How do you guys feel about having female friends as black gay men?

I never quite feel at ease with women and easily fall back into the more heteronormative version of myself; I definitely let go more with my gay male friends.

I often find that even while they may be accepting of it (at least on the surface), they still just don't get it (which is understandable within reason).

Some women I'm comfortable commenting on attractive guys but that's really it. I don't go into detail at at all. Other women, I kind of avoid those conversations altogether even if they know about me.

For the chicks that don't know, I try to keep it veerrrryy platonic so that they don't get any ideas but almost inevitably, they try me in some way haha

 

When I was younger, high school and college age I had female friends. Once I got into my mid 20s that seemed to stop. Most of the people I tended to befriend were straight men or masculine gay men. As I've gotten older and more comfortable with myself I find that I have tendency to keep women at arms length. Part of that is intentional and part of that is just my circumstances. I work in a male dominated career field so there aren't many women around to interact with. Also other than being attracted to men I have nothing in common with most heterosexual women as far as my interests and ideas. Also it's my observation that most straight women who seem to like having gay male friends do so because it gives them the comfort of having a man around but with no pressure to have sex. It's the "friend zone" that straight dudes dread being stuck in. The woman gets all the benefit you get nothing. She basically gets to use you as an emotional toilet. Fuck that.

 

Well wait haha; this sounds lowkey misogynistic lmao. I typically keep male company but sometimes, it's cool to have a different perspective and feel that women bring to the table. It sounds like if it was up to you, women could fall off the face of the earth lol.

I often have that same comforting feeling when I befriend some women; no pressure of her wanting to pull my dick out right then and there.

 

Personally, I often thought it would be great to have a female friend I am close to. I think females can provide a different perspective of your life and value to conversations when its looked at from a female stand point.

However, it has never worked in my favor because I am not "fem" enough. From my observation many women with the "gay best friend", the gay guy always tends to be stereotypical / one of the girls. Either very feminine or feminine enough to share make-up secrets with him and he provides her with beauty, hair, or fashion advice.

My general personality and disposition has in the past not been the best for female friendships because they always would eventually view me as husband material and the its "a shame he is gay" thing would come about.

And also if she got past that but had a boyfriend, when I came around he would be uncomfortable with his girl having me as a friend because I'm not "gay enough" and therefore he would question if I am really indeed gay or am I just trying to mack to his girl on the low and eventually wanna fuck her. (that perception has happened to me more than once)

So I just stick with my male friends for now.

 

I'm not out to anyone, so I don't have to deal with the gay best friend stuff. I have a female friend since H.S. that I consider a sister and even she doesn't know. Outside of that I don't have many friends male or female, gay or straight.

I'm in a female-dominated organization/field, and there's not much males at this new job that I clique with so the (black) women that I met while training are all I have if I want any type of support or friendship. This is the most I've ever been cliqueish with a group of women before and I feel like so far I've been dong a good job with keeping my sexuality to myself and also hinting that things will only be platonic between us. We don't talk about much anyway, it's mostly work related.

There's only one in particular that I knew for a fact was crushing on me for a few weeks, but that's died down and we've parted ways because we're now in different locations, still keep in contact with her though.

 

I have a couple close female friends and they both wanna fuck. Only one asked me "the question." Too bad she phrased it incorrectly so now she still doesn't really know about me.

Neither have seen me dating any girls, ever...and I live in ATL, tall, decent looking, in shape, and a good job...so I'm sure they both still suspect I'm at least bisexual.

So I don't have the typical female friends that openly gay men tend to have (shopping and gossiping together).

 

Don't have any nor do I want any. However I absolutely would entertain being friends with a non-feminist black lesbian.

 

Its like when I'm around some black women, I go into protection mode. Because most women (no matter how independent) like to feel they are around a strong protective man, it ignites their sexual energy.

I hung out a couple of years ago with a chick I knew from high school who knew I was homosexual. In a nutshell she went back and told my moms that I could have smashed if I wanted.

 

I have a good few close female friends, but have never felt like the GBF.

Really, I view having female friends the same way I view having male friends. Mutual interests are what form the relationship, and if we don't have any, we're acquaintances at most.

I'm trying to find the words to further explain what I'm trying to say, but that's the best I can do for now.

 

Nope. Women are untrustworthy. They are sneaky, two-faced and...I mean... Meh. I don't make friends with chicks. I do have a few heterosexual girls (as in 1 or 2) that are associates or they call me a friend. I have to steer clear of females because they like to get too attached overtime and try to make things into some Cinderella love story. Meh...I can't. I don't like Vaginas...I like boobs tho...big perky boobs (on a real woman).

