Hasn't Been On A Date Since 1998?

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by mojoreece, Jul 23, 2016.

  1. mojoreece

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    So I was browsing the internet and came upon Terrell J. Starr's video post for MadameNoire. Even though its geared toward the heterosexual crowd, I feel that I might be just like him. Im in my late 20's and never been in any kind of relationship. I don't necessarily feel bad about it cause Im busy doing me right now. But I do worry that when I start legit dating (which might be in my early to mid 30's) the ppl Im dating would have so much more experiences and life lessons (and baggage) I would feel like Im in grade school. What are your thoughts? Comments etc. ......
     
    #1 mojoreece, Jul 23, 2016
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  2. mojoreece

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    On a side note I think Mr. Starr has some good face angles. Just saying ... lol:yeshrug:

    upload_2016-7-23_0-52-15.jpeg upload_2016-7-23_0-52-27.jpeg upload_2016-7-23_0-52-51.jpeg
     
    #2 mojoreece, Jul 23, 2016
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  3. Nick Delmacy

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    One thing he said that I never really thought about from the way that he articulated it was the social media aspect, how it can actually help broaden your options as well as help you not waste each other's time.

    I'm old school so I do like courting and the process and learning about the other person as you date, so I feel that the social media connection eliminates a lot of that...which is why I wrote this:

    Giving Up The Keys To The Social Media Vault

    BUT the way Terrell discussed it, it kinda does make sense to see if this person is compatible with interests and personality ahead of time instead of weeks, months down the line.

    As far as expanding the options via social media...like Terrell, I've heard many Openly gay men say that they've gotten a lot of DMs from other gay men (as well as DL men) because they've put out there on FB, TW and IG that they are gay and available. Kinda like advertising.

    I guess it also helps if you have a dope body and show it off a little...
     
  4. mojoreece

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    I also think one of the reason Terrell is not in a relationship is based on that he spent most of 20's focused on education and other self interest purists. He has a BA and 2 masters degrees one being in Eastern European langues Russian etc. He also did a peace corps stint and did a full bright in Ukraine. He also stated in a one of his previous articles that his income level that:

    " I don’t have an issue with my financial status; it is something, however, that I find many women care about, and it makes me not even try to put myself out there at all because I feel I won’t measure up in their Excel dating-requirements spreadsheet

    You don’t hear us discussing it often because we’d have to admit to our fears of not feeling valued because we aren’t where we are “supposed to be in life.............

    While I’m more than happy with myself, most women could care less that I speak several weird languages they’ll never understand, am a good person, have a promising writing career and can carry on a stimulating conversation, if they don’t find my income attractive."

    So I can see why he would want to 1st connect with ppl on social media/online 1st to see if they would a match based on his particular interests and OK with him being a struggling writer.
     
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  5. @yahoo.com

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    Child Please... he is single because he is gay. Here are my cues. And i am always right, from friends I went to college with to co-workers. Watch it for yourselves and pick up on it!

    1. He never said he was not gay. He was asked if he was gay - but he did not deny or say that he was not.
    2. He never used gender specific pronouns - he said people throughout the video in relation to his mate!!!
    3. His mannerisms. Ive seen those a lot at house parties, sunday brunch, all over atlanta and on RuPauls Drag race.

    Listen... He is GAY and that is why he is not dating. And these gullible, lonely ass black women are drudging him into the spot light as their way of trying to find out why someone so eligible does not want them or to date them... Its simple. He likes the intimate company of a man. Sorry Ladies.

    Question - do y'all think he is a top or bottom? LOL -
     
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  6. Winston Smith

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    Yeah, I see your point. He's right to a certain degree. There are some black women (and men) who scope the bank account without consideration of the other things you've been engaged with. I went through that in my hetero days. But to your point, if he's not gay, I know there are plenty of women NOT like that and he is more likely to find them quicker through social media as opposed to the old fashioned courting process that someone like me or Nick prefers. But if Grindr/Tindr had been available when I was in college, I could have saved myself so much hoodrat-heartbreak with females.

    Gay or straight, I hope he eventually connects with someone who values him as a young, educated articulated brother and realizes he's still YET to reach his professional pinnacle and potential.
     
  7. mojoreece

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    As a gay man I think its dangerous when we try to claim that some is gay by "mannerisms". The only way to know is to simply (in a nice way if your close to the person) ask if their gay. Some" Renaissance" men who enjoy non traditional masculine things would be considered "gay" by some ppl standards.

    Gay/bi or not I still can relate to him not being on a legit date for a long time. I'm interested in discussing the reasons behind this. As well as the struggles for a person who is near 30's (or later in age) just beginning to learn how to date when the ppl your dating have light years of experience already.
     
