Growing Up Around Mostly Woman

I would say that what happen to you was more because of the person your mother was and not really a "women thing" no disrespect as I don't know her so I can't go off by anything other than what you said happened.
Secondly, try talking to her about some of these things she herself may not have realized what she was doing to you; parents don't always see how the the things she was doing effected you.
If she doesn't want to talk about or acknowledged any wrongdoing well then your going to have to decide what to do about if you want her in your life.
As far as the anger issues I would try and find a good family therapist or counselor as your anger stems from family issues just know it may take awhile to find the right one and that there is nothing wrong with you it's natural to feel anger at parents especially when we feel they did not help or provide us with the emotional support we needed.
Good luck to you

 

You are not alone

 

I can understand your point of view having been raised by a single mother and only having a sister. Women think differently than men and I don't think most single women can effectively make their sons into men. My mom made many of the typical mistakes and like you once I became a teenager I shut down and bottled things up. Fortunately for me I did have an uncle to steer me in the right direction but in many ways I was still in the dark and left to my own devices. It took me until my mid 20s to figure out how to handle myself as a man. Also my situation was complicated by the fact that I'm gay. My mom was not equipped to prepare me for the reality of being a gay black man. That was something I had to figure out on my own.

What you need to to do is find a constructive physical outlet for your aggression. Also your gonna have to learn to push back against your mother especially when she's in the wrong. You're gonna have to establish your independence early and leave the her house if you haven't already done so. I didn't become independent until I left home for good at 21. Once you're gone your mother can't exert any authority you and your sister can't undermine you either.

Check out this article I'm sure many men raised by single moms will recognize these destructive behaviors in their own mothers.
Shawn James, Black Freelance Writer: Ways Single Mothers Destroy Their Sons

 

i grew up in a house with a single mum and 4 of my mothers sisters. And i think it did make me a very soft, but it did also teach me how to care for people. I only really started interacting with other boys when i was in high school when went to boarding school. I think the main thing is to try and achieve a balance and interact with both sides. In the end its up to you to keep the traits that you feel define you.

 

I grew up around mostly women in my household. The way how it has affected me is that I don't have any
misogynistic feelings towards women. I would have done the same thing in your case if it was my sister too. You were not to know that she would have ran off to see her boyfriend. Anything could have happened to her at a theme park that you were both new to. If she had had an accident or worse, your mom may have had a go for you not looking out for her. I don't know your mom personally so forgive me for been out of place for saying that. It seems that you would have been damned if you do damned if you don't. Again, sorry if I have spoken out of place.

 

I grew up with both parents and a fairly evenly split extended family, but spent more time with women because dad worked odd hours and they often seemed more outwardly warm and inquisitive (or nosy).

My family didn't make me particularly fond of men or women. I felt somewhat distant from the men because the easiest to way to reach many of them is sports and I was more interested in nerdy stuff. I used to wonder if my mother would be better off without my father because she would talk about wanting nicer things and sometimes complained about his behavior, while my father seemed content as long as he had food, water (and soda or juice) and cable TV. I wondered if he held her back and she merely settled for him, even if she seemed happy and talked about him always making her laugh. I don't recall him doing much to make me a man other than wanting but not pushing me to play sports. Maybe it was indirect. I think we'd be closer if I were an athlete.

Thinking about it, a few of my single mother relatives often seem to have harsher attitudes than other women in my family. I don't know if it's because they had a harder life or feel shit on by society or what, but they tend to be touchier and less pleasant than those who were married at some point. Despite my relative distance from male relatives, maybe I've been indirectly affected by a large male presence in my family.

But I wasn't particularly fond of male or female relatives. I was a kinda soft kid and didn't feel like I strongly related to either. Men seemed relatively limited and aggressive and I felt like I often failed to meet their standards. I was baffled by some women's interest in shopping and materialism when they speak of having no money or being in debt, the gossip about certain relatives, and the way some had kids while young and financially unsound. They seemed somewhat illogical and mean in different ways. And some of the men were also illogical and materialistic but about different things and in ways that fit their standards, and some of the women were just as aggressive. I felt uncomfortable around both because I liked guys and was a weird, loner kid, in general.

My experience lead me to see people more as individuals rather than the social groups they're part of because I have myself as an example of someone who just doesn't fit in with most people. I also kept a lot of things to myself because I felt people didn't want to hear about it. Never hurt myself but have had the thought, "I wouldn't mind (peacefully) dying early but I won't actively make it happen."

Everyone just seems to be varying levels of flawed. I have had more male than female friends. They're somewhat rare, but I encounter more who share my interests or vibe with me.

 

I feel lucky to have grown up with the ideal dysfunctional childhood.

With the exception of my Uncle's influence, I grew mostly around and taking care of females.
My Father and I were never close and he gave me the basics, which as an adult I appreciate but it was my Mother that instilled most of the ethics, values and philosophies that shaped me, like working hard for what you want to achieve and standing by my word or doing the right as opposed to the easy thing, were handed down from her and served me more than "do what I say or else."

