Brokeback Boy: TOO Much Baggage

That is sad..hoping for the best for him. I too had an encounter with someone right before the New Year. A guy on whisper of all places messaged me after a post I had put up about being gay. He was 17 and had gone through a lot already, physically, emotionally...really felt for him and told him he could message me any time of he needed to talk. Haven't heard from him since the New Year, might see how he's doing.

There was never any intention of a relationship, just two guys discussing life problems but to answer your question if I were to meet someone with lots of baggage at this point in my life I wouldn't be interested romantically. I know that sounds bad and I do care about others and their problems it's just that it depends. Growing up I (like everyone) have had my fair share of problems, but one thing about me is that I've always been the type of person to attract people that cling to you need they see you care about their issues and quite frankly it can be exhausting. I was the one that would talk to the weird kid everyone else ignored or always be the one cheering people up when I saw they were down and Helping others when no one else would. Not saying this to brag but to drive home the point that at some point I would like to be the one being encouraged for once..or least let it be equal like you said. I feel like in most of my relationships (non romantic) I do a lot of the work. No one's perfect and especially as gay men there's bound to be some kind of past drama to deal with...but I don't want the reason I continue a romantic relationship with you is due to me feeling sorry for you or obligated. Does any of that make sense?

 

Hmm, to share an anecdote with you. I once was feeling a dude (rare I know) that was HIV+. What's funny is that it seemed to be heavier on him rather than me. According to him, he couldn't "let loose" around me, he was always on guard to "protect" me from him. His mental state is what did it for us, he just couldn't get pass being on guard with me which was stressful for him.

I don't think I have enough experience to know what's "too much baggage" except for the basics of being on somewhat even territory. But I think I can work with someone who's progressively working to progress themselves.

 

I think everyone has their threshold. For some having children may be too much baggage, or maybe having too many exes. Everyone has their limit and we must not guilt those that express those limits unapologetically.

Baggage to me is relative. One persons mess can be another's masterpiece.

I think everyone has tried to save someone or saw more in their partner than they saw in themselves. I think that's common but I also think we have to learn to invest into a person that's investing in themselves and stop trying to will someone to be great. I've been guilty of that.

 

I was actually in a very similar situation. I was talking to this HIV+ dude for a while. It took a little bit to adjust, but after a while I was cool with it. The problem was, he never was. He was so wrapped up in it that he could never fully accept himself. It's understandable. That's a major event. But I couldn't be there to constantly pick up the pieces every single time. I would never leave someone I truly cared for because they were suffering from a mental health issue, but I felt like he wasn't even trying to better himself. He would just wallow in it and then expect me to fix it. It was exhausting and I couldn't deal with it, so it ended. That's where the problem layed.

In terms of baggage generally, everyone has it. I don't think you're going to find someone who is 100% okay no matter who they are or what they look like. It comes down to whether or not they have a personal commitment to self-growth. It's okay to be there to support your dude and help him out in difficult situations, but it should never get to the point where it feels like you're carrying the entire burden or they rely on you to fix everything. That's a recipe for an unhealthy codependent relationship.