    #7 mojoreece, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016
  8. Nick Delmacy

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    I was gonna say the same thing. True, the dude instantly gave me a Gay Vibe but the more he talked the more I figured he was just one of those cultured, intellectual heterosexual black guys who just isn't hyper-masculine. Based on that, I can see him both not finding the type of non-stereotypical black woman that stimulates him and be oblivious to the advances of uncultured black chicks just looking for peen & baby daddies.
     
  9. mojoreece

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    See that's what Im talking about the struggle lol. Him being in his mid 30's; ppl prob already have a made-up impression of him already. So for him it will be harder for him break through these impressions. Since his job heavily involves the media and being behind a computer its prob easier (and find dating more success) to just meet ppl online. I guess the struggle is real out here for everyone straight or gay lol. I think the reality is that characteristics about my age, income, job, masculinity level, interest, looks, etc. will effect how ppl see me. Its just something to be aware and be prepared for when I start dating.
     
  10. OckyDub

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    Toxic femininity and feminism (influences) is the reason why women and many black gay queer men care about another man's pockets. If you're not asking for my money, why is your personal finances my issue or concern during the courting dating process?

    This is an outdated sexist "can he be a good provider" way of thinking and for me its grosser in a man.
     
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  11. OckyDub

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    Also...do I think he is gay...YES. Do I think he is homosexual...NO.
     
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  12. mojoreece

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    I think it has more do with a Patriarchy, capitalism, class-ism and elitism. I mean wanting to know a ballpark figure of what a person makes is a legit honest (maybe not right away but like the 7th date lol). Basing a person's whole worth/value on money is something else and a bad thing to do. But if your trying to figure out what your life and lifestyle will be like with that person, sadly the way society has it set up, money will be a big factor. Most people who have done well for themselves financially want a partner who has enough money (and/or potential resources/skills) to maintain a lifestyle to which they have become accustomed to. Money does determine what activities you be able to do while dating (damn capitalist world lol)

    And the elitism privileged thing. I know among some upwardly mobile black folks social status is everything. People have written whole books and did academic research on it lol. Black folks who's main goal in life is marrying up and only socializing with people of a current social and financial "status". To be that's more toxic especially for black folks (my peoples). At least women-ism (geared more for black women) is trying to create independent black women who can choose whoever they want to be with which contraindicates Patriarchy. Its still hard for ppl to let go of the class-ist elitism stuff though.
     
  13. mojoreece

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    So you think he is bi or pan-sexual? :lupe1:
     
  14. Nick Delmacy

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    I think you both have strayed off topic somewhat. But, playing along, remember there is a difference between men and women when it comes to finances. Women can be penniless and still considered a catch, gay men can not. The expectation, even in this post-feminist society, is for the man to provide for his family, whether or not the woman is employed.

    True, many women are the breadwinners of a lot of families (my sister's family, for one)...but for gay men, they want to be "equally yoked," whatever that means. It's typically for social status and appearances.

    @mojoreece said, "Most people who have done well for themselves financially want a partner who has enough money (and/or potential resources/skills) to maintain a lifestyle to which they have become accustomed to." But like @Ockydub mentioned, if you are still making the same amount of money and he's not in your pockets, how is the lifestyle that you're accustomed to being compromised? Unless what they actually want is an UPGRADE on the lifestyle that they are accustomed to, which is the case for many black gay men in Atlanta, DC, Houston, Los Angeles, etc.
     
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  15. OckyDub

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    I was being cheeky in my comment. I have no problem believing or accepting that he is heterosexual. His mannerisms, his speech pattern and tone are fem gay leaning.

    If he was gay, I would think that after a couple of drinks "girl" and "child" would supplement his vocabulary during casual conversation.
     
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  16. SB3

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    I might be over-simplifying this (oh well) but it's just not that hard for a straight black man to date! I had a 'great' dating life (for being closeted and in denial). Mid 30's, educated, handsome...please! I can only assume he wants some attention w this. Black women would go on American Ninja Warrior to find a guy w these attributes. This just doesn't make any sense, to me.
     
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  17. OckyDub

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    Unless:
    *Cohabitation is involved outside of a roommate scenario.
    *Marriage is on the table after a long term relationship has been in place.
    *Or the person is specifically discussing and disclosing their financial earnings to you.

    In my opinion, under no other circumstances should you be concerned about how much money a man is making. Now I can understand having a curiosity but curiosity is not concern. As the saying goes "what you eat don't make me sh!t"

    Straight women who think like this, even though I disagree I understand. Straight men and gay men who think like this are nutts. This is patriarchal matriarchal male ego antiquated outdated sexist ways of thinking that is pushed by women and fem gays.

    Like I've stated previously hypocritical feminism and queer fem gays are teaching homosexual men how to be better women.
     
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  18. OckyDub

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    I does to me. I believe in the original piece he wrote for the ROOT and in the interview, he is speaking to quality of quantity. Cypher Ave is full of eligible dudes in his same position for one reason or another.

    Words over a computer screen or on a dating profile and interacting in person are not the same thing of course.