There wasn't much materialism from her, the most important things to her was a decent, safe roof over our heads and the ability to travel during vacation time.

From 12 to 17, I had 24/7 - 365 full responsibility for my younger Sister and my Grandmother who was losing her faculties. Two age extremes.

My Mother always stressed that fair or not, it was the hand I was dealt so suck it up and deal with it.
Not what or how my Father handled problems.
Realistically if my Father had been more of a presence or influence in my life, I don't think I'd very much like the person I might have become.

My Mother wasn't perfect but she was strong and loving without being an overbearing smotherer. I'll always appreciate everything she gave me mentally, emotionally and physically.

 

I grew up with my mom, aunts, and grandmother, but I don't see any negative results from that. I didn't grow up "soft" or effeminate (not that those are "negative" traits.) Any anger issues I currently have are totally apart from my living situation growing up. I don't resent not having my father around, never once missed him, and I'm not "seeking him out" in a potential partner. As far as my mom "not being fully capable of raising a man", shit, she did a damn good job in my opinion. The only "side effect" I could maybe think of is that I generally don't relate to a lot of stupid shit that guys do and say, that are just considered to be "Guy Things". General objectification of women and general "shit talkin'" being two of those things. Sitting watching sports being another. I'll play sports in a heart beat, but I'm not sittin' around in a room with a bunch of dudes, watchin' another bunch of dudes fall all over each other on the TV (and most likely having to dodge offhanded gay slurs being tossed around the room by these same guys watching other guys basically dry hump one another) Majority of my friends growing up also had single mothers raising them, and we were all pretty much of the same mindset, difference being they were ALL sports fanatics.
So yeah, to the author of this post, like @Jdudre mentioned, it may just be the type of relationship you had with your mom/sister more so than just growin' up around women.

 

I grew up in a single parent home-raised by mom as well. I use to resent it because my male cousins and friends were tougher than me. I said in another post how that and not having name brand clothes made me a target.

The cons: wanted to join "boy" type activities like, boy scouts and sports etc. My mom did not have the money to allow me into those things. She was also scared of me getting hurt. I was soft and scary. I had to have my cousins fight for me when picked on. I became harder as I got older and able to make decisions and friends for myself. I started to fight for myself, curse(Christian mom was not having it), skipped school-trying to do all of the "manly" things. I tried to play basketball and sucked dog balls at it. I also joined the Boys and Girls Club-that was the best thing for me. It caused me to stand up.

The pros: Raised by a single mom helped me to understand women and to respect them. I started getting attention from girls but didn't want them and tried my best to put them in friend category. Lol. I also, no how to accept men who are soft and not to judge. However, it has caused me to be resistant to hyper masculine men. If I sense a inkling of dominance over me. I lash out. I only want someone on the same level masculine or softer.

 

I grew up with both parents but mainly gravitated toward my mother and aunts. One thing i will say is It has made me more comfortable around women than men though. Men that are uber-masculine make me a tad bit nervous and cause me to have anxiety. I wouldn't say it has affected be for the worse though.

 

Well naturally I have to be the odd one out. I had both parents, I had two older brothers. My mother stayed home from work(she left a lucrative job at Batelle Institute to marry my factory worker father)until I was eleven. Mom was not very 'girly' and besides my little girlfriend in elementary school, I was surrounded by guys. My brothers, their friends, neighbor guys, my father's friends. My own friends besides the one girl were boys. I tried to hang a bit with some of the neighborhood girls but we just did not click. After elementary school I did not have a female friend until my senior year in high school.

With some notable exceptions, I have trouble with women. They never gravitated to me, I never really missed them, and as an adult the most problems I have had(especially at work) have been with women-most of them just do not take well to me. I have zero female friends now. None.

Really Super loud posturing overly masculine men do make me feel a bit uncomfortable because I may feel a bit inferior, but I usually just tell myself they probably don't have a brain in their heads, beat their wives/girlfriends, have little d@cks and shrunken nuts due to steroids, so I end up not caring.

 

I grew up a little different, I had both parents but they parented very differently. Both my parents were in the military. I have two younger brothers. My mom was more disciplinarian, the drill sergeant. My dad was a little softer but he had a command that I feared for some reason, looking back I don't really know what it was. He was always nice to us and supported us and did the traditional dad things. I was always closer to my mom and my grandma. I don't really see any effects from that. I come from a very liberal but religious family so I had a lot of exposure to a lot of different people and personalities. I am THANKFUL for that. I think I get my calmness from my dad. He is always smooth and level headed. I think I get more of my go-getter personality from my mom, I also have a quick temper (which I have worked on over the years) that I get from both my mom and grandma. They both can be hot headed at times. I routinely find little things that I do that I get from my parents and the community I grew up in.

 

I really do wish I had grown up around more women and girls. Not doing so has actually hurt me later in life in certain ways I think.

 

How so? Specify.

