Black Gay Love

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by grownman, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. grownman

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    Hey guys, I know a lot of us have been feeling down about finding love. Some of us have grown cynical (hand raised). I decided to go on YouTube and watch the playlist of gay black love that I made and posted this. I wanted to give us some hope. Hope you enjoy. Let's keep our heads up guys. I'm out.

     
  2. Nick Delmacy

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  3. jusrawb

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    Just because I think we need to see more love
     
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  4. grownman

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  5. Nigerian Prince

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    I was talking to 2 straight friends of mine that are doing more dating now. I came out to them over the weekend and I told them how I have not even done as much as holding another man's hand. They told me it will happen but I just need to be more open to dating. I do want to date more in 2016. I think I might be taking the approach to relationships too seriously... I don't know...
     
  6. grownman

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    They told me it will happen but I just need to be more open to dating. I do want to date more in 2016. I think I might be taking the approach to relationships too seriously... I don't know

    I agree with your friends.
     
    #6 grownman, Dec 29, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
  7. NickAuzenneNOLA

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    Sad to read that, you would think a 13 year overall relationship could withstand most things. I think what happened is that the notoriety of their relationship probably brought on a lot of romantic attention from the outside world and they began to wonder if there is something better. I feel most guys aren't satisfied because they are always looking for the next best thing which is unfortunate. I had to really work on that when I began dating.
     
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  8. grownman

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    Here is another=as far as I know remain.
     
  9. OhSheit

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    @African King and I in 2016
    [​IMG]

    :ohhh: But for real though, they look about our age, what they doing with kids?
     
    #9 OhSheit, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
  10. acessential

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    lol. That's dirty. But for real. It might not be a good idea to look for inspiration from couples who post their entire relationship all over social media. They tend to be the most insecure. Can you say "overcompensating" and "underlying relationship problems?":

    Can You Tell That I’m in a Relationship? Attachment and Relationship Visibility on Facebook
     
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  11. bpaisle

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  13. BlackguyExecutive

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    [​IMG]

    We live in such a commodity culture. Always looking outward for hope and placing other human beings on pedestals to be admired and then are shocked when they don't live up to our expectations. I think relationships are hard work, first and foremost. I think people in relationships should maintain their own identities, just because you have a SO doesn't mean you need to be with them ALL THE TIME. People should recognize it is ok to have your own friends and interests. I think we live in a world now where oversharing has become the norm. Sure it is ok to share the occasional lovey dovey picture or your famous food porn. But I think, we need to restore PRIVACY. There are some things your friends, family, FB shouldn't have to know about your relationship.
     
  14. Nigerian Prince

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    hahaha I see. Roll on 2016!!!

    This is a common issue especially amongst gay men. I have not began dating yet but I have spoken to many gay men from Cypher Avenue when we met in person, via private message or with men on Apps that have come from ATL especially lol that feel this way. It is always about who got the better/bigger: penis, wallet, house, car, clothes, jewelry, and the list goes on. Also that conversation of gay men coming across a dude that has A, B & C but doesn't have D & E. Then they find said guy with D & E but are mad when that guy doesn't have A, B, C & F. It just becomes a revolving door. More people, str8 or gay/bi, need to learn more about the concept of 80%/20%. Learn to understand what you can live with and also what you cannot live without.

    LOL dude I know (of) about 3 gay black couples that got engaged out here in their 20s. No kids for any of the couples yet but some gays are doing it out here! If not kids then it is one or two yorkies lmbo.

    THANK YOU! I really want to come across a dude that is not about that life! You don't have to post EVERYTHING about what you're doing with your "bae". It just becomes too dang much! Just do you and of course you can express your happiness via social media but don't make it like a thing. Also, don't place regular human beings on a pedestal like they don't go through the same exact things that you as an individual and also other couples go through!
     
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  15. alton

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    I concur, my dude. I think majority of guys when they finally do get someone, almost always end up wanting something better. Be it because of tacky ass homo friends talkin' in their ear (probably the majority of cases... "Mmmppf Chyle please. You can do BETTA than huh' huney. I heard from Tay Tay that Marquis wanned ta holla at you. YAAAASS BYTCH! GAG!" smfh) , maybe they stepped up their game during the relationship and decide they need to upgrade their "arm candy", or it could just genuinely be that they're the type that will never be satisfied with one person. Some people (str8's included) are like that, constantly on the search for "bigger & better". I guess there's nothing wrong with that, but I just don't partake in that. If I really like someone it normally takes a LOT for me to not want to deal with said person anymore and to look for something "better". I've learned the hard way just because someone looks/ seems better than what you have, 9 times outta 10, they ain't.
     
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  16. grownman

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    W T F
    It was supposed to be a form of inspiration. I tried.
     
