Being A Virgin Makes Me A Commodity???

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by Nigerian Prince, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. Nigerian Prince

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    Yeah I am not waiting for the perfect guy or some knight in shining armor scenario. I just want it to be right. We care for each other. All that stuff. I want to remain a virgin because I don't care what anyone says on here or in our lives offline.... you will ALWAYS remember your first sexual experience. Always. But yeah I will keep getting to know him.

    I don't treat it like I am above all or that I am pure or whatever. I just want that first time to be right. That's all. I will just keep taking my time.
     
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  2. cypher21

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    Yeah I knew that wasn't what you meant, alot of people get turned off by that kind of phrasing but rare things are....well rare! Regardless if others find value in it or not it doesn't diminish your uniqueness and you're right everyone I talk to gay or straight can tell you with some detail about their first time..
     
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  3. Nick Delmacy

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    @African King I guess everyone agrees that virginity for gay men is really only important to the virgin himself. No one views you as more valuable or even really cares that you are a virgin, tbh.

    Sometimes I view you like a dude who proudly proclaims that he's never seen a single Star Wars film. I'm like, "oh well, your loss, I've seen it many times and love it." Same applies to sex.

    I guess the difference here is also if we were talking about a 16 year old, we'd be singing in unison to "just wait." But we're talking about a 26 year old man who like you say is handsome, intelligent and all that...Not to mention that he's a 26 year old man who has a GAY TWIN BROTHER who is far from being a virgin.

    Guys are being nice here because you're a nice dude, but I bet many of them are thinking the same thing, just not saying it: "Just do it already, don't overthink it, enjoy your youth."

    As for not wanting a dude who's been with a lot of dudes, you mean to tell me that if you found a fine ass African born, American raised young 30-year-old doctor who clicked with you on EVERY level yet he had an active sex life in his 20s, you would reject him?

    I think once you do-the-do, you'll discover that while sex and sexual interactions are great, they are not the end all be all. I'm not suggesting that you become a whore or lower your standards...just to remember that having 1 or 5 or even 20 men on your eventual lifetime list of men you've had sexual experiences with does not make you less respectable, dignified or moral as a person. All it does is make you a human being, just like the rest of us.
     
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  4. Tyroc

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    i respect both your dedication and determination on this front even if I don't get it but from what little I've read from you here on the boards. It seems like you're strongly dedicated to your goals and ambitions, which is incredibly admirable and rare in one so young. I hope you do get that right first time.

    Younger days bring back memories of girls who claimed the V card even though they had worn out sphincter muscles and stretch marks about their lips but an intact hymen. Ah, good old Catholic School.
     
  5. Nigerian Prince

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    LOL that's all I can say!
     
  6. Nigerian Prince

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    See.... (in @SB3 words) this is why I love you @Nick Delmacy. Always keeping it real! When we finally meet in person I think our conversation will be really interesting lol.

    I remember talking to my twin when he lost his V-card maybe 3 or 4 years ago and he was like, "once you get it over with it is like whatever lol." But that was when I literally came out to him so I could not even FATHOM the thought of engaging in any type of sexual interactions with a man back then.

    But anyway, I really appreciate your contributions to this thread big bro :) I do want to live life but still accomplish all of my goals especially graduating from my master's program and getting a great paying job.

    I have to figure it out though because when I think about the guy and our conversations I mean they were good. If I told you how many times we would talk and he would tilt his head to the side and have this smile/smirk going on... Or the few times he would apply some vaseline to his full chocolate lips just to make sure they didn't get chapped on that cold day out here in South Florida (or maybe he was getting his lips ready for me I don't know lol). But yeah I do need to figure this out. Sometimes I feel like I just want to kiss him tonight. Then I'm like... is that going too far and moving too fast without having a proper conversation first about going on date #2 (or actual date #1 where we both know where we stand)? That's if he even still likes me.... Sigh Lord what am I gonna do?! LOL.

    As for that 30 year old doctor hmmmm I might have to just make an exception for him because that sounds real good!!! Especially if he is dapper and sexy like some of my favorite Nigerian rappers/singers!
     
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  7. SB3

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    For clarification, my words are 'THIS is why' lol
     
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  8. OhSheit

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    I guess your tone about virginity around here might rub people the wrong way, but I understand where you're coming from.

    I've had many opportunities to lose my virginity, hell, literally last night was one of them (which African King knows about). But dudes out here just wanna stick their thing in you (vice versa) and smash á la pornstar. I'd rather wait for someone who cares about me and my body. Someone that's patient, not making a big deal out of me being a virgin, so that I can stop making a big deal about it and just do it whenever I'm ready. I guess that's where the virgin squad members are coming from. Not the perfect guy but the right guy because it is important until you actually lose it and then you can have good toe-curling sex. I don't think I'm better than anyone either, I'm the nastiest hoe in my head. I've already had sex with every member in this thread - Nick had some leather chaps and a mask on though.