 

In my adult life I have had more problems by far with women in school and at work than any other group. More specifically, straight black women. I have had to leave jobs and even withdraw from school(I basically was driven out) because of problems with straight black women. This has not happened with any other group, including any black men, or any black lesbians who have always seemed to be cool with me. And this is not all straight black women, just some. But the problems were huge and I just have never encountered anything like it, and maybe if I had been around more women or even more black women I might have been able to head off some of the trouble. I don't know.

Also, these particular women were fine with me initially because they thought I was straight. The problems started when they found out I was gay. And they did find out eventually because I have not gone through what I have gone through to be in a damn closet.

* this is not an attempt to bash black women. This is certainly not all black women, just certain black women.

I have worked with and for some terrific black women and also there were some very special black women who tried to intervene on my behalf in the school matter, and I very much appreciated their support.

 

I was raised by a single mom, with a sister. For approximately first half of my life (ages 0 - 18) I was around mostly females, I still don't understand them. I find women in general be perplexing and often nonsensical in their thoughts and actions. You or I are not unique. Most men(with exception of probably effeminate gays) in my experience are baffled by women. Also I'm going to let you in on an open secret most heterosexual black women hate masculine gay black men. They love effeminate gays.....and treat them like one of the girls. But if you're a masculine black gay man(especially if you're physically attractive) straight black women will despise you. It's nothing you've done personally so get that thought out your head. They hate what you represent, which is dick they can't have and the problem is made worse by the shortage of marriage marriagable black men.

 

I am not a black man and I don't know why it was. I have always thought of myself when it comes to gay as 'regular'. I am not femme but to me 'masculine' kind of meant he-man jock type dripping testosterone and that was not me either. Just kind of a regular guy. And I don't think it was any attraction.

I had a boss who had advanced degrees, was very good at her job, and she was ok with me when she hired me. Just ok with me, nothing special. When she found out I was gay, BAM! the change was instant and she made my life a living hell until I quit (good thing, just afterwards and after I had found a better job, the whole department was fired).

I went back to school not that long ago, and something happened (after I had said that, no I am not married and I do not have kids..I am gay) that was a minor misunderstanding and it exploded into my being anti-woman. When that did not work, they went for the jugular and claimed I was racist and filed a complaint.

To decent white people, being called a racist in this context is about equal to being called a murderer and probably only slightly better than being called a child molester. Even if the charges are dropped or you are acquitted, the label sticks and it can absolutely ruin you. I was just floored. I mean floored /jaw on the floor floored. Even though people came to my defense(including some other very nice black women), I had to leave-things would only have gotten worse. They were relentless in a way I have never seen before and made some serious threats to the point that the administration did not know what to do or think so I arranged to withdraw and then come back-it was near the end so I waited until they were gone to go back. A pain in the @ss but worth it in a way.

I had never had a woman who was taller than me, bigger than me, and possibly stronger than me get right up in my face and threaten me and basically demand to have a physical fight. I had not even imagined such a thing. And me being me, I did not back down and basically was like 'ok..come at me and we are on'- I was not going to hit her first but I will not just be threatened and do nothing. These women were determined and relentless in a way I have never seen with any women I had ever been around-or even any men I have been around. I had never imagined something like this happening to me as an adult. Maybe with a man, but with a woman? WTF?

I still have not made any sense of it.

* sorry this is long, but I just wanted to explain what happened.

 

That still doesn't change my assessment. Black people in general tend to be very homophobic (it's not PC to say that, fuck being PC it's the truth). Many black women aren't any exception to this. I'm not surprised someone launched into you being "anti-woman" then called you a racist. A lot of straight black women think gay men of all colors are "anti-woman." I distinctly remember my own mother going on a homosexual men are anti-woman tirade more than once before I came out. As for being called a racist why let that get under your skin? If you're not a racist don't let it bother you.

 

But that is like someone saying 'If you are not a child molester, don't let getting accused of being a child molester bother you'. Nothing like that had ever happened to me, being accused of that and in such a despicable way. I have seen people accused like that and have seen them shunned. I am not kidding. Shunned-by other whites. And with all the rest of it, I did not want it to get worse. That woman wanted to fight my ass in the middle of a damn classroom!...I don't think she expected me to stand up to her-when I did she went screaming out of the room in search of someone to file a complaint with. But she was not the only one-there was a whole group of them. I needed to end that and keep it from growing into something even worse. The whole thing was just crazy.

I am not questioning your assessment. I just was unaware of any of this. The work thing just pissed me off(so she was a bigot, fuk her, it worked out better for me anyway) but the school thing just blew. me. away. I am over it now and I am not going to let that bad experience color(no pun intended) my viewpoints.

I am just going to tell them from now on 'yeah I got kids...5 of them, and I don't take care of any of their @sses and I am wayyy behind on child support."

 

I think I don't have a very good understanding of how women think maybe? It has led to some misunderstandings and worse. (see above posts). Also I did not have a multicultural upbringing at all. I think I would have been better off being exposed to not just women, but a diversity of women and men.