 

When I was in college my closest friend was female. She was the first person I came out to. And I didn't care and didn't treat me differently but eventually felt comfortable enough to ask me about gay sex mechanics.

We're still friends but the problem I always have had was that as cool as she is she could never be fully understand my point of view as a gay man. So I always sought the connection of friendship with another gay man. It jumped took years for that to happen.

Like others already said I keep hetero females at arms length. I'm not trying to be the good Judy giving them sex tips or telling them who is gay or if I think a dude messes around. Outside of blood relatives and my friend I mentioned earlier I have very little use for females. Lol

I don't have a Work Wife either. My field is male dominated as well and the one chick in the department is actually the Work Wife of my tragically straight Work Crush.

Oddly enough I feel like I could relate to a feminine lesbian and could see that as a possibility for friendship. I feel like some super masculine lesbians have a to prove even though we're not even competing on the same plane. Needy females who try to get by, or appear to get by, on being girly like and in damsel in distress mode irritate me. I'm used to being around strong independence women in my family who have no problems washing a car, killing a snake, cutting the grass and other things that a lot of women come to a full stop No on.

 

You misunderstand me. My thoughts about this have nothing to do with misogyny. There are lots of people I avoid for various reasons that said I'm friendly towards anyone as long as they are not hostile or have a toxic personality. You said "women could fall of the face of the earth." Not me. Sounds like a bit of projection. Also I recognize the stabilizing and civilizing effect women have on society. A society without women or the influence of women will quickly degenerate into a "Lord of the Flies" type environment if you have any doubt look at how men's prisons operate or countries like Saudi Arabia operate. All male environments can be quite toxic. I recognize that as a gay man. Heterosexual men go completely insane when there are no women around.

 

Unable to answer....

 

I gotta cosign the points made by @Ockydub @Nick Delmacy and @Omega Level when it comes to female friendships. It tends to come with too much bullshit. They seem to like effeminate gay men because to them you're girls. Fems seem to relish this. If you are a masculine gay man many times women, especially heterosexual black women will be openly hostile toward you. Even if they aren't open hostile str8 women will still look at you as some potential dick that they can get. Some(not all) will think they can "covert" you much how fem gay men think they can "covert" straight men. Once they figure out that's not the case they tend to get very offened. If they have a man be it a BF or husband you gotta deal with his jealousy since he'll see you as potential threat. Like you're trying to fuck his woman on the low. Then there's the additional layer of bullshit where she will dump her emotional baggage on you anytime she's having issues with her man. She'll use you as a "nigga whisperer." This also creates additional hostility from the BF/husband/baby daddy because she's bringing their business to you so he assumes you're butting in or giving her advice which is creating problems for him. I choose not to deal with that.

 

Yall got it lol.

I've been through everything mentioned in this thread at least once but I guess my point was that it's not always bad. It sound like some of yall shut it down before you even know what her intentions are.

In some ways, yall sound just like hetero women when dudes are tryna be they friend lmao.

But to each their own, I get it.

 

I had a few close female friends when I was in college . One by one they stopped talking to me because either they asked me to fuck or wanted me to be their boyfriend and I didn't want to. I have a few acquaintances now but we are strictly professional: we usually meet around other happy hours, tech talks, and other gatherings like that, so yea...really no black female friends. My sisters and cousins are already a handful lol

 

I have very close female friends, but theyre also not like the stereotypes mentioned throughout this thread. I probably couldn't deal w office gossip types, or super traditional types, but this is one of the areas where having an extremely unconventional life works in my favor. No one is asking me for makeup or fashion advice and I have several women I could call up at the drop of a dime to grab a drink or meet me at some event.

In all fairness tho, the overwhelming majority of the non-familial women in my life are also societal misfits, so there's that...

But yea, my sexuality is never even discussed aside from them ragging on me about my lack of a dating life.

 

In all honesty I can't take credit for "nigga whisperer" I got that terminology from them Dormtainment niggas

 

I have two female friends.

I have no issues with having female friends, as long as they can know that I LOVE dick (and MAN ass) like they do and will not be stupid enough to try me...lol

 

I used to have a couple female friends. At this point, if you want to disagree with me, that's lovely. But as a gay man, I noticed how many other gay men just befriend female friends, like it's their only option.

I'm a more feminine gay man, so I can see where befriending women would be easy for me. But I really refrain from strictly trying to befriend women. Or being a gay best friend.

But I don't want them to use me as someone they can just gossip with, as being a gay man. I'm a man, but with a female personality/emotions.

On the other hand, I have difficulties befriending straight men, so it's tough.

That's just me though.