Best Posts in Thread: If Coming Out Is Easier For Millennials, Why Are So Many Still Closeted?

You hit the nail on the head!
It's not just the church but a lot of people that are in this position are in it because of that. Younger generations also can't become independent from parents or guardians as soon or easily as 20 years ago so sometimes they have to fall in line with their wishes until they're stable enough to move out. I honestly think people really underestimate or overlook this fact when discussing this topic, as it's easy to do whatever you want when you live hundreds of miles from family and past relationships. Unfortunately not everyone has the capability to do that or would even want to.

I understand a lot of progress has been made in terms of progress among the younger generations, media, legislation, etc but we still have a ways to go. I think it's like racism, we can fight its spread and do things to make sure people's rights and freedoms are intact but we'll never eradicate it completely.

 

Well if you think about it, the answer is fairly simple. While society may be more open to most issues, gay issues especially, that doesn't make individual households and sects of society more understanding. Especially in those minority sects. The minority is always the last faction to change. While more black households may have a gay homeboy, hair dresser or choir member, it's very different than it being in your own home. One may be more accepting on a larger scale, but the minute something comes knocking on their door things tend to shift.

 

In this 2010 interview with a young, wet behind the ears Adult Film Performer, Ace Rockwood, it is revealed that the then 21-year old man came out to his mother when he was only 12 years old. The interviewer, director Michael Lucas, seems amazed that not only did this handsome man come out at such a young age, his mother seemed pretty chill about it.



Over the nearly 5 years that we’ve blogging in the LGBT space, we’ve seen a growing trend that younger men seem to have a much easier time Coming Out than the older men had. Before I go on, let’s specify who we’re talking about.

Millennials are considered to have been born between the years 1980 and 2000. In the late 90 and early aughts, our society began to see a rapid shift in how people viewed gay and bisexual men. More of us were either coming out of the closet to be real life representations for others, and the media began depicting us as real characters, not just side jokes or sexual deviants. One other major factor in the sea change, The Internet. Young LGBT men and women were finally able to see that they were not alone though chat rooms, message boards and hookup sites.

So for teenagers and young adults that grew up during this time, it appears to be easier to just rip the proverbial band-aid off and come Out of the closet to the people that birthed them. Seemingly much easier than it had been for Baby Boomers and Generation X’ers.

Or has it been?

Admittedly, Ace Rockwood (now 27-years-old) may have been an exception to the rule. An outlier.

Even watching the above interview, there seems to be information that he’s leaving out. For example, it seems like a stretch for a young black mother to see two 12-year-old boys playing together a lot and directly leaping to, “I wonder if my son is gay.”

My personal (unconfirmed) theory, 12-year-old Ace Rockwood was a little hot boy. A young gay kid who freely explored his sexuality with young boys his age who were willing to let him. It’s very possible that someone walked in on young Ace Rockwood and his friend “living in their truth” together, if you know what I mean. The mother of the second kid going as far as to change her son’s school to separate him from Ace somewhat substantiates this theory.

Speculation aside, its clear that young Ace Rockwood was not worried about staying in anyone’s closet. He was gay and just accepted it.

For many young Millennials, this story is not that out of the norm. While there are many deeply closeted young gay and bisexual men out there, there are just as many who came Out (or were Outed) at an early age. Once that weight was lifted, they discard all of the remaining fucks they could give.



Youtube celebrity Tre Melvin surprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. While one reason was that he regularly dressed up as women for comedy in his videos, the main reason was that, for young trendy Millennials, we’re often more surprised to learn that they are NOT gay, bisexual or at least bi-curious.

If you visit Twitter or even Facebook, the sheer number of Out, Proud, Feminine, Inbetween and Sexually Free young gay men you will find is awe-inspiring. They give no fucks, unless you are a fan of a rival songstress to the Diva of their choice.

They post videos of themselves booty-popping to Beyonce songs.

They start their own cheer leading squads.

They fight for their right to join sororities.

So mission accomplished, right?

We have Gay Marriage.

We have Jason Collins.

We have Michael Sam.

We have Frank Ocean (or do we?).

Gay is okay now. All young gay kids can freely snap their way out of the closet.

If this is the case, why do we still have so many young men coming to Cypher Avenue saying they are paranoid and deeply closeted? They seemingly have the court of public opinion in their favor, why are they still afraid to say they are gay?

Being homophobic is so publicly toxic now that even Manny Pacquiao, a boxer who doesn’t even speak English, got blasted for his recent anti-gay rhetoric. He even lost his coveted (and high paying) Nike endorsement.



Even fellow Christians weren’t (publicly) siding with Manny, and they believe in the same book.

So why would some Millennials still fear coming Out? Or should we get more granular and say that this really only applies to young gay men of color?

Do young white kids have it easier?

Is behind-closed-doors homophobia so prevalent in the Black and Latino community that it drives men to stay closeted even in a general global society seemingly welcoming to them.

Speaking of boxers and adult films, lets look at Millennial Yusaf Mack (born in 1980). He’s the retired athlete who recently faced controversy when people in his neighborhood discovered that he had filmed an X-Rated gay scene for Dawgpound USA.



When confronted by the media, first Yusaf Mack (a father of 20 children) said that he was drugged…when the production company threatened a defamation lawsuit, he said that he was actually bisexual…when that didn’t stick he finally admitted that he was fully homosexual.

Once the dust settled, he became somewhat of a hero and inspiration to many black gay men, including many that contribute to this website.

One has to wonder: If it’s so much easier, rewarding and psychologically freeing to come Out in this day and age…why do we make it so hard?

What would it take for all closeted men out there, of every age, to causally shrug it off like young Ace Rockwood did 15 years ago?

