Have You Ever Had "Six Pack Abs Envy" as a Gay Man?

Discussion in 'Gym and Workouts' started by Nick Delmacy, Mar 7, 2019.

  1. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    [​IMG]

    This entire admission is gay AF…but that’s why we’re here, right?

    I have Six Pack Abs Envy, especially as a gay man.

    To be completely honest, I’ve even been slightly envious of those guys whose genetics keep their midsections lean no matter what they eat or drink.

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    This isn’t a new revelation or an admission unique to being gay, there’s an entire billion dollar global industry built around supposedly helping people shed belly fat and reveal their hidden abs underneath.

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    But forget a defined six pack, I’ve never even had a flat stomach my entire life.

    Even in my teens when a lot of us Black kids look like naturally athletic and toned, malnourished twinks.

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    After a pudgy stage in elementary school that was wiped out by a drastic growth spurt in middle school, I’ve always been slim to medium built with the stubborn lower belly pudge. Sort of like this:

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    Admittedly, this is far from “fat.” Especially by America’s standards…even more especially for heterosexual Black men. Most of the women in my family tell me that I need to EAT MORE!

    But in the Gay Community, this is pretty much considered obese. The colloquial term is “gay fat.”

    As a teenager, I was always low-key envious of nearly all of my male cousins…and all of the slim to muscular, basketball playing, high school boys I had crushes on while growing up.

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    As they casually walked around shirtless looking lean and fit, I kept my clothes on knowing that underneath I looked like this:

    [​IMG]

    Then, as a closeted college student, seeing all of the attractive young Black men at my HBCU in Atlanta made me even more envious. Especially in the dorms where they would all nonchalantly walk around or come to hang out in me and my straight dorm mate’s room shirtless.

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    No matter how much I worked out, I never looked as good as this when I wore those sleeveless undershirts (we sometimes call these shirts “wife beaters,” smh):

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    Then I essentially “came Out” and felt comfortable with my sexuality enough to go to gay clubs and parties. This is where my seemingly dormant body image issues metastasized even more.

    Nearly 100% of the advertising for said parties featured shirtless, oiled up men with six pack abs.

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    And now, with the advent of self promoting social media platforms like Instagram, Snapchat and Tumblr, modern young gay men see even more examples of seemingly effortless flat stomachs and six packed torsos.

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    All of which can affect their self esteems or cause them to unnecessarily obsess over their physical appearance.

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    Not to mention the Fitness Models, Personal Trainers and Athletic Celebrities on social media who not only flaunt their washboard abs, they even show us how they maintain them.

    I’ve written before about my fandom for street music rapper, Ace Hood. On his Instagram page, he shows off his abs in new posts daily.





    And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a clothed beefy “fat” guy on a dating app, only to find out that they actually have a flatter stomach than I’ve ever had in my entire skinny-fat life.

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    What’s the big deal, you may ask. Most gay men my age are in the same predicament. And many of them have long since stopped caring about competing with the bodies of the young.

    I think one of my my main motivators is how I look in clothes. I’ve always been on the slimmer side of the spectrum physically and came to like when fashion started shifting towards more close fitting clothing (ie: slim fit jeans and shirts). So while I’d love to look like this:

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    I typically end up buying more looser fitting clothing to “hide the curves” in my midsection, so to speak. Still not bad looking, but not what I’d prefer.

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    If I truly cared, I guess I could have made it a goal and burned off that last bit of lower belly pudge. Hell, I could make it a goal even now at my 41-going-on-42 years of age. This applies even more so for our younger readers who struggle with stomach fat, given their higher metabolisms.

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    True, it’s harder to lose fat for men my age and older. For many of us, our metabolisms slow to a crawl and the “middle age spread” begins. But losing the belly fat is not impossible. Especially with dedication, discipline and determined dieting and exercise.

    [​IMG]

    But now that I have a solid career that allows me disposable income (yay, no kids!) to actually enjoy more of what life has to offer (ie: traveling domestically and abroad, dining out, going to bars, etc), I ask myself:

    Do I want to sacrifice those things I enjoy just for a flat stomach?

    Would I be doing it for me?

    Or would I be doing it for ‘Likes’ and the admiration/attraction of others in the gay community?

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    Would I be doing it to help my dating life?

    If so, would I want someone who didn’t want me with the stomach pudge (apparently my body’s natural state of being)? Would I have to maintain that just to keep them around?

    Do I need a flat stomach and a six pack merely to attract the potential partner and then let it fade away once I’m sure that we’re solidly together?

    Or would obtaining a flat stomach and abs actually be just a lifelong personal goal finally achieved? Look good, feel good…right?

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    What are your thoughts?

    Can you relate?

    Or are you one of the men where having a flat stomach is natural for you? Is it overrated or do you feel that it is a goal everyone should achieve?
     
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  2. RolandG

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    I've been on both sides(sorta) but I've never been shredded. The love handles have really been an issue the last 6 years or so even when I've lost weight. Admittedly, I've never done serious weight training like i'm doing now so I can see a difference in my midsection. The question is what do I want to look like and how much time and effort am I willing to put into getting there. Honestly, I think i'm close to where I want to be. My love handles aren't really visible under normal clothing including form-fitting shirts so I still get complements on my physique since I'm gaining upper body muscle. If I ever wanted to be app famous by posting chiseled torso pictures, I could understand the stress and envy of that but that's not my goal. Even if I had that type of body, I wouldn't advertise in that way because that's not the type of dude i'm trying to attract. As long as I can run a 5K without passing out and do my normal athletic leisure activities without looking like a dork, I'm good.
     
