Healthy Gay Relationships Aren’t Plastered on Facebook

Discussion in 'Dating and Relationships' started by OckyDub, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. OckyDub

    OckyDub is a Verified MemberOckyDub I gave the Loc'ness monstah about $3.50
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    First, I want to say I think it’s important for gay men to celebrate their relationships in a public way. This means allowing ourselves to be pictured with our partners and from time to time, posting on social media.

    There’s nothing wrong with this.

    What’s more, the importance of public sharing is particularly necessary when a same sex couple marries or when something significant happens; like a vacation or family event.

    But that’s not what this post is about. Instead, I’m talking about gay men who think it’s incumbent upon themselves to document each and every moment with their partner.

    Let me give you an example:

    Not too long ago, a person I know hired a photographer to take pics of his proposal. That’s right, he paid $200.00 for a guy with a camera to memorialize the exact moment he got on bended knee to ask for his man’s hand in marriage.

    [​IMG]

    Replete with rose petals and a candle lit path to boot, the whole thing was staged to look like it came out of a Hallmark Channel movie.

    And of course, once the pictures were developed, he posted them on Facebook immediately. This is same guy who also takes random selfies of himself spooning, like his man was some kind of trophy.

    But here’s the thing. They never got married. In fact, news of their breakup was just posted on social media (of course). Which goes to prove that just because you see a fairy tale romance online does not mean it’s happening in real life.

    In their situation, both men were cheating on each other. Don’t ask me how I know this – I just do. And they had only been dating one another for six months. Kind of soon to get hitched, don’t you think?

    Which makes me wonder why they put on such a big production in the first place? Were they trying to convince themselves they loved one another? Did they want onlookers to be envious?

    Who knows. But here is what I have observed over the years.

    Anytime you see a couple (gay or straight really) oversharing pictures on social media, alarm bells should be going off.

    That’s because healthy relationships always speak for themselves. They don’t need photographic props or “convincers”.

    These couples know that constantly showing your love to third parties cheapens what they have because when you have an audience, everything feels like a performance.

    The real validation they receive doesn’t come from hundreds of “Likes” but instead, from each other.

    Healthy Gay Relationships Aren’t Plastered on Facebook - Gay Pop Buzz
     
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  2. Lancer

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    I really like this article. Gay men love to share every moment with the person they are with. I have made it a prerogative to not appear in any photo of someone I have interest in. I have been on dates where the guy goes lets take a picture, and I straight up say NO! I tell them not everything is to be shared on socials. If they pick issue with it and try to turn it into something big, then we know this is not going to work. I do feel that guys that are so quick to post images of the guy they are just getting to know, are really brave. My friend is like this, you could go to his instagram and see all they guys he's been with or had something with and he is very ok with it.
     
  3. ControlledXaos

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    I definitely think that when you start to gain Internet followers while in a relationship, are attractive, and posting a lot people will be slide all up in the DMs and if you are entertaining said DMs, you are putting yourself in a position to get into trouble or stray.

    I follow dudes on instagram and I have stumbled upon a lot of their Facebook accounts without even looking for them and you can feel the dry tounges of their extra thirsty followers in their public messages. I can only imagine what's being said and shown in the DMs. Even faithful people can be tempted but temptation does the mean you have to act on it.

    What is interesting here is that if both parties were cheating on each other, why couldn't they just let things stay the same and still get married? Seems like this canceled each other out. At least this is the devil you know. It would be different if one was straying and the other wasn't. They had an open relationship just didn't know it.

    Many people desire Internet Likes, being Internet popular, and stranger validation. We know this. I think the occasional couple photo is fine and dandy but when everything is stated and "posted for the gram" you have to be sure that all that glitters isn't gold.
     
  4. ColumbusGuy

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    fuk all that. Two words: Attention Whores.
     
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  5. Omega Level

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    I definitely think its a key sign that something is empty in the relationship or the individuals in it when you crave "likes" to validate your relationship worthiness by posting picture after picture after picture. Specifically when its a coordinated and produced moment.

    Nothing wrong (IMO) to share a vacation moment that was funny, spontaneous, or picturesque, but when its OD artificial produced to get the "look at how hot we are are" reaction from followers THATS JUST LAME.

    (SIDE NOTE) I have a personal rule of 2 for 6 when it comes to selfies when I meet someone I am potentially interested in.

    If your first 6 photos contain more than 2 selfies, I generally become uninterested for fear of potential narcism. Wouldn't totally rule them out, but I begin to raise an eyebrow and may have some slight judgements thinking (what the hell is that all about? self confidence issues? a potential sociopath?) LOL.