    Since coming out-ish, I've been turned down bc I'm a virgin (it helps weed out the bullshitters I guess) or dudes tried to play mentor with me 'cause I usually talk to dudes older than me. This one time I was schooled on how to clean and all that, like given a full tutorial and pep talk about being careful about who I talk to/date, then turned out he was a creep like the young dudes he hated on, just 7 years older. Now the last dude I was dating was around my age and he was cool with me being a virgin, but I wasn't, I was insecure and since he had high body count and we were long distance I let him fuck whoever just so he can get his even though apparently we were exclusive. But that ain't work out and there was more to it than just the sex thing. Perhaps the next dude I deal with I'll go with the @scooter approach and whatever happens happens.

    It's kind of crazy that at the end of the day, you're ideally a Top/Verse. I would have never thought a top would value or care about their virginity.
     
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  9. scooter

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    In my defense I was young, naïve, and fresh to the gay scene so I didn't know the first thing about letting a man penetrate me. Was I in pain? Yes, but chemistry I shared with the guy was with was strong enough that after I began to relax the pain subsided, and the pleasure began to set in. I'm sure the top I was with suspected that it was my first time, but he was respectful enough not to make a big deal out of it in the end. Moreover, I think and I believe virginity is abstract at best. Some tops are just as inexperienced as us bottoms so let's not engage in bottom-shaming.
     
    #44 scooter, Jan 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2016
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  10. SB3

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    Bottom shaming?
     
  11. scooter

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    Well I think we always think about virginity from the perspective of the bottom being penetrated. Why can't a top who is doing the penetration be a virgin also?
     
  12. SB3

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    No, I was referring to it not being clear due to pain and/or discomfort that its a bottoms first time. Clearly ev1 was a virgin at 1 point.
     
  13. Champagne Papi

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    ....you are putting way too much value on virginity.

    Also, you are limiting yourself and who you are strictly on your virginity....why would you see yourself as "a notch on someone else's belt" simply because you let someone f*ck you? I don't see as to why anyone would see someone they had sex with as not just that....someone they had sex with (speaking in a non-relationship type).

    It's restrictive and quite destructive when placing such high value on virginity, because let's face it, it's not that serious........if you want to buss it wide open for a dude, buss it wide open for him....because this is ABOUT YOU!! and not him....your virginity is YOURS and not his....so no matter what that n*gga may think of you, WHAT MATTERS MORE IS WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF!
    (as long as you don't see yourself as just another notch, f*ck what that dude believes/thinks....because you know what it is.)

    Plus, no guy goes around talking about how he took someone's virginity....And any n*gga that does is a lame who really ain't getting no pw*ssy for real, yeh.
     
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  14. Champagne Papi

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    (off topic)....I never got why people had a dating rule when it came to sex (e.g. 90 day rule, etc.). I don't get it....if you're sexually active, practice safe sex, and/or are sexually attracted to the person....why are you stopping?
    (by the way, I hate you because of this gif! And please, when will you share your gif folder with us?!):feedme:
     
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  15. Champagne Papi

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    Mindsets such as that are destructive and venomous....basing the worthiness of someone being in your future simply by how many d*cks they sat on is....repulsive at least yeh.
     
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  17. OhSheit

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  18. Nick Delmacy

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  19. Nigerian Prince

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    Dope video LOL. Again, not like I am saving myself for marriage but I do want to feel like I am having sex with the right guy.

    But the guy I been going back and forth with ALREADY knows so hmmm.... I will holla at him today and let him know how I REALLY feel about him.
     
  20. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    For me, absolutely not. If I choose to not want to seriously be with someone that has been with a ridiculous amount of people that is my standard that I have set for myself. Facts are that who you lay with follows you and the person you decide to be in a relationship with is also linked to all of those people. It can be both embarrassing and and a stressor on the relationship so for me I believe it's unnecessary to pursue when I know my limits. I won't get into semantics about trigger words like slut-shaming because that isn't my attempt here. What is is to provide the person a realistic outlook and facts are that people are judged by who and how many as you said "dicks they sit on" now rather that's fair or not is debatable but it's fact. I'm a professional man in a highly competitive industry, I'm also young, black, and openly bisexual. My partner has to be a direct reflection of me as he or she will be yet another thing I will be judged on and if that persons past is littered with dozens upon dozens of people someone will find out and that will reflect on my reputation so I'm not interested in that type of person that would be so careless with themselves. That's for my personal life.
     
    #55 NickAuzenneNOLA, Feb 1, 2016
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  21. Discordant

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    I was a virgin until I was 21. Complete virgin. Wasn't even naked around another adult outside of a locker room scenario. I met this guy. We dated for 3 months. I really liked him. Convinced myself I was falling in love with him, kind of like. I thought he was the right one to give it up to. He broke up with me the next day. I later found out from his best friend who I hooked up with my best friend that he'd wanted to break up with me for a long time, he just wanted to get some booty first. You can't control how other people will react to anything you do or how people will receive the gifts you choose to give them.

    If you feel like you're ready and that he will give you the right kind of experience for your first time, whatever that experience looks like in your head, go for it. But also understand that he's his own person with his own agenda and motives. Would I date a virgin? I'm not opposed to it at all. But I know several guys who feel the exact opposite. For some there's more pressure for them to be someone's first. For others they don't want to deal with you trying to figure out who you are and what you like sexually. As others have said, the virginity is only truly precious to the virgin, no one else. So when you contemplate sex, operate with that understanding. It will limit your regrets.
     