    Maybe from the BLACK female's perspective as paranoid as many Black women are about Black men being gay and DL, I think many Black women would meet this dude and watch him, look for queues (mannerisms, slight lisp, hand gestures, pronoun usage) and come to the same conclusion that some here have stated...he is gay, confused, DL or bisexual. AND "this nigga aint making no money" (their thoughts).
     
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  19. SB3

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    I think that is a huuuge generalization. Most of the blk women I know aren't bosip comment trolls. The only thing that would make me seriously question dude's sexuality is the fact that he's educated, handsome, mid 30s, and single!

    Maybe I'm partial, living in NY, but I know sooo many single women who are looking for this. Hell, I'm a bartender, I'm way less traveled and degree'd than this guy, and it was the same story. 'You're educated, ur handsome, a nice guy...why are you single?' If I was straight...

    I know for a lot of these women they're as bad as gay men when it comes to the obsession w trying to be a 'power/status' couple, but there are a lot of women who just want a solid dude bringing some solids to the table (like many of us).

    I didn't read his original piece, but I do know that a man w his resume has waaay more options than the women he's choosing from.
     
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  20. OckyDub

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    ...the women he is choosing.

    Well like he said, maybe he isn't dating properly but if you pick an educated corporate black woman, they want you to be on their level or above financially so you can be equally yolked (smh) and a potential good provider. If you pick a round the way black woman with 3 kids, she wants you to be a good provider and father to her brood .

    It all comes back to women wanting an ATM or safe deposit box with a dick attached.
     
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  21. mojoreece

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    Overall I think it comes down to his lack of dating experience and not know how to maneuver in the dating scene. He stated him self hes not sure what characteristics he is looking for in a person. Yes there are women who will have preconceived notions about him based on his career as a writer and other things but there are ppl that would be willing to go out with him ( I know I would). He seems like a great catch. Its just that there will be a large learning curve he has to go through before leaning different dating skills and just putting himself out there.

    sounds good to me ha lol No but I think its the way some corporate ppl think. The corporate world teaches ppl to see everything including ppl (spouses) as disposable commodities that can be replaced for something better. Some ppl cant turn that type of thinking off. Mr. Starr is going to have to learn how to dodge those type of ppl. I guess he will with time in the dating game.
     
  22. Nick Delmacy

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    Here's the thing though, Black women that I know (here in Atlanta, at least) will suspect the guy is gay and STILL aggressively pursue him.

    Sometimes even if they KNOW he's gay.

    Especially if he is educated, handsome, mid 30s, and single, as @SB3 put it...

    There are slim pickings out there for Black women...
     
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  23. SB3

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    I can't exactly cosign the 'even if they KNOW he's gay' part, but def the fact that slim pickings will make them wait around for some receipts
     
  24. OckyDub

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    Cypher Ave has spoken and its settled...

    This dude is gay/bisexual and is on the DL. His dating experiences will continue to be wack because he is dating women when he should be dating men. Even though when he dates men his experiences will most likely be wack also.

    Can someone email him the Cypher Ave link to The Boards so maybe he can catch him a man?
     
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  25. SB3

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    But thats my point. I get ur's, but still, it's waaay over generalized. My sister is the perfect example. Educated, well paid, owned her own home before she married him, and my bro in law is a good dude, makes significantly less than her, but he's a great dad, holds his own, and loves her to death.

    Like I said, I get ur point, but like @Nick Delmacy said, many women are aware of the slim pickings out here, and will accept the fact that they may not end up on the cover of Black Enterprise.
     
  26. OckyDub

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    Honestly speaking (and in no way should this be even remotely considered an insult) he is what I envision 85% of Cypher Ave members and followers to be.
     
    #26 OckyDub, Jul 23, 2016
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  27. SB3

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    He's prob in Gaytl anyway...
     
  28. OckyDub

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    So yall agree... regardless of gay or straight

    "It all comes back to women wanting an ATM or safe deposit box with a dikk attached."

    BUT will settle for damn near any man because them pickins is slim.
     
  29. SB3

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    Care to elaborate?
     
    #29 SB3, Jul 23, 2016
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  30. SB3

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    Its not about 'settling' in the sense that we often use it. Hell, its like the 80/20 rule.
     
  31. OckyDub

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    Look at the video. What elaboration is needed?
     
  32. OckyDub

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    If a woman thinks or knows a man is gay or bisexual but pursues him anyway because pickins is ah slim...that's settling. If you're heterosexual chances are you want someone heterosexual. 80/20 rule doesn't even come into play yet.
     
  33. SB3

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    Ok. Now that I rewatch it, he does seem pretty gay...
     
  34. OckyDub

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    Correction...maybe 60-65%
     
    #34 OckyDub, Jul 23, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2016
  35. SB3

    SB3 is a Featured MemberSB3
    Squad Veteran Most Valuable Player The 1000 Daps Club Supporter

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    39
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    I wasnt saying it in relation to that. Thats just sad...
     
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