Best Posts in Thread: Help... I made a connection with a man, But!

Sounds like you are more attracted to the man for friendship or companionship than for romance. It happens. That's what the Friend Zone was created for...

 

Not to sound like all simplistic but all these can be easy fixes.

-Whack sex (head game weak, kissing game weak). Talk with him about what you don't like and get to practicing. Maybe he hasn't had that much experience or maybe he has and others did not tell him his head game is wack? You may discover he may not like certain things you do either and you both can work on them together.

-Bad body (soft like a marshmallow and hips like my fourth grade art teacher. This nikka jiggles like he never did a push up in his life). How is your body? I'm sure most if not the majority of black men can benefit from a gym membership. Again this can be discussed and maybe the both of you can come up with a meal / fitness plan together. You don't have to work out together but just issue a fitness challenge that both of you will follow.

-Not confident in himself or his abilities. That's because ni@@as saying his head game it weak. Naw but for real, maybe start suggesting counseling. Does he have medical benefits? I just feel as a man and as a black man, you should be attempting to build the next man up.

-He is cynical towards blacks peoples plights and conditions. He hates them. (he is black himself and from the hood... like the hood, hood. See above. People can change however his sentiments come from somewhere.

-He does not take care of himself (grooming or clothing... he looks like he gets his clothes from the thrift store... hygiene is not an issue) So does Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg...AND? On the real suggest going with him to pick out new clothes at a budget friendly spot like a Marshalls or TJ Maxx then hit up the clearance rack at Macys.

Sounds like everything is fine and you need to step your communication game up.

 

First of all, is this his picture? Is he aware that you're posting it online? If not, that's messed up and possibly illegal in some states.

 

Cypher Avenue -

Thank you all for your help with this matter. Your feedback was well thought out and I feel came from a place of sincerity based on experience, trail and error and in some cases emotions. And that too is okay. After careful though and consideration, and based on some of your great feedback, I think the lane this dude belongs in is the friend zone. There is no other way to put it... all of the bonuses he brings to to the table, does not add up to just how I feel and what I want in someone I am going to date. Hopefully he can deal with my decision and be okay with is placement in my life. Thank you all again!

Special shout out to: @ockydub / @DreG / @GaTekno84 / @Nick Delmacy / @grownman / @SB3 / @cypher21 / @Jdudre / @tigerbreaux / @Dante / @Dr. Strange / @acessential

 

First, I completely disagree with Octavius. If you're not attracted to him don't block somebody else who may be. People don't change. I was in this situation with a dude for over 6 years till i came to that realization. You have to be able to accept him for who he is today.

Second, What if he ever reads this post? This shallow post will break that man.

 

Everyone else pretty much already said it, but whack sex can be fixed. Nobody is born a sex god. How are you supposed to be good at it if you never tried? Plus everyone's different. You just have to communicate your wants and needs. Dude can also go to the gym if you don't find his body attractive. Although if you're forcing him to go to the gym, that's not good either.

The only issue that's more difficult to overcome is the lack of confidence. That doesn't come from an outside source. That comes from within. And honestly, it's draining being with someone who lacks confidence. They'll be insecure and breed an unhealthy relationship. Similar to what @grownman said, I used to talk to a dude who had very low self esteem. And he was handsome too, I didn't get it. Obviously I was with him for a reason. Even if I would give him a compliment he would make it all awkward and talk about how untrue it was. Even when we had sex, he was afraid to be naked in front of me. Like, dude really? It's so draining dealing with a dude like that.

Anyway, this dude needs to fix that on his own before coming to you.

 

"First, I completely disagree with Octavius. If you're not attracted to him don't block somebody else who may be. People don't change. I was in this situation with a dude for over 6 years till i came to that realization. You have to be able to accept him for who he is today.

Second, What if he ever reads this post? This shallow post will break that man."

I so agree with you.

I was just going to ignore this thread- but I thought about my former relationship.

My ex had issues with his weight as well. I, like you loved the convos, hanging out, he's handsome and we were/are music lovers. I thought that I was in love with him. We moved into together about 2 months after meeting. I was staying with my mom and that was a way out for me. Dude, let me tell you-not even a couple of weeks after moving in. I was already ready to go. He was nervous about having sex because he had issues with his body even after losing weight. I never cheated on him but my mind was checked out. I was secretly getting on porn sites because I became physically unattracted to him. I wasn't willing to be patient and we both help each other.
It was a mess and I was a complete asshole during those 5 years. Can you imagine being with someone that long who really is not interested in you-not as a lover? I should have just remained friends and never allowed things to go further.

I just went on that tangent to say if you're not really into him than put a end to that. Don't fuck with the man's feelings. Like Whitney said in the remake of Sparkle "let my life be a cautionary tale." He is my "ex" for a reason.

 

Big Brother Octavius to the rescue! I'm very impressed with these suggestions! And tbh, it sounds like you've found someone really special. I hope the problems you've specified in him can be fixed or reconciled. Besides that, it seems like y'all are really hitting it off.