How bad would it have to get before you moved back in with your parents?

Discussion in 'Group Discussions' started by RolandG, Dec 4, 2015.

  1. RolandG

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    So one of my boys back home, who has been struggling with landing a new job after leaving his hold one, called me up recently and said he will have to move out of his place and crash with someone until he gets back on his feet. Of course, I was dreading the question: Can I crash at your place for a minute till i get back on my feet? And then he did ask. Now, I live in a different city so he was basically asking could he move here and look for work. I'm not sure about the job market here and I haven't roomed with anyone since i was 19 so I basically said that I'm not in a position to let him move in right now. He calls me this morning and says he's going to move back in with his parents but he's sorta embarrassed about it. Now, it was his decision to leave his job so I think he's mostly responsible for his predicament. I don't imagine ever having to move back in with my parents at my age but I can imagine it being humbling. So my two-part questions is am I a horrible friend for not letting him crash with me for a while and second, how bad would it have to be before you moved back home with your parents?
     
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  2. Dr. Strange

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    Hmm, well I think it all depends on the reason you said no. If you said no because like you said you couldn't then there's no cause for guilt. But if you actually could and just didn't want to then that's something else.

    As for moving back with parents, I think that's just a natural phenomena of the current times. I'm still in my twenties, but I've know people in their thirties and forties who still live with their families.
     
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  3. Cyrus-Brooks

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    I would have to be jobless, homeless, penniless, and without a vehicle.
     
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  4. ControlledXaos

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    I moved back in with my mom.

    I needed to reduce my Overhead. I screwed up my credit and over extended myself when me and my ex were together. I needed to get some financial control back and it was the way that made the most sense. It's humbling, but I knew it was temporary too.

    I was also contributing to the household though. I gave my mom money so I wasn't a deadbeat child. I knew my coming home meant utilities would go up.

    That being said when I got laid off it was OK, it was manageable, because I wasn't hustling trying to figure out what I was gonna do about breaking an apartment lease. I also didn't have bills like car notes or a mortgage. I'd have been ruined and probably ended up there anyway if I hadn't gotten laid off. Unemployment would not have paid any of those things.

    I asked my uncle if I could move in with him and my aunt and that's how I ended up in Atlanta, jobless. But I knew I'd eventually land something because my opportunities would be better. It took 5 months to get a job and that time burnt up almost all of the severance package of previous employer. But I endured.

    If your boy at least had a timeline on when he'd move out, having been there, I'd have been hesitant but understandable. I'd have probably done it but no more than 4 months. Unless it was looking likely he was going to land something at the 4 month point. And especially if he was going to a smaller city than where you are. I was at the point where I was going to be a Starbucks barista with a masters but I was really holding out for a job in my field. So he may have to just hustle and suck it up. He's already at home so taking a lower paying job to get thru the rough time... There's no shame in that.

    Why he left a job without having savings or already having a job lined up is not a smart thing. I'd never advise someone to do that. It's easier to get a job when you have one than when you don't have one.
     
  5. SB3

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    Idk why but I lold soo hard at 'deadbeat child'
     
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  6. SB3

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    Yea, id have to be on some haaaard azz times to relocate back home and move in w my mom.

    An interesting thing tho, is that here in NY, it's sooo common for natives to live 3 and 4 generations deep in 1 household.
     
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  7. Nick Delmacy

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    I had to move back home with my mom after finishing college...I became undiagnosed depressed, gained weight and was (kinda) abusing alcohol (for a 23 year old). Then a younger cousin died in a auto accident and I said fuck it, seize the day. Moved back to ATL with very little money. Thank God for couches and best friends. All worked out in the end.

    I'd move in with a sibling b4 I'd do my mother's place again. And even then I'd have to have been in a serious accident disabling the use of my hands (how I make my money).
     
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  8. ControlledXaos

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    Boomerang kids are fairly common. Especially a few years ago. People were not getting instant jobs after their four year degrees. They had no where to go if they didn't have jobs lined up after graduation.

    However to have had your own place, coming and going when you pleased, cleaning up on your terms etc etc is something difficult to adjust to not having.

    No one who moves back home wants to be there any longer than it takes for them to bounce back. I didn't like it but it was motivation to get my sh!+ together so I could have my own space again.

    I guess I chose the most comfortable of uncomfortable because I could have probably moved to a subdivision of trap homes but I didn't want to have 5 deadbolts on the door and I like to sleep at night and not hear Boomane and Kiyara bumping uglies every night in the apartment next door.
     
  9. SB3

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    I hear u. Im def thankful that I can always go home if things ever did get that bad. N my moms isnt bad by any means, Im just too set in my ways to be living w her and her 60 yr old lifestyle.
     
  10. grownman

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    That was an awesome response. Nothing else to say...

    drop mic.gif
     
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  11. SB3

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    Listen, @ControlledXaos is ev1s boo around here, cus the homie just makes sense!!!
     
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  12. Infinite_loop

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    Ok let me rephrase this: didn't read the details before hand lol

    I would definitely consider moving in with a friend or my uncle, if things got really bad. I have done it before. I have been almost homeless a couple of times( like that one time it was Christmas or summer break in college and I had nowhere to go), so I had to call up some generous friends to lodge me up for a few weeks/months.

    Don't get me wrong: I like being self-sustaining and I am prideful about it.
    it usually takes a lot out of me to ask for help, but sometimes shit hits the fan and you want to rely on friends/family to catch you when that happens.
     
    #12 Infinite_loop, Dec 5, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2015
  13. acessential

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    You're not wrong. It's your personal space. You don't have any obligation to do anything even if that is your friend. Now, if he helped you out before when you were down and out and he literally had nowhere else to go and you still said "no," that would be kinda messed up.

    A lot of people my age move back in with their parents after college. It's pretty common, so I don't knock anyone for it. I haven't though. I haven't stayed with my parents for more than a few weeks since I was 17. Even during the summers in college, I made sure I had an internship or a summer program where I didn't have to go home for the entire summer. I'm living on my own in grad school now and I'm lucky enough to already have a job lined up for when I graduate, so I don't foresee moving back in anytime soon. I'd have to be completely broke and jobless to move back. I told my parents I have a three week limit. I love them dearly, but after three weeks, I get angsty and am ready to go back to my own spot.
     
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  14. Dal787

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    Not Boomane!!!

    I was laid off for a long time from my white collar field, and loaded trucks, wrapped cargo, and drove a forklift to keep from moving back home. Not that I didn't want to live with my mother (she'd be a delightful roomie), I just didn't want to move back to where she lives.

    In other cultures, it's very common for multiple generations to live together, and it can really make sense. Had she lived in Atlanta, I wouldn't have hesitated to move in with her.
     
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  15. tigerbreaux

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    When I got back from France in February I lived with my dad for a few months, until I landed my gig in Atlanta. My dad is more like my cool uncle, so it wasn't that bad, but I was in hell. I HATE not having my own.

    Now for me to move back in with my mama on the other hand...I'd literally have to be destitute and have nothing to my name. Cause naw.
     
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  16. mojoreece

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    Essence Magazine did an article of this getting 6 black men's situations. Pride aside you got do what you got to do to better your own financial situation for the long run. Its also kind of a western thing that young adults live on their own. In other cultures multi-generations of people living and contributing financially together in one household is very common. Overall nothing bets being independent and having your own.
     
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