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  3. alton

    Squad Leader The Great Debater The 1000 Daps Club

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    I only had this "envy" issue growing up, especially with my cousins. I always felt inferior to them (at that time, between 8 to 14yo) because they were all skinny and light skinned and popular. As I hit my late teens it bothered me less, and by the time I graduated and went into the military I had stopped caring. Quite frankly, I had never wanted a 6 pack, I just wanted to be thin enough to look good in my clothes. Once I realized that I could whip myself into decent shape (excellent shape with hard work) the little semblance of "envy" that was left just faded. Now...that dont mean I didnt (and dont still) have body image issues, just means Im not bothered because my peers or some nikka in a magazine may have a nice body. Even now at 41yo, (thankfully) its not difficult for me to get myself lookin right. Seein dudes with nice bodies is motivation, but Ive never cared for nor wanted a dude with a 6pack. Something about it just looks 'fake'. LOL
     
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  4. African King

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    I go through the same stuff bro. It is like dudes all around me eat whatever they want and they stay slim. I turn 30 in November (#teamscorpio) so I know that things do change from there out as far as metabolism. I am taking steps to slow it down. The last time I had a flat stomach was maybe in elementary school then I was always sort of husky.

    The six pack envy thing is valid in today's society but one thing I will say is that every man who has a six pack still has insecurities and not all of them are successful in their personal lives or their professional lives. I have a belly right now but I guess my broad shoulders kind of off set it. Dudes be like you look like a man with your shape and your new hair. I am taking it all in stride. You can still look how you look and date whoever you want that appreciates you for you.
     
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  5. Rico

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    Nah never. Actually had soft, non model version when skinny and in my 20s. My life wasn’t appreciably different in the love dept, with or without.

    At this point, I’m more concerned with health over looks, which is why I appreciate the food choice advice from CA members.

    The universe is never fair. Thinking of tv celebs, Ernest Borgnine had a life-long beer-belly body and almost lived to be 100 (famously telling Fox News his secret to longevity was jacking off). Alex Trebek (Jeopardy) has always been a normal size for a guy of his height/weight and not known to be a Charlie Sheen type celeb drinker or drug user; but most likely he might not survive to 2020 due to his type of cancer, though he’s never been Borgnine obese size. If I can be healthy at any reasonable weight that beats six pack looks for me.
     
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  6. Omega Level

    Omega Level DRACARYS
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    Bro, may I just say your visual examples throughout your post is hella entertaining. Makes it such a fun read.
    (side note - that damn Romeo is too fuckin adorable/handsome. can't believe Master P made that)

    Hate to be that annoying guy that replies to your post and says I cant relate , but well, cant relate. :bronbad:

    But nah, I understand what you're saying and just wanted to ask,

    You dont think the "dad bod" thing is really popular these days? (if that sounds like what you are describing your body as)

    I mean yes, I get if you want to get a six pack going just to achieve a personal goal for yourself that you always wanted. But not having a six pack couldn't stop you from pulling dates I'm sure. The great body six pack dudes of course will always get dates, but now more than ever proportioned, average build, non-six pack guys are really popular in the dating scene.

    The whole "Daddy" fetish. All these younger dudes with natural six packs need to know is you have a big dick. No fucks would be given about you not having a six pack. LMAO
     
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  7. mojoreece

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    I can never remember having abs lol. I think I had them when I was like in maybe like 1st grade or kindergarten lol. My weight has always went up and down. I went through a chubby phase late elementary school. Then grew out of it early middle school . I was mostly in good shape late middle and high school because of sports. I gained some weight when i stopped sports my Sr high school year. Lost it at the beginning of college. Gained and lost weight Jr and Sr college. Lost weight then gained weight.

    At this point, I think im just goin to be Black, Happy and Fat hahh.
    :yeshrug:
     
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  8. Nick Delmacy

    Nick Delmacy is a Verified MemberNick Delmacy Da Architect
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    I think I’m more curious about how you guys feel about having abs or a flat stomach in relation to being Gay or in the Gay Community. :thinking:
     
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  9. mojoreece

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    I think its a matter of preference. Like white gays u have to be a twink or a shredded Greek god. No in-between.

    But black Gays have more appreciation for a lil fat or belly if u would, i.e. porn star Chino Blk. As long as u "thick" in the "right places" blk gays are willing to give the belly a pass lol.

    Overall it does depend on how ones carries it. Like of ur a off season bodybuilder, power-lifter, track and field field shot putter is different than someone that's a couch potato.
     
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  10. Infinite_loop

    Infinite_loop Is this thing on?
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    Yessir! as someone on the internet somewhere said, my life's purpose is not to pay bills and lose weight. Fuck that! I'll do my best to keep myself in decent health and leave the rest to God.
     
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  11. machoBLKnerd

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    i had abs for most of my 20s and now i have a solid flat stomach but it's not cut up. however, it's never been a top fitness priority for me. i focus more on pecs and ass -- both in my wkouts at the gym and in terms of what i'm attracted to on dudes i'm fucking. abs are less important but i do semi-require a flat stomach.

    it's interesting now that i've joined scruff where bears, thick muscle dudes, etc are more common than slim muscle guys. so there's a market out there for team thickums. lot of wrestler and football types that are very attractive without abs.
     
    #11 machoBLKnerd, Mar 11, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2019
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