    I believe out of 6 photos in a row, a person should have 4 that are of substance outside of themselves. Family, Art or sports event, charity, hell even food porn. Something other than their nice face or banging body, no matter how good it looks.

    If all the content you want to show lies in you being fine, than that tells me you may need the validation from others because you may have inner issues and the same holds true for couples with over abundant relationship pics as well.
     
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  6. acessential

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    It's always so awkward when you see someone document every stage of their relationship only to see it explode in front of your timeline.

    If you post about your significant other multiple times a week, I start to question the health of your relationship.
     
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  7. jusrawb

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    I can somewhat see it from both sides. Yea I know that over posting pictures and statuses about your relationship can welcome unwanted attention and can seem like it is for attention for some. Most times I can somewhat tell when couples are just sharing their journey versus for likes. Rather a couple works out or not is none of my business but I do enjoy seeing the images of gay couples because that is something that is rarely seen. So that's why I think it is cool that they had a photographer capture that moment of engagement, images of gay love rather its genuine or not is still a positive message. Also think the times we are in have something to do with it because everything these days is documented on social media. It comes down to whatever floats your boat imo.

    For sake of argument do yall feel the same way about the endless images of straight couples posting their every moment? Maybe some people have a problem with it because they really want what the image suggest. So is it really envy or jealousy ? (just to be clear im not accusing anyone)
     
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  8. ColumbusGuy

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    Despite my earlier comment, some people just like being the center of attention more and it would take 'going too far' really for me to care. I hate the camera and all but that is just me and I should not project that on to anyone else(which I do I admit). I guess within some realm of moderation this would not be so much of a problem unless like the title of the thread suggest it is everything, all the time. I think I can be too harsh and judgemental about certain things, and this is a case of that.
     
  9. ControlledXaos

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    Honestly, these are three separate things.
     
  10. ControlledXaos

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    This.

    There's a difference in taking photos on the beach and taking photos of yourself on the beach.
     
  11. alton

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    I've always found it quite comical when these "Reality Relationships" fell to total sh!t before the publics' eyes when I was on FB, because 9 times outta 10 those were the same negroes gettin' on single muhf@kaz like WE have something wrong with us.

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  12. alton

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    "For sake of argument do yall feel the same way about the endless images of straight couples posting their every moment? "
    Yup, sure do. I don't care for either/ any orientation over sharing their lives. Mainly because I {admittedly} project my own overly private lifestyle onto others and find it to be pure attention whoring when people throw their {entire} lives into other's faces. The 4 times I was in a relationship I never was one to "Let the World Know" that I was dealin' with someone and I despise PDA. Some cases the sh!t could be genuine but, unfortunately we live in a "Reality Show" society where 9 times outta 10, anything done in the public eye is done to garner attention in some form or another, and is rarely genuine.
     
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  13. BlackguyExecutive

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    I definitely agree that there are a certain time and place for public displays of everything. I do think visibility is important but that can quickly become oversharing and oversaturating.

    I am definitely more the more public husband in my relationship, I probably have twice as many photos on my IG than my husband does and I know for sure that I have more photos of us. But there is a fine balance. My husband is not a public kind of guy. In many ways, our ability to be affectionate or show PDA has been affected by our years of being in the closet and not being open. I am a firm believer that there are some things that we as husband share together and then there are some moments where we can share with our friends and family and then there are some moments we can share with the general public.

    Social media allows us to craft an image of ourselves and project what we want to be. I remember a few months ago my husband and I were having a little tissy and were not really speaking to each other for a couple days, I always make a habit of posting what I make him for dinner (that was part of my wedding vows to cook for him since his ass can't cook shit) and people were commenting how perfect we are...little did they know I cooked for him but we ate in different rooms. I always think that at least for the nonratchet social media users, we only put up the best of the best to portray the most positive image we can. That's why we share so much.
     
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  14. ColumbusGuy

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    It could still apply to all three of them, but I stated in my post after that 'despite my previous post' which was kind of a way of saying that the previous post(the one you quoted) basically was a shit post lol. Yeah it is three separate things and likely not all about the same thing(being an attention whore). Not one of my better posts I admit.
     
  15. LeMignon

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    The other part is that social media -- Facebook and IG-- pretty much forces people to compare lives. I think once you reach a certain maturity level, this is not the case and social media really does become this web that connects you to others... But for this generation that grew up with cyber bullying and bringing teenage insecurity problems to the internet, it's no wonder you have people plastering their love lives all over Facebook trying to show they have everything.

    Add to that the struggle of being gay and having never or rarely found someone to call your boyfriend, and you get these type...
     
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  16. ColumbusGuy

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    How can you be so right on some things and so wrong on others?
    :heh::sass2::troll:
     
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