How to Make Friends as a Grown-Up | Nerd Fitness
This is not a pity post or a cry for attention.
I have been in Atlanta for almost 5 years. I feel like I have only actually made acquaintances. I have not been able to make a new friend that I did not know in some form prior to moving here. By friend I mean a person who I talk to, visit, hang out with, and do activities with on occasion who shares mutual interests with me on a platonic level.
Honestly it's been very lonely at times here and I have felt isolated and closed off despite what any photos I have posted may have one to think.
"So often we let little connections lapse and fizzle out because each person assumes that the other would reach out if they wanted to… so then neither one does… and then the other doesn’t, either."
While I have met people here things just kind of faded away or we've drifted apart for whatever reasons. The above statement has definitely been me. Now I wonder if all of my disconnections were in fact this. As person who has felt they've put in efforts to connect, my analytical side keeps track and notices when the ratio of me making the first contact is higher than that of the other person's. It's tiring feeling like you're the only one reaching out. I decode that to mean "you're not interested in hanging out with me and that's fine at least you're not ignoring me, I have not been impressing upon you that you'd think of taking initiative with communication with me first. Noted."
I have been told I'm a "great guy" "hilarious" "smart" often but it gets hard to see that for myself when others get invited to places or always have people to hang out with and talk to. So then I constantly wonder what is wrong with me if all of those adjectives are true. I mean how could they be if my phone hardly rings or text alert hardly goes off? I have questioned for a while if I'm just not likeable as those adjectives are not mutually exclusive to likeabliity. Again I'm told I am likeable but don't give off that I'm actually approachable. So I'm working on body language going forward.
This posting showed up in my inbox today and gave me some independent, objective advice I had not really considered and ways to work around them. Maybe I have been too black and white and robotic when meeting people or engaging in Conversations? I don't consider myself charming or that interesting. But I can say I've been skeptical and cynical. My best friend suggested to not use past bad experiences as the expectation. I am definitely taking that into consideration.
Maybe people are actually trying to talk to
/with me instead of my perception of them talking just at me?
We will see.