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  22. SB3

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    Aaawww damn man. That story makes me feel the same way as when u hear abt the kid who had a party n no one came.
     
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  23. acessential

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    Bruh, I was thinking of this song the entire time reading this thread but couldn't remember who sang it. Along with this one:

     
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  24. Discordant

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    It is what it is. I got over the initial hurt and moved on, but since I'm a romantic, it definitely was devastating at the time.
     
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  25. Nigerian Prince

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    Grateful for everyone's input and stories. Learning a lot. I talked to the guy and let him know that I was interested in more than a friendship. He is fresh out of a relationship so he wants to do him and I cannot be mad at that. He is an amazing person, musician, singer and all that. We will still remain friends and he encouraged me to just keep being the great guy I am and meet more guys.
     
  26. Dr. Strange

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    Hmmm....actually fact, who and how many people someone has slept with, unless its willingly told, is really no one's business. Furthermore, who or how many one has slept with has nothing to do with one's current relationship, unless you're going to make it something; which seems like you make it something. Seems a bit silly to be worrying about something you had no control over in the first place, or making it something after one decides to get serious about someone.

    There are two realities. The first is It's true that people judge people on someone's past, however the second is people have to accept people for where they are and not where they have been. Living in the past is unhealthy, and so is judging people for it.

    This comment in particular sounds very gaylebrity-ish and quite unrealistic. Like you want to be the perfect couple or be in the perfect relationship.
     
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  27. Nigerian Prince

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    I do feel like someone's past can really tell a lot about them though don't you think? That's why we should all ask questions early on in a relationship because if there are patterns and all it can say a lot.

    Gaylebrity-ish? I disagree. I think many people homo, bi and hetero share the sentiments. It is not about perfect relationship but what relationship works best for that individual.
     
  28. OhSheit

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    Lemme find out African was dating a musical genius, breaking up homes already. Is inserting your finger in someone's bum considerrd losing your virginity?
     
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  29. Nigerian Prince

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    Uh oh I guess you're no longer a COMPLETE virgin anymore. I been to the strip club and touched all over the strippers and all BUT my guys off here I talk to in real life told me that I am still a virgin hahaha
     
  30. Dr. Strange

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    Whether it tells you something about someone or not, the past is the past. If someone's past is still there present then that's different. How would you like it if you opened up to someone and they judged you for everything in your past? That says more about that person than it does about you because you were open and honest. If someone's patterns are still governing their present ones then you have a better argument, but simply for the past, no.

    It sounds gaylebrity-ish because it sounds like he basing his relationships around his professional career and being seen by other people and judge by other people. And seems like the relationship would be defined by what other people think rather than what he thinks. He says it about his personal preference but it sounds like is shaped by other peoples thoughts.
     
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  31. Tyroc

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    I agree with this sentiment 100%, seek out whatever it is that you feel works best relationship wise for you but...

    All a persons past can tell you is the paths it took them to be who and where they are today.

    I have an older buddy that I shared my past history with and he judged me harshly and looked at me differently from there on.
    He felt once you exibited that kind of behavior and actions that it was forever going to be who you are.
    Funny thing though, I did those things and had a long term relationship that didn't end because of my sexual past coming into my present and going on 10 yrs soon, I've been abstinent by choice.
    He on the other hand was getting repeatedly arrested a few years ago in cruising parks.

    It's not unlike someone who 25 yrs ago was a homeless drug addict and became a successful, productive working person today and their past doesn't change who they became and what they've accomplished.
     
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  32. cypher21

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    Everything should be taken in moderation... Everything.Some people can overcome their bad pasts and do. Others will not.
    I've seen it..we all have. People have patterns and sometimes those shouldn't be ignored.You shouldn't be judgemental about the things a person has done in the past but you should be mindful of it.

    Every person is different, I see wisdom in both arguments.Balance is key, don't limit yourself or your opportunities and don't let just anybody in..that goes for everything..
     
    #67 cypher21, Feb 1, 2016
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  33. cypher21

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  34. ControlledXaos

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    I can understand @NickAuzenneNOLA s point. He's in New Orleans. Itself not that big of a city. So your hoism can be widely known. In Jackson we used to say people fuqked in circles because there just simply wasn't enough degrees of separation. If you are with one person who is labeled a ho, it gets around. Even if you are not mentioned because you slept with The Hoe , you'll hear other people talking about them eventually.

    Understanding that way of thinking, I am also about not kissing and yelling. I never blabbed about a jump off, one night or hook up. If I saw them out, we'd be cool but you have to be careful which you share your sex life with. Mofos be watching.

    I don't think a pillar of body count should make someone look bad, most people have a hoe stage, but most of us also wouldn't date a porn model either if you go back and poll that thread.

    I mean we all know at least one chick in high school who was the freak. Guys did not date her for a relationship. They just wanted their ding a lings wet.
     
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  35. Nigerian Prince

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    He actually in the Chi! No matter how big a city is, it is crazy how small the world can be
     
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