving of a good man or woman.