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  17. alton

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    Don't feel bad, man. Unfortunately dating among Gay {Blk/Ltn) Men is one of those things where all the "inspiration" in the world rarely trumps the harsh reality. Its like trying to inspire a cancer patient that they'll get better when most times its just not gonna happen. We see/show "inspiring" tales of Gay Black/Latino relationships but the truth is those tales are few and far between, and the ones that actually LAST are damn near non-existent. Most muhf@kaz are GOING to get sh!tted on numerous times by dudes, most of us have BEEN sh!tted on numerous times, and some of us will NEVER end up with anyone that will care for them. So, continue with the inspirational posts, they're very good, man, and probably are good for dudes like yourself and African King, but just know some muhf@kaz are too far gone to accept the "Glitter and Roses". LOL
     
  18. grownman

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    No, it ain't going down like that anymore. Well, I wasn't really talking about the couples. Although, I hate to hear that.

    I was talking about these negative long ass essay replies that I am getting. I thought it was supposed to be something to try pick those that are complaining about being single. But now, I turned back around and saying what-the=fuck ever. Never again, except for individuals that I connect with.
     
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  19. alton

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    Yea. It's f@#ked up, but this is and will always be a touchy subject. But just keep up the good fight, man. LOL Your post I'm sure touched the right people.
     
  20. grownman

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    Lol. It's all good. Thanks NY. I let it go.
     
  21. OhSheit

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    such negative nancys we are. Sorry bout that
     
  22. Jaa

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    In an attempt to make a more positive post, I looked for another example. Have you heard about the couple credited with being Namibia's first gay marriage? Here's a video where they talk about how they came together despite living in a country where their love is criminalized. They don't seem to have much of a social media presence as a couple but, just 4 days ago, Ricardo (a former Mr. Gay Namibia who personally takes lots of selfies) made a post on Instagram in which he called his husband "the prime minister of my heart" so they're presumably still together.



     
    #22 Jaa, Dec 30, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2015
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  23. grownman

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    Thanks man. I understand that relationships don't last. Hell, mine didn't of 5ys but- it can happen. It was as if some of them couldn't wait to tell me I was wrong. @ockydub was saying in his status that he wasn't on the site for a bit. He came back and saw all of those threads. I had been away as well. I told him that I was exhausted reading them playfully. I made a video playlist awhile ago on YouTube. That was one of them. My plan was to watch and enjoy. Take your ass to the next thread. Lol. Thanks Jaa-wonderful.
     
  24. OckyDub

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    100dap:umad:
     
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  25. SB3

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    Many black gay men don't get the experience of actual dating. Many gay men across many diff age groups have met a dude who seemed all good, n went all in, then, theys murrd now, and then *boom*. Its over. Go figure. In a social media obsessed culture that tries to tell u ur dead at 30 it's not strange and hard to understand why dating and all of this good love stuff isn't so easy.

    But cmon, did anyone here think gay in general was gonna be easy? I'll wait..

    Dating as a gay man is just another branch on that tree. In the meantime, we can all:

    -keep showing up. If u end up giving up on dating because Tyrone hurt u after that 2 week fling of hookups, go sit in the corner and dont come out til i tell u.
    -stop red flag hunting. Looking for reasons to say, 'i knew it, ur just like the rest'. If a dude does u wrong, remember, he was the jerk, not u, and move on.
    -stay in ur lane/be realistic w choosing potential prospects (in every way). Ig models are fun to look at n thirst trap, but some of yall just play too much.
    -stop looking for time fillers (spec. if u catch feelings fast, like, ur in love in a week, or u have a hard time letting guys down)
    -make time/do ur part. If u keep waiting until ur finally settled as a circuit court judge w 1.2 mill in ur rainy day fund, or ur still trying to lose that 40 lbs from 2002, all before u can go out and get lunch, stop playin. There are guys out here cool w various lanes of cushion, and those who dont need u to be a fabulous disposable income gay.
    -stay out of ur own way. (Kinda like the first 2, but they can quickly become a 2 or 3 piece combo if you allow them all to run together). But the point is that its ok to explore the potential, even if its not a lasting love connection. Its a small world.

    My name aint Iyanlo, but, I do think that a lot of these things block many young gay men from potential dating lives.

    Like we've all said b4, traditionally gays didnt get to experience their first heart break in high school, n then find that first real love in college, make it work for a few years after, before realizing theyd grown up, which is how our str8s typically got to do it on their way to adult dating lives.

    But. Tough cookies. Put ur big boy jockstrap on. I talk alot of shyt, but I have a lil experience, and Im no stranger to a date or 2.

    This went longer than I planned, but I guess Im saying that we cant run around dumbfounded becus social media couples didnt work out, regardless of how much we'd have like it to be different. Allowing ourselves to date, instead of keeping up w these struggle couples, is the first step toward not ending up on the same page.

