Best Posts in Thread: Black Gay Love

Hey guys, I know a lot of us have been feeling down about finding love. Some of us have grown cynical (hand raised). I decided to go on YouTube and watch the playlist of gay black love that I made and posted this. I wanted to give us some hope. Hope you enjoy. Let's keep our heads up guys. I'm out.

 

Many black gay men don't get the experience of actual dating. Many gay men across many diff age groups have met a dude who seemed all good, n went all in, then, theys murrd now, and then *boom*. Its over. Go figure. In a social media obsessed culture that tries to tell u ur dead at 30 it's not strange and hard to understand why dating and all of this good love stuff isn't so easy.

But cmon, did anyone here think gay in general was gonna be easy? I'll wait..

Dating as a gay man is just another branch on that tree. In the meantime, we can all:

-keep showing up. If u end up giving up on dating because Tyrone hurt u after that 2 week fling of hookups, go sit in the corner and dont come out til i tell u.
-stop red flag hunting. Looking for reasons to say, 'i knew it, ur just like the rest'. If a dude does u wrong, remember, he was the jerk, not u, and move on.
-stay in ur lane/be realistic w choosing potential prospects (in every way). Ig models are fun to look at n thirst trap, but some of yall just play too much.
-stop looking for time fillers (spec. if u catch feelings fast, like, ur in love in a week, or u have a hard time letting guys down)
-make time/do ur part. If u keep waiting until ur finally settled as a circuit court judge w 1.2 mill in ur rainy day fund, or ur still trying to lose that 40 lbs from 2002, all before u can go out and get lunch, stop playin. There are guys out here cool w various lanes of cushion, and those who dont need u to be a fabulous disposable income gay.
-stay out of ur own way. (Kinda like the first 2, but they can quickly become a 2 or 3 piece combo if you allow them all to run together). But the point is that its ok to explore the potential, even if its not a lasting love connection. Its a small world.

My name aint Iyanlo, but, I do think that a lot of these things block many young gay men from potential dating lives.

Like we've all said b4, traditionally gays didnt get to experience their first heart break in high school, n then find that first real love in college, make it work for a few years after, before realizing theyd grown up, which is how our str8s typically got to do it on their way to adult dating lives.

But. Tough cookies. Put ur big boy jockstrap on. I talk alot of shyt, but I have a lil experience, and Im no stranger to a date or 2.

This went longer than I planned, but I guess Im saying that we cant run around dumbfounded becus social media couples didnt work out, regardless of how much we'd have like it to be different. Allowing ourselves to date, instead of keeping up w these struggle couples, is the first step toward not ending up on the same page.

(I get it, this needed to be another thread, lol)

 

W T F
It was supposed to be a form of inspiration. I tried.

 

This is how I see myself finding my future partner lol

 

REALIST RESPONSE: I'm not actually jaded. I think Black Gay Love is definitely possible, and its good to try to have a positive outlook on it...but you also have to be a realist. Words from guys like @alton may be a little harsh but there is some truth to them. Its not all roses and hallmark cards out here in these streets.

There are fewer of us than straight people and most of us are VERY picky (masculine only, gotta be tall, no total bottoms, no total tops, live near me, be around my age, gotta have a car, gotta be this, gotta be that, etc etc). Then there's this:



We put a lot of "good dudes" in the friend zone because we keep subconsciously seeking something sexier, wealthier, smarter, funnier, etc.

I'm not even the most experienced but I attack the game just as that: a game with winners and losers. As much as there are good hearted, well intentioned dudes out there, there are also the playboys, the just-passing-the-timers, the liars, the many-dude-jugglers, the cheaters, the sociopaths, the STD carriers, the deadbeat co-dependency seekers, the list goes on...

True, heterosexuals go through the SAME SHYT, but its def diff for us Gay and (gay leaning) bisexual men (that was for you @NickAuzenneNOLA). We have fewer options, we have a harder time meeting men in traditional ways than heterosexuals do, and we often get in our own way from being either too impatient or too disconnected from real human interactions (ie: only communicating through texting and messaging on apps).

But just being real, in all honesty, I have yet to see a black gay couple in nature fit what I would consider equivalent to a heterosexual couple in love. Oh sure, I see guys who look like best buddies, guys who like like civil business partners, guys who look like good roommates....but they don't look like they're in LOVE. Not like I've seen from straight couples. Maybe that's just my perception.

Having said that, I do think it's possible to achieve...it may take an entire lifetime going through MANY duds, but its possible.

 

We live in such a commodity culture. Always looking outward for hope and placing other human beings on pedestals to be admired and then are shocked when they don't live up to our expectations. I think relationships are hard work, first and foremost. I think people in relationships should maintain their own identities, just because you have a SO doesn't mean you need to be with them ALL THE TIME. People should recognize it is ok to have your own friends and interests. I think we live in a world now where oversharing has become the norm. Sure it is ok to share the occasional lovey dovey picture or your famous food porn. But I think, we need to restore PRIVACY. There are some things your friends, family, FB shouldn't have to know about your relationship.

 

@African King and I in 2016


But for real though, they look about our age, what they doing with kids?

 

The Gay Kappa Divorce | inside jamari fox

The Gay Kappa Wedding Guys Are Headed To Divorce Court

(LOL I couldn't resist, good idea for a thread though)