It is crazy... working with therapists and horses made me have an "AHA MOMENT" this morning. I understand now how much control and trust are like two sides of a see-saw. Whether it is trusting myself, trusting others, and trusting the process and the way life unfolds. So powerful. I have asked soooo many people from this site questions upon questions about relationships, love, sex, dating, being gay, etc. I have learned a lot from them which is good but I have been trying to control so many variables in those aspects of life. As far as life, I am overall satisfied but I see how trying to control everything has gotten me into so much sh*t. I learned so much the hard way by trying to control the outcome of things. In the past, I focused so much on reaching a destination and not walking my own path on this journey. As far as work, I have learned how to be a better team player and not try to just do things the way I want them done and to be open to different ways of doing things. As the saying goes, there are several ways to skin a cat. Now... as far as love.... I have NEVER been in love yet. That's fine because I've accepted this path. My journey is my own. I do believe a lot does have to do with me. I always tried to navigate making friends with my fellow gay brothers like a biochemistry assignment or like a calculus word problem. I would put so much thought into it. I would never live in the moment. I never allowed myself to just feel. I would find guys attractive but it was always something. I would try and either try to control how I went about things for a favorable outcome OR I would not pursue it because I would not trust myself. I was afraid that negative things would arise from pursuing a relationship when I felt like other areas of my life were not at 100% like I wanted them to be. I always wanted to feel like I was "ready" so to speak. But the truth is... are we ever really ready for a relationship? Most people I talk to always tell me about how when they were looking for love that it failed BUT when they allowed love to find them so to speak, they had favorable outcomes. Random vent I guess but please feel free to chime in.