    (I get it, this needed to be another thread, lol)
     
    #25 SB3, Dec 31, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2015
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  26. grownman

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    [​IMG]
     
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  27. Jaa

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    Iyanlo, heh. Perhaps you should keep that in mind in case you ever want to change your username.

    [​IMG]
     
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  28. Nigerian Prince

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    I LOVE THESE TWO!!! Seen them on social media and YouTube a while back! #AfricanGayRelationshipGoals
     
  29. Nigerian Prince

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    PREACH!!!

    You've told me some of these things over and over again. I have not always felt ready and other times I think I do feel ready. 2016 has to be different when it comes to dating!!! No expectations = no disappointments!
     
  30. SB3

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    I was def thinking about u on the obvious one lol
     
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  31. Nick Delmacy

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    REALIST RESPONSE: I'm not actually jaded. I think Black Gay Love is definitely possible, and its good to try to have a positive outlook on it...but you also have to be a realist. Words from guys like @alton may be a little harsh but there is some truth to them. Its not all roses and hallmark cards out here in these streets.

    There are fewer of us than straight people and most of us are VERY picky (masculine only, gotta be tall, no total bottoms, no total tops, live near me, be around my age, gotta have a car, gotta be this, gotta be that, etc etc). Then there's this:

    [​IMG]

    We put a lot of "good dudes" in the friend zone because we keep subconsciously seeking something sexier, wealthier, smarter, funnier, etc.

    I'm not even the most experienced but I attack the game just as that: a game with winners and losers. As much as there are good hearted, well intentioned dudes out there, there are also the playboys, the just-passing-the-timers, the liars, the many-dude-jugglers, the cheaters, the sociopaths, the STD carriers, the deadbeat co-dependency seekers, the list goes on...

    True, heterosexuals go through the SAME SHYT, but its def diff for us Gay and (gay leaning) bisexual men (that was for you @NickAuzenneNOLA). We have fewer options, we have a harder time meeting men in traditional ways than heterosexuals do, and we often get in our own way from being either too impatient or too disconnected from real human interactions (ie: only communicating through texting and messaging on apps).

    But just being real, in all honesty, I have yet to see a black gay couple in nature fit what I would consider equivalent to a heterosexual couple in love. Oh sure, I see guys who look like best buddies, guys who like like civil business partners, guys who look like good roommates....but they don't look like they're in LOVE. Not like I've seen from straight couples. Maybe that's just my perception.

    Having said that, I do think it's possible to achieve...it may take an entire lifetime going through MANY duds, but its possible.
     
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  32. OckyDub

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    Is gay love supposed to look like heterosexual love...if so what does that look like and further more...what does love look like? Why is a "heterosexual couple in love" the standard or basis of gay love? Isn't this (to use a queer studies term) the embodiment of "heteronormative?"

    Being our past conversation with this topic, your honesty with me was refreshing but still a bit insulting (it is what it is) nonetheless your focus was on what wasn't vs on what it was/is supposed to look like to you. Do you know or is your vision reality or a fantasy.

    From my own experience with people, outside of sexuality, I see no fundamental differences between hetero and homo relationships. AND I understand having models or benchmarks, but maybe the focus should be on the type of relationship you personally want vs what someone else's relationship appears to be.

    P.S. in my current tipsy state, I'm not able to find a pic or gif as a co-sign to my message. HAPPY NEW YEAR FUKERS :)
     
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  33. OckyDub

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    Just an observation...this conversation comes off as if we are "chasing" something. Talking about it is cool but reading everyone's comments, it seems many of us are working from a position of deficiency...of lack. Notice I said "US" because I'm included...again just an observation.
     
  34. Nick Delmacy

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    Yeah we're both different individuals so we both see the world very differently. I never said that hetero love was the standard, but in my lifetime it has been the only examples of what I imagine to be "love" looking like. It might just be a fantasy, but I've seen that fantasy actually materialized into reality more within heterosexual couples than with gay couples, both real and fictionalized. I can only speak on my experience and what I see...Many times once you take the magical gay "real 3D" glasses off, you see the screen actually looks like shit.
     
  35. OckyDub

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    ...but again with statements you have made to other "gay" situations "straight people go through this too." I understand you see...hell we see... more positive or standards of relationships via a str8 lens but to be fair media (books, movies, reality tv, on and on) show buckets loads of dysfunctional str8 relationships, regardless if its boyfriend/girlfriend or marriages.

    This kinda reminds me (not a personal attack on you) how it seems some POC act like white ice is colder. Almost half of str8 marriages end...AND many str8's have multiple failed marriages. Why should / are they used as a standard or benchmark?

    P.S. imma get my pic/gif game together after this here second drink
     
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