 

I speak from experience in stating that it starts in the church. I was 23 at the time while on break from school and my (Nigerian) pastor was speaking positive sermons with uplifiting messages. Then suddenly the sermon took a turn to where he pointed at all the children pretty much born after 2000 that just did Holy Communion. He began to talk about the media and how gay is wrong. Never be tempted by the devil and his lies.... blah blah blah. I've discussed this with black gay men here in South Florida too. It all starts within the church. Maybe this is a stretch but many of the black SGL men on this site have been active in church at some point in their lives especially when they had no control over choosing to attend service or bible study. If you're in church and that is all you hear all day then it is really going to affect you.

I remember being a teenager and feeling very uncomfortable when my (Nigerian) pastors would begin just spewing words of hate against the LGBT culture and "lifestyle". That is what kept me closeted for a long time until last year when the closet door was forced open by my Nigerian father. I am just living my life now but I know other Africans back in Houston that are gay but still are in the closet from their parents and certain friends/associates because they already know how homophobic their friends and family are.

It really just depends on your surroundings I think. Some people have that story like Ace Rockwood. I have met some cool black SGL men down here that their parents and extended family and friends gave ZERO f*cks. Then I came across a guy that was put out of the house by his parents when he was 17 years old due to his sexuality. Then by the age of 22 now, he has 3 businesses he started on his own and he lives in a penthouse down here.

Overall perception = It is easier than before because more people are open minded but it can still be a struggle.

 

If you are not comfortable with your circle, or the possible rejection from that circle, coming out is difficult.

If your favorite cousins are talking about gays, that makes it hard. If the latest mega pastor is involved in a gay leaning scandal, and all you hear are negative things about gays, that makes it difficult too.

Young people who are still dependent on their parents and not fully launched are in a hard place I think. If I were in college I'd have a hard time telling my mom I was gay and I knew I had to still go home for the summer break because I didn't have plans (or maybe money) to go to summer school full time.

Independent men who have made it to the gay beacon Atlanta are in a better position. I do wonder about if you are your "own man", paying your own bills, and not depending on your parents and live your "truth" why is it hard for those guys go come out? You stay in the club and gay functions in Atlanta do you turn "the gay" off when you travel back to Tumbleed, Indiana? What's the fear there for the "independent" gays who have made it to Atlanta, NYC, Miami, DC etc?

Also do these guys not have family members who follow them on social media? Do they heavily use circles to keep family from seeing the "gay" posts? Do they have a "safe for fam" social media account and another for "the lifestyle?" That seems so overly necessarily complicated to do.

I think these younger guys are really worried about what others think. And that's understandable to a point but I don't think it's something that they should be concerned about.

One doesn't have to be your kin to be your brother and many gay men have survived and thrived without family support. It may not be easy or comfortable, but it's doable.

 

I would only add to this convo is that within the minority communities-particularly black house holds. The crux is religion, most of us come from some sort of faith based background. Which most call for the condemnation of all things "gay." I didn't come out until the age 22 and it was that reason alone. However, @Nick Delmacy maybe these are coming to you in private. The majority of these cats on here seem to be okay with themselves-even the lurkers but I don't see all you see. Also, I realized that are you have been in the blogging for a minute, so you have witnessed a lot.

 

"Youtube celebrity Tre Melvinsurprised no one when he came Out as bisexual two years ago. "
"UGHH BIYYTCH....Two yeeaaas ho, an' you is STIYLL...COMIN' fuh me" LMAO!!


Just kiddin. All jokes aside tho, @tigerbreaux made a very good point about the possibility that homosexuality within the Black/Latino Communities is {generally} more easily tolerated when the point(s) of interest are not a member of one's family/household. It's always easier for Aunt Mable and Tia Sonya to "feel bad for Carol/Carola's son down the block cause he gay" but still be cordial to him. But when one of their own comes out they have a f$%kin coronary. smh

 

I think that there has been tremendous progress in just the last 5 years on gay rights and equality issues. I also think that is is much easier today for people to come out and live a fully open life. People know their gay siblings and children, their neighbors, their colleagues etc. It is much harder to be overtly intolerant. Our ideas about tolerance have also shifted. So if the question is, is it easier to come out in 2016 vs 2000. The answer is yes. It is 1000 times easier than in the 1960s-70s. I am equally taken back by our Youth who think that being LGBT is such a nonissue. That trend is occurring around the world. The next generation of LGBT people will grow up in a much more tolerant world.

With that being said, I am on the front lines of processing people who are seeking political asylum because they are being persecuted because they are LGBT. These people's basic human rights are being violated. So when I see people in America let their fear consume them, I want to scream, "TRUST ME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT FEAR IS" but I recognize that everyone has a process and coming out when one is ready is the only way to live authentically and fully.

 

I've had any number of conversations with young black gay men who wonder why it took so long for men of my generation to come out - their experience is totally different. They've been to school with kids who are already out and whose open status encouraged them. Or they just didn't care. But I live in DC. And we are having these conversations in 2010+. When I moved here in 1981, my boyfriend, who was born and raised, when to school, in DC, and I went to Baltimore on the weekend to the clubs there. He did not want to be seen in any of the clubs in DC. And in Baltimore we saw lots of other guys whom we knew from DC. What was interesting then was that the first guy I dated here in DC was from Texas and he moved here in 1980 and he had not problem going to the bars here because no one from home was here. Today I have millennial friends who are quite out here, but not back home.
When it comes to this issue, there are many who lead the way, and like everything else, there are those who for whatever reason do not feel comfortable yet being in the vanguard. It would be interesting to hear what folks in smaller towns have to say.